Episode Transcript
[00:00:10] All right. People have been asking for some video, so here's some video. I. I don't like doing this because I feel like I may clam up a little bit.
[00:00:21] But we're back. I'm doing it alone again. I have not wanted to do this. I don't know why.
[00:00:26] Lately, I've just been. Been kind of like. And yes, I sit on the floor. I like to sit on the floor when I do it alone. So there's that, if you're wondering.
[00:00:34] But I haven't been wanting to do this. I've been just kind of like.
[00:00:38] I don't know. I haven't been wanting to talk too much by myself, but it's been a couple weeks since I've done this, and I've been reading this book by Carl Jung, man, and his Symbols.
[00:00:53] It's about, like, Carl Jung was, like, a psychologist who.
[00:00:57] Who studied the subconscious and dreams. And I don't dream a lot. That's the thing. I don't. I don't have a lot of dreams.
[00:01:04] Every time I wake up, I don't remember if I do dream. It's very rare that I remember it. And when I do, and most of the time I don't.
[00:01:15] So this is. This is new for me. I've been kind of wanting to, like, understand, like, what's really going on behind the scenes and whatnot of my head, because it's been a little.
[00:01:27] Not lately. Lately, it's actually been kind of clear. But the last couple weeks have been.
[00:01:35] It's. I've been. I've been a little bumpy. The road's been a little bumpy lately, and it's.
[00:01:41] I've. I haven't. I just haven't been balanced. And I know why.
[00:01:47] There are a couple things that have been happening I'm not going to get into, but that have. That left me a little unbalanced and a little sort of, like, unsteady. And it took me a really.
[00:01:57] It's been taking a while. And. And honestly, like, my first instinct when I was feeling like was just to kind of go, all right, I don't want to do anything. I don't feel like doing much of anything. But I forced myself to get up. I'm like, all right, I got to do mics. I got to do this. I gotta. I gotta make sure I keep doing comedy. Keep doing it every day.
[00:02:17] And every time I did that, I felt better. I was like, okay, like, I need to be doing this. I don't want to go to the gym, but I went to the gym. And it was just kind of like a.
[00:02:28] It's like, you know what? Like, the only way to get. The only way out is through.
[00:02:33] Which is not anything revolutionary. Everyone knows that.
[00:02:37] But it's hard to, like, put into practice. You just got to hammer away and keep going. All right? I got to keep working on me, Keep working on me.
[00:02:44] So I got this book to try to understand it and understand myself a little more. Because I love that. Like, I love learning about the mind and stuff like that. I, I do read fiction books as well, but it's been. It's such an easy way to break down what's going on in your head, you know?
[00:03:03] And I'm not, like. I'm like, a quarter of the way through, maybe, and it's been fucking helpful, like, to understand. The funny thing is, I actually had a dream, like, I first started, and I had a dream not too long ago, a couple nights ago, and I dreamt that I knew exactly how to play the guitar.
[00:03:25] And it was the strangest thing ever. It's like I knew I could feel the fucking chords on my fingers. And I, I, I played for a little bit. I don't know how to play the guitar. Like, if we're going to be real honest here, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
[00:03:39] But in the dream, I knew it. Like, I knew it really well.
[00:03:42] And there was someone there watching me, someone in my life, and I'm not gonna say who, but I woke up and I was like, the. Does that mean.
[00:03:54] And that was a couple days ago. And lately I've been feeling a little more in tune with myself. And this is. I don't know what the I'm talking about. I don't know if this is actually.
[00:04:03] It's in my own head. And I'm just go. I'm just breaking it down, trying to. With the little knowledge that I have because I'm an idiot. But I was like, maybe it's. Maybe I'm more in tune with myself because the last couple weeks I wasn't. And I was sucking on stage. And it's funny now that I'm sort of not out of the woods, because I'm still not feeling the best, but I'm feeling better.
[00:04:32] And I've been really doing well on stage. I've been doing the best I've ever done.
