Episode Transcript
[00:00:09] Speaker A: We got Justin Hartman here.
He's got. Justin's a comedian. Justin's got a great podcast called I'll drink to that.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: AKA the Hector Show.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: The Hector Show. Why? How the did you get that name?
[00:00:20] Speaker B: Oh, that's just my nickname.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: That's your nickname? Hector? I mean, you kind of do look like a Hector. You got that?
[00:00:25] Speaker B: That's my alter ego.
[00:00:26] Speaker A: Your alter ego? What does Hector do?
[00:00:28] Speaker B: Hector's me when I'm manic.
[00:00:31] Speaker A: So Hector was you last night?
[00:00:33] Speaker B: A little bit. That was a little bit of Hector. That was still Justin. Hector is what comes after that.
[00:00:37] Speaker A: I mean, I've never seen Hector. I don't know if I want to see Hector.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Hector's a good guy.
People he likes to.
[00:00:43] Speaker A: People he likes. It sounds so gay.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: Hector's a good guy. This is like third person.
[00:00:49] Speaker A: There's, there's people. I mean there's what's his face. Dave Romero says he's like, I have an alter ego that's just.
I turn into a different person.
[00:00:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Now when I get angry, I'm. I have, it's just like I see frick brother.
I don't. But no, I have like a hair trigger sometimes.
[00:01:07] Speaker A: What's like, it's usually like, what is it usually?
[00:01:10] Speaker B: Oh, like what sets me off? Yeah, it could be anything. Honestly. That's the bad part.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: Like a look even like someone just.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
And they. I worked on it a lot.
[00:01:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:21] Speaker B: Like so like last night, like fucking two years ago, you would have just laid. I would have just been a fight. But not like, cuz I don't like I got into a situation, I was telling you, like right before we started recording it, where I almost killed somebody.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: And like that was just like, that was a wake up call. Because I'm just like, yo, if I keep doing stupid shit like this, like I'm gonna be dead. I'm gonna get arrested in jail or in the hospital.
[00:01:52] Speaker A: And that's not where you want to be, man. That's like the.
But you know, and a lot of people don't have that, that switch in their head of like I, I, when you grow up in which obviously you've had some sort of sirens, you've had like you, you grew up in a tough upbringing. Like you, you were a tough kid.
A lot of people don't have that. Like, I need to fucking not go down that road.
[00:02:15] Speaker B: Yeah, well, it's cuz like, yo, growing up I was involved in like a lot of bad shit.
[00:02:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:20] Speaker B: And I mean all the statute of limitations is up If I phrase it the right way. Yeah, but like, fucking, you know, like, I sold drugs. Like, shit like that. Like, you have to, like, be aware of your surroundings. You have to handle shit when shit goes wrong.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: And like, once shit started getting really serious, like, with like, stuff my friends were doing, I'm just like, all right, I don't really want to be. Catch a RICO charge if I. If I keep fucking.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Playing around with this.
And so I got out of that and then I was still doing. I still had that mindset.
And then fucking. You give someone brain damage and usually. All right, well, can't do that anymore.
[00:03:03] Speaker A: That's. Yeah, but that's the thing. Like, you. Even if, like in the moment, they deserve it, you. I think if you're a normal, functioning human being, you have a moment afterwards where you go, what did I do?
[00:03:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Like, not even forgetting the consequences. Just like, I may have just ruined this person's life.
[00:03:18] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, no, Like, I know people who know the guy.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:23] Speaker B: And there's like, he's not the same after that. Yeah, it was like. It was. It was a very bad situation.
[00:03:30] Speaker A: Really. And have you seen him?
[00:03:33] Speaker B: No, no, he lives in a different state. He lives in Pennsylvania.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: Oh, he said he. He left.
[00:03:38] Speaker B: Well, no, he was.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Oh, this happened in Pennsylvania?
[00:03:40] Speaker B: No, this happened in Brooklyn.
[00:03:42] Speaker A: Oh, really? Oh, and he just happened to be hanging here?
[00:03:44] Speaker B: No, I knew he was there, so I drove out.
[00:03:48] Speaker A: And you want to talk about, like, how it happened or why?
[00:03:52] Speaker B: No, he was just. So I had a record label and he owed, like, my label partner money.
[00:03:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: And that wasn't really, like, we were just gonna let it go. It's like 300 bucks.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: And.
But then he started saying, like, crazy shit.
I'm so. Yeah. I can't have, like, allegations about me about certain stuff going around and like, you're like, like rich. Yeah. Like, I got.
I got kind of canceled because, like, I was.
[00:04:18] Speaker A: You really?
[00:04:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Shocker.
Because I was dropping some bombs.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:23] Speaker B: But I was like, talking to this girl and she was black and, like, it was no issue.
[00:04:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:30] Speaker B: And then fucking. This is like. I didn't know it was a bad word, like, my whole life.
Yeah.
[00:04:36] Speaker A: Oh, dude. Yeah. I mean.
[00:04:37] Speaker B: And like, I found out, like, when I was like talking to this girl, cuz the whole George Floyd shit was happening and she wanted to date me and I was just like, all right, I'm good. Like, I don't like you like that.
[00:04:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: Then she was just like, all right, well, I'm going to Twitter.
Okay. And then people who knew me didn't give a fuck.
[00:05:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: It was just like random people.
[00:05:05] Speaker A: Yeah, it's always that way, dude. Always.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: And cuz I was like, yo, like, I'm sorry, like I genuinely didn't know and fucking whatever. So I got educated and educated by.
[00:05:16] Speaker A: White people about the word, I'm sure.
[00:05:18] Speaker B: And then. But that like set off a chain of reactions and this kid was running his mouth about not even that, like, I don't care. You can run your mouth about it.
[00:05:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: But then like he said some shit involving my ex girlfriend and she told me, she was like, yo, this isn't true. I don't know why he's saying this.
[00:05:32] Speaker A: Uh huh.
All right. And then you had to do what.
[00:05:35] Speaker B: You had to do, take care of it. Yeah, I wish I didn't though, because I don't know, it sucks to like actually hurt somebody.
[00:05:43] Speaker A: That's the thing, you know? That's the thing. I think if you're, as you get older, you kind of realize you go in a moment of like extreme distress, of like, all right, this can go this way or it can go that way.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:55] Speaker A: You start to say, you, you really go, I need to think three steps ahead. As much as I'd love to fucking kill this person, you just go, is it where is it worth it? Like, is it? I'd rather just swallow my pride.
[00:06:05] Speaker B: I did think like a step ahead and I brought someone with me for that reason to stop me from it because I was very angry.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:11] Speaker B: And like he did.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:15] Speaker B: But you know, it's still went on way longer than it needs. It shouldn't have happened in the first place.
What are words? Words don't, shouldn't affect somebody.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: Well, that's, I mean, that's like the.
[00:06:26] Speaker B: Whole thing with comedy. Like I say outrageous shit. I don't get offended by people saying outrageous shit.
