# 28 - Justin Hartmann: The Foot Expert

[00:00:06] Speaker A: Well, we're back. We got Justin Hartman here. Back again. Before we even go any further, we got a show. October 30th, St. Mark's Halloween Show. Oh, and he's got the dogs out. [00:00:16] Speaker B: What's up, Foot Fiends? [00:00:18] Speaker A: October 30, St. Mark's Halloween Show, 10:30pm Justin and I are producing it. So come out to the show. The link will be in my personal bio and your personal bio? [00:00:29] Speaker B: Yeah, it's on my ticket. Tree or link tree or whatever. And if you come out and you're one of the foot fiends, I'll let you suck my toes. [00:00:36] Speaker A: Come to the show. October 30, 10:30pm St. Mark's Comedy Club, New York City. And Justin will let you suck his toes. [00:00:44] Speaker B: You won't be able to suck my toes if you go to the show beforehand, which I'm also on at 8:30. [00:00:49] Speaker A: Oh, you're on the 8:31. [00:00:50] Speaker B: I'm on the tight pants show. [00:00:51] Speaker A: Oh, that's right. You told me that. That's gonna be fun, man. [00:00:54] Speaker B: But don't go to that one. Come to 10:30. It's gonna be way cooler. We're having an after party too. And if you say, yeah, I'll suck your feet. You can either get your toes sucked or I'll buy. Or I won't suck your toes. You can either suck my toes or I'll buy you a shot. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Oh, that's a pretty sweet deal. [00:01:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:10] Speaker A: How many comics are gonna let you suck on their feet? [00:01:13] Speaker B: These are size 13s. 1313. [00:01:16] Speaker A: Oh, you got a razor blade tattooed in your foot? [00:01:18] Speaker B: Yeah, I got funky feet. So if you're you like dirty feet? If you're a dirty little feet whore. Come. [00:01:29] Speaker A: There you go. That's the incentive. Forget the comedy. You get to see some feet. He'll do his whole set foot sockless. [00:01:36] Speaker B: Dude, honestly, I would yeah, I've never done that before. [00:01:39] Speaker A: That would be fun. [00:01:40] Speaker B: I've done it in my underwear but with socks on. [00:01:43] Speaker A: Same thing. I've done the same exact thing for Halloween. I did Risky Business last year. Yeah. What are you gonna go as? [00:01:50] Speaker B: Cop. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Oh, you're doing the cop? [00:01:52] Speaker B: Yeah. I'll be in short shorts too. And listen, I'm not saying it's it's big, but if you can get it to move you youu can suck more than just defeat. [00:02:02] Speaker A: Get what? To move your dick? Yeah, if they if you get hard from getting your feet sucked. [00:02:07] Speaker B: Yep. [00:02:07] Speaker A: Has a girl ever sucked your feet? [00:02:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:10] Speaker A: Really? [00:02:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:12] Speaker A: Like like full on, Like a lick or like a full suck. [00:02:16] Speaker B: Full suck. [00:02:17] Speaker A: Nice. Dude. [00:02:18] Speaker B: I was like, shoot. They're like, yeah, I'm into that. [00:02:20] Speaker A: How did that feel? [00:02:23] Speaker B: It was weirder, but it wasn't like bad. Like wasn't my thing. [00:02:29] Speaker A: But it felt. Didn't feel like it felt. [00:02:31] Speaker B: Yeah, it felt good. Like, but like I couldn't get over like, oh, you have my fucking foot in your mouth. Granted, like, I've sucked bitches toes. [00:02:39] Speaker A: Yeah, I've done that. [00:02:41] Speaker B: But I feel like it's more of like they like that shit. [00:02:45] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's not something I like love to do, but like, if it's there, I'll do. [00:02:49] Speaker B: No, if I'm hot. If I'm like, I got the hots for you. Like, I don't. Nothing about you is gross. [00:02:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that. [00:02:56] Speaker B: I'll lick your butt. I'll fucking. Just don't fart. Like, don't fart. Yeah, like just no shit, no piss. That's really the only things that are off limits for me. [00:03:05] Speaker A: I was sleeping with. [00:03:06] Speaker B: I'll piss on you. But. But like my. [00:03:08] Speaker A: I had a girl fart during an orgasm once. [00:03:12] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's. That's like, you know that happens. [00:03:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, what are you gonna do? You can't control. [00:03:16] Speaker B: Oh, no, I'm talking about like I'm putting my tongue in your. [00:03:20] Speaker A: Yeah. When it's down there. That have some courtesy. Don't fart in your face. But it's. But I think if you let one go during. [00:03:26] Speaker B: You know, I farted while getting head before. [00:03:29] Speaker A: I feel like a lot of guys have. [00:03:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:31] Speaker A: I feel like that's a. That's a normal thing. [00:03:33] Speaker B: Just a little. It's not like a. [00:03:35] Speaker A: Did they say anything? Oh, really? They were choking. [00:03:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:43] Speaker A: It wasn't. No. If it was your dick or this. [00:03:44] Speaker B: I'm not gonna say anything. [00:03:47] Speaker A: But they must have heard it. [00:03:49] Speaker B: They could have just thought it was like my ass cheeks moving, clapping the slobber against like the fabric or whatever. Like a little. [00:03:59] Speaker A: Well, here's the thing about that. I think that if a woman. If a woman farts during sex, most men are not going to call it out unless you're together for a while. [00:04:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:08] Speaker A: I don't think you think the girls have the same courtesy where they will go, did you just fart? Or you think they'll ignore it like a man would? [00:04:15] Speaker B: I think it depends. [00:04:16] Speaker A: On what? Like if it's really smelly. [00:04:20] Speaker B: Yeah. If it smells. Yeah. They'll. [00:04:22] Speaker A: They'll say they're like oh, my God. Yeah, I wouldn't. I don't. I think I wouldn't want to embarrass them. [00:04:28] Speaker B: Oh, I embarrassed. The shit. I'd say it after, though. I wouldn't say during. Yeah. Remember when you farted? I'm bad. [00:04:36] Speaker A: I don't know. I just think that it's. I don't know. I mean, if it smells really bad, then you got it. I guess maybe address. It's like being on stage and, like, something happens. Like, you got it. [00:04:45] Speaker B: Yeah. You guys. Yes. Yes. Yeah, I'm really trying to get these. [00:04:50] Speaker A: Dude, if you keep doing that, that's going to work. I mean, my. We got them out today. Telling you that when. When their feet are not out, the people don't want to watch, man. [00:04:59] Speaker B: Think they like being humiliated? [00:05:01] Speaker A: I think a lot of feet people do. [00:05:03] Speaker B: You little fucking feet horse. Little fucking gross little feet goblins feet. I'll fucking step on, you little peasant. [00:05:11] Speaker A: This video is gonna go. But this. This whole episode's gonna go viral now just because of that. [00:05:16] Speaker B: Check out my podcast I got. I think the episode with Sergio is coming out the Hector Show, AKA I'll drink to that. [00:05:23] Speaker A: Oh, I called you during that episode. [00:05:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:28] Speaker B: I'm excited to see how he was. [00:05:29] Speaker A: Telling me about it. I. Sergio was talking to me. [00:05:32] Speaker B: Funny guy. [00:05:33] Speaker A: Yeah, we were. He. He and I have gotten a little cooler since then. Before, he never used to say anything to me, and now. Now he. We talk a little bit. [00:05:39] Speaker B: Dude. Yeah, he's a good guy. It's hard to multitask. [00:05:44] Speaker A: I mean, to do. To hold a puppet into a podcast. [00:05:47] Speaker B: Oh, I was talking about to talk and just flex my feet. [00:05:49] Speaker A: Oh. I mean, that I could do. I mean, I'm doing it right now. [00:05:53] Speaker B: I don't have the greatest coordination. I mean, at least with my feet. [00:05:57] Speaker A: I mean, I don't know, dude. We're not chimpanzees. And I don't think anyone has good coordination with their fucking feet. [00:06:04] Speaker B: The Asians do. [00:06:07] Speaker A: What are they doing with their feet, dude? [00:06:09] Speaker B: I feel like every time I see an armless person, they're always, like, Filipino. And they're eating with their feet. [00:06:14] Speaker A: On the Internet, I'm guessing. Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen anyone eat with their feet. [00:06:19] Speaker B: It's usually white girls and Filipino guys. White girls, white girls and Filipino guys. [00:06:25] Speaker A: How do you even fucking begin to try that? I go, I don't understand how your. [00:06:28] Speaker B: Foot can't reach your mouth if you're flexible enough. Again, I used to, when I was A baby. I used to suck on my toe instead of my thumb. [00:06:38] Speaker A: When you're a baby, I can make sense. It's a lot closer. Everything's closer. But you used to suck on your feet instead of. [00:06:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:46] Speaker A: When did you stop that? [00:06:48] Speaker B: Sixteen. No, 16. Probably, like, when I was, like, four, three. [00:06:54] Speaker A: I guess that's a normal age to stop. [00:06:56] Speaker B: Yeah, because, like, my mom never gave me, like, a pacifier or anything. [00:06:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I had a pacifier till I was five. [00:07:01] Speaker B: I had it for a little bit, and then I was like, no. Now my ex, I got her kid to stop using a pacifier. I was like, stop. Like, you're. You're fucking turning four, dude. [00:07:10] Speaker A: It's. It's a. It's an addiction, dude. I had it. I had it literally till I was 5 years old. My mother had to, like, tell me that it was. We lost it. [00:07:17] Speaker B: Yeah. And he was in diapers and stuff too. [00:07:19] Speaker A: Still at 4? [00:07:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:22] Speaker A: That's late. [00:07:23] Speaker B: He's. He had special needs. [00:07:24] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:07:26] Speaker B: You feel. You feel like a big man now. You feel like. [00:07:29] Speaker A: I feel like an adult now. Now I feel like a grown man, dude. [00:07:32] Speaker B: Now. My cousin, though, she was in him until six. [00:07:36] Speaker A: Is she retarded? [00:07:37] Speaker B: No, she actually just got engaged. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Oh, congratulations. I guess. [00:07:40] Speaker B: But she would just. I think she would really only wear it to sleep because she would just, like, piss to bed when she was. [00:07:45] Speaker A: Oh, that's different, though. I feel like that's something else. That's not like. I've had a lot of people pee that. [00:07:51] Speaker B: I mean, it's squirt piss. [00:07:55] Speaker A: I go back and forth with it because I've had a few squirters in my life, and. And it does smell like pee in there. [00:08:01] Speaker B: Yeah, but do you care? [00:08:03] Speaker A: No. [00:08:03] Speaker B: It's piss. I don't care. [00:08:04] Speaker A: I don't care either. [00:08:05] Speaker B: I'll be like, dude, when they do it, I go, it's not piss. It's not pissed. It's not. [00:08:08] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I do. I go, it's fine. But it's not to me. It's. It's. It's. It's an ego thing. It's like, I made you do that, you know? It's like. Yeah, like, you can't control. [00:08:19] Speaker B: So what? [00:08:20] Speaker A: I. [00:08:21] Speaker B: Feet guys, like, piss. I'll piss on you, pee on you little. [00:08:25] Speaker A: This is gonna get flagged. This is gonna happen. [00:08:28] Speaker B: I won't shit. I think that's where I draw the line. I won't shit on somebody. [00:08:31] Speaker A: I wouldn't do that. That's the most humiliating Thing you could do to a person. [00:08:33] Speaker B: I had the chance to. [00:08:35] Speaker A: A girl wanted you to shit on them? [00:08:36] Speaker B: Well, it was an interesting situation. [00:08:38] Speaker A: It wasn't really a girl. [00:08:41] Speaker B: No, they were a girl. I didn't do was somebody. Don't want to tell this story, but I will. I already started, so it was like a pass around girl. And. [00:08:56] Speaker A: Okay. [00:08:58] Speaker B: I didn't do anything with her, but I thought it was funny. My friends were hooking up with her and I was like, yo, could I shit on you? And she was like, yeah, sure. And I was like, nah, I'm not gonna do it. How about. And my friend was like, can I do it? [00:09:17] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:09:18] Speaker B: And she was like, he was really fat. He still is. And she was like, yeah, I guess. [00:09:24] Speaker A: And he did it. [00:09:25] Speaker B: No, he didn't. [00:09:26] Speaker A: You got to be a real sick bastard to do that to someone. You got to be. [00:09:31] Speaker B: How many girls have you peed on? [00:09:32] Speaker A: I never peed on any women. [00:09:34] Speaker B: Loser. [00:09:36] Speaker A: I don't. I. No one's ever asked me to pee on them. If they asked me to, maybe I would. [00:09:40] Speaker B: But it's hard. [00:09:41] Speaker A: I mean, when you feel the full erection, peeing is always tough. [00:09:43] Speaker B: Yeah, I would imagine. [00:09:45] Speaker A: And then to pee on someone soft, that's just, you know, like, that's just. That's gross. [00:09:52] Speaker B: Unless you come to St. Mark's Comedy Club at 10:30. [00:09:55] Speaker A: That's what this whole thing. That's what we're gonna do. We just could promote this whole thing the entire way. [00:09:59] Speaker B: Yeah, J.J. lieberman and Jalon Turner on it. That is a good lineup. [00:10:03] Speaker A: That is a very good lineup. [00:10:04] Speaker B: Got some comments from New York Comedy Club on the Pitch too. [00:10:06] Speaker A: Yeah, we do. [00:10:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:07] Speaker A: Alex Gardez. Alexis Gardez, however he wants to call him. But yeah, man. [00:10:13] Speaker B: You guys like the single? [00:10:15] Speaker A: Do you guys see what. Do you see what happened? [00:10:17] Speaker B: Charlie Kirk. [00:10:18] Speaker A: No, Charlie Kirk says that's old news already this weekend Diane Keaton died. [00:10:24] Speaker B: No. Who was that? [00:10:25] Speaker A: You don't know Diane Keaton? [00:10:26] Speaker B: No. [00:10:26] Speaker A: Are you fucking. What do you live under? She was in the Godfather. [00:10:29] Speaker B: Yep. [00:10:30] Speaker A: Diane Keaton was in. She did. Father of the Bride. [00:10:33] Speaker B: Never seen him. [00:10:34] Speaker A: All right, well, she's a famous actress. She was 79. She died. But the part that like, really like, that was wild about this whole weekend was that she died. And that was the talk of the town, which, I get it makes sense. [00:10:44] Speaker B: No relation to Michael Keaton. [00:10:45] Speaker A: No, no relation. Michael Keaton. That's not his real name. [00:10:47] Speaker B: Yeah, but he was Jack Frost. [00:10:49] Speaker A: Yeah, well, he was also a stand up comic before he was an Actor. [00:10:51] Speaker B: He was Jack Frost. [00:10:53] Speaker A: Okay. But there was three mass shootings this weekend. Alabama, South Carolina, Mississippi. And now I only saw, like, a couple small headlines. Meanwhile, Diane Keaton flooded my fucking Instagram. [00:11:05] Speaker B: Who cares about kids? [00:11:06] Speaker A: It wasn't kids, actually. I think that some of them were adults. [00:11:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Who cares about adults? [00:11:10] Speaker A: I'm just saying it was just a while. [00:11:12] Speaker B: You're an elderly, washed up actress. [00:11:14] Speaker A: She wasn't washed up. [00:11:16] Speaker B: She's. [00:11:17] Speaker A: Dude, she's still making movies. She was. [00:11:19] Speaker B: She was like, no, she's not doing right now making movies. [00:11:24] Speaker A: No. But she. She's been. She's quite famous. And I just thought it was interesting. And that's where we're at. Like, you know, this has become such second. [00:11:33] Speaker B: It's not. Yeah. That's why I think, like, the political assassination thing's kind of taken off now because you get so much more public. Back in the day, it was shooting up your work, shooting up your job, going postal. [00:11:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:48] Speaker B: And then the school shootings happened. Then that took off. The workplace shootings kind of dropped off. [00:11:53] Speaker A: Mm. [00:11:54] Speaker B: Now Charlie Kerr gets assassinated. A week later, they start shooting up a nice facility. Telling you, I think we're gonna see a lot more of that. [00:12:02] Speaker A: Well, I think it was. That's gonna be bad. So it's all getting recorded, is that we're watching people get killed in real time. The mass shootings, you don't see that. But, like, with public assassinations, it's. It's real time. Like, jf. [00:12:13] Speaker B: Some of the mass shootings, you do some of them. [00:12:16] Speaker A: But it's still. It's. It's not as common. Yeah, but now you got. Like, when Trump got shot, it happened real time. [00:12:26] Speaker B: That would have been crazy. [00:12:28] Speaker A: It would have been horrible, dude. It would have been. Yeah, it would have been bad. Like, the people would be rioting and they would have burned the cities down. It would have. [00:12:36] Speaker B: Well, they would have burnt towns down some. [00:12:38] Speaker A: Yes. [00:12:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:38] Speaker A: Cities would be just safe, which is crazy, dude. [00:12:43] Speaker B: But rural America would be in an uproar. [00:12:45] Speaker A: Yeah, they would. They would. They would burn their own towns down. But, like, to me, it's just. [00:12:49] Speaker B: And then they blame it on us. You city folk. [00:12:52] Speaker A: City folks. Yeah, you. [00:12:54] Speaker B: The urban youth. [00:12:55] Speaker A: The urban youth. But I don't know, man. To me, it's a very. I don't know, I just got disgusted by it, where I was like, this is so normal. It's become normal. You know what I mean? [00:13:06] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I mean, violence has always kind of been normalized in America. [00:13:11] Speaker A: I don't mind the violence. Being normalized, which is, I guess is a fucked up thing to say, but I just. I don't know, ma'. [00:13:18] Speaker B: Am. [00:13:18] Speaker A: When you see it happen seconds after, how you don't like, have that human. Even if you hate the person, to go, wow, wow, wow. That's not gonna get. What. Dude, people use that microphone, you know. [00:13:34] Speaker B: People else also use these fucking little feet. [00:13:37] Speaker A: I gotta fucking. I gotta throw that microphone out now. I can't believe you just did that. That is so. You're fucking Hamilton. [00:13:45] Speaker B: I'm Hamilton. [00:13:47] Speaker A: Wow. Well, I don't even know where to go from there. [00:13:52] Speaker B: But not political violence has always been a staple in American. [00:13:57] Speaker A: No one's gonna take us serious. I mean, not that we've ever been taken seriously, but now, definitely not. [00:14:02] Speaker B: All right, dude, top five assassinations of all time. [00:14:05] Speaker A: Let's hear of all time. Charlie Kirk was pretty cool. [00:14:09] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't think that's top five, though. JFK is up there. Jfk, JFK and Lincoln. Or two big ones. Bush getting the shoe thrown at him. [00:14:16] Speaker A: That was a good one. [00:14:17] Speaker B: That was. I remember watching. [00:14:19] Speaker A: Yeah, he dodged that quick. But jfk, people didn't see that video till way later. Yeah, that. That was not in real time. [00:14:26] Speaker B: Was it the Zoobler film? [00:14:28] Speaker A: Zabruder. Zabruder, yeah. [00:14:30] Speaker B: Dude, I never. I realized I'd never seen it, like, in full. [00:14:34] Speaker A: Oh, really? [00:14:35] Speaker B: And I was like, let me. Because they would show it to us in school, but it would always cut out right before. [00:14:40] Speaker A: Or the bullet hit. [00:14:41] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, you'd hear the shot and then like, it would just show him without a head, but not like it exploding. [00:14:49] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:14:50] Speaker B: And I was like, oh. I watched it like. I was like, oh, yeah. It's weird. Like, as I get older, that shit gets more and more disturbing. Because I used to watch like, live leak on. In school. Yeah. Like on the school computers. I watched like, the ISIS beheading videos, the Mexican cartel videos. Unfazed. [00:15:10] Speaker A: Really? [00:15:11] Speaker B: Yeah. When I was younger, I was perturbed. [00:15:13] Speaker A: No, I've seen those videos, but they made me pretty sick, dude. I saw. [00:15:16] Speaker B: I used to search for him, like the. The two guys. One Hammer video. That. That one's good. [00:15:20] Speaker A: Never seen that. [00:15:21] Speaker B: It's these two Russian guys in the woods and they have this, like. I think it's a jogger and they're just hitting him in the head with a hammer and a screwdriver and his brains are peeled open. We should probably change this topic. [00:15:35] Speaker A: No, I don't mind talking about this. This is pretty crazy. [00:15:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:38] Speaker A: Okay. I didn't see that? I've seen the guy, the reporter get beheaded. [00:15:43] Speaker B: Yeah. No, these are just two random Russian dudes. They're just like, oh, look at this fucking guy. They. [00:15:48] Speaker A: And they didn't know the jogger. [00:15:49] Speaker B: I don't know. I'm assuming it's a jogger. It looked like he was, like, trapped under a log. [00:15:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:15:56] Speaker B: And they were just fucking smashing his skull. [00:15:58] Speaker A: And that's fucking horrifying. Yeah, well, you didn't. You. You said you started the Ed Gain show, right? [00:16:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:05] Speaker A: Speaking of killing that dude, there's a scene in that fucking show and the spoiler alert where he fucks a dead body. [00:16:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Which everyone knows he's done that. If you know Ed Gain. And it was. [00:16:20] Speaker B: I don't like the voice they gave him. [00:16:23] Speaker A: I didn't like in the first episode. By the third episode, the same thing. By the third one, you. You can't picture him without it. Yeah, it's fucking good. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Guy's a good actor, though. [00:16:31] Speaker A: I didn't love the first episode. I don't know if I believe, because that was Sons of Anarchy, that Charlie Unan. And then by episode three, you're in it. You're in it. And when you watch him fuck this body, it is hot. I jerked off twice there. [00:16:47] Speaker B: Use your feet. [00:16:48] Speaker A: I did. I use. I. My foot. My dick's already on the floor, dude, so I just had to just rub my toe on the floor. [00:16:54] Speaker B: But I see it poking out there. [00:16:56] Speaker A: Yeah, it's out there. [00:16:57] Speaker B: Give that other foot some. Some screen time. [00:16:59] Speaker A: I should. You're right. Look at these dogs out here. [00:17:01] Speaker B: October 30th, St. Mark's Comedy Club. [00:17:06] Speaker A: But yeah, dude, it's a wild watch. [00:17:08] Speaker B: It be fucking packed. And everyone. [00:17:11] Speaker A: You imagine I want to suck his fucking toes, dude. [00:17:15] Speaker B: I'm legally obligated to do it. [00:17:17] Speaker A: I mean, realistically, if someone comes there and says that, then you should let them do that. [00:17:21] Speaker B: You. [00:17:21] Speaker A: You did. You did tell. [00:17:22] Speaker B: No, I will. I will 100% do it. It's gonna be weird, but you're a little fucking freak anyway, aren't you? I mean, you want to do it on stage, I might let you do it on stage. I'm gonna be a cop, so you can be a little robber. Come dressed as a robber. If you want to suck my toes. [00:17:41] Speaker A: Come as the boy in the striped pajamas who got his feet. [00:17:45] Speaker B: I'm watching Money Heist right now. That shit's good. [00:17:47] Speaker A: I don't know what that is. What is that? [00:17:48] Speaker B: It's the Spanish show, and it's in Spanish Yeah. But I watched it dubbed because I'm an American. [00:17:54] Speaker A: Oh, I hate that. [00:17:55] Speaker B: And dude, it's phenomenal. It's like the spank heist and how they break into, like, the mint of Spain. [00:18:03] Speaker A: Okay, that's cool. I like that. [00:18:05] Speaker B: And it's basically like, heights and like, I'm on the second season. They're like five. [00:18:10] Speaker A: Okay. Oh, it's not. This is not a new show. [00:18:12] Speaker B: No. [00:18:12] Speaker A: Okay. And what. What. What is it on what service? [00:18:15] Speaker B: Netflix. [00:18:15] Speaker A: Oh, it's Netflix. Okay. [00:18:16] Speaker B: Nafo. [00:18:17] Speaker A: Netflico. Okay, so you're watching that. Dude, you got it. I. I know. Watch the Ed Gain story. [00:18:24] Speaker B: Yeah, watch the first episode. [00:18:25] Speaker A: Watch it more. Dude, it gets so much better. It's so. And the sickest part is that you feel bad at the end where you kind of go, this guy's a heart. [00:18:34] Speaker B: Which is. No. Yeah, he was just mentally ill. [00:18:37] Speaker A: Yes, but still, when you're wearing skin. Yeah, no, it's usually. I actually had a conversation with this. With someone the other day about this, that when a dad fucks you up, you end up like a thief. When a mom fucks you up, you end up wearing someone's skin. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Yeah. As opposed the other way around. If you're a girl, your dad fucks you up, you're a whore. [00:18:56] Speaker A: Yeah. But you're not usually wearing men's skin. You're not. Like. [00:19:00] Speaker B: Women aren't violent by nature. I feel like. [00:19:03] Speaker A: Ah, it's not the ones I've dated. Some of them are. [00:19:05] Speaker B: Well, you date minor. No. Spanish women do tend to be rather violent. However, my Puerto Rican ex is one of the only ones who hasn't hit me. So just goes to show you, sir, that's not true. But it wasn't hard. [00:19:21] Speaker A: Well, that would. [00:19:22] Speaker B: And I deserved it. [00:19:23] Speaker A: That's different. If you deserve to get slapped, and that's fine. [00:19:26] Speaker B: It wasn't in the face. [00:19:27] Speaker A: In the dick. [00:19:28] Speaker B: No, it's chest. [00:19:29] Speaker A: She punched you? [00:19:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:31] Speaker A: Did it hurt? [00:19:32] Speaker B: No. [00:19:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:19:34] Speaker B: She was like, you fucking apple. I was like, yeah, I am. I. I deserve it. [00:19:38] Speaker A: When women hit, they usually don't even look at what they're hitting half the time. [00:19:41] Speaker B: Yeah, well, now she can fight. [00:19:44] Speaker A: Yeah, but when women hit women, it makes. If they're both not looking, they end up hitting. They end up landing the punch, if that makes any sense. [00:19:50] Speaker B: No, no, she. She got. Her dad was a pro boxer. [00:19:53] Speaker A: No way. [00:19:54] Speaker B: And she was training for Golden Gloves and she also trained judo and competed in judo. Oh. [00:19:59] Speaker A: So I'm not gonna. [00:20:00] Speaker B: With her. [00:20:01] Speaker A: Wow. I didn't know that Judo and. And Golden Gloves are dope, dude. I. I box for a little bit, and it's. It's no joke. [00:20:10] Speaker B: Yeah, Hands me. Let's spar. [00:20:13] Speaker A: I'm better. I'm a Jiu Jitsu. Jiu Jitsu. I could. I could probably go. But you also. You've done Jiu Jitsu way longer than I have. What the are you doing? [00:20:19] Speaker B: Trying to get views. Anything for these views. [00:20:23] Speaker A: This is not. This is gonna go on. Only fans, dude. This is. That's what this is gonna go, dude. [00:20:26] Speaker B: We can do a foot promo for. For the show. [00:20:29] Speaker A: I mean, we could, but, I mean, I guess bodies in the room is more than all that matters, really, right? I guess so. Imagine we packed this fucking thing out, like, 300 people. [00:20:39] Speaker B: 300Ft guys. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Dude, that'd be wild to have that many feet. Guys in one room. [00:20:43] Speaker B: Smell like shit, dude. [00:20:45] Speaker A: Stinking. There no women. [00:20:47] Speaker B: Yo. Shoot me a DM if I should shower before. [00:20:49] Speaker A: What's your Instagram? [00:20:50] Speaker B: Justin Hartman comedy? [00:20:52] Speaker A: Shoot him a dm. [00:20:54] Speaker B: Shoot me a dm. I'll wear the same socks for a week. [00:20:59] Speaker A: If you. [00:20:59] Speaker B: I'll sell you my socks. I'll give you my socks if you go, I'll. [00:21:03] Speaker A: If I clip that. I guarantee you there's gonna be. [00:21:05] Speaker B: You're gonna get size 13 socks. I'll wear thin socks. I'll wear thick socks. [00:21:10] Speaker A: That's a question. Do feet people care about size? [00:21:15] Speaker B: Some do. I think they usually tend to like, the petite ones. [00:21:19] Speaker A: Like, you think small feet? [00:21:20] Speaker B: Well, I feel like if you're into woman's feet, you like small feet. And if you're into guys feet, you just like. [00:21:26] Speaker A: But what if you find a real tall woman with huge feet and they're just attached to a woman? Does that. You know, does the size matter? [00:21:33] Speaker B: I'm sure not to me. I like all feet. [00:21:37] Speaker A: Your. Your feet, you know, you just. You don't discriminate. [00:21:40] Speaker B: Yeah. I feel like there is some stereotypes about feet in the Asian community where Asian women have the. The nicest feet. But. But honestly, you find a nice black chick, and they got great feet. [00:21:55] Speaker A: I don't know the ones I've seen. [00:21:56] Speaker B: The only feet I've came on have been black feet. [00:21:58] Speaker A: Oh, really? [00:21:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:00] Speaker A: Nice black foot. You've come on a foot? [00:22:03] Speaker B: Yeah. My friend was like, you gotta have a. My friend was like, dude, you gotta try this feet stuff. And he was telling me about it. Cause he was like, yeah, my girlfriend gets in, like, doggy position and like, bends like her feet back. [00:22:19] Speaker A: Oh. So the bottom of the feet Are showing. [00:22:21] Speaker B: Yeah. And like, she, like, rubs, like, her feet like this. [00:22:25] Speaker A: Oh, with his dick. [00:22:26] Speaker B: Yeah. And like, he, like, sees her ass and pussy while he's getting the foot job. I'm so. Yeah, that. That sounds kind of nice. I was. I was involved with this woman, and she was just like. We didn't. Weren't even doing it. She was like, I want to watch you jerk off. And I was like, all right. [00:22:49] Speaker A: A lot of women have asked me that. [00:22:51] Speaker B: And so I did it. And she was like. [00:22:53] Speaker A: I was like, was she dressed or naked? [00:22:56] Speaker B: Yeah, she was dressed. [00:22:56] Speaker A: And she just watched you? [00:22:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:57] Speaker A: And. And what did you. And what was happening? [00:22:59] Speaker B: I was like, all right, give me your foot. And I came on her foot, and I went, this isn't for me. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Okay. But when. When you were jerking off, she was just silent watching you? [00:23:06] Speaker B: More or less. Wow. [00:23:08] Speaker A: I've done it. I mean, I've had women want me to do that, but they were usually not dressed. [00:23:12] Speaker B: Yeah, no, she was sitting in my car. [00:23:14] Speaker A: Oh, this was in a car? [00:23:16] Speaker B: Yeah. Wow. [00:23:18] Speaker A: Okay, that changed. [00:23:20] Speaker B: I was 18. [00:23:22] Speaker A: I. I had one instance with feet where I couldn't get it up, and. [00:23:27] Speaker B: That was really the only time I've ever done anything foot related. [00:23:30] Speaker A: I had. I had it one time also one. [00:23:32] Speaker B: Other time, but I was like. I was really not into it. [00:23:35] Speaker A: I couldn't get it up. And it was the first time I ever, like, saw a girl's feet. And I was like, wow, this is kind of nice. And I. She had sent me a photo of her, and I had said this before, and I saw her feet in the photo, and I was like, your feet look real good. And she was naked, and I was like. I just noticed her feet. Then we ended up hanging out, and I couldn't get it up. And she starts taking her foot completely naked. And, dude, I got hard in 30 seconds. Yeah. [00:23:59] Speaker B: You know what it is? It's because my theory for it is it's just a different type of stimuli. [00:24:05] Speaker A: I guess so. [00:24:06] Speaker B: And so, like, you're like. [00:24:07] Speaker A: It's new. [00:24:08] Speaker B: Especially, like, when you're like, all porn brain. [00:24:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:11] Speaker B: And you're just like, yeah, she's hot. But, like, so are these girls online? Yeah. And then, like, she's just like, all right, well, look at this. [00:24:20] Speaker A: And you're like, oh, it's a little taboo. It's like, this is different. This is. I don't usually do this. And I think that's what gets the brain going. [00:24:27] Speaker B: Yeah, I never really had, like, girls dance for me or anything. [00:24:30] Speaker A: No, I'M not into that, but, like. [00:24:31] Speaker B: Now kind of into it. [00:24:33] Speaker A: Really? [00:24:33] Speaker B: Yeah, it's just like. Do I think it's, like, the hottest thing ever? No, but it's just, like, something different, and it gets my brain started. [00:24:43] Speaker A: I guess so. I don't know. The. The dancing thing never really. I don't know. Lingerie. I mean, it's sexy when you take a woman's clothes off, but, like, to go into the other room, change into it, and then come out, I'm like, I don't give a. About that. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Like, doing. I'm. So get dressed and, like, I'll go to their place. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:59] Speaker B: And then they'll just be laying there for me. [00:25:03] Speaker A: Do, like, rape fantasy or something. [00:25:04] Speaker B: No, dude, I've had a girl ask me. She's like, yeah, I'm just like. And, like, in theory, I'm like, yeah, that's cool. I'm down with that. And then, like, they're saying, all right, let's do it. I'm say, no, I don't want to. [00:25:19] Speaker A: I can't do that as. I can't. Like, even if a girl asked me, I'd be like, look, this is just out of my. My wheelhouse. You know what I mean? [00:25:26] Speaker B: Yeah. No, like, a girl with that has asked me. I'm like, yeah, I'm down with that. I'll try it out. And then, like, time came for it. I'm sorry. I'm not. There's like, no, I'm all right. Yeah. No, absolutely. [00:25:37] Speaker A: To just be put in a position where you don't know. Like, you really don't know. [00:25:40] Speaker B: That's exactly what it is. [00:25:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't want to. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that, because. What. All I need is someone to call me up the next day and go. By the way, I didn't actually. I said no, and you still did it. And I'm like, well, where's the game? Where's it stop and where's it end? So fuck that shit. [00:25:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, it's funny. I was with someone, and they were like, I can't take it. And I stopped. And they were like, why'd you stop? [00:26:03] Speaker A: What? [00:26:05] Speaker B: And I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, that was kind of cool. But outside of that, I don't know. [00:26:12] Speaker A: I. You can sense. I don't. I mean, not with rape fantasy, obviously, but you can get an idea of, like, someone, like. I don't know. [00:26:19] Speaker B: When you're really raping Earl, it's more like. No, it's more like, come to St. Mark's October 30th. [00:26:27] Speaker A: What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna piece all these together, and it's just gonna be 30 seconds of you doing that. So do it, like, 12 more times throughout this podcast. [00:26:35] Speaker B: October 30th, St. Mark's Comedy Club. [00:26:41] Speaker A: I can't believe this. [00:26:42] Speaker B: This is 10:30, St. Mark's Comedy club. [00:26:45] Speaker A: I didn't know he was gonna do this. [00:26:47] Speaker B: I did. [00:26:47] Speaker A: I know. You had this planned. [00:26:49] Speaker B: Yep. You got a Sharpie. I'll write it on my foot. [00:26:52] Speaker A: Honestly, that would be a good reel. That'd be a very good real. I got it. Yeah. But, yeah, man. I don't know what women. That's always a. A weird thing to. Whether that, like, yes. The. The no means yes thing. Yeah. [00:27:07] Speaker B: Like, I. I could never date a girl that's into, like, that. I could never date a girl that's into, like, being called a. Like, I like. As much as I joke about shit, like, I actually, like, respect women. Yeah. The most I'll do is be like, yeah, but, like, even that, I'm like, it's fun when it's, like, just joking, but it's, like, actual sex. And I'll never be like you. [00:27:30] Speaker A: No, that's not. That's not cool. [00:27:32] Speaker B: It's just weird. [00:27:33] Speaker A: Dirty talk is nice, but calling them a filthy. Like, I don't know. [00:27:36] Speaker B: Unless they are. Unless they really deserve that. [00:27:38] Speaker A: Yeah. If you have. No, if you guys are just like. Like, you guys just each other, that's fine. But if you're dating someone or you care about them, to go, do you like that, you fucking whore? Like, yeah. [00:27:48] Speaker B: One of. One of my exes was into that, and I was like, this is how I knew I was going to break up with her. [00:27:52] Speaker A: That was it. You were like, this is never going to work. [00:27:54] Speaker B: It, like, broke my mental. Because then you're like, oh, someone else has done this. [00:27:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. I'm not the first guy. How do you. That's a weird thing. Like, the very first time you allow, like, you're like, call me a filthy bitch or a filthy whore. Like, that's what happens, like, to the woman in that moment. Then it becomes a regular. Yeah. You were probably the 50th guy. [00:28:13] Speaker B: Yeah, 15th. But no, it was. I was seeing. I was at Adventureland in Long island, and we had just gotten off a ride, and I went, yeah. I was like, you know, you my bottom bitch. Right? And she's like. She's like, I'm your. And I'm just like, What? Hold on. [00:28:37] Speaker A: Don't call yourself that, sweetie. [00:28:40] Speaker B: Wait a minute. We just played skeeball together and then yo, crazy story. And then she was giving me Roadhead and I pulled out a gun on. [00:28:47] Speaker A: Somebody, a real gun. [00:28:50] Speaker B: That was a BB gun, but it looked real. And it was like the most gangster shit in my life. [00:28:54] Speaker A: That's pretty cool. [00:28:55] Speaker B: I'm getting Roadhead and this guy's like beeping at me, flipping me off, telling me to pull over. And I just take out a BB gun, but it looks really shit. I just point it at the window. [00:29:05] Speaker A: And the car just like, oh, really? [00:29:07] Speaker B: Yeah. I felt like I had the juice. [00:29:10] Speaker A: Honestly, that's a pretty cool. That would be a cool feeling. [00:29:12] Speaker B: And then detectives came to my house and dropped. I was like, ah, what are you talking about? Statue limitations on that one's up. [00:29:20] Speaker A: That's crazy. To get blowjob and pull out a gun while it's happening. That's. That's a badass feeling. That's like a. Would you see the Charlie Sheen documentary? [00:29:29] Speaker B: No. [00:29:30] Speaker A: He was talking about the first time he smoked crack. He was getting a girl lit up his crack pipe and sucked his dick while he was pulling on the pipe. And he goes, it was the most wild, like, if there's any way to smoke crack. But the thing is, I feel like most people smoke crack like that. They get their dick suck while they're smoking. [00:29:46] Speaker B: It's just usually by a dude or a little foot whore. [00:29:48] Speaker A: Yeah, a little toothless foot whore. Not some hot like porn star that like Charlie Chin is banging or respectable. [00:29:54] Speaker B: I don't. I didn't appeal to the guys that like to be respected. Are you a prominent foot horn? Do you have a really high paying job? Look at you in a position of power. Look at you. [00:30:07] Speaker A: Okay, you got that out? [00:30:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:30:09] Speaker A: Okay, good. [00:30:10] Speaker B: I gotta hit. I gotta hit the whole demographics. [00:30:12] Speaker A: Yeah, you do. I mean foot people. I. [00:30:15] Speaker B: The ones you gotta maintain the views throughout. Yeah. [00:30:18] Speaker A: You want them to watch the whole episode. You know we should be charging for this, right? They would pay for it. [00:30:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:30:25] Speaker A: The fact that we're putting it out for free is kind of like a charity for us. [00:30:27] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. I know another comic that sells their underwear. [00:30:30] Speaker A: I do too. [00:30:31] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't know if it's public knowledge, but I think it is public. But, like, I'm not gonna blow up. [00:30:36] Speaker A: It's not really, but I know it is. [00:30:38] Speaker B: It's in their Instagram bio. [00:30:40] Speaker A: I know, I know. I know who it is. [00:30:43] Speaker B: DM me. I'll tell you who it is. And you can buy mine. [00:30:49] Speaker A: The. That's what we should get a sponsor for this podcast would be great. Socks. [00:30:53] Speaker B: Socks Monster. [00:30:54] Speaker A: Yeah, that would be a fucking hit up. [00:30:55] Speaker B: Fruit the Loom. [00:30:56] Speaker A: Fruit of the Loom. Hanes. Fleshlight would be a good sponsor for this Fleshlight dude. [00:31:03] Speaker B: Speaking of FLESHLIGHT, we got J.J. lieberman on our show October 30th. [00:31:06] Speaker A: Yes, we do. [00:31:07] Speaker B: He's sponsored by Jerk Mate. [00:31:08] Speaker A: I know. [00:31:09] Speaker B: I want one of those milkers. [00:31:11] Speaker A: What? Like a Fleshlight dude? [00:31:13] Speaker B: He has, like. He promotes these, like, blowjob machines or pussy. [00:31:18] Speaker A: Oh, no, dude, I've seen these things. If I. I was talking about this with Marielle, and if I have one, if I ever. I always wanted to try one, like Fleshlight or whatever. No, no, no, I'm good. Thank you. [00:31:34] Speaker B: I don't like it. [00:31:35] Speaker A: You don't like it? Well, I want to be brought out to dinner. [00:31:39] Speaker B: Well, I would like a nice little flesh lighter pocket pussy. But I got, like, this thing. Used to have this one, but it broke. It was the Adam 3000 of Adam and Eve, and it did, like, tricks on it. [00:31:51] Speaker A: Wait, the Atom? [00:31:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:53] Speaker A: They named it after a guy. [00:31:54] Speaker B: Listen, dude. [00:31:56] Speaker A: But the blowjob machine was named after Adam and Eve. I know, I know, I know. [00:32:01] Speaker B: The. [00:32:01] Speaker A: The website, but I think that's funny that. [00:32:03] Speaker B: Well, I think it was called Adam because it's a male masturbator, so. [00:32:07] Speaker A: Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. Okay. [00:32:11] Speaker B: But then I bought this other thing, and it was like. [00:32:15] Speaker A: You didn't feel like a weirdo using that thing? [00:32:17] Speaker B: Oh, I felt like I was going through a breakup. I didn't want to fuck girls. I don't want to. I want to fuck guys. I want you to suck my feet. [00:32:27] Speaker A: Justin Harmon came out on this podcast just so you know. [00:32:31] Speaker B: Think they know I'm college educated. [00:32:34] Speaker A: It's community college. Don't. Don't get ahead of yourself. [00:32:37] Speaker B: Best community college in America. [00:32:40] Speaker A: What, Suffolk? [00:32:40] Speaker B: Nassau. [00:32:41] Speaker A: Nassau. [00:32:41] Speaker B: Okay. [00:32:44] Speaker A: Okay. But the masturbator thing, I. If I get that thing and it's really great, it just takes away all. [00:32:51] Speaker B: It is over for a little bit. You got to pull yourself out of it. [00:32:54] Speaker A: Yeah. You kind of go down a black hole, I imagine. Like, if I had that laying around the house, I would not leave. [00:32:58] Speaker B: That's why you should get a pocket pussy. [00:33:00] Speaker A: It's the same thing. [00:33:01] Speaker B: It's. You can. You have. You. You still have the juice with the pocket. [00:33:06] Speaker A: But here's the thing. A girl comes over to your house and sees that thing laying around. [00:33:09] Speaker B: Why would they see it you hide it. [00:33:11] Speaker A: They find it embarrassing. [00:33:13] Speaker B: It's like, Ed Geen, you fucking hide that. [00:33:15] Speaker A: I know, dude. It's basically. That is the. The modern day Ed Gein is. Is a pocket. He was doing that before. That's a. That's a. [00:33:23] Speaker B: His pocket. [00:33:25] Speaker A: Yeah, it was his. The body. You had to go to the cemetery to get a pocket. That's a crazy thing. [00:33:30] Speaker B: Yeah, but the. The fake ones actually can heat up and stuff. [00:33:34] Speaker A: No, I know that, but I think it's interesting. [00:33:35] Speaker B: But honestly, I think there is something to a cold pussy. Like when I'm getting my dick sucked. You know, warm mouth is good most of the times, but every now and again you put an ice cube in it. It changes the game. [00:33:44] Speaker A: Yeah. I know a girl who used to give blow jobs with frozen grapes in her mouth. [00:33:49] Speaker B: You know, that must have been wild. Altoids. You have them chew a bunch of Altoids before it's got a burn. No, the. And then they like take it out. [00:33:58] Speaker A: And you dick fucking. Oh, my God. I don't know if I'd want that. [00:34:05] Speaker B: Listen, brother, don't knock it. You try. As a. As a young man, I experimented with a lot of stuff. Like, I never really used, like. So, like, when you first start jerking off, like, you. You experiment with stuff. I feel like, okay, like I would jerk off in the shower and then I was like, oh, I need like some type of lubricant if I'm doing this. [00:34:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:29] Speaker B: I use shampoo and conditioner. [00:34:31] Speaker A: Yep. [00:34:31] Speaker B: And then one day I tried toothpaste. [00:34:33] Speaker A: I did. I. I did Purell once. [00:34:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:36] Speaker A: Total up. Major. Major. [00:34:38] Speaker B: I put icy out on my balls before you go down and you learn. And that's part of being a young man. [00:34:44] Speaker