[00:04:39] And I think that has something to do with it. I think that dream was like, all right, you're in tune with yourself. Like, you know how to play yourself again, like, for a Minute there, you forgot. And getting on stage and. And everything's. It's so effortless.
[00:04:54] I'm not. I'm just not think. I mean, I never really thought on stage. I always was kind of like, in the moment.
[00:04:59] The only place where I'm really in the moment with anything. And it was kind of. I think that dream was just like, all right, hey, you're getting back to where you were.
[00:05:12] It's so interesting when you're. When you're not thinking about the bullshit that you can't control, how.
[00:05:20] How much better you are at life, you know, how much better you handle things. Like my. Like I said, my performance is just.
[00:05:30] And I'm doing things I didn't normally do. I'm kind of losing it on stage now. I'm kind of, like, letting it go. And just like, I'm asking myself now. And I got this from my friend from Riley. Thank you, Riley. If. If you ever listen to this.
[00:05:43] He kept asking me, and I. I did this a couple times, but I never stuck with it. Of. Like, when I'm thinking about a topic or a premise, how do you. How does that make you feel? What does that topic make you feel? And I've been really, like, sitting with that, going, all right, what is this. This idea? How does this. How do I feel about it? And I've been taking that and going on stage and not been writing much alone, which I. I really should be doing still, but. And just going at it and using my instinct and how I feel about this thing to sort of drive. And I've been losing my mind on stage a little bit, like, really.
[00:06:15] And I think seeing Brian Holtzman really helped.
[00:06:18] Just going after it, like, going like, all right, I don't like this. I'm gonna. I'm gonna tell you why I don't like this. And whether or not you agree, that's up to you. But you're go.
[00:06:27] My. My stance on this take. You know what I'm saying?
[00:06:31] And it's been. It's been great. And I. I. When I had other things on my mind, whether it was women or. Or other stuff or alcohol or drugs, which I'm still drinking, but not as much.
[00:06:42] I couldn't figure out how I felt about anything because I was thinking about something else that wasn't in the room with me, I wasn't like, all right, what's this topic? You know, I'm gonna go on stage. And normally before I go on stage, I don't think too much.
[00:06:54] I actually.
[00:06:56] I kind of let everything go I'm just like, all right, that's the topic I'm gonna hit. And then, like, whatever. I know how I feel about it. Boom. Let's go. Time. Let's go.
[00:07:04] And people have been saying to me, they're like, yo, dude, like, it's like you're hitting a stride right now. You're really. You're really figuring something out here. And it's nice because I've been doing this for like, two years now, and it feels right. It feels like me more and more. And I had that. But, like, I had written jokes and I never wanted to be the guy that like, like, does like a. A setup punchline, which I. I love. I, like, I wanted to always go and just kind of just talk. Obviously you need some structure and that you build as you're. You're going up. But I'm finally able to do it the way I want to do it. Obviously, I'm not even close to scratching the surface. I have so much more to go, but it's nice to finally go, oh. Like, it was this. Then I had a little. Oh. And that's where I'm at right now. You know, that plateau. I had a little bit of a lift. And now I'm sure there'll be another plateau. I mean, that's part of it.
[00:07:57] Because I wasn't enjoying. And maybe because I was in a shitty place or my mind was on other things that.
[00:08:04] That were in my life, but I wasn't enjoying as much. I was kind of like, ah, I don't feel like doing this. I don't want to listen to the other. Other people talk about nonsense. And I'm. I'm listening really nicely again, I'm like, kind of tuned in and going, oh, like, I'm really enjoying it. I'm just there.
[00:08:24] But. And that. That I guess leads me to the other thing that, like, right before I got this book, I.