[00:06:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: Like you can be like, oh, whatever it is. Yeah, like Kanye. I think Kanye. The Kanye shit's fucking hysterical. Is it fucking wrong and horribly offensive?
[00:06:41] Speaker A: Of course.
[00:06:41] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:06:42] Speaker A: But it's still funny.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: Yeah. You look at it from an outside point of view and you're like, this doesn't, this is wild. It's fucking wild. The dudes insane.
[00:06:51] Speaker A: He's mentally ill. Yeah, it's. It is what it is at that point. It is laughable. And I think if you're not laughing at it, then you're just going to let it get, make you angry. And that's not good for anybody.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Just because he has fucking money. Like that's the Only reason it's a problem, he's saying shit. Otherwise he'd just be some black Israelites yelling at you. And then. That doesn't pay it. No one fucking pays attention to them.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: 100%, dude. 100%. And I think, yeah, you're right about words like, and in comedy, to you say, I mean, you and I.
I mean, that's why I wear super tight. Is that you.
You understand that there's some people who are like, oh, you know.
[00:07:29] Speaker B: Yeah, you.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: You'd say wild shit all the time. And that's why I'm like, this guy is fucking great.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: Good jokes and bad jokes come from the same place.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: Yeah. And like, you're. The whole. The whole point is you're just trying to make someone laugh. And it's like, all right, it may not land.
You know, I posted yesterday, that whole area.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: I was thinking about that yesterday. Yo, cuz I deleted it.
[00:07:47] Speaker A: Really fucking deleted it. I. I just. I hated myself for deleting it. But there was a couple people who. Opinions. I very much like friends, like, who are looking out for me. Not friends who are like, dude, you're a fucking idiot. They're like, yo, listen, like, I love you very much. I don't think this is funny at all. Like, not like, you didn't offend me, none of that shit. They're just like, do you think the joke is that good where you should leave it? And I'm like, I thought about it and I go, okay, all right. And when I look at it from that perspective and is my ego the only thing that's wanting me to keep it up? And I thought, I'm like, this is my bro.
[00:08:18] Speaker B: I have a huge ego, dude.
[00:08:20] Speaker A: It's. Isn't it horrible sometimes where you go, you have to really go, all right.
[00:08:24] Speaker B: Even when I know I'm in the.
[00:08:25] Speaker A: Wrong, I'm just like, yeah, I didn't want to delete this. I was like, I'm gonna leave it anyway. And I didn't even think it was that funny. That's the thing. I had to look at myself in the mirror and go, this. This was just me just trying to jump on the topic.
[00:08:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:38] Speaker A: So I ended up deleting it. But that shit was a wild thing. I was like, people were just like, holy fuck.
[00:08:44] Speaker B: Yeah, dude. But me and I got an Uber last night.
[00:08:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:48] Speaker B: Fucking heading to.
Heading back to the rose.
[00:08:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:53] Speaker B: And I kept thinking of your bit, cuz fucking it stunk.
[00:09:00] Speaker A: Oh, at the.
[00:09:01] Speaker B: The Uber. Yeah, it's.
I've never had that happen. Dude.
[00:09:05] Speaker A: Dude, it's bad.
Some stereotypes are spot on.
[00:09:11] Speaker B: They're stereotypes for a reason.
[00:09:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah, it was. It's just. I was, I, I was just. My brain. I was driving in the car. I was like, what's Indians? This. That. And I'm like, all right, smelly. Boom. I'm like, that's it. And. And the second the. I never get traction on threads.
[00:09:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:28] Speaker A: You know, like, the Instagram, Twitter, the amount of people, like, Indians came out of the woodwork that were just like, you, You.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: You know what you should do? You should have your. Your friend. I always forget her name.
[00:09:40] Speaker A: Anida.
[00:09:40] Speaker B: Anida.
[00:09:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: You should have her do it.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: I actually called her and I was like, yo, I'm about to post something. I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm sorry, but you're going to see it. I'm like, it's. I love you very much. You don't smell. I'm like, but this is coming. And she was like, I don't even think it's. She thought the tikka masala thing was funny.
[00:10:00] Speaker B: I don't even remember the whole thing.
[00:10:02] Speaker A: I was like, this is the worst thing to happen to the Indian people since chicken tika masala. Just stupid. But anyway, did you see Noah Reedy's thing this morning?
[00:10:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: Dude, that was funny. Funny. The James Bond dude. Just when everything the spitting it out. What is this? You have, like. I don't know. He's. He's very funny.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Mike. I commented on. I was like, I love the Tyson reference at the end.
[00:10:27] Speaker A: Dude, he's a, He's a.
A wild dude, a funny dude, and he's got a.
A big heart, you know? Yeah, a really big heart.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Noah's in, like, I feel like me and Noah, like, he's one, like, the people I'm closer to.
[00:10:41] Speaker A: You're tight with him? Yeah, you guys. Super tight.
[00:10:44] Speaker B: Well, we have a very similar outlook on life. Everyone thinks we're super conservative. Racist meatheads.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: No, you guys are liberal as.
[00:10:51] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, but, like, we hate liberals.
[00:10:54] Speaker A: That's the thing. That's why, like, I, I. I was talking to Noah. When was I talking to. A couple. Couple days last week. And he was telling me his views, and it's like, you guys, your hearts are in the right place.
[00:11:08] Speaker B: I just lean into it.
[00:11:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: So that's where the whole Patriots come. I love that because someone said, like, something to me, and then I was just like, ah. Became a joke in, like, my friend group on Long Island. Yeah, what's up, Patriots? And they were like, you got to do that on stage, and it's great.
[00:11:21] Speaker A: It's your thing now. Like, every time. It's like, if I ever heard anyone else say that, I've heard other people do it, I. They got it from you. Like, they had to have. There's no way, dude, it's so weird.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: I don't know if you've ever had your joke stolen, but, like, I don't think so.
Yeah, I've caught a few people.
[00:11:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: People that I know, dude.
[00:11:43] Speaker B: Well, one was definitely a case of parallel thinking because I'm, like, way too far removed from this dude.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Like, you know my creed bit.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Ian. Finance. Like, I was doing it for, like, three months, and then he posted like.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: A. Yeah, I remember you sent me that.
[00:11:56] Speaker B: And I was just like, it's word for word, like, the same shit I was saying. But I'm like, all right, it's obviously not that good of a bit if.
[00:12:04] Speaker A: Someone else can think of it that. Like, that when it's that easy.
I guess so.
I guess so.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: It's nice to see someone on, like, a higher level.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: That's always nice when you're like, okay, I'm thinking in the right way. That's a cool feeling.
But have you had. Have you had issues? Back to the ego thing where you were. There was something you posted where people were like, yo, take. You should probably take it down. You're like, I can't.
Or saying something. Give me, like, a good example.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: Mostly saying some. Because when I was younger, like, I thought there was something wrong with saying sorry.