A: Yeah. You live and you learn. [00:34:45] Speaker B: Yep. [00:34:46] Speaker A: You gotta. [00:34:47] Speaker B: You pull guns on people while you're getting roadhead. [00:34:49] Speaker A: That's just cool, dude. [00:34:51] Speaker B: Dude, that was like the coolest I've ever felt in my life. [00:34:54] Speaker A: I would. That kind of. [00:34:55] Speaker B: Even though it's a fake gun, like, it doesn't matter they. You. [00:34:59] Speaker A: You peaked in that moment. You'll never be that cool again. [00:35:02] Speaker B: Yeah, like I can do. I can perform at MSG sold out and be like, it's way cooler when I'm coming back. I had arguing with my ex girlfriend. [00:35:13] Speaker A: You want to hear some? I had a friend who had a real gun in his house. Real gun. [00:35:17] Speaker B: Oh, I have real guns too, but they're actually, you know. [00:35:19] Speaker A: No, but here, listen. This real gun and the girl, he was said, I want you to load the gun, put one in the chamber. And I want you to put it in my. And finger me with a loaded gun, safety off. And he didn't do it because he's like, you're out of your mind. [00:35:34] Speaker B: I would have done it. Just turn the safety on. She wouldn't. [00:35:37] Speaker A: It doesn't matter even if the safety's on. Dude. Hey, come on. Like, you have to be a level of insane to want to. What if you. What if something goes wrong? You killed her. Why do you explain that to a cop? But, oh, she wanted me to finger her with a loaded gun. [00:35:53] Speaker B: Look at what she was wearing. She was asking for it. No, I thought you were gonna say something. I don't, like, put guns in people's mouths before loaded. [00:36:04] Speaker A: Yeah, you're insane, dude. I would never. [00:36:08] Speaker B: It was consensual. [00:36:09] Speaker A: It doesn't matter if it's consensual. You got to be the one to say it's not consensual. You got to be the one that goes. I'm not. You're out of your fucking mind. You need help. [00:36:16] Speaker B: Yeah, see, I'm more of like a knife play guy, but. What? Yeah, I'll put a knife to a bitches throat. [00:36:22] Speaker A: I'm not doing that either. [00:36:23] Speaker B: But, like, you know, like, that's. You have a lot more control. [00:36:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's not a trigger. [00:36:29] Speaker B: Consensual. I'm joking. I've never done any of this. I haven't even had sex before. I've jerked off a toothpaste, but I've never had sex. Roadhead. [00:36:40] Speaker A: Never. Never got roadhead and pulled a gun. [00:36:42] Speaker B: And never came on feet in my car. I. I've never. [00:36:48] Speaker A: What is happening right now, dude? [00:36:50] Speaker B: I realize, like, people are gonna actually see this and think I'm serious with. [00:36:55] Speaker A: The things they are. Dude, these. Are you joking? [00:36:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm joking. Okay. This is all just. It's all just to get you out to St. Mark's Comedy Club. October. October 30th. [00:37:10] Speaker A: October 30th, 10:30pm Halloween show. Come dressed up. I think I'm gonna go as a penguin. [00:37:16] Speaker B: Penguin would be cute. [00:37:17] Speaker A: Cute, right? To do a stand up. Talk about, like, clits and stuff with the penguin suit. That'd be funny. Clay lit all kinds of stuff. I think that'd be a good one. [00:37:24] Speaker B: Because penguin was also the book. Like the. The. [00:37:26] Speaker A: Oh, the publishing house. [00:37:27] Speaker B: Yeah, Publishing house. You talk about the Dewey decimal system. [00:37:31] Speaker A: I don't know anything about that. [00:37:32] Speaker B: That's how, like, they organize books in the library. [00:37:35] Speaker A: Oh, that's right. With those Old things. That's right. I forgot about that. [00:37:37] Speaker B: I'm a wealth of knowledge. [00:37:41] Speaker A: You're also a dinosaur if you know that. I forgot about. [00:37:44] Speaker B: Went to Oceanside Library pretty frequently to. [00:37:47] Speaker A: Get roadhead and come on, a girl's fucking parking lot. [00:37:51] Speaker B: But when I got expelled from school, I had to meet my tutors at Oceanside Library. [00:37:55] Speaker A: Oh, really? What kind of. What subject? [00:37:59] Speaker B: Most of them, because they stopped coming to my house. [00:38:05] Speaker A: Why? [00:38:05] Speaker B: My dad wasn't a nice guy. [00:38:07] Speaker A: He didn't like minorities in the house. [00:38:09] Speaker B: It was like. Actually, no. No, actually, I only had one black tutor. Yeah. [00:38:15] Speaker A: Oh, nice. [00:38:16] Speaker B: Look at that. [00:38:16] Speaker A: Your neighborhood's super progressive. [00:38:19] Speaker B: Most of them came from Brooklyn. It was just like, this old white guy who's like. You're actually a really good reader. I don't know why you can't write, though. I'm just like. Should have figured out then I was dyslexic. [00:38:29] Speaker A: Yeah, that makes sense, because I would. [00:38:32] Speaker B: Change the words when I read, and you'd be like, wait, you're actually making a. More like, grammatically correct for, like, certain shit while I was, like, talking. [00:38:41] Speaker A: Okay. [00:38:41] Speaker B: When I was reading it, it wouldn't be read like that. [00:38:46] Speaker A: It's crazy that they couldn't figure that out pretty quickly. [00:38:48] Speaker B: I think they knew, but, like, they were just, like, not gonna break it to me. [00:38:53] Speaker A: Hate to break it to you, Justin. Your brain is broken. [00:38:55] Speaker B: Yeah. It's like, you find out your daughter has a fat clit, are you gonna be like, yo, listen, kid, you're a little different. [00:39:02] Speaker A: I don't think that you tell your daughter that. [00:39:05] Speaker B: I don't think you. [00:39:06] Speaker A: How do you find out your daughter has a fat clit? [00:39:08] Speaker B: You clean her diaper one day and it's a thumbs up. [00:39:10] Speaker A: Yeah, but what are you supposed to do? Tell her, no. What? [00:39:12] Speaker B: Ge. Listen, you're a little different. It's going to be real easy for you to come. It's kind of a good thing to have a fat clit. [00:39:19] Speaker A: It is. It's. It's. You know. You know where to find it. It's right there. It's dead smack in the middle, dude. [00:39:24] Speaker B: Imagine, like, you're in love with a girl, and, like, she's just like, oh, I'm waiting till marriage Joe Pappalardo. And you just pull down, you just see a roast beef sandwich with a thumb sticking out of it. [00:39:36] Speaker A: I don't mind a roast beef. I really. [00:39:37] Speaker B: No, roast beef is fine. But I'm just saying, like, a thumb sticking out of it. [00:39:41] Speaker A: I mean, a huge clit's kind of little Sk. I haven't dealt with a huge clip before. Neither have I, thank God. But I like a beefy. I don't know, something. There's more character to it when there's some meat there. [00:39:51] Speaker B: It's just like when you motorboat it, you actually sound. [00:39:54] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't know. I just think the ones that are completely hidden. I liked when I was younger more, but I just. I don't know. [00:40:01] Speaker B: It's like, I like the tucked in gang fully tucked. [00:40:04] Speaker A: I like when it's like, I don't know, like a half. Half. [00:40:06] Speaker B: Yeah, you. You know, I'm down. I'm down with the clown. Listen, as long as you have a. [00:40:12] Speaker A: As long as you're alive, that's. That's all I really care about. [00:40:14] Speaker B: As long as you have it. You don't have to be alive. [00:40:17] Speaker A: You don't have to be like, okay, all right, Ed Gain. [00:40:19] Speaker B: As long as you're. You have something in between your legs. Could just be an. Could be a unic. I'd a. Would you. A eunuch. [00:40:29] Speaker A: I can't. [00:40:30] Speaker B: If you had a. If you met a girl and she had female circumcision down on her. What are you doing? [00:40:35] Speaker A: Female circumcision just means that they cut the. Off the still there. [00:40:38] Speaker B: Well, so that's part of it. The other part of female circumcision is typically they sew up the vagina. [00:40:44] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:40:45] Speaker B: And then to have sex, you have to rip the stitches open. [00:40:50] Speaker A: Yeah. But the skin regenerates eventually. Like, kind of like when you get, like, you know, a tooth taken out. You can't rip it open after that. [00:40:56] Speaker B: You can. [00:40:58] Speaker A: What? All right. Blood diamond. [00:41:00] Speaker B: Might need a knife, but it's still a hole underneath. [00:41:04] Speaker A: I don't know if I want to do that. I don't. I don't want to do that. [00:41:08] Speaker B: No, you do want to do. Come to St. Mark's Comedy Club October 30th at 10:30. That's 10:30. At 10:30. [00:41:16] Speaker A: 10:30Pm yeah. [00:41:18] Speaker B: Imagine just a line of foot guys at 10:30. [00:41:20] Speaker A: I'm telling you, dude, that's what's gonna happen. They're gonna be waiting outside all day. [00:41:23] Speaker B: I'm gonna be stoked. Come as the Hamburglar. Like, come. [00:41:26] Speaker A: Just come to the show. [00:41:28] Speaker B: Just come. Come right now. [00:41:30] Speaker A: But what are we talking about before we talk about suicide Before? [00:41:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, outside. Yeah. Suicide's fun. [00:41:41] Speaker A: This is. None of. [00:41:41] Speaker B: This is so. Like, I would never kill myself because, like, I've had friends kill themselves. [00:41:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:48] Speaker B: And then, like, after that shit happened. I'm just like. Yeah, like seeing like just feeling that pain and knowing I'm not even the closest person to the. Like not even like their family or anything. [00:41:58] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [00:41:59] Speaker B: And just knowing that like someone I knew was going through that and like seeing like the aftermath, it's just like. [00:42:07] Speaker A: It's horrible, dude. Yeah, it's fucking horrible. That's what keeps. I think a lot of. [00:42:11] Speaker B: I mean, my mom got the 911 call for one of my friends. She's a dispatcher. [00:42:15] Speaker A: You told me that. That's a fucking crazy thing. I wouldn't kill myself. That's like the main reason. Probably. [00:42:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:22] Speaker A: Because of what it will do everybody. It's. What? [00:42:26] Speaker B: Cuz I have empathy. [00:42:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I think. [00:42:28] Speaker B: I think you do it goop. This says I like turbulence on a plane because it's guilt free suicide. You get all the joys of suicide. [00:42:38] Speaker A: Without the guilt in that moment. I don't like that. I don't have control over it. [00:42:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:43] Speaker A: You know what I mean? To go down with a plane, that's. [00:42:45] Speaker B: No, I don't want to go down to the plane, but like. [00:42:47] Speaker A: No, I like that I'm not alone, but which is really. [00:42:50] Speaker B: I just want to be assassinated. Just one in the back of the head. [00:42:54] Speaker A: You don't want that. [00:42:56] Speaker B: Now if I were to kill myself. Car in a garage, going to sleep. [00:43:00] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the cleanest way to do it, honestly. [00:43:02] Speaker B: Can solve an open casket. [00:43:05] Speaker A: No, we don't do that in Judaism. Yeah, we close that. [00:43:10] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I'm shocked. You can close it. Your nose is usually. Oh, wow. [00:43:15] Speaker A: What a terrible joke, dude. What a 1920s joke. Unbelievable. [00:43:22] Speaker B: I thought it was more the 30s and 40s when that was happening. [00:43:24] Speaker A: They didn't bury it. That's why they just threw him in a. Yeah, waste of wood. How's the comedy been going? [00:43:31] Speaker B: It's going pretty good. I've been actually getting booked until this podcast comes out. [00:43:35] Speaker A: Yeah, you're not gonna get. You're gonna get fired and you're not gonna get booked. Then again, I'm part of this. Who cares? [00:43:41] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I've had like 10 shows this month. [00:43:45] Speaker A: Nice. That's good. [00:43:47] Speaker B: I got a few more lined up. Like October 30th. [00:43:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I got. I got October 3rd. I'm doing two shows in Jersey. 