[00:08:31] I got off the Internet, I took a week off the Internet and I made a post about it, which is the most fucking sick, bizarre thing. Like, I felt like I needed to tell people that I was going to be off the Internet. And I was like, oh, well, in my head it was like, well, if people want to reach out to me, that was the thing. But it's like, really, no one. No one's. The people who need to reach out to you are going to reach out to you. That's it. Like, it's just. It's that simple. You don't need to. The people on the Internet, if they really need to get a hold of you, then they'll get a hold of you. But I made a post about it and I got off the Internet for about a week. Like no social media. I just deleted it off my phone and I didn't check it. And it was the best week ever.
[00:09:11] I didn't, I, I had no choice but to just be where I was. I didn't care what other people were doing.
[00:09:17] I didn't care what this one was up to. I didn't care what someone. I was constantly. I found myself. I was like a crackhead. I was like a crackhead where I was just like, I need to check, I need to check. Check the views, check the likes.
[00:09:28] What's this one up to? Oh, are they having fun and they're not with me? That sucks. And it's like in reality, they're not thinking about you. No one's thinking about you. There's no reason that you should be thinking about someone else when you're doing something. You know what I'm saying?
[00:09:44] And it was, it was such a moment of clarity and I just felt free and I knew I had to come back on. I mean, this sounds ridiculous, it's part of the job, but I say that, but it is, but it isn't. I don't know. But I eventually came back on and I was like, all right, I'm gonna try to set a line here because before I was just posting, posting, just posting to get that little hit of dopamine, like post on a story, post this. But. And I don't even, I didn't even fucking enjoy what I was posting. That was the crazy thing. That's how deep down the rabbit hole I was going where I was just posting to post rather than.
[00:10:21] Because I always just wanted to post stand up clips. You know, I didn't really want to get into like talking to the phone, but that seemed to be the thing that people hit. They, they liked it. And once in a while I enjoy doing it. If it's a topic I think is really funny or something I think would be interesting, then I'll do it. But I never wanted to do that. I just wanted to post stand up clips, which, this is how, you know, everyone's up. They enjoy the, the videos of me screaming at my phone more than the actual, the art of, of getting on stage.
[00:10:49] You know what I'm saying?
[00:10:51] It's, it's, it's crazy to me that that's what people liked. And I was like, all right. And I just kept doing that more and More and more and more and post, post, post.
[00:10:59] And finally I was getting burnt out. I was just posting to just.
[00:11:03] I wasn't doing it for me. I wasn't.
[00:11:06] And it drove me nuts. I was strung out.
[00:11:11] And I know that sounds like melodramatic, but I really was. I just felt like I was, I was running on fumes. I was constant. I'd wake up in the morning, scroll and go. By the time 10 o' clock hit at work, I was exhausted, was fucking exhausted.
[00:11:27] And I just needed a break. I was starting to really fucking like lose it.
[00:11:33] And I know other people can relate to this. I know it. Everyone's on, everyone's on there. It's. It's crazy. The funny thing is, is I. The weekend that I was out, I went out that weekend and I just, I was standing in a room filled with people at one point and everyone was looking at their phone and I was the only one who's looking up. And it was the same feeling as if I was on my phone because I felt alone. I was like, I, you know, in my own world, which, that was just a bizarre thing that happened. But it was a really nice break and that's why I got the book to sort of like, all right, let's, let's try to like get in touch with, with me again, you know.
[00:12:11] But I eventually got back on, which I'm on now. And I'm, I still haven't put it back on my phone. Like, I'll check it. Like, I'll check it a couple times during the day. And I, I made a rule for myself. I'm like, all right, I am going to post, I'll post some songs that I like because I really like when people share music. I love that. Like, it's kind of gay, but I, I really enjoy it. I mean, I love this song. I'm gonna post this, like right now. I've been on like a Chris Cornell kick. I've just been getting, can't get enough of it. So I'll, I, I'm like, I'll post songs and I'll post a ranting video of me screaming at my phone if I really want to. Like, if I really genuinely want to. And I've just been posting everyday stand up clips, like, that's what I want to post.