[00:12:35] Speaker A: Really? Why do you think that is?
[00:12:38] Speaker B: Like, I don't know. Yeah, it was just like, some weird fucking mentality shit. And I was like, you can't be wrong. Being wrong is weakness.
[00:12:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:48] Speaker B: And, like, it's quite the opposite. But, like, even when people would die, I wouldn't be like, sorry for your loss.
[00:12:53] Speaker A: Really.
[00:12:54] Speaker B: I'd be like, yeah, my condolences.
[00:12:56] Speaker A: Oh, see, even they just saying that. The word in general.
[00:12:59] Speaker B: You know how people are weird with, like, saying, I love you sometimes? Yeah, like, I get like that, too. But, like, sorry, that was like, I couldn't say I want.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: And you raised by. By your mom? Primarily.
[00:13:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Mostly. Like, my dad, he was, like, in my life for a little bit, and then, like, when I hit, like, seventh, sixth, seventh grade, like, he kind of left. Yeah, he was, like, back for, like, a year. Like, back and forth for, like, a year. I'd see him, like, once every, like, three or four months.
And then.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: Your dad ever Apologized to you, like as a kid.
[00:13:29] Speaker B: So he sent me a letter a few years back.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:13:33] Speaker B: Cause he's in like the program.
[00:13:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:35] Speaker B: And fucking it was just like such generic shit really.
And then he sent my mom the same letter, word for word.
[00:13:46] Speaker A: You kidding me?
[00:13:47] Speaker B: Except for replaced like my name with her name.
And it was sorry I was a bad husband to. I was a bad father for me. And that was like the only differences in the letter.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: Oh, that sucks, dude.
[00:14:01] Speaker B: Dude, I saw my dad when I was 14. That was like the last time I see my dad. He was in a 711 and he was buying cigarettes and tall boys.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: With like his new wife or his girlfriend at the time.
And fucking didn't even recognize me.
[00:14:15] Speaker A: That's fucked up, dude.
[00:14:17] Speaker B: And I was like, I was like, I'll fuck him, I'll fuck him up. I'm still a kid. And I saw him and I froze.
[00:14:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Of course. I.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: Standing right next to him, I didn't say nothing. And he spent more money on the cigarette than the beer than my child support checks. We were getting 19amonth from him.
[00:14:35] Speaker A: 19?
[00:14:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: And when you got the. When your mom got the letter, like what she say? She was just kind of like this guy or what?
[00:14:43] Speaker B: Yeah, more or less.
[00:14:45] Speaker A: And what about you?
When you got the letter at first, before you knew it would be word for word from your mom. But were you like, oh, this is kind of nice.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: I was like, this is some.
[00:14:54] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. So you knew. You're like, this is nonsense.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Cuz like, I don't know, like my sister does like the same thing. My brother's sister, my brister. Dude, they do, they do the same.
[00:15:03] Speaker A: That is the fun. I don't mean to make fun, but it's. That is the funniest thing. When you told me you had a. A trans.
[00:15:09] Speaker B: Yeah. They're getting married like today.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: No way.
[00:15:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:12] Speaker A: Why aren't you going?
[00:15:13] Speaker B: It's in Utah.
[00:15:14] Speaker A: Oh, Utah. Okay.
All right. So sorry, go on.
[00:15:18] Speaker B: But fuck it. No, like, like they're fucking. Cuz my sister is like a drug addict too. Or was.
[00:15:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: And like they just idolized my dad.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: Really?
[00:15:30] Speaker B: Yeah. She was like, my mom's wrong for everything. My mom's wrong for everything. But.
[00:15:33] Speaker A: Oh, they got brainwashed.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: Fuck yeah. And fucking.
I don't know, it's like so weird. And like they went. My dad gave them their first set of heroin, like, shot him up at what age?
17, 18.
[00:15:49] Speaker A: Oh my God, dude.
So they spent more time with your dad than you did?
[00:15:54] Speaker B: Yeah, because like they Went to rehab and then they got out or like, they ran away from the rehab.
[00:16:03] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:16:04] Speaker B: And they lived with my dad for like a year, and then they went back into rehab and then it was like, it's weird. Back and forth.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: And they are. And they still. They don't have any contact with your mom?
[00:16:17] Speaker B: No, they talk to my mom, but.
[00:16:18] Speaker A: Like, they still think that she's the problem.
That's fucking crazy. Isn't that wild when you come from the same place?
[00:16:24] Speaker B: Well, yeah, my mom's not. Wasn't a saint, but she at least accepts, like, responsibility for the shit she did.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: She still raised you.
[00:16:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: You know, I'm saying. Yeah, she may not be a saint, but.
[00:16:34] Speaker B: Yeah, no, she did the best. She did.
[00:16:36] Speaker A: But probably, like, under the circumstances.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: 18 hour days.
[00:16:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:39] Speaker B: Like my whole childhood.
[00:16:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: And like.
And you look up to the. Like, I didn't know my dad was, like, a Nazi.
[00:16:47] Speaker A: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
[00:16:48] Speaker B: Like, yeah, my dad was like, full.
[00:16:50] Speaker A: Blown KKK or like Neo Nazi or what?
[00:16:54] Speaker B: Like Neo Nazi, like some Ed Norton American history.
No, I didn't know that.
I thought that's like, my humor's kind of warped.
[00:17:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:03] Speaker B: Because, like, he would always make these race jokes and stuff and. Or he would always say racist. And I was like, oh, this is obviously a joke. His friend is black, but that's just his crack dealer. And since I was like, all right.
I was like, he obviously doesn't feel this way, and he just really likes World War II memorabilia.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Oh, my God, the other side.
[00:17:27] Speaker B: Holy.
And, like, I find out more and more as I get older, like, he got fired from, like, sanitation because he was, like, high on heroin, and he strung a Nazi flag over the garbage truck and was picking up people's garbage.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: Dude.
[00:17:41] Speaker B: In a Jewish neighborhood.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: And like, shit like that. And like, I never knew that he wanted to name my brother Adolf and me Hitler.
[00:17:53] Speaker A: Dude.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: I'm saying, mom, why the were you with this guy?
[00:17:55] Speaker A: You could. I mean that.
When did they meet?
[00:18:01] Speaker B: I found this one out recently too. So I knew they worked together.
[00:18:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: Like a kitchen. My dad was like, a chef and my mom was like, a waitress.
[00:18:08] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: My mom was 16 when they met.
He's six years older, bro.
[00:18:15] Speaker A: I mean, what do you mean like that? You. You basically got groomed. She got groomed.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. I mean, that's it. Like a 16 year old. And then what you said six years old.
[00:18:24] Speaker B: That's like, there was. He was. She was 17 when they started dating.
[00:18:28] Speaker A: Yeah. You're 23 that's, you know, you see, that's. That's more common than I think, you know. Than you think.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: Well, like back in the day. Especially.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: Back in the day, especially. But now too. I mean, now what's scary is you have a lot of women who really look way older.
