Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Speaker A: All right, we're back. We got Jamie McClellan, fellow comic as. I mean, we're not getting anyone of any sort of real, you know, we're not getting, like, scientists on here. So it's only comics, but. How you doing, man?
[00:00:19] Speaker B: I'm good.
Thank you for introducing me as not. Not a scientist.
[00:00:23] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, yeah.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: You sound like, oh, yeah, everyone. Everyone gives me that quite a lot because I. I work in a consultancy job and they're always like. It just sounds like, you know, what you're. I'm like, no, the accent. I have no idea. No idea what I'm saying.
[00:00:34] Speaker A: Most of the time you could say anything, and it sounds immediately smarter than. Than anything else. Like, if I say the same thing.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: Yeah, you just said it is. Also, it goes the other way around as well. Like, the amount of times I've told people I'm going to kill myself and they don't laugh and they go like, oh, my God, and we're on, like, the roof of someplace and kill me.
[00:00:50] Speaker A: It sounds serious.
[00:00:51] Speaker B: It sounds so serious. Yeah. Sarcasm doesn't really translate much.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: That's the thing about that I love about where you're from, is that sarcasm is like. It's like a. Like a language.
[00:01:01] Speaker B: It really is.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: And people get it.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: People use it all the time and it's very dark. And, like, I've tried using it, just like, jump right into it. I. I tried using it when I first moved over here. I didn't realize one of the things about moving here and trying to do comedy would be a different type of sense of humor.
[00:01:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: So there's like this pop culture references I don't understand and like, that sort of stuff, which is all fine because I can obviously just learn all of that. But the. When I first came over, I tried to do one of my favorite bits, which was about how, like, my opening joke is, people say that you can't hit kids, but that's bullshit because it's really fucking easy. And then for the next five minutes, I talk about beating the shit out of children, and it's like you get like. Like I get, like a couple of laughs or whatever else, and I'm like, I wonder what's going wrong? Because usually these. I mean, they're not like absolute crowd killers, but they kind of work.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:47] Speaker B: And I've had people come up to me a couple times and be like, here, we don't hit kids.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Are you serious? Yeah. Where was this? In Brooklyn?
[00:01:53] Speaker B: This was. Yeah, one of them was in Brooklyn.
[00:01:55] Speaker A: That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:01:57] Speaker B: Where you know, hitting a kid is just as bad as saying anything is gay or God forbid you use the retarded word.
[00:02:05] Speaker A: My favorite word.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: I know. It just slips out. It just comes out.
[00:02:08] Speaker A: It's normal, dude. It's fucking. Anyway, keep going.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: And I'll just say that, you know, the mic isn't working or just fucking retarded and just a whole room immediately goes out.
And I get it. Like, we're all being good to our fellow person, but, like, it's over. Performative. It's too much. Which is why I love Manhattan mics, because that's really where I belong, I think.
[00:02:28] Speaker A: Dude, it is. It is. That's. Well, I'll get to that in a minute. But I mean, doing the. I grew up on sarcasm. Like, sarcasm is. I speak sarcasm all the time, and sometimes people just think I'm an asshole. But with your. With your accent, you're able to sort of get away with it a little easier, I feel like, you know.
[00:02:50] Speaker B: Yeah, Yeah, I think you're right. There. There is. There is definitely some added benefits to it. I say that, like, it's very easy for me to. And I talk about it all the time on stage. To be like, everyone I've met is a historian, and, like, they're always constantly telling me about everything bad that England has ever done. Because being English means going over to any country and immediately learning. What is the word for sorry here? Because someone is going to say some about something that my great, great, great granddad did. So thank you, great, great, great granddad.
[00:03:14] Speaker A: I mean, at least you're not German.
[00:03:15] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: They get a really bad rep. Yeah.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: The amount of times that they've won the World cup. And we're like, what? And they're like, yeah, we don't care.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: We don't want to celebrate anything.
[00:03:25] Speaker B: Someone else take it.
[00:03:26] Speaker A: They get decided they're just gonna go, we gotta kill Jews again.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: Well, I piped down. They did it twice. All right. Once. Is that.
[00:03:33] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, it's a big deal, but, you know, it's.
I. I personally love English people, dude. Like, and I'm not just saying that because you're here. I. To me, I mean, because I think I'm a big. I like World War II, and I'm like, yo, England held down. Like, if it wasn't for you guys, that would have been. It would have been way harder.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: Oh, I know. I mean, it is our favorite thing to mention. Like, for us, history started around 1939. We're like, everything before that was like, doesn't count, dude. No, no, no, no. World War I, like, we were, you know, we were doing a couple things or whatever else, but it's like, it's crazy because I, Because I'm getting, I think, I don't know if this is happening to you. The older I get, the more into history, I'm guessing. Yes, it slowly is happening. Shangilis is a bit of like, you start to get into history, then you become a Republican. But, like, it's, But I am, I'm getting more and more into history and I never cared about it before. But it's so interesting because, like, during the time of like World War II, all of the things that were going on and, you know, we were definitely the good guys in that scenario. And there was definitely a selfish aspect of, like, if they take over Europe, they'll take over us. So it's like a self preservation thing too, which is normal. Which is normal, I think. And then, you know, eventually the Americans joined in and thank God because we managed to push them all the way back and stop everything, which was obviously great. Otherwise we'd always speak in German and.
[00:04:49] Speaker A: There would be zero Jews, so this podcast wouldn't exist.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: Yeah, it's wild.
And the fact that it really wasn't that long ago as well.
[00:04:58] Speaker A: It wasn't, dude. It was, it was less than a hundred years ago. And it's, it's, it's very impressive to. For such a small place to be. I mean, it's impressive. I mean, even though, like, you guys say we don't, you know, you know, the history before that was whatever. But the fact that you guys have been such a small country to do what you guys did, good, bad, doesn't matter. It's impressive. It's, you know, before that and then World War II to hold down and you, you really weren't equipped, like, the Brits were not equipped equipped to. To handle what the Nazis were doing.
So to me, I'm like super into the English. Like, I know everyone gives you about, oh, we won the revolution, whatever, but.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: The Boston Tea Party and all that.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like, all right, that's long, too long ago for me to go. To really give a. Obviously, you know, matters because we're here, but I just love, and I love Winston Churchill. Like, dude, the guy was drinking and smoking and not fucking around. Like, he was like Ernest Hemingway if he, if he was, you know, running a country.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: Honestly. Yeah.
[00:06:01] Speaker A: You know.
[00:06:02] Speaker B: Yeah. And what, like an absolute G way to kind of do it as well. Like, he loves to drink he would love to get drunk and then in the morning he would wake up and just carry on. Run a fucking country in a war. It's.
I just want to be like that. That is a shining beacon of an example of what a man should be.
[00:06:15] Speaker A: Yeah, dude.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: And can you imagine if that was happening now? Like, we had like some guy running the country was just up all the time. People would have a heart attack, dude.
[00:06:24] Speaker B: I mean, it's like, as long as that person was competent, I would actually respect them more because, like, I have. I think the first year that I was here, I was getting up pretty consistently. And then after that it just became more and more difficult to just do everyday things. Like, I just wasn't getting groceries because I was always hungover. So I just like, would be ordering UberEats and that sort of stuff. I can't imagine escalating that to the point of running a country, because that would be.
You just have to do. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to take care of myself, let alone anyone else.
[00:06:51] Speaker A: That's the thing, dude. And he got a lot of shit. He got a lot of shit. Like, people were like, oh, he's. He's this all up. And meanwhile he came out on top. Which I think is. I think everyone likes that kind of story, you know, of like the. Not the. I guess he was the underdog.
[00:07:06] Speaker B: I think so. I mean, they took over most of Europe before we really managed to like, push back a little bit more and like it.
Thank God, to be honest. I mean, the average age of. Of like a soldier over there was like 24, I think, which is just crazy to think that.
[00:07:19] Speaker A: Young. Young.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: So young.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
Do you have. Did you have any family members who.
[00:07:24] Speaker B: Fought and actually, actually, I.
No, I don't think I did. My. So my great granddad fought in.