[00:12:55] And the views sucked. Like, no one, no, no one wants to watch that. Which is crazy to me because that's what I like.
[00:13:02] But I'm like, fuck it. Like, that's what I'm gonna do. And if a Big, you know, fun mainstream topic comes up. I'll, I'll rant about it and you know, yelling video. But, but I'm not going to just post a post unless it's a stand up clip. And that's, I don't post those. I post those because I like those.
[00:13:18] So I set some boundaries for myself and I did this, I do this with everything. You know, I did it with alcohol, I did it with drugs, I did it with, with everything. The only thing that I haven't put a limit on myself is stand up. Because lately I've been, I've been getting up so much. I get up fucking every day at least once, maybe twice, sometimes three.
[00:13:40] And I always need to, I, it's funny. And food also is another thing. I get to that edge. I indulge, indulge, indulge, indulge. I get to the edge and I go, oh, damn, I'm starting to get fat. Or I'm starting to get, you know, I've been too fucked up for three, you know, for, for too many days or I've been scrolling on the Internet and then I'm very lucky that I have the turn off switch. It happens like right when it, it could go one way or the other and I have it and I go, all right, we got to backtrack here. We got to, you know, things are getting a little, a little crazy right now.
[00:14:12] So it's, I'm, I'm very fortunate in that sense to, to, to do that.
[00:14:23] What the, is going on here.
[00:14:26] But yeah, it's, it's been, it's been kind of, it's been a moment of like insane turbulence the last few weeks, last month, to some clarity. A lot of chaos, A lot of clarity. Look at that.
[00:14:45] So, yeah, I, I've been, I've been very fortunate. I, I, I didn't think, you know, I guess I'll do it, I'll get into it.
[00:14:55] I haven't felt like I felt last few weeks in a long time. I, I felt like this many, many years ago and it's been a strange, strange feeling to sort of go, wow, okay.
[00:15:11] Like I, I didn't know that was going to happen again.
[00:15:15] So it's been, it's been really cool, honestly.
[00:15:18] It kind of brings you down to earth of like, oh, I'll never feel that way again. And it's like, no, you don't, you don't know. You don't, you really don't know what can, whether it's a person or a thing or just life in General. Whether your head could just turn on you. And my head has been really, really cruel lately. Really cruel.
[00:15:37] And I.
[00:15:41] You got to figure it out, you know, you got to figure it out and you got to go, all right, that's happening.
[00:15:48] You know, Whereas back in the day I would sit around, smoke cigarettes and do nothing.
[00:15:52] And yeah, you just never say never. You know, they're gonna know.
[00:16:01] But it's a great learning lesson of dealing with a lot of chaos in my life or chaos that I'm creating. That's the thing. It's all in my head. It's not something that's like a terrible tragedy had happened. It's just nutty in my own mind.
[00:16:15] And it's, it's great to know that, like, all right, you can deal with this. You can always deal with this. And, and once you get to the part where you start to get some clarity again, that's the cool part of like, oh, I didn't think I was going to feel good. Like, you feel like I'm going to feel like forever and now I'm feeling nice and I go, okay, I, I can do that, you know? And, and like that's when you see people like, who end up hanging themselves or crazy like that.
[00:16:44] You gotta just hang tight and just, and hang tight. But push yourself, like, all right, I'm gonna force myself to do these things that I, I know I need to do. I don't want to do them.
[00:16:54] And it'll get better. It'll get better. It always gets better. If you're actually trying to get better.
[00:17:00] No one wants to feel like. I mean, some people enjoy it. They like to, they like to revel in that feeling, I guess. Cuz maybe it makes him feel alive. I don't know.
[00:17:10] Sometimes, yeah, you get addicted to bad thoughts.
[00:17:14] And this is just my own personal shit. I don't know anything about how the mind works. I just know how mine or I'm learning how my mind works. That's the thing. It's.