[00:18:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: And you go, oh, my God, you're. You're 18 years old and 18, sure, it's legal, but you're a sick. If you're. If you're 25, 26, going out with an 18 year old.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: All right, well, hold on, Pump the brakes there.
[00:18:53] Speaker A: I think that I. I think. I don't think if. I think if you're in your mid-20s, I think if.
I'm sorry, late 20s.
[00:19:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Listen, do I think it's weird 90% of the time.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: Like, I went on a date. I didn't know I was going on a date with an 18 year old.
[00:19:09] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:19:09] Speaker B: This was like I was 24 still.
[00:19:12] Speaker A: It's. You're a little closer.
[00:19:14] Speaker B: Yeah. But like, I thought, like. Cause I was on like the apps and shit and like, I thought I had my settings to 21 plus.
[00:19:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:21] Speaker B: And they weren't. And I went on a date with this girl and like, it was great. And like, we were seeing each other for a while and I didn't know she was 18. I just was like, oh, yeah, she's.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: Yeah. You just figured she's in there.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: Yeah. And then we went to a bar and she was like, oh, like, I'm just gonna get one. I'm sorry, why? And she's like, oh, I don't like, have an id.
I'm just like, what do you mean? I'm like, because she didn't drive. She was from Queens.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:47] Speaker B: I'm just like, oh. It's like, I'm saying, oh, what, you left at home? She was, no, like, I don't have a fake id. I'm like, why the fuck would you have a fake ID? She's like, I'm 18. I was like, what?
[00:19:58] Speaker A: Dude, that's a.
That's the thing.
If you can drink, like, that's where I cut it off. Where I'm like, if. And maybe cuz I'm 31.
[00:20:07] Speaker B: Yeah. No, like now, like, bro, like, what?
[00:20:10] Speaker A: I couldn't.
What am I gonna do with you? Like, sure, I could legally sleep with you.
[00:20:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: It's not against the law.
But what am I. What am I doing? We can't go out. You know what I mean? 24 to 8. I mean, even then, it's still. I Obviously didn't know. But it's. I. There are dudes in their 40s who will go out with an 18 year old and I'm like, I don't know how you're able to.
[00:20:32] Speaker B: It's odd. It's. It's.
[00:20:33] Speaker A: It's a little strange. You're so close to the. When it's wrong that like, it's like you're doing everything you can to just brush up against that, you know, like someone we know.
What are we talking about?
He.
[00:20:51] Speaker B: No, I think he stays away from 18 year olds. But 20 year olds.
[00:20:54] Speaker A: 20, 21 probably. Yeah.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:56] Speaker A: He's. Yeah. There's some people who just. They don't know how.
I don't know, man. I just want to be on the same mental like as someone.
[00:21:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:04] Speaker A: You know what I mean?
I don't know how people like I.
[00:21:08] Speaker B: Have a child's brain so like if she's mature for her age.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: No, I. I'm also genuinely retarded. But you're. You also. You're one of the people that you. Where I. You'd go. You kind of look at you. I think you get written off by people.
He's ah. What does he know? And you are one of the more well read guys that I know.
You're. You're very intelligent. You're very well read.
[00:21:35] Speaker B: Make me blush.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: No, it's true, dude. I remember going on the podcast the first time yours. And I like, you know a lot of. And I'm. And I. It's. It's. It's interesting.
[00:21:45] Speaker B: Yeah. Like I'm a big evolution guy.
[00:21:47] Speaker A: Evolution. Like human evolution.
[00:21:48] Speaker B: Yeah. I got like really into it over Covid.
[00:21:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:50] Speaker B: Because I did mushrooms.
[00:21:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: I was like, I'm a monkey bro.
[00:21:54] Speaker A: It's. Isn't that wild when you think about it?
[00:21:56] Speaker B: And like I like was walking around on like my knuckles in my backyard and like I slowly started to posture up. I was like, what the.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: This is good. I mean that's hanging out with a, with a kid. Would you be a great dad? It sounds like doing something like that. I mean just do mushrooms and fucking do it.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: Oh no, dude. I love my childlike sense of you.
[00:22:17] Speaker A: Need to have it, dude.
I think then you believe in a lot of like conspiracies and shit.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: I'm not super big into conspiracies.
[00:22:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:25] Speaker B: Like I used to be. I was brainwashed like, because as a kid, like I was like, which ones? I thought Sandy Hook was an inside was fake.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: Oh, you're one of those.
[00:22:34] Speaker B: Yeah. I remember I was in school and they did the moment of silence and I was like, I'm not standing up for this. I'm gonna say this is just Obama trying to take her guns.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: No way.
[00:22:43] Speaker B: I'm like, Obama's a great guy, but he's trying to take our guns.
[00:22:46] Speaker A: Oh, man. That's one that I, I, that's the Alex Jones one. Alex Jones one, right?
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:51] Speaker A: That's a crazy. I've never.
[00:22:52] Speaker B: Cuz my drug dealer at the time, like, the guy who I was picking up wheat from like flipping it, he was, he was like, you should watch this video.
[00:23:03] Speaker A: Oh no. And that was it. You were in the. Yeah, that's that, that's when I never, like, I was like, I'm not even gonna touch this because I don't think.
[00:23:10] Speaker B: That'S a.
Yeah, no. And then I got Until I was like, dude, they're crisis actors. They're all crisis actors.
[00:23:15] Speaker A: That's crazy.
[00:23:18] Speaker B: 13 or 14 years old and it's like, you don't want us to live anymore.
[00:23:22] Speaker A: They're. I know those, those were kids. Like, like how.
[00:23:25] Speaker B: Yeah, no, it obviously happened.
[00:23:27] Speaker A: Yeah, that one's a wild one.
[00:23:32] Speaker B: Yeah. But like, I don't think 911 is a conspiracy theory.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: You don't think it was inside job?
[00:23:38] Speaker B: I don't think it was an inside job.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: I go back and forth with it all.
[00:23:41] Speaker B: Like, I understand why people did like. Do you think that? I think there was definitely some foul play. Like, we had prior knowledge of it.
[00:23:49] Speaker A: We knew.
[00:23:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:50] Speaker A: I mean, Alex Jones is the one who came out and said it in July of 01.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: Yeah. We have, we had 100 prior knowledge of it.
We didn't do anything to stop it. But I don't think we, like, set it up.
[00:24:01] Speaker A: I don't know. There are days where I'm like, this whole thing was set up. And then there are days where I'm like, all right, this wasn't. And then I don't know.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: I can't watch Fahrenheit 9 11.
Yeah. Like, I thought it was like. Yeah, whatever the fuck it's called. The Michael Moore documentary.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Years and years ago. I don't remember it.
[00:24:17] Speaker B: Yeah, well, like, he, he like, was talking about like the control. How like the control demolition time.
[00:24:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:27] Speaker B: Was.
Is a different time.