Sorry. My great Dan was in World War II and then my great great granddad was in World War I. I know that my great great granddad did actually fight in World War.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: Went to the trenches. It was never sent over the top because otherwise that would have been immediate death. But, like, had to live in that. And I think he did about half of it. So he was. They went through half and then they reenlisted everyone because originally they were only taking some people from the town because they tried not to take every single man from the town because they started to realize if removing all the men when they sent them all over at the same time, they would all die. And then there was no men coming back to that town.
[00:08:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: And, like, it was just collective grief was just overwhelming. So they started, like, listening more and more. And I don't really know too much about him outside of that, but I do know that my great granddad actually stayed in Scotland because he was an engineer, and it was his job to. Whenever they had bombers that would come over from Germany, they told everyone, like, they had blackout blinds. They told everyone to turn out all of their lights to make sure that from the sky you couldn't see it was a town.
And it was his job to rig up a hill that was up the hill with a shit ton of lights that looked like windows.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: So they would bomb that.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: So they would go and bomb the hill when no one lived. But he was the man who stood on the hill, turned on the light, and then had to fucking run away.
[00:08:42] Speaker A: It's like, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, dude.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: And he was up in the hills of Scotland, sort of like.
No, that's interesting. Isn't that crazy?
[00:08:53] Speaker A: That's cool. As.
Can you imagine, like, being like, right now? You're what, 30?
[00:08:59] Speaker B: 33.
[00:09:00] Speaker A: 33, yeah. I can't imagine fighting a war.
[00:09:03] Speaker B: No, dude, you kidding me? No. I'm so privileged. I'm like, ew, these boots are too tight.
[00:09:09] Speaker A: What do you mean? There's no Ubers in my area.
[00:09:12] Speaker B: What the. Dude, I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go.
I just be looking in the mirror, like, everything clashes. This is just.
Who enlisted me. I didn't ask for this.
[00:09:24] Speaker A: It's crazy, dude. It's crazy. The way that. That we've changed is, like, that's. You know, I. I subscribe to, like, the.
I don't think toxic. I mean, I understand there could be. There's like, the douchebags.
[00:09:36] Speaker B: Really.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: I'm man. Like, I don't like that, but, like, being a man is important. Like, you know, not. I'm not saying you need to fight a war, but, like, as I've gotten older, I've tried to learn. Like, I want to learn how to fix shit. I want to, like.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:49] Speaker A: Do certain things. Yeah. Whereas, like, that was just like. You knew that stuff by 12, you know, 100 years ago.
[00:09:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:57] Speaker A: You know, but I think. I think it's. So we live in a world now where it's like, if you even show a hint of toxic masculinity, which I think is bullshit.
[00:10:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:06] Speaker A: You're immediately put in a category that's like, that. That's bad.
[00:10:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree. I think that we all.
We're at a point now where, like, everything has to fit into a box. And so therefore, like, any sort of sign that you're an effeminate male makes you a beta cuck. And if you're a masculine male, that makes you a toxic male. And, like, it's just that there is. It's a little bit more. I think it's just more complicated. So people don't like doing it. And I always look at. I look at films and at movies to be, like, the reason I think we like them so much because it's such a clear cut definition of, like, the good guys good. The bad guy is bad. The good guy defeats good guy defeats bad guy. Wrap the story up and it's over and everyone lives happily ever after.
[00:10:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:45] Speaker B: Yeah. We love being able to just be like, such a simple, this is the way the world should be. But it's. Everything's vastly complicated. Like, good people do bad things, bad people do good things. Men can be toxic in one area, but actually incredibly sweet in another area. And, like, that is a bit of a head fuck for everyone.
And it's too. It's too difficult to figure out. But I hear what you're saying. Sorry about the. Being able to, like, fix things and that sort of stuff. Because one of my biggest fears is that if I went back in time, I would be fucking useless.
[00:11:14] Speaker A: That's just Jamie, the retarded guy in town.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: I would know. How about anything that works back then? Because they would be the people who'd be like, what do you mean? You don't understand how, like, hooking a horse up to a cart works? Or, like, any of this, or like, you're telling me you don't understand? And any knots in a rope whatsoever, you can't do anything. And I'll be like, yep, no idea how to do any of that. And then also, I have such a huge advantage coming from the future, and I won't be able to use any of it because I don't know how things here work either.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: You'd be like, I could make a sick Instagram reel.
What do you do? You know, how many followers do you have?
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Exactly. Yeah, because my thing, like, I'm always like, yeah, well, you know, there's a phone and there's a computer and there's a printer. They're like, oh, how does it work? Well, it has a wire that runs into the wall. What happens after that? No idea. From. From the wall. Magic. Magic doth descend.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: That's it, dude. Yeah, I. I learned how to recently like, you know, on a plug, like, you have a plug, you plug in the wall. Yeah. I. I learned how you could cut, and this is from working in carpet cleaning, to cut that and then reconnect the wires to, like, the actual piece that goes into the wall, which is really simple. It's like, when you open it up, it's. It's the most ridiculously simple thing in the world. But you look at it when, like, if you don't, you're like, what? How would I change a plug?
[00:12:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: On a. You know, on a fucking piece of, like, electric. Like a lamp wire. Yeah.
But, yeah, man, I'm completely useless. But you go to the middle of the country and these men are like, really, like, when it comes down to it, like, fuck all this other stuff. And when things are needed, these. The guys in the middle of the country are going to be the people who are able to handle, like, whatever bad shit that goes down.
[00:12:51] Speaker B: I know when the zombies come, like, I. We're gonna need more people like that in our lives.
God forbid, like, a car breaks down. Because also, like, as a man as well, I feel like there is something. As much as we're trying to get away from, like, gender roles and all that sort of stuff, maybe it's something I put on myself, but I do feel like if I was in a car with four women and the car broke down, there would be a little. There'd be at least 10% to be like, you're the man.
[00:13:12] Speaker A: Yeah. That's.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: Go and fix the fucking car. That's the thing. You must know what's wrong with that? And I'm like, I'm the same as you. I was raised exactly the same as you.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: Actually, I'm tucked right now, so I have no idea.
[00:13:23] Speaker B: I've never been around cars. I don't drive cars. Like, I've never really had one.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:27] Speaker B: So I don't understand how they work whatsoever. But nonetheless, in that scenario, and it's happened to me just a handful of times where, like, my ex and two of her friends and myself went on holiday to la.
And we were driving.
We're driving, we're driving, we're driving. And at some point, just on the map, we realized that we're in Compton.
And to me, I was like, oh, cool. I hear about Compton all the time on the songs. This is awesome.
[00:13:53] Speaker A: Brought my bandana with me.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: I was, like, wearing solid blue. I was like, fuck, okay, everyone else is in red. I was like, I'm gonna die.
But I was. We were, like, driving and we just realized that a car was running out of fuel. And as we're driving, it's like, okay, we'll get out of Compton pretty soon. But we just. We were getting deeper and deeper into the point where, like, not only did the bars. Sorry. Not only do the windows on the houses have bars, but the gardens had bars around them.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: And I was like, holy. Like, people are really scared here of anyone, like, invading their space kind of thing. And we stopped at a gas station to get gas. Literally, as soon as my girlfriend got out the door wearing a little sundress, I saw maybe five or six people just descend onto our car.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: And it was one of the first instances. Like, I don't know if anything was going to happen.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: But it was a scary ass area. And a lot of people saw us come in and made individual decisions to come and either talk to us or do something. I don't know.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:54] Speaker B: But I wasn't waiting around to find out.
[00:14:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: And there was an element in me that's like, I'm with three women.
[00:14:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:00] Speaker B: Who collectively, I don't think could pick me up.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: As the bigger person.
As. As like someone who's just not even just a man, just a person who is the strongest out of this group.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: If something happens, it's going to be on me to figure that out. And I don't know anything about fighting. I've never been in a fight.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: Dude.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: That's zero skills around that.
[00:15:19] Speaker A: That's. And that's the thing where women will go.