24th, 25th. [00:43:54] Speaker B: We're at. [00:43:55] Speaker A: One is at Allendale Bar for Colin Syracuse. Then the other. [00:43:59] Speaker B: I know. Yeah. [00:44:00] Speaker A: And then Jake and Louie booked me on a show out in Lindenhurst, Long Island. No, that's. I'm mistaking it. Oh, what the fuck? [00:44:10] Speaker B: Is it Cornwood? [00:44:12] Speaker A: No, it's. It's northern Jersey. It's not Lindenhurst. It's. I could see the fucking sign on the highway. [00:44:17] Speaker B: It could be London. There could just be two towns with that name. [00:44:22] Speaker A: Maybe it is. [00:44:22] Speaker B: I don't remember. [00:44:23] Speaker A: But either way, that's what I'm doing. Then the 30th, we got this. Comedy kills on the 13th of November. I'm doing Greenwich this Saturday. [00:44:31] Speaker B: Peter. Drew. Peter Drew. Is that his name? [00:44:34] Speaker A: Drew? Not Drew, just Drew. You're thinking the Peter and Drew Mike? [00:44:37] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah. Which I've never done. I've never been inside Greenwich Village Comedy Club. [00:44:43] Speaker A: Really? Yeah, it's a dump. But it's. It's a fun room sometimes. Yeah. What have you been working like? Has there been stuff that you've been. [00:44:49] Speaker B: Working on that's like doing a Def Jam? OJ Simpson impersonation? [00:44:54] Speaker A: That's cool. [00:44:55] Speaker B: That. That's fun. It's hit or miss. Doing some stuff about how historians just want to get by. Just saying everything affects women. [00:45:04] Speaker A: That's okay. I like that. [00:45:06] Speaker B: And I had to see something to believe it. Those are really, like, what I'm working on right now. And then I'm. I've been just fascinated with being a pirate or a werewolf. [00:45:17] Speaker A: Yeah, you've been asking that. I saw you on stage a couple weeks ago, and you said that you asked that I'm going with werewolves. [00:45:21] Speaker B: It's only been a week. [00:45:22] Speaker A: Not maybe it was a week ago, then I saw you. No, I want to be a werewolf. Big pink thing. Have a huge. [00:45:30] Speaker B: I feel like your doesn't transform when you turn into a werewolf. [00:45:33] Speaker A: What, you think you still got human dick? [00:45:35] Speaker B: I think he's still got you. I think it gets Baker, but I don't think it. [00:45:38] Speaker A: You don't think it turns into the pink? [00:45:40] Speaker B: You definitely get girth. I don't know about length, really. [00:45:44] Speaker A: It's interesting. [00:45:45] Speaker B: And you get some veins. [00:45:46] Speaker A: I'd like a veiny. I mean, I have a pretty veiny. [00:45:48] Speaker B: Dick, but I got one strong vein in it. [00:45:51] Speaker A: The one running down on the top? [00:45:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:53] Speaker A: You know, underneath. Yeah. This couple. I had a girl tell me on Instagram the other day, I put up a video where I was like, no, I wish. A video of talking about how, like, I like being in my 30s now. Because I'm like, okay with my dick. [00:46:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:08] Speaker A: And she wrote you, I think your dick is great. Harrison with like, a smiley face. Some, like, they. Them that lives in Canada. Yeah, yeah. [00:46:16] Speaker B: Sarah Carson, Ford. [00:46:17] Speaker A: No, dude, no, that's not nice. [00:46:20] Speaker B: Oh, I do like Sarah. She's one of the only. [00:46:25] Speaker A: Sarah's really nice. You know Sam Taylor. Samantha Taylor. No, she's really funny too. She's good. [00:46:29] Speaker B: No, sir. I like Sarah has this rage room bit that. [00:46:33] Speaker A: I really like that I saw that rage room. But the other night it was very funny. Yeah. On Thursday I was there. [00:46:40] Speaker B: One of the. Let me stop myself. It wasn't mean about her. It was mean about a lot of other people. And it was very misogynistic. And so I stopped myself. [00:46:49] Speaker A: Okay. [00:46:49] Speaker B: Look at you. One of the only funny female comics in the city. [00:46:53] Speaker A: Well, you didn't really stop yourself, but I tried. [00:46:58] Speaker B: I booked the other ones. [00:47:01] Speaker A: Paulina Breeze. [00:47:02] Speaker B: Paulina Breeze. It's like Paulina Breeze. I like that girl. Molly does more. Yeah, I'm talking about, like at an open mic level. There are a lot of funny female comics. I got in an argument with somebody about, you know, like, women aren't funny. And you said that. No, they said that. [00:47:18] Speaker A: Okay. [00:47:18] Speaker B: I was like, dude, I'm like, who the fuck was it? I can't. They suck at comedy. And. Oh, I'll tell you after someone I know. Tommy Ch. Tommy Ch. [00:47:36] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:47:37] Speaker B: Click on the fast Superior show. Asian guy, terrible. Owns a gym, wife divorced him. This is all being picked up. [00:47:44] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:47:45] Speaker B: Please, please. [00:47:46] Speaker A: I don't want to have to edit this. [00:47:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Anyway, he's like, you're outside blocking. I'm like, no, dude, I'm just like, women comics don't suck. Think. Think about it like, yo, it's such. [00:47:57] Speaker A: A dumb thing to say. [00:47:58] Speaker B: Yeah. What it's. What it is is it's. Most comics suck. Out of every 100 comics you have, let's say 10 of them are funny. [00:48:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:07] Speaker B: There are just less women who do comedy. [00:48:09] Speaker A: That's exactly right. [00:48:10] Speaker B: And so that's why it might seem that way. [00:48:13] Speaker A: I know plenty of funny. There's a comic in LA who just came out here. She was here recently. [00:48:19] Speaker B: Jordan Jensen is honestly one of the funniest comments. [00:48:21] Speaker A: She's hysterical. Shout out to Elisa, though, in. In la. She's hysterical. [00:48:26] Speaker B: Shout out to you, you guys, for watching. [00:48:32] Speaker A: Anyone who says women aren't funny is just a dumbass. [00:48:35] Speaker B: Yeah. He's also like the guy who said is one of like the least funny people I've ever seen. That's what it is. It's usually something. He got upset when I told him. [00:48:42] Speaker A: To judge a whole group of people that way is just so dumb. It's so dumb. Yeah, unless they're black. [00:48:49] Speaker B: You took the words right out of my. No, dude. Black people are remarkably funny. [00:48:53] Speaker A: No, they're way funnier than white people, but. Yeah. No, that just sounds. It just shows you you're not funny. I know plenty of funny women, dude. [00:49:01] Speaker B: Yeah, it's fucking retarded, dude. We support women and we support you. [00:49:11] Speaker A: Dude, but this has become a virtue signaling fucking podcast. [00:49:15] Speaker B: Virtue signaling. Podcast. But that's the word I need for my story. And spit. Thank you. [00:49:20] Speaker A: Virtue signal. [00:49:21] Speaker B: Virtue signaling. I couldn't. [00:49:22] Speaker A: Oh, virtue signal. To get pussy. Yeah, yeah, a lot of guys do that. I've seen comics do that. That's the worst thing. And people who are very nice aren't fun people, you know? I mean, yeah, being fun. What do you think is better? Being fun or being nice? [00:49:34] Speaker B: Being fun. Well, no, be nice. [00:49:37] Speaker A: Being nice is better. I think to get laid sometimes fun is better. [00:49:40] Speaker B: No, fun is 100% better for pussy, but like nice is 100% better for life. [00:49:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. I'd much rather be kind than. [00:49:47] Speaker B: Why do you think? Like, not to play on like super hard on like stereotypes and. But there's something true to like the overly nice guys don't get. [00:49:59] Speaker A: Yeah, my most of my high school life was like that because I saw. [00:50:02] Speaker B: A Facebook post I made 15 years. [00:50:06] Speaker A: Ago and what did it say? [00:50:09] Speaker B: It was like all women just want as a douchebag. [00:50:12] Speaker A: Oh, you were, you were butt hurt because no one wanted to fuck you, dude. [00:50:16] Speaker B: Fucking 12 year old. I'm gonna be mean guy. [00:50:20] Speaker A: Then you get a fucking full bodysuit of tattoos. [00:50:23] Speaker B: Yeah, dude, I hate it because I'm not just gonna have tattoos, ladies. [00:50:29] Speaker A: No, you're actually really. You're probably nicer than I am. [00:50:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I just have a temper, which it doesn't come out that law. [00:50:36] Speaker A: I lost that a while ago. I used to have a really bad timber. [00:50:39] Speaker B: I. It's very hard to get it out of me now, but when it comes out, it's like very hard. [00:50:44] Speaker A: I couldn't. [00:50:44] Speaker B: It's like a floodgate. [00:50:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I could, I could, I could see it, but I wouldn't know what it would look like. I'm like, imagine trying to imagine it. [00:50:50] Speaker B: It's like I, I don't yell. I just like, only with woman. I just swing. No, no, I don't yell. I. I don't yell. I hate yelling because I have like, I don't have range anymore. [00:51:06] Speaker A: Oh, it doesn't hit like that. [00:51:08] Speaker B: No, it hits that. But like it's just like one note and it's just, like, frightening. It's not original. And that's my thing. I had to be original. [00:51:19] Speaker A: What classifies yelling as original? Like, what kind of yelling would that be? [00:51:24] Speaker B: Like, you. My voice doesn't crack when I yell. It's just like, yo, give me something to make it less scary. [00:51:31] Speaker A: Less gay. [00:51:32] Speaker B: Less scary. Because, like, it seems like I'm super, like, stern when I'm yelling at you. I don't want you to be afraid. [00:51:39] Speaker A: That's kind of defeat. No, that. I mean that most people get afraid when someone yells. [00:51:43] Speaker B: I mean, at least maybe it's just because, like, I've been through, like, a lot of shit, and I know, like, if people yell that it's just barking. Yelling's barking. [00:51:52] Speaker A: Yelling. I don't bark someone who feels like they're not heard. Yeah, that's the problem. That's why I don't do it. [00:51:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I have the bit where I yell. That's pretty much what it sounds like if I were to fucking actually yell. But I haven't yelled in years. [00:52:07] Speaker A: I yelled on stage. I do a bit where I yell now. [00:52:10] Speaker B: No, I know. Are you copying me? No, I do, like, get the cat. It's like that. [00:52:18] Speaker A: It didn't come off scary, honestly. [00:52:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Because I'm not at all my heart in it. [00:52:24] Speaker A: If you really. [00:52:25] Speaker B: I'm not gonna, like, work myself up on stage to. Why not that I can do it. [00:52:31] Speaker A: I think you should. I think it sells it more. I think if you're gonna get angry. Get fucking angry. Yeah, that's. That's my thing. Like, when I start talking about something, I can