[00:17:25] It's weird. It's. It's really weird how you could, how addicting thoughts can be and how you can just go like, you can get crazy. And I'm telling you, the Internet, it really, really rots you from the inside out when you're watching everyone's life and you're watching just.
[00:17:46] You're just not present ever.
[00:17:49] The funny thing is that I think the stand up got better.
[00:17:52] My stand up got better because I was able to really sit and think about topics and think about things that I was like oh, okay, what's this? And. And go.
[00:18:04] You know, rather than, like, think about the topic, write it down, and then scroll on the Internet and I forget about the topic, and then I don't have any feelings about the topic because I haven't sat with it and thought about it.
[00:18:14] You know, the scrolling takes away. When you have an idea, you write that down. Yeah, I'll check that later. And then you start to scroll and yeah, you search it again. But that first initial gut instinct of like, what does this make me feel? How does. What's going on here with this, with this topic? How do I feel about.
[00:18:31] Withers away. It's not there when you look at it again, you know, or if you. If you do look at it again, you have to sit with it for like a fucking hour.
[00:18:39] The last week, I've thought about more shit than I have in the last month.
[00:18:45] And I had a lot of distractions. I had a lot of distractions the last. The last month or two. Well, more than that.
[00:18:53] And I learned that I.
[00:18:57] And this is fucked up to say, but I work best when I got.
[00:19:03] When I'm living my life and I have some crazy stories to tell, but when I don't become too attached to something, and I don't know if that's toxic or not, because you need to get attached to things. You need to, like, allow yourself to be open to people and experience and things. I'm open to experiences. But when you get too close to things, sometimes you. That's. That's like, oh, this is what it's about now. It's with this thing.
[00:19:31] So I learned that I work better when I'm completely alone.
[00:19:35] And I don't know.
[00:19:38] I don't know how good that is, you know, because then you become like a workaholic or something. I mean, I'm addicted to doing this shit. I love it. There's no better feeling. No drug, no alcohol, no drink, nothing that's better than. Than getting up on stage and. And making people feel good. There just isn't. At least not for me. And if people. If other people did it, I think they'd understand. But the other thing is that when you start to do this, you suck at first. And you. You can't get it. You're like, why, why, why am I doing this? And then when you start to do it and you start to.
[00:20:07] I don't say I kill, but there have been a couple moments where I go, that was amazing.
[00:20:12] And you just walk off, and it's amazing.
[00:20:16] So.
[00:20:17] But when that's the only thing in your life.
[00:20:20] It's. It's a double edged sword, you know, Luckily I'm still open. I'm open to having experiences of like, you know, say yes to everything. I try to. Or I go, all right, I got it. I'm gonna say yes to this. And sometimes for the wrong reason, because I'm like, oh, this could, who knows where this will go? Maybe I'll have a funny story that comes out of this because I love the funny stories, to me are the best. That's what I go up there and I tell everybody. I'm like, you're not gonna believe what the fuck happened to me.
[00:20:43] And that is, that's the juice for me. That's my favorite shit. And it's what people really like when I say it.
[00:20:50] So.
[00:20:51] But when you isolate and you just go, I have to be careful not to go, all right, I'm not gonna.
[00:21:00] There's a limit to how much you're. You're willing to allow yourself to feel because you don't want to get hurt by something or you don't want to get off track.
[00:21:09] Because this is the most important thing to me.
[00:21:12] Stand up is. Is all I.
[00:21:15] To not sound fucking melodramatic, but it's all I have. I mean, I have family and stuff like that, but I'm talking about like as far as going somewhere with my life that is career oriented.
[00:21:28] It's the only thing that makes me the only thing I ever wanted to do over and over and over again. Even when it sucks and it's so important, you know, so when you do have. So it, like I said, it's a give and take.
[00:21:45] And I know other comics can relate to that. I'm sure other people can relate to that too, of whatever it is that they're doing. If they love it. If you're chasing the money, then maybe, maybe not. I don't know. I've never chased money ever, so I can't tell you.