They'll be like, oh, you know, you need to. You know, we're all the same. We're all the same. And in that situation, like you said, changing a tire or dealing with possibly getting into a fight, they will look to you and go, hey, what are we doing? Yeah. And it's. It's really. It's not fair in a way because it's like, well, where's the line? Like, when. When am I allowed to be a man? When am I not allowed to be a man? Does that make any sense?
[00:15:43] Speaker B: Yes, it does. I think so. Because there's also. There's there's an inherent sort of like, gender role around that too. To be like. I feel like when shit really comes, when push comes to shove. Yeah. Like, when it really goes down, there is just a switch that you, I think, would. Would flick into to be like, if we're ever in danger.
But then again, I don't know, because if I was dating Ronda Rousey, I would also turn to her and be like, dude, you're the strongest one here.
You know how to fight. Figure it out. You're going to let her talk to me like that? You're going to let this woman shout at me, Rhonda, Rhonda, look at me.
That's a really good point.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: It's like, all right, we got to figure out who's strong suit. What's the strong suit here? I could talk our way out of this. You're going to have to fight, bitch. Come on. Y.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: And I think that's the thing, like, in. In my current relationship right now, I'm. I think, honestly, like, our bottom half, our legs are probably around the same sort of strength.
[00:16:39] Speaker A: She's fitness. Like, she just.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: She's a personal trainer.
So she's very, very strong, which is great whenever we're in the gym, because I'm really trying to work on my leg strength. So, like, that has been amazing.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:49] Speaker B: And I love going to the gym together. It's so much fun. But it's. It does come to a point where, like, I would say when it comes to. If we were. If we were to ever to have to be in a fight, yeah, Siva certainly has the passion. I don't know if she has the. The follow through. Whereas, like, I definitely have the strength on the top half and I have zero passion. Yeah, that would be a very interesting, like, I don't know who's gonna jump into this fight kind of thing.
[00:17:14] Speaker A: I think women, at least the ones I've dated, they have that, like, they don't realize what will happen when it happens. Like, they're like, you, you, you. And then they go crazy, and they don't realize that, okay, there's a whole second part of this that if you don't. You don't know what you're doing, you will. You could die. Whereas I think as men, we go, no, no, no, we know where this is going to lead. Like, let's try to diffuse this. I've seen women lose their minds and they don't know how to fight. Not saying women in general, but the women that I've known, and I'm like, you need to take it easy right now. You don't know where this could lead. You don't know what their ha. You know, women don't. I don't think women think, oh, maybe he's got a gun. And maybe some do, but that's one of my first instincts. It's like, hey, I don't know what this guy is capable of. You know, I know What I'm capable of. And it may not match whatever the fuck this guy's bringing to the table.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: No, completely agree. And I think that I've certainly. I think that women in general, and sorry to like use an over generalized term, but they definitely deal with more danger than we do.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: Secondly, their fucking house.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Like. Like categorically more like running around in the middle of the street at dark or like walking home alone at dark. These little privileges you don't realize you have to be like, oh, yeah, of course I would just walk into that area or into this. Yeah. Through this group of men to get to the cigarettes, like on the, on the other side of the store. Whatever. Like I. I wouldn't have to feel threatened in any way, but in the same breath my ex would make eye contact with people who are legitimately crazy.
[00:18:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: And they'd be out on the street, you know, like, basically bollock naked. And there was one instance where there was a guy who was literally had his trousers down by his ankles and she was staring at him to be like, oh my God, Jamie, look, this guy's like, what's going on with him? And I was like, we please stop looking at him because if you make eye contact, that's it. He's gonna come over here.
[00:19:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: And you can't reason with him because I don't think the messages are really being computed correctly in his brain at all. Like, I can't be like, hey, like, whatever.
And if push comes to shove again, it's going to be me that's gonna have to do something. So there is like, there's an instance I've been in with that. And also in the, in the LA or the Compton instance, I was like, girls, get in the car. And they're like, what do you mean? I was like, get in the car now. And it wasn't that they were just oblivious to those kind of things. It was just in that moment they hadn't realized what was going on.
[00:19:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: My sensor was like very.
[00:19:35] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: Very paranoid about what was going to happen.
[00:19:38] Speaker A: I had a similar situation. I was in Oklahoma with three women also. Literally same thing, right.
[00:19:44] Speaker B: And.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: And I was living there, working on a weed farm. And with.
Which is a fucking wild.
[00:19:49] Speaker B: Just. Just a wild statement to casually pass through.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: Yeah, dude, it was. I was in need of cash. And you can. If you work on a weed farm trimming pot, you can make really quick cash.
I went down there and I was living with three women I didn't know and we were renting a House. And we were there for a while, and it was like, we need to get around. They didn't even have Ubers in the town I was living in.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: And they. We went on a Facebook group that. That they had their own Facebook group of, like, Ubers of, like, people who will drive you around. And one of the girls, like, we should buy a car. I was like, I'm not going to be here that long. Who's going to take the car after we're done here? I'm like, I don't want to deal with this.
[00:20:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:24] Speaker A: Either way, we go to. We go. We find someone online, and we go to this area called Broken Arrow.
And I'm in the car with this Uber driver who's. Her name was Debbie. She's a Native American woman. She's, like, in her 60s, alcoholic, like, just horrible life.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: Just.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: Just. I looked at her and I saw everything that the USA has done to their people. I was like, in her eyes, I was like, oh, my God.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:47] Speaker A: I'm so sorry, but this place is awesome.
And we go to the gas station, we pull up, and I could feel also. And I was with a bunch of women, and I was like, this is one. One had no clue. The other one was completely nervous. And then one of them was probably £300, so she was the Ronda Rousey of the group.
And I'm sitting in the car and I see these guys, skinheads. And, you know, I'm a Jew. And you. Lucky for me, you can't tell. But the. The Uber driver goes, those guys are.
What was the word? White.
Like, white power. White supremacists. They had. They had the tattoos.
And I was like, oh.
Like, I. I genuinely was like, we gotta get out of here.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: I'm like, this could be a setup. I don't know. And the Uber driver looked at me, and Debbie goes, don't worry, sweetie. I'm always strapped. And she pulled out a gun from the middle console, and I go, deb.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: I was like, never felt more safe in my life. I was like, all right, fine. But I had that. These. Some of these girls didn't have any clue right. Where the fuck they were. And I'm like, we ended up getting out of there, but it's a wild. A wild thing when you. When you feel that there's an animal, the animal instinct kicks in. It doesn't. You don't even know. You don't know, but you could feel, like, primal. Yeah. Let's go. What's happening right now? We got to Keep our eyes open. And honestly, I mean, I'm a little guy. I mean, I've lived in New York my whole life.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:16] Speaker A: And even now, I am. If you saw me walking down the street, you'd think I'm suspicious by the way that I will look over my shoulder constantly.
[00:22:26] Speaker B: Really.
[00:22:26] Speaker A: If I'm walking down the street, I have headphones in sometimes. And I'm always like, especially on a.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: Situational awareness kind of thing, to be like, what's going on?
[00:22:34] Speaker A: If I see a shadow behind me at night, and even if it's not late, and I'll. I'm immediately like, who the is that? Who is that?
[00:22:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:22:41] Speaker A: Because I just don't.
I don't. And I don't know if that's a New York thing. I don't know if it's a man thing.
[00:22:45] Speaker B: I think it is, because I've. It's gonna sound like a brag, but I've lived in London, Toronto, and now New York. So I've lived in three fairly big cities across three different countries. And New York, London definitely has it a little bit. Areas of Toronto do. Toronto's is definitely. Definitely less. I definitely felt more safe in Toronto.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:03] Speaker B: But New York is on another level, is. I'm like, I've. My. My roommate text me the other day, and he was at Union Square Station. Union Square. Famously, like, not that great an area, but also thousands of people go through it every day, so like hundreds of thousands. And he was like, I'm. He was on the train to go to work early, and he text us a picture, and he was like, I think that's blood. And there was just like a pool of blood.