feel my. [00:52:40] Speaker B: And then it just kind of ruins the rest of my set. I had to close with it. And it's not like a good closing joke. It's like a good. [00:52:47] Speaker A: Not yet. You can make it funnier. Yeah, there you go. Close it. That could be your fucking crescendo. Just. [00:52:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I gotta work on it. I, like, stop. I just keep writing new shit. [00:53:00] Speaker A: I do that, too. I get tired of. [00:53:02] Speaker B: Yeah. Killing my babies right now. [00:53:05] Speaker A: Huh? [00:53:05] Speaker B: I've been killing my babies. [00:53:06] Speaker A: What do you mean? Like, your jokes, Precious jokes. [00:53:08] Speaker B: I haven't been doing them. I'll do them on, like, shows. Like, Competition. Yeah. [00:53:12] Speaker A: When you need them, you dip in that bag. But that's good to have. [00:53:14] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, right now, I'm doing, like, a mixed bag of. [00:53:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:16] Speaker B: I've been riffing a lot more on stage, so. [00:53:18] Speaker A: Dude, that's all I do now. I don't write anything. It's crazy. It's crazy. I don't have a. I don't. I. My brain is. It's just more fun. It's more exciting. [00:53:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Because you don't know what the. Is gonna happen. [00:53:30] Speaker A: Yeah. And sometimes you say the most brilliant that you would never think of sitting at a desk. It's crazy, but I do. I need to write more. I. I need to sit down and, like, write something. [00:53:39] Speaker B: Yeah. I just write on the train. [00:53:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I need to start taking the train. [00:53:44] Speaker B: I used to write in my car. [00:53:46] Speaker A: I speak into the speaker. [00:53:48] Speaker B: I don't do that. I would just speak the whole way and then be like, oh, something's funny. And I take out my phone and text and. Or I used to have, like, a notebook in my car and I would drive. Like, driving. Right. [00:53:58] Speaker A: Okay. That makes sense. [00:54:00] Speaker B: It's not the safest thing, but I want to die. [00:54:03] Speaker A: I mean, that's true. Yeah. You've been saying that. [00:54:06] Speaker B: Yeah. It's been a rough guy. Rough time. [00:54:08] Speaker A: Well, you just turned 27. [00:54:09] Speaker B: 27. [00:54:10] Speaker A: 27 this past Saturday. For anyone who didn't know. And I didn't know. Well, I knew, but I forgot because I'm a fucking asshole. Justin's birthday was October 11th, so if you want to make his birthday, he'll let you suck his toes. If you come to October 30th, St. Mark's Comedy Club, 1030, and you wish him a happy birthday while you're. While his foot's in your mouth. [00:54:30] Speaker B: Yeah. See me. Happy birthday, you little foot. [00:54:32] Speaker A: You got good feet, though. They're long. [00:54:34] Speaker B: They're funky. Dude, they're all crooked. They're like my fingers. [00:54:37] Speaker A: They're really not bad. [00:54:38] Speaker B: Yeah, a little socklin on them. [00:54:40] Speaker A: Did that tattoo hurt? That. That. [00:54:42] Speaker B: I did it myself. [00:54:44] Speaker A: Jesus Christ. Where. Where did you grow up? Rikers Island. [00:54:48] Speaker B: South Shore, baby. [00:54:51] Speaker A: Unbelievable. [00:54:51] Speaker B: South Shore, Long Island. White trash through and through. [00:54:54] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, they could have told that. Figured that out by looking at you. [00:54:57] Speaker B: You think I'm white trash? [00:54:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:54:59] Speaker B: Wow. [00:55:02] Speaker A: I'm not gonna lie to you. [00:55:04] Speaker B: You're. [00:55:05] Speaker A: You're educated. [00:55:05] Speaker B: I'm educated white trash. [00:55:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:07] Speaker B: I'm classy trash. [00:55:08] Speaker A: Yeah. Dude. I mean, realistically, like, when no one meets you, I met. I mean, you, now I love you. I think you're a fucking wonderful person. Like, I genuinely. Like, we're friends, but. [00:55:20] Speaker B: I don't think I'm white trash. I think. [00:55:23] Speaker A: What do you classify as white trash? [00:55:25] Speaker B: Like, I think you have to be ignorant. [00:55:29] Speaker A: Okay, I agree with that. I agree with that. Maybe I'm. [00:55:32] Speaker B: I feign ignorance and you do. [00:55:35] Speaker A: Which is very interesting. [00:55:37] Speaker B: Yeah. Because I don't ever want to be the smartest guy in the room or. [00:55:41] Speaker A: Like you're in the wrong room if you're the smartest guy in the room. [00:55:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. And like, I, I might feel that way, but then like, there's no fun in that. [00:55:51] Speaker A: No, I agree. You're not actually. White trash is dumb. Just dumb. But meets the eye, you'd go, oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? [00:56:03] Speaker B: But I like shocking people because I feel like people see me and they go, oh, yeah, it's a fucking. [00:56:09] Speaker A: They have you figured out. And they're, they're, they're wrong. I was wrong. When I first met you, I was like, oh, my God. The first time I ever seen you was you talking about your dad stripping copper on stage. [00:56:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:19] Speaker A: And I remember laughing on this guy's fucking nuts. And I believed everything you said. [00:56:24] Speaker B: And it was true. [00:56:25] Speaker A: It was true. And then we hung out and I went, oh, I say it all the time. I'm like, Justin is so much more. There's so many more layers. [00:56:33] Speaker B: I'm an enigma. [00:56:34] Speaker A: You are. You really are. [00:56:36] Speaker B: Ask me anything. I know something about everything. [00:56:42] Speaker A: Jonestown, that's an easy one. [00:56:46] Speaker B: Like Jim Jones. [00:56:47] Speaker A: Yeah, Jimmy, you ever seen that documentary? [00:56:50] Speaker B: Nope. But what I do know is. So that was. No, that's Heaven's Gate I'm thinking of. [00:56:56] Speaker A: Heaven's Gate's a wild one. [00:56:58] Speaker B: That's like the, the shoes, the. The. How they all had those cool ass Nikes. [00:57:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:05] Speaker B: Jonestown. I don't know actually too much about Jonestown. Jim Jones, also a member of the Diplomats. [00:57:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Jimmy. [00:57:13] Speaker B: Yeah. You made people think, drink Kool Aid. He was just a cult leader. [00:57:17] Speaker A: He was. Turned out to be decent. And then he moved everyone down. I think Trinidad or something. [00:57:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:57:21] Speaker A: And then that was where things. [00:57:22] Speaker B: I thought it was like Panama. [00:57:24] Speaker A: Maybe it was Panama, somewhere in central. [00:57:26] Speaker B: I was thinking like Jonestown, South Africa. [00:57:28] Speaker A: But isn't it Johannesburg? [00:57:32] Speaker B: Yeah. I feel like it's nicknamed Johnstown. Right. I could be making that up. [00:57:37] Speaker A: I don't know. You're asking the wrong guy. [00:57:39] Speaker B: All right. Ask me something else. That's for something I actually know about. [00:57:41] Speaker A: Do you think that Charlie Kirk was an inside job? No. [00:57:48] Speaker B: No. I think everyone just wants it to be so. It's more interesting, I feel, about 9 11. No, I don't think 911 was an inside job either. [00:57:59] Speaker A: Do you think that they knew about it, though? [00:58:00] Speaker B: I think they had some type of prior knowledge. [00:58:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:58:05] Speaker B: And I don't think they knew. They knew there was a terrorist attack. They didn't know where it was gonna be, that they had all the pieces to put together of it. [00:58:14] Speaker A: But Alex Jones came out. [00:58:16] Speaker B: A lot of communications between the intelligence agencies at that time. [00:58:22] Speaker A: But Alex Jones came out and said that they were gonna basically say, oh, yeah, yeah, in July. You ever seen that video? [00:58:28] Speaker B: Yeah, it's nuts. [00:58:29] Speaker A: It's fucking crazy. [00:58:30] Speaker B: But also. [00:58:33] Speaker A: Are you a conspiracy guy? [00:58:35] Speaker B: Not. I used to be. I used to be really into them. Like, I used to think like, Sandy Hook was an inside job. [00:58:40] Speaker A: Oh, yes, we spoke about this. That's insane. [00:58:43] Speaker B: But like, I think a lot of it is just people wanting there to be more. I think the human condition is to want. It's like that there has to be something else to explain this shit. Like. [00:58:58] Speaker A: But JFK was an inside job. [00:59:01] Speaker B: I don't know about that. [00:59:02] Speaker A: You don't think the CIA killed him? [00:59:04] Speaker B: No. [00:59:05] Speaker A: You don't think the mob killed him? [00:59:06] Speaker B: I think the mob is way more likely. I, I don't get me wrong, there's definitely undertones to that whole thing. I think the likelihood it was more mob than CIA. [00:59:21] Speaker A: I agree with that. But I do think they probably do. [00:59:23] Speaker B: I think the CIA killed Martin Luther King and Malcolm X100. [00:59:29] Speaker A: Without a doubt. [00:59:29] Speaker B: Yeah, there's. [00:59:33] Speaker A: Well, you see what happened with Charles Manson and. No, the CIA, like, trained him to, to do basically everything that he did. [00:59:42] Speaker B: What was that called? [00:59:44] Speaker A: MK Ultra. [00:59:45] Speaker B: No, not Hocus Pocus. What did he call his fucking thing? It was. Had a really cool name. [00:59:54] Speaker A: Blanket on Charles Manson. [00:59:56] Speaker B: Yeah. The race war that he thought was coming. Helter Skelter. [01:00:02] Speaker A: Yes. Beatles made a song about it. [01:00:05] Speaker B: I mean, yeah, that's. But also, like, you know, the MK Ultra shit is insane. [01:00:11] Speaker A: There's a lot of dude, that's what I'm saying. You see, you read like that and it's like, whoa. [01:00:15] Speaker B: But the common thing with that is it's not done to politicians. It's not done to people in power. It's not done for that. I think a lot of the shit with jfk, it's way more likely the mafia was behind that than the CIA. Yeah, good. It's so much easier to have somebody. The CIA wouldn't fucking kill jfk, they would kill someone in his family. Then bang, you got rfk when he's running the running. [01:00:46] Speaker A: He was the district attorney. [01:00:47] Speaker B: Yeah, but he was rfk. [01:00:48] Speaker A: The one who now. [01:00:49] Speaker B: Yeah, no, not the one now. His father was planning a presidential run. And like, you look at mob shit, they, they, they Go after the whole family. When the CIA does it and like that they. They tend to just do like one person make an example and then that person who's in power knows like shut the fuck up. Stop this. We only assassinate people in other places. [01:01:16] Speaker A: Yeah, usually that. [01:01:19] Speaker B: That's my. I could be wrong. I'm not too well read on like the JFK shit. But I feel like that's just kind of like judging from history, like it seems like we only fuck with like lower rung people. [01:01:36] Speaker A: I don't know. I really don't know, man. I go back and forth with this shit. I go back and forth. I'm always so. My mind wants to go one place and it goes another and then back and forth, back and forth. [01:01:47] Speaker B: Nor my mind wants to go where. St. Mark's Oct 30 at 10:30pm. [01:01:53] Speaker A: What about aliens? You think there's life on other planets? [01:01:57] Speaker B: I think there has to be. [01:02:00] Speaker A: That's what I think do. [01:02:01] Speaker