Like, he was like, yeah, all these things, like, add up to it being an inside job.
[00:24:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:36] Speaker B: Except for the, the control demolition time. If it. There were bombs in the bottom of the things.
[00:24:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:42] Speaker B: Like, it wouldn't have gotten off like this. Like, and so that's Kind of like the thing that I'm like, all right.
I don't think it really could be.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Cuz like.
Like, it makes sense. The towers felt slower than they should have if it was a controlled demolition from the bottom.
[00:25:00] Speaker A: Okay.
I don't know. I don't know enough about it. I just.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: Yeah. I haven't read about it in years.
[00:25:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:09] Speaker B: I also just don't care. It doesn't affect me.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: No, I know. I mean, realistically, even if you found out it was an inside. What. What are we gonna do? Like, nothing. You know, what are going to storm the fucking capital? I mean.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: I mean, let's do it.
[00:25:20] Speaker A: We could.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I got to take a piss.
[00:25:22] Speaker A: Yeah, go.
Yeah, no problem.
We're back. All right, so you're bipolar. You take medication for it?
[00:25:27] Speaker B: Yeah, now I do. Like, beforehand, like, you didn't know. That's why I was like, what kind of.
[00:25:32] Speaker A: What's that called? Like, antipsychotic or what?
[00:25:34] Speaker B: Yeah, so I'm on. It's called, like, lamictal or lamotrigine.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: Okay. I never.
[00:25:38] Speaker B: It's mainly used in lower doses as like, an anti. Like, seizure medication.
[00:25:43] Speaker A: All right.
[00:25:44] Speaker B: Because I won't do SSRI or lithium or any of the big time. I still have my symptoms, but they're like.
[00:25:51] Speaker A: So what do you feel when. When you're bipolar? Because I. I've always wondered. I'm like, what the fuck does that feel like?
[00:25:56] Speaker B: All right. Fucking awesome. It's really cool. Yeah.
[00:26:00] Speaker A: Super, super high. Super, super low.
[00:26:02] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, so some people don't even get the lows, really. Some people just get manic.
But, like, my highs, like, they're not like, I'm fucking God, but it's just like, I'm a fucking king.
[00:26:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
Trying to think, like. I mean, I don't think I'm bipolar at all, but, like, how is it? Delusional.
[00:26:26] Speaker B: Yeah, Sometimes.
[00:26:27] Speaker A: Yeah.
And then how quickly can you dip?
[00:26:33] Speaker B: So it's usually like. So a lot of people think it's like, day to day.
[00:26:39] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:26:39] Speaker B: Minute by minute, hour by hour.
But, like, I feel like, for me, at least, like, I'll go weeks, months of high. Yeah.
[00:26:50] Speaker A: And then. And then weeks and months low or like, just normal.
[00:26:54] Speaker B: And then, like, I'll get low for, like, fucking.
[00:26:57] Speaker A: And when you get low is like, suicide.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: It used to be. Now it's like, not now. I'm just like, damn. Like, I don't really want to work out.
[00:27:05] Speaker A: Okay. And. And is there any way to get through that without medication or. No.
[00:27:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
You just don't be a fucking pussy. I didn't.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: Oh, you gotta talk yourself through it and go, this is not real.
[00:27:15] Speaker B: Or, yeah, well, I had a friend who killed himself or a few friends who killed themselves. But, like, I, like, after, like, one of my closest friends did it.
[00:27:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:24] Speaker B: I was just like, I could never do this.
[00:27:26] Speaker A: How'd they do it?
[00:27:28] Speaker B: Shotgun.
[00:27:29] Speaker A: Oh, fuck, dude.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: On Black Friday morning.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: Why Black Friday morning?
[00:27:36] Speaker B: They had Thanksgiving with their family, and then.
[00:27:38] Speaker A: Oh, my God, that's horrifying.
[00:27:41] Speaker B: To sleep. Woke up fucking.
[00:27:42] Speaker A: And then just went, all right, this is it.
[00:27:44] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:27:44] Speaker A: How old?
[00:27:45] Speaker B: Morning. My mom got the 911 call because she's an I want.
[00:27:47] Speaker A: Oh, my God. That's right. You mentioned that to me.
[00:27:49] Speaker B: 1.
[00:27:49] Speaker A: Yeah, fuck me. And what? And. And.
[00:27:52] Speaker B: And allegedly. Because she can lose her job if.
[00:27:55] Speaker A: Allegedly.
[00:27:55] Speaker B: Allegedly.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: And how old was he?
[00:28:00] Speaker B: Fuck. This was.
Because he's a year younger. Was a year younger than me maybe, like, when he was 21.
So, like, we stopped talking.
I like, looking back at the. Like, you kind of see. Yeah, like this. Because he started alienating everybody.
And he.
Like, we would go work out, like, at the gym. And, like, well, I have a size 13 shoe.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: You have a 13?
[00:28:28] Speaker B: Yeah. He has.
[00:28:29] Speaker A: Must be huge.
[00:28:30] Speaker B: Holy shit. Yeah. I'm not trying to break.
I have a 13. At the time, I was fatter, so, like, my feet were even, like, wider.
[00:28:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:38] Speaker B: Nice. Some shoes I had to wear 14s or 13s and a half.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:28:42] Speaker B: But fucking. I just have long toes. That's really why.
But he let me, like, his sandals. He's a size 8 or 9, like, just to shower. And he's like, I'll keep them, whatever.
Like, just bring him back, like, whenever. Like that.
I just forgot I had him.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: And, like, he texted me, like, six months later. It's like, yo, I hope it was worth it, what you stole from our friendship.
And, like, a picture of him wearing the sandals. I'm just like, what the hell?
[00:29:09] Speaker A: I'm like, dude, like, they're fucking.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: Like, it's my. My bad. Like, I completely forgot I had them. Yeah, I'll drop them off. Like.
Like, whatever.
And then so he was like, no, I don't want to be your friend anymore. You're shooting me.
[00:29:22] Speaker A: Oh, he was having some mental break.
[00:29:24] Speaker B: Yeah. And so this was like a year or maybe a year before he killed himself.
[00:29:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:29] Speaker B: And then, like, two months later, my one friend was like, yo, I'm coming to pick you up. Like, we're hanging out.
And he's like, I'm be there and like. Like 4:30.
[00:29:39] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:29:39] Speaker B: And he got there at like 4:15. He's like, yo, there was no traffic. Like, I'm here.
And he was just like, why would you lie to me, dad?
Yeah. And then fucking just blew his head off. Yep.
[00:29:53] Speaker A: Oh, my God, dude.
You know that's a thing dude. With men. I. I'm gonna sound like a like.
[00:30:01] Speaker B: And he was like, Chinese. Like, his. His mom was from China. His dad was like born and raised here, but like was first generation, so they were like very like, strict. Yeah. They just told people he.
I like, I haven't told like. I mean, only one of my friends knows, like, he killed himself.