[00:23:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:29] Speaker B: That everyone was just stepping over in order to get to the train. And he was freaking out because he's like, so, like, this is fresh. Like, it's bright red. It's still liquid, and no one's doing anything about it. Like, either you disassociate and think, oh, that's just. I don't know. Red Gatorade. And I'm going a little crazy.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:45] Speaker B: But he actually took the time to stop there and be like, that straight up is. Is just like an actual. A ridiculous amount of blood. Like, he was like, it's at least a liter.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:53] Speaker B: And he was like, if someone lost that, they're dead. So I don't know what the fuck happened here. And then I just googled it and it came up on my citizens apps that someone had been stabbed there.
Actually, they were attacked by a machete. Two men were attacked by a machete half an hour before he got there. And obviously the police get there, deal with the situation. But then there's never any, like, cleanup or anything. And then they just open the subway straight away.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:16] Speaker B: So that fucking blood just gets left there.
[00:24:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:19] Speaker B: And so. But that's never happened to me where, like, I get that text, I look it up, I'm like, oh, yeah, someone was hacked with a machete. Didn't make the news. Wasn't in the news.
That's New York, dude. It's.
[00:24:29] Speaker A: It is. It's true. And you gotta. You, you know, it's not like, dangerous where regular people are gonna try to beat the. Out of you, but you have so many nut jobs.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:24:39] Speaker A: Where you need to be like, dude, I don't want to die like that. I just don't. I don't want to, like, be sitting there just kind of minding my business, and then someone slices through me. Yeah. With a machete. So I'm constantly, always just like, what the.
And it makes me look skittish or may or it makes me look like to other people, like, what the fuck is this guy up to? When it's like I'm just trying to sit, you know, figure out the situation of where I'm at completely.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:06] Speaker A: But I mean, England has, like, a knife problem, right?
[00:25:09] Speaker B: It definitely does. Yeah, it definitely does. And like, there's. There's some things in England that are going on at the moment. Like, no one's wearing any Rolexes or any expensive watches, because those are being really targeted at the moment.
[00:25:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: You walk into a pub, you get drunk, you walk out as a group of guys waiting for you.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:22] Speaker B: Gun violence isn't really as much a thing in the uk. It's not something you really have to worry about.
[00:25:26] Speaker A: Are you. Are you allowed to have a gun?
[00:25:28] Speaker B: No.
[00:25:29] Speaker A: No. Okay, gotcha.
[00:25:29] Speaker B: Yeah. No. In. In the uk, the only time you ever see a gun is at an airport. And it's pretty rare.
[00:25:34] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:25:34] Speaker B: And it'll be like the police because the anti terrorism unit is around or whatever. But, like, seeing a gun is literally like. Is so rare that you would turn around to the person next to you and be like, that person has a gun. Because you wouldn't have seen one within the last two or three years.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:25:48] Speaker B: Regular people do not have guns whatsoever. Completely illegal. Every now and again, you'll hear about there's a gun violence, something like. But it's always crime on crime.
[00:25:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:57] Speaker B: It's always like there was a gang or a Drug dealer or something like that, and they used it on a. Another territory, whatever it is.
Yeah. So, no, not really a thing. But that has just meant that knife crime is very, very high.
So that's. That's the problem that we have.
[00:26:11] Speaker A: That's a crazy thing because everyone has a. I mean, you could take a kitchen knife.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: That's a problem we all have.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: Yeah, that it's. But I. I always found it kind of funny that it's like, we have a knife. Like, it's not.
But like, oh, you have a knife problem. Like, dude. What? What.
How do you. You can't control that.
I guess. I'm wondering if we took away guns in the United States, if we would have a knife problem.
[00:26:36] Speaker B: Oh, big time.
[00:26:37] Speaker A: Probably, right. Yeah. And I. I'll be honest. I love guns. I really do. Like, there.
[00:26:41] Speaker B: I think America would have a sword problem. I think you guys would be like.
[00:26:44] Speaker A: We got a machete problem.
[00:26:45] Speaker B: Yeah, we've already got a machete problem.
I think in America, like, there's very much a bigger is better.
[00:26:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: Mentality, especially in some areas more than others. But, I mean, it's everything to like. And I love it. Which is the reason why. Part of the reason why I'm here is because, like, I want to be able to buy a Big Gulp that's bigger than me.
[00:27:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:03] Speaker B: 7:11. And be like, yeah, this was $3.
Like, I love that. And I love, you know, that the idea of M M's that have cocaine in them. Not crazy. Not that crazy. In America, they might do it. Yeah, they could do it. Yeah, it would be very popular. But then there's also the other half of that to be like, if you did get rid of guns and everyone was in agreement that you got rid of guns, I think America would turn its focus to, okay, well, how big a sword am I allowed?
[00:27:27] Speaker A: That's. I think you're 100% right.
[00:27:29] Speaker B: Yeah, 100. Because my sword needs to be bigger than someone else's.
[00:27:32] Speaker A: Oh, wait, dude. So I see, like, pickup trucks and shit. Like, the car just with cars, the.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: Amount of off road that never goes off road.
[00:27:37] Speaker A: Yeah, dude.
I need to make sure everyone knows, you know, how small my penises.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: But going down to Florida, and I'm like, the amount of cars that I've seen, like, if I got hit by this car, like, you know when you're just standing next to, like, a parked car and I'm like, the grill is bigger than your fucking.
[00:27:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:53] Speaker B: But it's also to the point where, like, if this car was to come at me and I just lay down, be completely fine. Like this thing's like a monster truck. Basically.
[00:27:59] Speaker A: It's high enough where it wouldn't even.
[00:28:01] Speaker B: Yeah, I could be fine. I could crawl underneath this car on my hands and, and feet and be fine. But again, it's a reason why I love being here and why I love America. But of course, every good has its own bad, so of course there's that in there too. Yeah.
[00:28:14] Speaker A: Have you ever fired a gun?
[00:28:16] Speaker B: An air rifle? Yes. Which I'm thinking is like, not really the same thing. Have I actually fired a gun? I don't think so. Oh, dude, no.
[00:28:24] Speaker A: You know, I tell people who are like highly against guns.
[00:28:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:27] Speaker A: I might just go to a fucking shooting range.
Oh, dude. My, my brother in law, he legally has. He's got like an arsenal of shit. Wow. And I'll go to the range with him. Mm.
Dude, it is so liberating. It's, you know, if you're, if you have half a brain and you hold a gun. Yeah. You realize like, you know, immediately terrified at first. You're a little, you're a little. You just go, wow, there's a lot of power in my hand.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: Right.
[00:28:57] Speaker A: But when you fire it and when you learn how to use it, which I've, I've learned like. Okay, like how to load it and so on, how to treat it.
It's.
It's cool, man. It's really cool.
I don't know how else to put it. Yeah, I mean, I was at the, I was at the range a couple of months ago and I was with a couple friends and one of them, this is how you know, like where you go. People are just fucking stupid. My thing is when you're at a range, you always. They say do not ever point down. And when you're done with it, just put it down. I'm very careful with it. My buddy was like shooting the gun. He was trying to shoot the gun and he goes, yo, what's any.
[00:29:33] Speaker B: And I.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: And I'm like.
I was like, dude, what the fuck are you? How stupid are you?
[00:29:39] Speaker B: Oh, that's the other problem. Yeah.
[00:29:40] Speaker A: Some you just sometimes don't even. Like you're not thinking. And I'm like, this is not what.
[00:29:44] Speaker B: Such a new thing. I guess. Yeah.
[00:29:46] Speaker A: And the other thing is, is that I look around and everyone's wearing their headgear. And everyone there is obviously, you know, people who are going to shoot guns are usually, for the most part, you know, they've done this before.
[00:29:56] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: If someone Wanted to just turn on everybody in that place.
[00:30:00] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: They could. They could just like, what the. Was that guy the American sniper, Chris Kyle? He died at a. At a gun range.
[00:30:08] Speaker B: At a gun range. Yeah.
[00:30:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:10] Speaker B: I remember that being the craziest. The just the craziest end because I. I watched the film.
[00:30:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:15] Speaker B: And was like, oh, my God. Just insane all the way through.
[00:30:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: And then it was just black screen that had words across it to be like. And he was helping some guy and he was doing a lot of volunteering. And then the black. Black screen, white words come across being like.