B: I don't think it's anywhere close to us, but I think there has to be some type of life. I don't know if it's advanced civilizations or anything of that nature, but we've more or less found proof that there was some type of life on Mars. [01:02:19] Speaker A: I read about that recently. [01:02:21] Speaker B: Yeah, they found I believe some type of fossil in one of the riverbeds. [01:02:26] Speaker A: Yeah, there was also something there. It was like a chemical. There was like this. This would sustain life or something. [01:02:31] Speaker B: We found every molecule to create life in the. In the universe. I think it's just a matter of time before. Yeah, I don't know if we'll probably won't be in my ear lifetimes but there is some interesting stuff with. Was it Brian? Brian Kelleher? I don't know if that's the guy's name, but the guy, he's been on Rogan a bunch. He said he claims that he worked for the CIA on some reverse engineering UFOs. [01:03:05] Speaker A: Oh my God. [01:03:06] Speaker B: And that's some interesting stuff. [01:03:07] Speaker A: The is his name. Yeah, he came out as a whistleblower. Yeah, the is his name. Jeremy Corbell is the guy who does the ufo. Oh my God. [01:03:19] Speaker B: I feel like it's Keller her. I. That could be someone else. [01:03:22] Speaker A: No, no. Oh my God. [01:03:26] Speaker B: Maybe Keller is the water engine guy. [01:03:28] Speaker A: Where's your phone? You got your phone? [01:03:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I got it. [01:03:30] Speaker A: Google that guy who came out. He said he was working. He was working at Area 51. [01:03:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:03:36] Speaker A: This is going to kill me. He's looking it up right now. If you're not watching. [01:03:42] Speaker B: Enjoy the shirt. [01:03:45] Speaker A: What time is it, by the way? [01:03:46] Speaker B: 9:15. [01:03:48] Speaker A: We're gonna cut this soon. [01:03:51] Speaker B: Bob Lazar. [01:03:52] Speaker A: Bob Lazar. There we go. Yeah, he's an interesting cat, dude. [01:03:56] Speaker B: Yeah, I feel like there's some stuff to that. But then it's also like, oh, is this just other countries technology or is this. [01:04:04] Speaker A: No, but they've come out and said that they don't have fucking. [01:04:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it's more likely that, like, gee, I, I believe in some wild shit, but I don't know if it's aliens or not like that. I think there's a lot of stuff that points to it. There's also the theory of like it being in the ocean. [01:04:24] Speaker A: Yeah, but they're living in there. [01:04:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:04:26] Speaker A: That doesn't shock me. We know more about the fucking universe than we do about the ocean. [01:04:31] Speaker B: Like, I don't know, like my fit, like my thing that I like that could be like conspiracy theory is like prehistoric, like, like the Great Flood. I think that actually happened. [01:04:45] Speaker A: That doesn't shock. [01:04:46] Speaker B: I think like there is some evidence to that. I think the way the, the pyramids were built weren't with aliens. I think it was with an ancient civilization that was lost to time that had some type of sound technology. [01:05:02] Speaker A: Yeah. So I've read about this and like. [01:05:04] Speaker B: I feel like that's a theory that makes sense to me. And I think like mushrooms actually had a pivotal, like play in human evolution because it allows to. [01:05:16] Speaker A: Terence McKenna theory. [01:05:17] Speaker B: I don't know, I don't really believe in the stone 8 theory exactly, but I think there's some things in it that are valid. I believe mushrooms can create new. Have been shown to create new neural pathways. If that neuro pathway that is created can be passed down genetically. That could explain that one time period where humans evolved rapidly in like a 300,000 year time frame. [01:05:46] Speaker A: You're a fucking genius. [01:05:49] Speaker B: What can I say? I don't know. I'm well versed on evolution. [01:05:54] Speaker A: I love talking about. I don't know much about much, but. [01:05:56] Speaker B: Well, like you look into like Australopithecus and it's like, I don't even know what that is. So Australopithecus is what Lucy was. [01:06:02] Speaker A: Oh, Lucy. I know Lucy. [01:06:04] Speaker B: The missing link. Yeah, missing link. And that's where like the Homo or like the Homo genus comes from. And then like you look into like people think like Homo erectus was the first type of human to leave Africa. And it was actually like right before Homo erectus. There's Homo hydroborgensis which is low key, like the unsung hero of evolution. And that's kind of the one that first made it out. But then like Homo erectus became Appians, Neanderthals and Denovations. And then there are other offsets of humans, like the hobbit people, Homo Florencianus and. And like, that's really interesting how that happened. And you see the island effect where they were living on these islands with these giant bugs and baby elephants and like everything that's small must be big. Everything that's big, small. It's like some really cool shit when you look into that. [01:06:58] Speaker A: How do we go from talking about squirting and feet to this? [01:07:03] Speaker B: You find out. 10.30. [01:07:07] Speaker A: Because I'm fucking exhausted. [01:07:09] Speaker B: Oh. [01:07:09] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, we. We're good. [01:07:11] Speaker B: We just get into the smart shit. [01:07:12] Speaker A: And he's just like, I'm tired, dude. I don't usually do this on Mondays. [01:07:18] Speaker B: Well, wamp, wamp. You want to hit Rodney's or no? [01:07:22] Speaker A: No, I don't think so. I think I'm gonna stay home tonight. What are you gonna do? [01:07:29] Speaker B: I'm gonna go home and watch Money Heist and finish the episode of Mon May, play some League of Legends, cuz I'm gay. [01:07:37] Speaker A: That is pretty gay, dude. [01:07:39] Speaker B: It's so gay. [01:07:40] Speaker A: I mean, I don't play video games. [01:07:42] Speaker B: I don't play video games, but it's like one I can just play for like an hour and then put it down and feel satisfied. [01:07:47] Speaker A: Mm. [01:07:49] Speaker B: I really like RPGs, but like I played the shit out of them all. Like. Like shit like the Elder Scrolls, like Skyrim and Oblivion and like Fallout games. Like stuff like that where it's like, I can pretend to be this Medieval Night. [01:08:03] Speaker A: Okay, Kill. [01:08:04] Speaker B: Or I can pretend to be this guy in Apocalypse and like kill and be like, yo, I'm. I'm him. And Okay, I don't got to play with online people. But then like, I also have a little bit of competitiveness in me. So I'm saying let me just fuck some people up real quick. Yeah, but I'm also so bad at video games. [01:08:22] Speaker A: I haven't played since Grand Theft Auto came out. [01:08:26] Speaker B: What, the last. [01:08:27] Speaker A: Yeah, whichever one was the last one. [01:08:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I haven't. I played that a little bit. But that's kind of like an RPG in a sense. [01:08:34] Speaker A: I don't know what RPG is. [01:08:36] Speaker B: Role playing game. [01:08:37] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [01:08:37] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah. [01:08:39] Speaker A: I don't know these terms, dude. I don't know if I'm too old or what. Yeah, I'm be 32. In December. Getting old. [01:08:47] Speaker B: Sagittarius season. [01:08:48] Speaker A: That's right, man. Sagittarius are cool as sign, dude. [01:08:51] Speaker B: Libra and Sagittarius, they're badass. Bond. [01:08:54] Speaker A: We do why we're here. [01:08:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:08:56] Speaker A: You want to cuddle? [01:08:57] Speaker B: We can. We can do a little foot lock. [01:09:01] Speaker A: This is. Oh, my God. That's such a frightening feeling, dude. Holy. Oh, all right. [01:09:09] Speaker B: We should do the promo picture for this. We should do that. That should be the flyer. We should do Uncle Sam with his foot. We want you. [01:09:19] Speaker A: Oh, we could do that with chat. We could do chat. [01:09:21] Speaker B: Gbt. [01:09:22] Speaker A: Yeah, that'll. Oh, yeah, let's do that. We want you to come to St. [01:09:25] Speaker B: Mark's you to come to St. Mark's Comedy Club at 10:30. On 10:30. [01:09:30] Speaker A: 10:30 at 10:30. I didn't even realize that. I'm a fucking idiot. [01:09:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:09:34] Speaker A: All right. Well, that was it. Thanks for coming, man. [01:09:37] Speaker B: Yeah. Guys, looking to human evolution. It's really interesting stuff. Remember, just a friendly reminder, everything I said on this has been false. And I don't believe anything I said. I actually do believe we did not land on the moon. I think women are not funny. I think if you jerk off on a black girl's feet in a car, you're a freak. [01:10:01] Speaker A: And. [01:10:04] Speaker B: What else have I said you've. [01:10:06] Speaker A: Said that you don't want? [01:10:07] Speaker B: I think Money Heist is a bad, bad show. I think you shouldn't shit on people or I think you should shit on people. I think that's really hot, actually. I think. [01:10:20] Speaker A: This is getting clipped. [01:10:22] Speaker B: I think. What else? I think feet are yucky. [01:10:28] Speaker A: Don't say that. Shut the fuck up. We're gonna scare everyone away. [01:10:31] Speaker B: I think feet are really hot and sexy. I think the Cambodian genocide probably didn't even happen. I think Pol Pot was just not even, like, really that real of a guy. The Adam. Not Adam. [01:10:51] Speaker A: The Suck master from Adam and Eve. [01:10:52] Speaker B: What's this guy's name? Alex Jones is right about mosting. Sandy Hook is an inside job. I'm trying to think. What else did we cover? Charlie Kirk was killed by the Mossad. [01:11:11] Speaker A: I think we got it, dude. [01:11:12] Speaker B: My dad never smoked crack. I'm a really bad. Stand up and I'm white trash. I didn't even go to Nassau Community College. I went to Yorkshire. I. [01:11:25] Speaker A: All right, we got it. We're closing this. We got it. You want to promote the page one more time? [01:11:29] Speaker B: Some of that. Some of that is true. I really never pissed on a girl. That's gross. [01:11:35] Speaker A: But come to St. Mark's Comedy Club October 30, 10:30 at 10:30, St. Mark's Comedy Club October the 30th at 10:30pm that is a Thursday. Come. If you show up, Justin will let you suck his foot size 13. [01:11:51] Speaker B: Also, if you guys feel so inclined, I have my own podcast called the Hector Show, AKA I'll drink to that. Follow me on Instagram. Justin Hartman comedy. And. [01:12:02] Speaker A: I don't know, guys, ticket link will be in the bio of this show of this episode also. And it's in our Instagrams. And yeah, come to the show real quick. [01:12:15] Speaker B: Shout out. Cam Scatterboo and Jason Dart making whites and football. Great again. [01:12:20] Speaker A: Amazing. Thank you. [01:12:22] Speaker B: I think that we were lacking on the racism. [01:12:25] Speaker A: I agree. [01:12:26] Speaker B: I don't even think that's racist. They're just great. Dude. Cam Scott was such a dog, dude. Such a dog. [01:12:32] Speaker A: I don't know who that is. [01:12:34] Speaker B: Look him up. [01:12:36] Speaker A: All right, dude. [01:12:36] Speaker B: Him and Jason Darter starting now. It's insane. The New York Giants. That's what I also call my feet. Come out. [01:12:43] Speaker A: St. Mark's Comedy Club, 10:30, 10:30, October 30th at 10:30pm we want you to come to St. Mark's Comedy. [01:12:52] Speaker B: Please come. [01:12:54] Speaker A: Goodbye. [01:12:59] Speaker B: Sam.