[00:21:59] But that's. I think it was relatable for everybody of like really going after it and, you know, I guess when I'm, I guess since I'm in a place where I'm still. I spent the last couple years alone and I was learning about me and trying to figure out how I feel about everything because I'm unsure about everything.
[00:22:21] I'm learning who I am, you know, I'm learning how I deal with things and it's, it's, it's never gonna stop.
[00:22:30] And I, I learn best when I'm Alone. And I go, okay, let's, let's keep doing that. That's like, this is what this time is for.
[00:22:40] And, you know, I'm 31 now and you know, a lot of people have told me that.
[00:22:48] I said, I'm like, I've made peace with the fact I never, I never wanted to be married. I never really wanted kids.
[00:22:55] But there are people have told me, like, it would really suck to not for you to like, to there not be another person with a piece of you.
[00:23:02] And that thought's been in my head a little bit lately where I go, oh, yeah, maybe it would be kind of cool to have like a little, a little miniature version of myself. But I can't, I can't. I mean, it's not what I want right now. Maybe that'll change, but I'm too busy trying to figure me out, like, how good of a father could I be if I don't really know who I am, you know? And how can I give better advice if I haven't figured, like, if my, if I ever have a child comes to me and goes, hey, look, I need help with this, this and that. Well, I haven't figured my shit out. So, I mean, how can I really help you? You know, and that's like, even if I, if it does ever happen, I want to be prepared for that. I want to be like, hey, look, I've picked myself apart and you're going to have to do it too. It's the only way to learn. But at least I can be as well rounded as I can be. And maybe that's a trap because how well rounded can you be if you don't know what it's like to have another, a person with your DNA and, and raising, that's a whole. Raising someone is a whole other part to learn about who you are.
[00:24:06] So there's that. Wow, that got weird talking about children.
[00:24:11] I mean, all my friends have them, but I don't feel old. A lot of my friends are like, they feel like, oh, turn 30. I'm old, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I should, I shouldn't be doing this or I should be doing that. And I'm just like, you know what, you should be doing whatever the you want.
[00:24:24] You know, everyone's saying 30s, I don't know what everyone else is on, what crack they're smoking, but I feel great as far as, like physically. And sometimes, like I said, my mind's a little up. But 31 is not old.
[00:24:41] You have to be out of your fucking mind.
[00:24:44] I feel like I still have a lot of time. I mean, I do, but I don't. You know what I'm saying? I still have a lot of time of me figuring myself out. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, but I'm being patient with it. Like I want to get somewhere, but I have to be patient because the process is the process, and whatever happens, happens. And you got to trust that the universe is going to give you what you need.
[00:25:04] Right?
[00:25:06] Right. I'm talking to my fucking self, you know, I keep saying, you know what I mean? You know, as if there's someone else fucking here. I'm talking to a goddamn camera. Oh, God.
[00:25:15] Fucking weird.
[00:25:17] Wow. I've been ranting and ranting.
[00:25:20] I didn't. I didn't look up any articles this week, really.
[00:25:24] Although I've been talking about breast milk and male pregnancy, birth control pills. That's what I've. That's been what I've been thinking about. Breast milk flavored ice cream and male birth control.
[00:25:40] That's been where I'm at. Those are the headlines that I read because that's. And Heinz ketchup is making a smoothie, which is just disgusting.
[00:25:48] But that's what I've been thinking about lately. And it's.
[00:25:52] I didn't really read much headlines. I've been just kind of like in my own. In my own world, I've been. I really like being in my own world. I do. I like being present in my space and going, I don't care what's happening outside of these four walls.
[00:26:08] And getting off the Internet, man, I really suggest everyone do it just for a little bit, just take a little break. Because it's a really beautiful feeling when you go, I don't care what's happening. That's. It's not real. You realize, oh, my God, the Internet and social media is this fake fucking thing where we believe that we're. We're actually living on there. We're not. And I know this is not the most original take. I know everyone knows this, but having been off it for a little bit, I was like, wow, wow, wow, wow. Where the fuck have I been?