He was later assassinated at the gun range of what you just saw. And I was like, I'm sorry, what?
[00:30:30] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:30:31] Speaker B: Imagine, dude, that he was trying to.
[00:30:32] Speaker A: Help wars in Iraq.
[00:30:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:33] Speaker A: And then you come back and someone decides to just turn a gun at a gun.
[00:30:36] Speaker B: Unbelievable. Actually.
[00:30:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:38] Speaker B: To be the most dangerous place you ever went to was an American gun range.
[00:30:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: Like, in terms of, like, fatality.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:43] Speaker B: For yourself. Yeah.
[00:30:44] Speaker A: It's fucking nuts, dude.
[00:30:45] Speaker B: Wow. I mean. Yeah, it is. It is insane. I've never fired a gun. That's actually. That's not a. Well, I've done a shotgun play.
[00:30:53] Speaker A: Ski.
[00:30:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:55] Speaker A: Where the thing goes up and you.
[00:30:56] Speaker B: Yes. Okay. That's what. I've done that.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:58] Speaker B: And that was insane because, like, you're holding a shotgun and, like, you see with John Wick movies where he's just fucking blowing the shit out. Yeah. And you're like, oh, this looks so easy. And then you hold one, you're like, fuck, it's heavy.
[00:31:07] Speaker A: It's heavy. It fucking.
[00:31:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:09] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. It's a. It's a wild. A wild thing, man. If I. If I could have a gut legally have a gun, I would. The only thing is, is that, like, I probably shouldn't own a gun. Not because of anyone else's danger, but, like, you know, bad set. One night you come home, you just go, yeah.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: Starts to taste good.
[00:31:28] Speaker A: Maybe, maybe. Maybe those people booing me were right. I don't belong here.
[00:31:33] Speaker B: He said I should kill myself. I can do that. I have a way to do it now as well as. I get that. Because I think that if I was ever to have a gun.
[00:31:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: I would never have bullets. I think that would be my rule. I think that I would be like, I'll get a gun. Because if, God forbid, anything happens, just the sight of a gun and me pointing a gun at you is hopefully enough.
[00:31:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:52] Speaker B: If you have a gun, then I'm in this weird bluffing scenario where I have to. I'll fucking. I'll do it.
[00:31:56] Speaker A: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, dude.
[00:31:58] Speaker B: Oh, no.
[00:31:59] Speaker A: Fuck.
[00:31:59] Speaker B: I might as well just be holding, like, a feather duster. Like, I got nothing.
[00:32:03] Speaker A: I have a quill in the back. I'll use it.
[00:32:05] Speaker B: The pen is mightier than. Oh, fuck, I've been shot.
Oh, God, that's a lot of blood.
Someone hand me a pen. Hand me a penis. So I feel strong.
I've got to write a complaint about you.
Oh, my God.
But, yeah, I.
And it's so.
It is. It is surreal. Like, I think, yeah, I would have a gun, but I wouldn't have bullets. If I ever got into that scenario, I'd be. Because I just know that myself being, like, drunk or whatever else, if I did have a gun, I'd be like, yeah, I've got one. And people like, yeah, show us. And I'm like, here you go. And that's how someone gets shot in the foot.
[00:32:38] Speaker A: Or it's. It's a lot of times, dude, it's that. That's the thing that's scary is, like, you have someone come home and, like, are you a kid? It's like, oh, they want to see my dad's gun.
[00:32:47] Speaker B: And, yeah.
[00:32:47] Speaker A: You know, obviously the hope is that it's loaded. It's not loaded, and it's in a safe and so on. But, like, yo, you see these crazy. Or a teenager who's just like, I'm having a bad day, or adult. You know, I got fired, my girlfriend left me, and you just. It's just so accessible.
[00:33:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: So there's. I mean, like, anything else. There's good and bad to all of it, but I.
[00:33:08] Speaker B: All it takes is one really bad day. And I think that when there's 330 million people living in the same country.
[00:33:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:15] Speaker B: Just by the law of averages, that's not gonna have. Be great for everyone all the time. And if you have that ultimate thing that's there, like, I. I'll tell you, my life just turned to shit over the last week.
[00:33:25] Speaker A: Like, gen. Really?
[00:33:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I mean, it's all these little small things all happened at the same time. Yeah. So, like, no, not any one of them is big enough to actually, like, break me. But when they're all collectively together, I will admit, like, I got sad.
Not sad enough to. We're on the topic of guns. But just, like, as a small feeling, I was just like, holy shit. If you had increased, like, work told me they would promote me. So I waited for six months, and then they Said, oh, actually we're not. We're not promoting anyone, so you have to wait for another six months. And I've worked non stop for the last six months.
[00:33:54] Speaker A: You work very hard. Yeah. I know. You're constantly.
[00:33:56] Speaker B: Thank you. Yeah, it's a lot of hours. It's a lot of stress and trying to, like, do that and also do comedy. So I have to, like, find the right mental headspace because sometimes I'm just so drained from work that I can't do it, which really gets me down. So I'm like, I feel like most of my brain space and my stress is work.
[00:34:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:11] Speaker B: So not being rewarded for that obviously sucks.
Then after that, what else happened? I had. Oh, my two roommates who I just signed a new lease with. Both of them have decided they're moving out, which is just. They're doing it for reasons that I can kind of understand. But like, we had literally just signed a lease to be there until the end of next October.
And they're my two of my best friends. I love living with them.
[00:34:38] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, it's Isaac and Matt. Okay, got it. I thought you were living with Jake for some reason.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: No, no. I mean, we are. Literally, we are husband and husband, but we are. We are down the road and that just. I heard that news on literally the same day as all of this was happening. And then, like, it was so weird. There was. And then there was an argument with my girlfriend and then there was. Oh, my open mic. The Tuesday in it open mic the same day. They text me at lunch and said, we're canceling the open mic for good. For good.
[00:35:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:07] Speaker B: That's it.
[00:35:08] Speaker A: Yeah. You bring in so many fucking people there.
[00:35:10] Speaker B: I know. I like, I was pretty proud of the community that we've got there. Like, everyone turns up and has a great time and I feel like, you know, we're not all getting hammered, but they're buying more beers than would have.
[00:35:19] Speaker A: Been bought on a Tuesday fucking night.
[00:35:21] Speaker B: Yeah, I like. And I've never had to really fight for that space, you know, I mean, I'm not in there being like, if everyone can keep it down, we have an open mic here, actually.
[00:35:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:29] Speaker B: Like, there's like usually three dudes who are sat in a corner who I go, hey, we're doing an open mic. Feel free to stay in hackle. Or don't. Yeah, you want. And it's not like they then leave the bar. They usually stick around.
[00:35:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:38] Speaker B: And then we make them. So I try to foster a bit of, like, don't make Fun of anyone else for being a fucking audience member. Be grateful that they're an audience member thing.
And then just, like, zero pressure on them that if you watch a set that you really don't like and you want to be somewhere else, we have a whole other area of the bar. Like, absolutely no shame. You can go over there because I get that someone's screaming into a mic, dick jokes, and you want to have a conversation with your mate, you can go and do that over there.
[00:36:02] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:36:04] Speaker B: So that happened at the same time. And I was like, oh, my God. Comedy, girlfriend, work, home life, and sort of my social circle as well. And I was like, if any. Oh, dude. The thing that capped it off. And I'm sorry, I'm banging on about this.
[00:36:16] Speaker A: No, please, please.
[00:36:17] Speaker B: But the thing that capped it off was there are two entrances to get into my building at work. I always go through the bike entrance.
[00:36:24] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:36:24] Speaker B: I didn't have my card to get into the building that day. I just forgot it.
[00:36:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:29] Speaker B: So I was speaking to the guy that was there. The guy knows me really well, so he was like, jamie, don't worry about it. Like, just. Just go and lock your bike, and then when you're. When you're back, we'll figure it out. I was like, cool. So I went down, locked my bike up. I then went out for drinks. I had literally two beers, came back, and that door was there now closed because it was 7pm So I had to go through the front door. And I was like, I'm just gonna go grab my bike. Is that okay? We've met several times, and the dude acted so badly. He was like.