[00:30:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: But everyone else, they just said he had a brain aneurysm in his.
[00:30:19] Speaker A: Oh my God.
[00:30:20] Speaker B: Have a funeral.
[00:30:20] Speaker A: They didn't have nothing because they wanted to. They're Chinese are fucking pride. Like the OG Chinese are private. Like, they don't fuck around.
[00:30:27] Speaker B: He was the only kid, bro.
[00:30:30] Speaker A: That is. That is the worst thing. I mean, as a family, as a parent, there's nothing that's it. Like, it's nothing worse. You have to bury your child.
[00:30:38] Speaker B: Terrible. Especially something like that.
[00:30:40] Speaker A: Yeah. It's like, God forbid, obviously, if there's like you have cancer or something, that's different. But to kill yourself, like, that's the thing where. I guess mental illness is like really the. The thing that pushes it. Because, like, if you're not mentally ill, you'd think or you'd like to hope, regardless of how awful you feel, you go, this is gonna fuck up a lot of people.
[00:30:58] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:59] Speaker A: Like, I wouldn't. Like, I think in your. Your early 20s, I would guess. I mean, in mine, I was like, I don't want to be here. Like, this place fucking sucks. I'd love to kill myself.
And you go, you don't.
[00:31:09] Speaker B: Tried to kill herself.
[00:31:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Once or twice.
[00:31:13] Speaker B: Dude. When I was like 13, I tried hanging myself. I jumped off like my bunk bed.
[00:31:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
Collapsed. That's. Yeah, you do stupid like that. But I think in the moment you go like, the second it happens, like someone jumps off a bridge. You ever see hear about that guy who survived jumping off the Golden Gate?
[00:31:32] Speaker B: He's like.
[00:31:32] Speaker A: He goes. The second I jumped, I regretted it. And he lived.
And it's just, dude, you gotta. You gotta think. Even if life sucks, you gotta always time is.
Is gonna do you. You good. Like, no matter how up things are, it does get better, I think.
[00:31:49] Speaker B: I don't know if it gets better. It's like, this is like denialist to me. I'm not gonna say it gets better, but, like, that's on you.
[00:31:56] Speaker A: That's what I mean. Like, you have to work at it.
[00:31:58] Speaker B: Sit there and loathe and, like, have people at a certain point. People just don't give a anymore.
[00:32:03] Speaker A: Yeah, that is true.
[00:32:05] Speaker B: Like, I had this, like, this kid who I used to be friends with, who every week he's like, I'm gonna kill myself, and tried to kill himself. And I'm just like, bro. I'm just like, stop. Yeah, I'm just like, well, I'm just better off as a memory. I'm like, dude, you're 16.
[00:32:21] Speaker A: That's that victim mentality, dude.
[00:32:23] Speaker B: Yeah, bro, like, literally tried to kill himself over a dozen times.
And, like, I'm saying, but, like, actually, like, like, really OD'd on pills. Fucking stabbed himself in the chest.
[00:32:35] Speaker A: He stabbed himself in the chest?
[00:32:36] Speaker B: Yeah. He broke up with his girl, or his girl broke up with him, and he was running down the street with a fucking knife, stabbing himself in the chest and didn't die.
[00:32:45] Speaker A: No, that's crazy. That's. You have to be a real sicko to stab yourself. Shooting yourself is one thing, but stabbing.
[00:32:51] Speaker B: Yourself, you gotta really try to commit some book.
[00:32:55] Speaker A: Oh, the. The Japanese.
Oh, man.
[00:32:58] Speaker B: No, but, like, oh, thank God. That was stupid because, like, he's still here. Yeah, he's still alive.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: And is he happy he's alive or he wants to kill himself still?
[00:33:07] Speaker B: I. I haven't talked to him, bro. After. I'm just like, yo, you tried to. I've known you for six months. You tried to kill yourself three times.
[00:33:14] Speaker A: Like, no, you gotta. You gotta cut ties at that point, you got this. This one's beyond.
[00:33:17] Speaker B: I'm trying to help you.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: No.
[00:33:19] Speaker B: Yeah, but then also, like, when I was a kid, like, every girl, like, when you break up with them, there's like, I'm gonna kill myself if you.
[00:33:26] Speaker A: Yeah, everyone does that, you know? I mean, have you ever done that?
[00:33:30] Speaker B: No.
[00:33:30] Speaker A: Kill yourself? Neither have I.
[00:33:32] Speaker B: Not in, like, that regard, no.
[00:33:35] Speaker A: No. I mean, yeah. I mean, strictly now, like, threatening to kill yourself. And I mean, when someone doesn't want to be with you, go, no, I'm gonna kill myself. I think that's a. Even at 16, I was fucking stuck.
[00:33:44] Speaker B: With, like, fucking one of my exes, bro.
[00:33:47] Speaker A: Why? She kept threatening to kill herself.
And, like, did you. Like, at first you're like, whatever, you'll be fine. And then what happened? There was like a. Yeah, well.
[00:33:56] Speaker B: And then there was, like, the straw that broke the camel's back.
[00:33:58] Speaker A: She actually Tried or like, it was a cry for help?
[00:34:00] Speaker B: No, like, she was like. So I found that, like. And she was lying to me about some.
[00:34:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:06] Speaker B: And I, like, went through her phone, and I was like. I'm so. Like, who the is Michael? Huh?
[00:34:12] Speaker A: Oh, she's cheating.
[00:34:13] Speaker B: I. Technically, allegedly. Concrete proof. She's now a lesbian. So I'm pretty sure she was hooking up with her friend on that trip.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:34:23] Speaker B: Rather than the other way around.
[00:34:25] Speaker A: Oh, so she wasn't Michael. She was.
[00:34:28] Speaker B: I don't know. There's a. It was a weird situation.
[00:34:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:32] Speaker B: And, like, it's like a. They went to Lake George, they met these. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, like, broke up with her when she got back home. So. Yeah. Why the. Were you not at the hotel?
[00:34:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: Oh. And then the story kept changing because I asked her about, like, a month later. It was actually the day I got my knuckles tattooed. It was her birthday.
[00:34:51] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:34:52] Speaker B: We went out to a bird last show over in Brooklyn, and we got back to the train station, and I was like, oh. I'm like, yeah, I'll give you a ride home.
And just like, we're supposed to stay over her house, and she's in my car and her friends pull off, and I go.
I sent myself the screenshots of her phone. I'm so sorry. Tell me about this. Yeah, I wasn't like that. Wasn't like that.
[00:35:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:19] Speaker B: I'm gonna kill myself. My wife's worthless without you. I'm sorry. No, we're done. Let me see.
[00:35:25] Speaker A: And then.
[00:35:26] Speaker B: But then I still kept talking to her.
[00:35:27] Speaker A: Yeah. But she. Okay.
[00:35:28] Speaker B: But she's more like checking in and then. Yeah.
[00:35:31] Speaker A: She didn't actually try to kill herself.