[00:26:41] You know, not here, just been my head in the fucking clouds.
[00:26:48] But as you know, been trying to. Trying to still live my life. I'm trying to live my life more. Maybe go on some dates, you know, and do that. I've been out at bars lately and hanging out a little more than I used to because I'm like, you know what? Let me just Fuck it, right?
[00:27:05] But I want to go out and meet more people. And, you know, because it would. When you're learning about yourself, it's very easy to kind of close up.
[00:27:16] And you got to pick and choose the moments of when I'm going to be alone with myself and my thoughts. And then when I go, all right, it's time for me to get out and go talk to some people and hang and have a good time and just kind of, you know, the funny thing is I've been alone and off the Internet, I have been thinking less, been thinking more about things that I'll go, I want to think about this rather than allowing the little intrusive thoughts peek in. You know, when I was on the Internet and on social media, the intrusive thoughts would fucking poke out and then those are the ones I'd let in.
[00:27:52] Whereas when I got off social media, I was thinking about what I wanted to think about.
[00:27:57] Does that make any sense?
[00:27:59] You know, where I just went, all right, let's, let's sit and think about this, or think about nothing.
[00:28:06] Social media, I couldn't do that. I could not do it. I never was not thinking about bullshit, just fucking brain rot pornography from my head.
[00:28:15] And yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep doing this on and off thing. Maybe I'll schedule a couple reels and then stay the fuck off of it. Not look, but I've been, I've been.
[00:28:26] It was the best thing. It was the thing that got me straightened out because like I said, I wasn't feeling very good about myself or about anything.
[00:28:33] And now I'm, I'm just going, eh, it is what it is.
[00:28:39] It's. You can't control things and you gotta just keep it fucking rolling.
[00:28:45] And I really like that. I really, I love, and this is. Everyone loves this, I'm sure, but I love being at peace. I really do. Peace of mind is fucking everything. And there'll always be worries and always be things like that. But, but to just allow yourself to just go, everything's okay right now.
[00:29:09] Because it's so easy to get wrapped up in the idea that nothing's okay.
[00:29:13] And that.
[00:29:16] That's. Yeah, it's really nice.
[00:29:20] And I hope this video people were saying, I'd like to see video.
[00:29:24] I guess it's better because I think everyone thought when I was talking and maybe I did sound more depressed when I didn't have the video feed because I kind of was just like, all right, I'm in here alone. Whereas now I.
[00:29:36] Maybe it's more presentational. But it is honest. This is honest. Maybe I was feel. I mean I was feeling like so that could be it.
[00:29:43] But yeah, got some shows coming up. I'm going to be. I just finished a show tonight and it was when lost them at the end with the, you know, Vatican and kids. That was. That didn't. They didn't love that. Wonder why And.
[00:30:01] But they really liked the, the. The personal stories I was telling and it was a great show. And I got shows.
[00:30:08] I got shows. When is. I got Friday at the grizzly pair Midtown. 8:45 the New York Comedy Club on the Upper West Side. 6pm this Sunday and then I'm doing. I'm going. I'm getting on the road. I'm doing Hanover, Pennsylvania, August 30, 8pm Labor Day weekend.
[00:30:25] And then I'm gonna go to.
[00:30:28] To Austin.
[00:30:30] I'm gonna check that out. I'm going from the September 13th to the 16th and I want to hopefully get on some shows, maybe make a couple phone calls and find some people who could put me on. Try to get on Kill Tony. That would be cool. Oh, this Saturday's Kill Tony at Madison Square Garden. I'm going to try to do that too. I'm not trying. I'm going to go and hopefully get the name pulled.
[00:30:49] But I don't even know if anything I said made any sense.
[00:30:53] Kind of was ranting like it just. Just like fucking vomiting my words. But it felt like it did, I think.