He. He refused to come across the. The lobby to come and speak to me. Then I explained the situation, and I understand if I don't have id, don't let me way of doing it, because I actually agree with his decision. I just hated the way it was.
[00:37:05] Speaker A: He went about it. Yeah.
[00:37:06] Speaker B: And so he was really rude, and he was, like, very abrasive. He told me I was wasting his time. Like, a whole bunch of times.
[00:37:11] Speaker A: Wasting his time. He's at work.
[00:37:13] Speaker B: I know. I was like, dude, you're also on the night shift. Like, respectfully, this is the most action that's gonna happen tonight. Yeah. I was like, nothing else is gonna happen. And then he was, like, reading his newspaper. So I think he was pissed that I interrupted him, but I was like, I know you have me on a system, because the other guy who works here does that, has done that for me before, where you look at My name, it has a picture of me. You have my face out in front of you and you go, cool, that's you. And then you let me through. But he didn't, he just refused to do that.
And I was like, okay, I'm going to leave. And then as I came back the next morning and a work email got sent out to everyone that said the night guy in the lobby told us that some small Asian girls was pretending to be someone that worked here and has left their bike downstairs.
I swear to God, this man hated me so much that he, after his night shift then got in touch with my office and said there was a small Asian girl here. I think knowing that that would come back to me.
[00:38:11] Speaker A: Oh yeah. He's like, I'm really.
[00:38:13] Speaker B: He's like, you. Yeah. Small Asian girl. And that for me was like, that was just the cherry on top where I was like, I'm going to fucking kill him.
I took all the anger of all the other things and I just thought about how to make his life terrible.
[00:38:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:25] Speaker B: For like a couple of hours before I got over it. But all I was just a cap off all of that. Eventually I found it funny. It is objectively funny being called like small Asian girl. I'm a nearly six foot English man with a beard like that. Just in no way could have been confused.
So I was like, that's actually like full circle. That's actually fucking funny. He is a dick. But it is funny.
But I was thinking if any one of those things, it'd been like, my girlfriend left me, my work had fired me, the guys were moving out because they don't want to be friends with me, my bike had been stolen.
[00:38:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:58] Speaker B: And like I'm looking at every single aspect of my life and I have a gun in the drawer. Like, that's insane.
[00:39:04] Speaker A: You. Yeah, the thought kicks in.
[00:39:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:07] Speaker A: But here's the two things I want to hit.
One, if this is where being English, you just, I think, are much more well mannered than Americans. Because if somebody did that to me in, in New York, even if I worked there. Yeah. I would lose my. I have, I, I don't. I've kept my tent. I used to have a really bad temper.
[00:39:27] Speaker B: Oh really?
[00:39:28] Speaker A: Yeah. If it was like that. And so I'd be like, are you?
Like, are you?
And I would, I'd have to be escorted out of the building because that would just drive me nuts. Like, you see me every day.
[00:39:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:40] Speaker A: And you don't. You know who I am? That would drive me nuts. You're A better person than. Than me or most people.
And two things going wrong or not going according to plan.
It's nine times out of it right now. It's like. It sucks.
[00:39:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:00] Speaker A: But it does.
It. It's such. This is such a hippie way of looking at. At life, but you got to go, all right? This is just. This is just leading to better things.
[00:40:09] Speaker B: This is just a right now thing.
[00:40:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
Are you. Are you feeling, like, pressure, like, to, like, with. With, like, is it. Is it starting to eat away at you, like, all this shit or.
[00:40:19] Speaker B: I don't think so. I think I had my moment. I gave myself.
Whenever I get down, I just drink by myself.
[00:40:26] Speaker A: I do that.
[00:40:27] Speaker B: Yeah. And I'm just like. I just need the night to just watch a film I've seen a thousand times.
[00:40:31] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:40:31] Speaker B: Drink a couple of strawberries, which I'm obsessed with.
Another reason why I love Americ, why I moved here. Strawberries, bro. Are you kidding me, dude?
[00:40:39] Speaker A: I think I've had one, dude.
[00:40:40] Speaker B: Oh, my God. When you said you didn't need anything when I text you on the way over here.
[00:40:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:40:44] Speaker B: I should have asked you on a strawberry to. And by that, I mean you're getting a strawberry to. When you drink one.
They're 8%. They only come in what feels like a 2 liter can.
[00:40:53] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:40:53] Speaker B: Because it's like this big.
It's bright red. Nothing in it is natural, which is good. Which is incredible.
[00:40:59] Speaker A: Yeah. America.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: And you drink one of them and you're shouting at the tv, you're like. You're watching Jeopardy. Being like, you fucking idiot. Fuck. You get that, right? You don't even realize you're drunk.
[00:41:09] Speaker A: Wearing. You're wearing a bra and women's clothes, like, fucking. Just screaming.
[00:41:13] Speaker B: Dude. I swear, I can only ever have two of them because they're. That. I consider myself, like, a medium weight. I wouldn't say heavy heavyweight, but I'm a pretty good. Pretty good drinker.
And I've never had three. Two of them makes me sexually unperformative.
Three of them. I think I'd wake up on, like, the Staten Island Ferry, spooning a police horse or something.
Like, what the fuck? I stole a police dog.
Oh, no.
[00:41:40] Speaker A: Oh, no. I think he's pregnant.
[00:41:43] Speaker B: Yeah. I proposed to a stripper. What am I doing? I'm moving to the Bible belt with her. What's happening? Strawberries is a lethal. But, like, I just had a night where I was like, I'm just gonna watch a film I've wanted to see for a while, and that's Kind of like, I think one of the beautiful things about being in your 30s is sort of like knowing how to deal with these situations. Like, I now know what I need. What I need is to be left alone and drink a couple of strawberries, go to bed, feel sad, and then wake up in the morning, be like, right, what am I doing? How am I fixing it? Yeah, yeah, let's go. Action is the antidote for anxiety. Like, what do we, what do we do? I'm not gonna all be all boohoo all the time. Like, how do I fix this? So, yeah, I'm slowly putting those pieces together, which is good. It's going to be a much longer term plan. But I'm feeling better now, so I'm good.
[00:42:23] Speaker A: All right. Yeah, because that's important, man. Because it also, it's hard to do. Like you said, it's hard to do comedy when, like, it takes, you gotta, it takes a month where you can sometimes find the funny in a situation. That's all.
[00:42:35] Speaker B: Truly. Yeah.
[00:42:37] Speaker A: So like, to, to go and get up and do it. That's. It's very hard.
[00:42:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
But I completely agree. I feel like when, like, I don't know if you would agree with this. Do you consider yourself like a sensitive person? Very.
[00:42:49] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, of course.
[00:42:50] Speaker B: Yeah. So I think that most, ironically, most people I meet in comedy seem at the most offlandish. Like, I don't give a of person. They're actually the most sensitive people.
[00:42:57] Speaker A: It's all fucking facade. Yeah.
[00:42:59] Speaker B: The whole thing. Like, they're all. If you say one thing about them, they'll laugh and then they'll go home and analyze that joke a thousand times over.
[00:43:04] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:43:05] Speaker B: And be like, why did other people laugh? Like, because there's some sort of truth in it or whatever it is. But because of that sensitivity, I have the type of sensitivity where, like, I cannot hide how I feel. If I'm sad, I'm sad. If I'm angry, I'm angry. If I'm happy, I'm happy. And what comes across really well on stage is happy. Is happy.
[00:43:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:23] Speaker B: Because people want to see a happy person telling jokes. And like, if I have any sort of malice or like, whatever, it's very apparent that I'm joking because I'm being all jolly and juvenile.
[00:43:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:32] Speaker B: If I have any form of angst or whatever and I go up on stage and I'm like, hitting kids is really fucking easy. Then people are like, holy shit, this guy fucking means it.
[00:43:46] Speaker A: I would, I would, I would probably be like, that's Funny, because really, I do appreciate. I've found that lately, recently, if I'm not feeling right.
[00:43:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:57] Speaker A: I bring it up with me on stage or where I.
[00:44:00] Speaker B: Either.