[00:35:33] Speaker B: No. Because, bro, I had, like. I had to keep, like, the Instagram pictures of us up.
[00:35:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:39] Speaker B: For, like, six months before, like, I was able to, like, take them down.
[00:35:43] Speaker A: Because she was gonna freak, bro.
[00:35:45] Speaker B: I thought she was gonna fucking.
[00:35:46] Speaker A: Actually, yeah.
[00:35:48] Speaker B: I'm sorry. Was it matter? Like, I don't really use my Instagram. This is like, I use my comedy Instagram. I don't use my personal Instagram.
[00:35:55] Speaker A: It's an interesting thing when people, like, they think that that's gonna be a tactic that works.
[00:36:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Now I'm just like. I do it. Like.
[00:36:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:03] Speaker B: My life anyway.
[00:36:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, what am I supposed to do? Like, this is not gonna make me want you more. In fact, it'll probably make me want you less.
[00:36:09] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:36:10] Speaker A: You know.
[00:36:11] Speaker B: Yeah. You'll have me in the short term.
[00:36:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:13] Speaker B: She'll be like, oh, I fucked Up.
[00:36:15] Speaker A: Yeah. I fucked up. My bad. I'm sorry.
[00:36:17] Speaker B: Even at that time, like, I like, yeah, I'm always like, I'll never be with you if you cheat on me.
[00:36:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:24] Speaker B: But, like, I was at a point where was just like, yo, I was young. I was fucking stupid.
[00:36:32] Speaker A: Mm.
[00:36:32] Speaker B: I was like, yo, so just tell me now and I'll forgive you.
[00:36:38] Speaker A: And then she.
[00:36:39] Speaker B: And then she didn't.
[00:36:40] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:36:41] Speaker B: And so then, like, I found out later.
Come on. It's like, you had the out.
[00:36:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Would you have forgiven her, though?
[00:36:48] Speaker B: Yeah, but it would have broken us.
[00:36:49] Speaker A: Up, down the line at some point. Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense.
Yeah. It's a tough thing when you're younger. You're able to look past shit, but as you get older, you just kind.
[00:36:56] Speaker B: Of go, yeah, you're supposed to be my best friend. Why would I.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: That's the thing, dude. I don't believe in that. Like, I like when the girl you're with is, like, your best friend.
[00:37:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:04] Speaker A: All right, me too. I'm on the same page as that. It's a nice thing. A lot of guys I know of, like, dude, this fucking gay. I'm like, not really. You're spending all your time with this person. Like, it's.
[00:37:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
And like, you. If you lie to your best friend, your shit, what does that say about your character?
[00:37:19] Speaker A: Exactly. Exactly.
[00:37:20] Speaker B: I don't cheat. That's why. And, like, I have friends who cheat. And I'm just like, I can't really trust you, bro. I'm like, this. How you move around her.
[00:37:28] Speaker A: That's the thing. And. And people place it in two separate things. It's a. It just a. It's a telltale sign of a lot where you go, yeah, I wouldn't. The other thing is, like, I just wouldn't. I think when you do something wrong and you. You either cheat or whatever, eventually, if you get away with it and it's fine, you're gonna project it onto that person. You're gonna start wondering what they're up to because you know what you did.
[00:37:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:54] Speaker A: And as long as you keep your shit clean, you're not gonna worry about that other person.
[00:37:57] Speaker B: And, bro, like, I'm bad because I. I already go, like, in my. I'm in my head a lot. Especially with, like, relationships.
[00:38:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:04] Speaker B: My parents had a fucked up relationship, of course. So I'm just like, what are you doing? I take, like, weird things. I'm just like, what's that about, huh? I'm like, who the fuck are you fucking?
[00:38:13] Speaker A: Oh, really?
[00:38:14] Speaker B: Yeah. But It'll be like you sneeze differently.
[00:38:16] Speaker A: Oh, no, see, that's fucked up, too.
[00:38:18] Speaker B: And then it comes back and it's just like. Well, you're projecting, so you must be. I'm just like. No, I'm just like.
[00:38:24] Speaker A: That's the thing, dude. That's the thing. Yeah. That. You gotta be careful with that. You just gotta let it go. You gotta let it go. And just be like, I don't really. This is. This just in my head.
[00:38:33] Speaker B: I know they're not, like, cheating on me either. And I'm just like. Well, I'm like, then what about.
[00:38:39] Speaker A: That's the thing. It plays. Your mind, plays tricks on you.
[00:38:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:42] Speaker A: That's like. You literally gotta talk yourself off a ledge.
[00:38:44] Speaker B: Well, it's.
There's a thing with, like, the human mind and patterns.
[00:38:48] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:38:49] Speaker B: Humans are so good at recognizing patterns.
[00:38:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:51] Speaker B: We recognize patterns that aren't actually there.
[00:38:55] Speaker A: What do you mean?
[00:38:57] Speaker B: So, like, people who, like, think about, like, the Schizos.
[00:39:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:01] Speaker B: When they're circling all this shit on the newspaper and it's like a pattern, like, conspiracy, like, oh, well, this happened, and then this happened.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: And it's really. None of it's connected.
[00:39:09] Speaker B: It's just like. All right. Like, you just found a way to connect that.
[00:39:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:13] Speaker B: But it's not actually connected.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. And that's what you were saying. You in that situation, you. Like, I figured this out. I've been really.
[00:39:20] Speaker B: Yeah, this.
[00:39:21] Speaker A: There's no rhyme or reason.
[00:39:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:22] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
I feel like when I was younger, maybe I did that, but as, like, older now. Dude. I don't even have the thought if I'm seeing someone unless it's, like, a very clear thing. My brain doesn't even go there. I go. I can't. Like, I have to just allow myself to trust this person indefinitely. Obviously. Unless. Oh, yeah. It's giving you a reason. But you have to just go, all right. Like, I'm willing to. Just have to be willing to get hurt. Otherwise, this is never gonna work. It's really never gonna work.
[00:39:49] Speaker B: No. Exactly. And, like, I've had to have that conversation with, like, almost every girl I talk to. I'm just like, yo, Mike, I'm letting you hurt me.
[00:39:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Giving you the opportunity. Don't. Don't take it.
[00:40:01] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, get out. Once trust is broken.
[00:40:04] Speaker A: Like, you can't. You can't. Relationship doesn't work after that.
[00:40:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, little shit. Like.
But even then.
[00:40:11] Speaker A: Even then.
[00:40:11] Speaker B: Lie about something small. In my mind, you lie about something small. What else are you Lying about.
[00:40:14] Speaker A: Without a doubt. Without a doubt. I. I had.
I've had situations with people where it's like.
It's just not good.
[00:40:24] Speaker B: Well, I'm bad, though, because I forget shit.
[00:40:26] Speaker A: What do you mean? Like, actually forget it, or like, you make yourself forget it?
[00:40:29] Speaker B: No, I actually forget shit.