[00:31:03] I don't know.
[00:31:05] But people say they like to watch the personal ones, the. The single episodes. I do these because it's nice, but I don't know if anyone really watches them anymore. I haven't checked the views of the fucking numbers. I just don't care.
[00:31:19] So I hope this was helpful.
[00:31:23] I hope seeing my face made it a little more dynamic, you know.
[00:31:30] And I've been telling myself I'm gonna do.
[00:31:33] I'm gonna do my takes on articles and shit, but my phone is recording and I just didn't think about it. I just haven't. I.
[00:31:41] I don't know.
[00:31:43] Breast milk flavored ice cream. That's fucking crazy. That's insane.
[00:31:48] There are men ordering breast milk flavored ice cream. What the fuck are we doing?
[00:31:52] You're supposed to drink breast milk in private. You're not supposed to ever fucking let people know that you want to drink breast milk. Right? Am I on the. Am I. I hope I'm not the only one who thinks this. They're like, oh no, that's empower. Women. No. No fucking.
[00:32:08] If you want. If you're a woman and you want it, fine. But if you're a man, you're ordering breast milk, favorite flavored ice cream. You should be in fucking jail.
[00:32:16] Anyway, there's my little rant. Fine. And male birth control, another thing. Wow, that's.
[00:32:24] I have some jokes about it. I'm writing jokes about it. So you come to a show, you'll see it. I've just been kind of free balling. I've been free balling on stage. I've been just losing my fucking mind. And it's.
[00:32:34] If you're into that, it's really fun. It's really fun.
[00:32:37] Very different from this, which is, I think, really nice. You get a little bit of the thing about losing your on stage and then doing podcasts like this where I come off completely normal, which I am somewhat normal on some level, but doing that.
[00:32:54] I have a part of me that's completely insane, and I have a part of me that's very sane and very grounded.
[00:33:00] And I think exploring both sides and having this, you know, juxtaposition of what I do on stage and losing it and this, it's nice.
[00:33:08] These are all parts of me. Why wouldn't I explore both? You know, and if you think I'm a complete nut job just based on what you see on stage, fine. If you think I'm really well rounded and I have no insanity to me by just watching this, fine.
[00:33:22] But you should know everyone has that insane part of them, and everyone has the sane part.
[00:33:27] And for me, these are just outlets. Being on stage and doing that, it's an outlet. Being here and doing this, it's an outlet.
[00:33:36] But if you only see one side, you think that this guy's a fucking idiot or this guy, you know, isn't.
[00:33:45] So I think it's. It's interesting, and I think everybody should be doing that. Explore all parts of yourself, and even if you don't have a big insane, just push, like, go so far in the other direction and explore that. Like, oh, maybe that's not really me. That's not authentic. And then you can bring it back. You go, all right, maybe I just want to talk on stage, and maybe I don't want to say anything, like, do anything that I'm doing like this, that's fine. But I'm have a very emotional and sensitive side to me, and I like talking about feelings, and I like talking about what's going on in my head with other people and. And hopefully other people can relate.
[00:34:22] And then I have a side of me that's just completely fucking mad. I think about crazy shit sometimes, and I know I'm not the only one. And I think when other people see that, it gives them permission to go, okay, I'm not so crazy. There are other people who feel this way. Maybe I'll explore it. And that's all this is.
[00:34:41] I don't want it to be a soapbox. I don't want to be the guy that's. I'm feeling things, you know, I'm still a man. I'm still, you know, I'm an old school mentality when it comes to that. So this is, I guess, figuring out myself. And maybe other people can do that.
[00:35:00] All right, I think I said enough.
[00:35:04] Come to the shows, listen to the podcast, mute me on Instagram. I don't know, do whatever the you want. Anyway, that's it. Thank you for watching. If you did. If you sat through the whole thing, great. It's amazing. Love it.
[00:35:18] And I'll.
[00:35:20] I'll see you next time.