[00:44:01] Speaker A: Either I'll say I'm not feeling right or I'll bring the energy. So, like, whatever the topic is. And a lot of times, I mean, you. You've seen me, you know, the. I percolate on. On bad shit. Sometimes it's just what gets me going. And there are times where I now will. I'll scream at the top of my lungs, now I can do wild, crazy shit.
[00:44:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:21] Speaker A: And sometimes really works.
[00:44:23] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:44:24] Speaker A: So, like, that's pretty cool.
[00:44:25] Speaker B: That's nice. Sort of new aspects. Yeah.
[00:44:27] Speaker A: It's like, you know, it's like sometimes I just can't be the jolly guy I want to be.
[00:44:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:33] Speaker A: So I go, how can I manipulate this to make it where this is actually?
Like, if I were to, like. If the bike story.
[00:44:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: Going up and taking a bike story. Which is like. You were this angry.
[00:44:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:45] Speaker A: And making it this angry.
[00:44:46] Speaker B: Right.
[00:44:47] Speaker A: There's almost something absolutely absurd. You know, and it may be that there's seven other things that happen, but I use this to.
And make it here and go, can you believe?
[00:44:58] Speaker B: And.
[00:44:59] Speaker A: And people will go, oh, this is just insane. Like, which is. Which is funny.
So sometimes if you. Rather than, you know, making something that really is upsetting you and just making it even. Even crazier.
[00:45:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:12] Speaker A: I sometimes have work. Sometimes it backfires completely and people just look at you and go, you're nuts.
[00:45:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:17] Speaker A: But I. I understand that of like, hiding. I'm not good at hiding if I'm not Okay. It's hard. Yeah, it's real hard.
[00:45:24] Speaker B: It is funny you say that because, like, that's actually something really interesting to think about because I. I am always just being like, right. How do I just pretend to be the happy.
[00:45:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:33] Speaker B: Your person. And then I'll try and figure that out. So a lot of it is like acting or pretending to feel a certain way. I've started to just do away with that because I can't. I can't keep it up.
[00:45:41] Speaker A: It's hard.
[00:45:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Working and just try and find out a different angle, as you were sort of saying to be like, right, well, I'm feeling a bit frustrated or I'm feeling a bit annoyed. Like, what do I. What do I do? And there are different types of sense of humor because I will say that, like, my roommate Matt, whenever I'm pissed off, he finds that version of me the funniest by Far.
Because I'll just be sat stewing next to him.
[00:46:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:04] Speaker B: And whatever. And we'll be like in a quiet room and you know when like you and your friend, like, I've just been told to be quiet because an exam is going on or like you're at a funeral or something and like, you can't help but like, oh, God, I'm gonna laugh hysterically.
[00:46:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:14] Speaker B: And everything you say is just funny from then on. He. We get into those sort of moods because, like the whole bike story thing, I was like, with him and I was like, cool, I'm gonna drive that. I'm gonna drown that man on dry land. And I was just going through all of these, like, way over the top things and he was dying laughing the whole time. And I was like, maybe there's something here too. They're just devil into it. Yeah. Give into it.
[00:46:33] Speaker A: It's. I. I have friends also where when I lose my mind, they think that is the most. Like Joe Gurbo, when he sees me losing my mind over.
I have a bit where I do about drugs of like someone saying that they love microdosing but they've never gone on a full trip. And I'm like, what the fuck am I. You're going to talk to me about fucking mushrooms? I'm like, and you've been. You didn't even fucking. And I'm like, don't fucking. And I just started screaming about it and it's. And some people find it really funny because it's like, why am I letting this. Like, wow, he's letting that work him up. Like, if you were to go on stage and talk about this guy and like, you know. Yeah, he wouldn't let me get my bike. And I, I, you know, I, I think I'm gonna drown him.
Something like that. Like that. It's so absurd that if you believe it, you're kind of.
You're a fucking idiot.
[00:47:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:47:20] Speaker A: And the other thing is, like, maybe you're angry and you have something, and maybe you don't use anything from your life, but you're walking down the street and you see someone like, you know, was walking with their shoelaces untied.
[00:47:30] Speaker B: Right.
[00:47:30] Speaker A: And. And you take all that and put it in. Because sometimes when you see that. Look at this idiot right here. Stupid. And it's, it's like, what?
And so I, I think that, you know, that's the truth of that, of the anger or whatever. Sometimes is funnier than, than you being in a good mood about whatever it.
[00:47:51] Speaker B: Is that's a good point. You know, I. I like that too. And I think that the juxtapose of, like, the absolute passion you're telling a story with versus the words you're actually using and what the story actually is.
[00:48:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:02] Speaker B: Is kind of hilarious in its own. Because I get. I have a similar bit where I'm obsessed with chocolate.
[00:48:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:08] Speaker B: I like, genuinely. I eat it every day. I had it for breakfast this morning. Like, I will eat chocolate non stop. I love it.
And I didn't realize I was obsessed until I started living with roommates. And they were telling me, like, we've never seen someone eat as much chocolate as you do. Or I talk about it as passionately as you do. And it was happening. And we got into it. We got into a genuine. An argument about how I was telling them that Toblerone is the most showerproof chocolate. And I was like, eating chocolate in the shower. And they were like, okay, officially, this is too much. But when I was. When I was on stage, I was like, don't you fucking, like, step on my dreams and tell me anything about me is too much. Because I think you're not enough. Yeah.
You don't love a good thing enough. And it kind of works with people. And I was like. Because the passion was real, but what I was talking about was nonsense.
[00:48:49] Speaker A: That's. And sometimes you don't even need a punchline sometimes, especially if you're figuring it out.
[00:48:53] Speaker B: Out.
[00:48:53] Speaker A: Obviously, you know, punching up a story is fun, but it's. Sometimes it's. It's just so wild. And. And that is like that, like, that would. I would sit there and I'd be like, this is amazing. I. I like absurdity. I like ridiculous.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: Maybe I'll do that about the small Asian girl. And I was like, you know. You know what I said when I heard that? I said, oh, no.
Or.
[00:49:12] Speaker A: But he didn't even see my dick to know I was Asian. It is the size of the Asian girls. But that's not his.
[00:49:18] Speaker B: Not the point. Yeah, that's not the point. I was wearing my hello Kitty is. That's not the point either.
Okay, so maybe. Maybe I did say hello instead of hello. Okay, maybe I did. I don't remember.
I was angry. I just wanted my bike.
[00:49:32] Speaker A: And. And the funny thing is also I've. I've done. I've done that too. Where I've lost my mind and no one's laughing.
[00:49:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:49:38] Speaker A: Which is a. A leap. Like, you know, if you're a comic, you go, oh, he took a real risk. There. Yeah. And I, my, my, my bailout is always all right. I went a little too far, you know, I'm a little pent up, you know, sorry, I'm taking it out on you. And, and they'll. That'll break detention sometimes. Yeah.
[00:49:54] Speaker B: They'll sometimes get like a relief laugh as well. We just go, clearly no one feels the same way.
[00:49:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:49:58] Speaker B: Like, you'll get like a little laugh and it'll be like, okay, we're all back. We're back in the same room.
[00:50:01] Speaker A: Exactly, exactly. And sometimes letting it out, then you could turn into the jolly again.
[00:50:05] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah.
[00:50:06] Speaker A: So that's, that's my theory on that. I, I have. I.
Because I'm not a great.
Every once in a while, have a really, you know, good written joke, but most of the time I, I don't write well.
That's. And that's.
[00:50:21] Speaker B: I have not figured out how to do it.
[00:50:23] Speaker A: I love.
[00:50:23] Speaker B: I haven't cracked it.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: Watching you because you'll sometimes just talk about your day.
[00:50:27] Speaker B: That's literally. Yeah.
[00:50:28] Speaker A: And it's funny. It's. It's genuinely funny. And I, it's like a stream of conscious, which I always. That's like my type of comedy that I like to see.
[00:50:35] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:50:36] Speaker A: So when I. I've seen you do that a lot, even from the beginning, like when I first met you, and I was like, oh, he's just talking. And that's sometimes the hardest fucking thing I do.
[00:50:46] Speaker B: Thank you. Yeah.
[00:50:47] Speaker A: So. And, and it's funny like, you know, so that's, that's the crazy thing. There's no fucking one way to do this shit.
[00:50:53] Speaker B: No. And this is such a fluid sort of. Like sometimes it'll be something in conversation or like I think of a joke as I'm talking or I'm literally writing down a joke or whatever it is. And I haven't cracked what the right methodology is. Except for just. Again with my.
For Isaac and Matt, who may or may not be watching this. I love you boys, but I am going to complain about you for a hot second.
They told me on the day that I had the last ever open mic that, like my. When we were signing, one of my roommates, Isaac, I think, was actively looking for a job in Austin, Texas, because that's where his brother is and his brother's about to have a baby with his new wife and I think he wants to move down there for family. So, like, all of that. Completely understandable.
[00:51:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:33] Speaker B: Just unfortunate that you were signing a lease with me and I thought we were going to Live together for a year. Year.
[00:51:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:37] Speaker B: As all of that is happening because of that, my other roommate Matt, on the same day, turned around and said, well, I have to live with my. I want to live with my girlfriend in June, so I'm going to move out. And, like, I just took all of that and brought it up at the open mic. And being at the open mic and thinking, I have to think about a joke here or, like, just complaining to a group of people.
And the sort of people, please, were like, I will throw in a joke because I have to throw in some levity so it's not so horrible.
[00:52:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:52:09] Speaker B: I ended up coming up with two or three jokes that I think I'm gonna work into a bit because, like, I've invited them to a show and I'm gonna make them fucking pay for.
[00:52:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:52:20] Speaker B: They'Re here to support and I'm gonna take them down.
You know, I'm gonna be like, please give it up for my ex friends, Matt and Isaac.
You know, Matt told me he was gonna move out in June, which I thought was funny because it's October, and, like, I've just got all of these different things where he's like, yeah, well, if I move in with my mum and dad, I'll save money on rent by not living with you. And I was like, that's always been the case. Like, you could have always saved money.
So I'm gonna figure out some jokes around that and I'm gonna make them pay for it, because I think at the time that will feel very real and in, like, a smaller room where pretty much everyone knows each other. Because all the shows I organize are just me and my friends. Yeah, gonna. I'm gonna fucking bring it up. I'm gonna make them pay for it. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, you thought I was gonna be here and talk about me quitting smoking? Guess what? That's made me angrier now.
And I will say, all in all, all of this happened the same day I decided to quit smoking. So don't quit smoking. If you're thinking about it. Just. It's the worst decision I ever.
[00:53:15] Speaker A: Yeah, don't do it. I. I quit for a couple months. I started again. I'm like, fuck this, dude.
[00:53:19] Speaker B: I noticed the little ripple that you've got there. I have one of those too, dude.
[00:53:22] Speaker A: This. So I ordered the incense from that.
That Seth Rogen.
[00:53:28] Speaker B: Yes, dude.
[00:53:29] Speaker A: They're great. And I saw this. I'm like, I'm just gonna hit this because there's no nicotine in it.
[00:53:33] Speaker B: That's what I got off of Vapes. Yeah.
[00:53:34] Speaker A: While I'm doing. But I'm gonna kill. Still smoke cigarettes?
[00:53:37] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:53:37] Speaker A: I'm not stopping.
I did it the. Yeah. I will say this, that when I wasn't smoking cigarettes, my erections were way better.
[00:53:46] Speaker B: Really?
[00:53:47] Speaker A: Way better, dude. They talk about it on the commercials. They're like, oh, it causes erectile dysfunction. And I know everyone's like, yeah, right. Whatever bullshit. It fucking does, dude.
[00:53:54] Speaker B: Wow. I actually had no idea about that.
[00:53:56] Speaker A: It's a mate because it tightens all the blood cap, like the capillary, which.
[00:54:01] Speaker B: Explains how your cardiovascular gets all up as well.
[00:54:03] Speaker A: Exactly. And my dick feels it before anything else. And I could get hard, but it's not like it's. This is a dick.
[00:54:10] Speaker B: Feels it for.
Are you smoking out the end of your dick? Like my piss when you come, it just goes.
[00:54:24] Speaker A: I go to the doctor. So you actually have dick cancer. You have lung cancer in your dick. What?
[00:54:29] Speaker B: Why is it gray?
[00:54:31] Speaker A: But yeah, I do. I. I had a. I. I noticed it. I was like, my dick is just way better.
But right now I'm not seeing anyone. So I'm like, it's a big deal, you know, the only person who I'm upsetting is me, which I could find. Yeah, but yeah, man. So back to the other thing, though.
So do you don't write like. You don't sit down and write every day, right?
[00:54:53] Speaker B: Not every day, no. And I fucking punish myself for it. Me too. Honest. Yeah. And like, I'm always. I downloaded a new app, which I'm pretty sure I'm paying for. I did it whilst I was drunk, so.
It's one o'.
[00:55:04] Speaker A: Clock. Oh, yeah. We're gonna have to get out of here.
[00:55:06] Speaker B: We're gonna have to wrap it up. All right.
[00:55:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
I'm sorry this is such a short one, dude.
[00:55:11] Speaker B: No, no, you're good. Yeah.
[00:55:13] Speaker A: We're going to have you back. We're going to have you back.
[00:55:15] Speaker B: I would love to be back. It's so much fun. I think it's always goes the most fun because, like, I swear to God, we've been talking for the last 20 minutes.
[00:55:21] Speaker A: Dude. I thought it was only 15 minutes. That's why I'm like. I just happen to ask, like, I.
[00:55:24] Speaker B: Didn'T check this once and I just saw. We're actually two minutes overtime, dude.
[00:55:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I normally. I need to stop fudgeing. I added shit that my schedule is nuts today.
[00:55:35] Speaker B: But, no, it's completely my fault as well. I will say to anyone out there, who knows me? Guess what? I was late.
[00:55:40] Speaker A: No, you were pretty good. You came like 1202. You were fucking.
[00:55:42] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I was like. I was there with our bells, but I think we had said half 11 to 11:45, but don't worry. Yeah, my bad. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:55:50] Speaker A: I love you.
[00:55:51] Speaker B: Love you too.
[00:55:52] Speaker A: You, you, you just so everyone knows, you were the one of the first people, I think the first person to ever put me on a show.
[00:55:57] Speaker B: Really?
[00:55:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:55:58] Speaker B: I honestly wear that as a huge badge of pride, to be honest, because it was.
[00:56:01] Speaker A: You were the only one who like, yo, absolutely. And everyone else was like, fuck you.
[00:56:06] Speaker B: Well, I appreciate that because I think you're fucking hilarious.
[00:56:08] Speaker A: Thank you, man. I love you do. I think you're hysterical.
You're fucking sweetheart of a guy. And we're gonna do this again.
[00:56:15] Speaker B: Hell yeah.
[00:56:16] Speaker A: You wanna give your socials?
[00:56:17] Speaker B: Sure. Yeah. It's. Jamie is not funny because that's just who I am.
Because you know, if I'm. If you come and find them and you don't think I'm funny, then at least I was right. I'm not petty.
And yeah, Jamie is not funny across all of them. I have a Tuesday in it open mic that I will be getting back. I'm currently looking for new places. I have a show that's coming out that is gonna be the 31st on the Friday, Halloween, because I fucking love Halloween. We're all dressing up as Shrek characters, so that should be really fun.
Yeah. So if you want to come along, obviously, I'm pretty sure I've given you the invite and stuff.
[00:56:53] Speaker A: Yeah, I have it. I have it.
[00:56:54] Speaker B: Okay, perfect. But yeah, if you're watching this and you fancy coming down, it's a flophouse comedy at 6pm Message me on Jamie is not funny. I always do all of my shows and all of my open mics for free because I just want people to. To be there and actually enjoy it and not worry about spending money. New York is as expensive enough as it is, so.
[00:57:11] Speaker A: Yeah, man. Thank you, man.
[00:57:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:57:14] Speaker A: See you next time.