[00:40:31] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:40:31] Speaker B: And so I'll say, like, oh, yeah, I was doing this that night. And then I'll be like, two weeks will pass.
[00:40:36] Speaker A: I'm just like, what the fuck was I doing?
[00:40:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Or like. And, oh, what'd you do, like, the other night? And I'll say something different, like, in front of, like, whoever I'm seeing, They'll be like, wait, but you said this. I'm just like, oh, I guess that was that night. And then she was like, oh, what is he lying about? I was like, not lying. I'm just stupid.
[00:40:54] Speaker A: That's the thing that I've been there where they're like, wait a minute. What do you. Yeah, that's. That's a terrible.
It puts you in a bad position. And women are very tough to believe.
[00:41:02] Speaker B: Especially, like, doing comedy, bro. Like, I'm fucking hammered so many nights of the week.
[00:41:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:07] Speaker B: Like, I went out with, like, Cam one night, and we ended up at some bar. The bar under his house.
[00:41:13] Speaker A: Oh, right. Oh, Trinity.
[00:41:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:41:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:16] Speaker B: My girl was like, yo.
Like, the next day, she's like, oh, what'd you do last night? I went to this bar and this bar, and then Cam put me in a cab home, and then we're hanging out. She goes, why the Were you in this apartment building? Because under all the apartment buildings, and then when you go on Google Maps or scaffolding in front of it so you can't see the bar.
[00:41:37] Speaker A: Oh, no. Oh, no.
[00:41:40] Speaker B: I'm just like, yeah, I went there. She said, well, then why didn't you tell me you went there?
We got there, and it was close.
Last call, and so we just have. I think the bartender wouldn't even serve us.
Yeah, dude.
[00:41:56] Speaker A: Yeah, Cam. He actually brought those. It was funny. Yesterday.
[00:41:59] Speaker B: He broke the fucking. Man.
[00:42:00] Speaker A: Cam.
[00:42:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:42:01] Speaker A: Is a good fucking dude.
[00:42:03] Speaker B: I. I didn't like Cam that much when I first met him.
[00:42:06] Speaker A: I know that. I know it took you a minute for you to warm up to him.
[00:42:09] Speaker B: Come. Like, why? What's. What's wrong with this dude? Just Australian.
[00:42:12] Speaker A: He's just Australian, dude. He. He is a animal. He likes to get. He likes to party.
[00:42:19] Speaker B: Well, that's the thing that made me realize something was up with that other dude, because I'm just like, he's just from another place, like. Because, like, he does shit that I'm like is odd, but, like, I can.
Like, he explains it. He can explain it. It's not just, oh, this is an Australian thing. It's.
Oh, they. Back home, we do this. I'm sorry.
Like, I didn't know that wasn't something here again. Thank you for letting me know.
[00:42:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:50] Speaker B: And then never does it again.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:42:52] Speaker B: That he slapped my ass.
[00:42:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:54] Speaker B: I'm just like.
And people do that.
[00:42:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:57] Speaker B: Here too. I was like, yo. I'm like, please don't do that again. He goes, you're right. Like, I did that once. Someone yelled at me in a different place.
[00:43:06] Speaker A: Yeah. He told me about that story about with you and then when it happened to. He almost got killed. Where he did, when he did it.
[00:43:11] Speaker B: It was in, like, South America.
[00:43:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:13] Speaker B: They really don't play it. But I'm just like, yo, bro. I'm like, mike, please.
[00:43:17] Speaker A: No, he's respectful, he's understanding. Cam's a. A1 dude, man. He's like.
He's just a.
He's a guy that you want to hang out with.
[00:43:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:26] Speaker A: And it's a good person.
[00:43:28] Speaker B: It's funny because I.
Hey, my girl was always just like, fucking. She likes you, Cam. And Noah and Dan and Glaze.
[00:43:36] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:43:37] Speaker B: And, like, doesn't really give a fuck about anyone else. She's like, yeah, but if I'm at, like, a bar with any of them, like, I know Harrison.
Harrison's not who he is on stage.
Some fucking weirdos around, like. Yeah, I can always go to, like, Cam Harrison.
[00:43:50] Speaker A: Yeah, dude, she's. That's. Yeah, that's. And I. I got that vibe because.
[00:43:54] Speaker B: Like, other comics have said weird shit to her too.
[00:43:56] Speaker A: Like what?
[00:43:58] Speaker B: Like, I.
I pretty sure someone else tried to make a move on her.
[00:44:02] Speaker A: What?
[00:44:03] Speaker B: And like, I. I didn't say anything, cuz I'm just like, it's not, like, concrete enough.
[00:44:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:09] Speaker B: Like, the other situation.
[00:44:10] Speaker A: Do I know him?
[00:44:11] Speaker B: Yeah. I'll tell you off air, but because we're friends with him and, like, I didn't say nothing, cuz I haven't. They're drunk. It was probably just like. It wasn't like, overly aggressive either.
[00:44:24] Speaker A: Yeah, okay.
[00:44:25] Speaker B: Just like a sly little thing still. I'm like, all right, I'm sorry. Let me distance myself from you.
[00:44:32] Speaker A: Yeah. That would be enough for me. Where I'd be like, dude, like, that. You'd always have to keep your eye kind of just on that person.
[00:44:39] Speaker B: Yeah, that's.
[00:44:40] Speaker A: Dude, that's the one thing, dude, my.
[00:44:43] Speaker B: My dad almost know some other comic last night too.
[00:44:45] Speaker A: Who?
[00:44:46] Speaker B: I don't even remember his name. I don't even know if he's a comic.
That's also why I was really pissed because we were at.
When I left the Rose.
[00:44:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:56] Speaker B: I went over to Alex Weiss's thing, and then it was like.
[00:44:59] Speaker A: Yeah. When you went. You left and then you came back. I heard it was.
[00:45:01] Speaker B: Yeah, bro, it was. They were leaving. They were going to Adam's house.
Multiv.
[00:45:08] Speaker A: Oh, my left. Yeah.
[00:45:10] Speaker B: They were going to his house to drink. I'm sure. All right.
I'm like, let's go. I guess. But, like, before that happened. So the dude goes, who's this Charlie XCX girl that's here? They talking to my girlfriend. Mm. Like, after I just introduced her, like, to everyone.
[00:45:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:27] Speaker B: I'm just like, fucking.
And, like, it was like, It's a compliment. Like, Charlie.
[00:45:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:32] Speaker B: Good looking girl.
[00:45:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:34] Speaker B: But, like, I'm so. Yo. I'm like, you. I just told you, this is my girlfriend. I just met you. And, like, then you, like, try to hit on her. I'm just like, bro, what are you doing in front of her?
I'm not gonna hold my tongue, but.
[00:45:48] Speaker A: No, I mean, especially if it's someone that you don't really know.
[00:45:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:51] Speaker A: That point, all bets are off.
I'm trying to think.
There was a couple people that were.
[00:45:58] Speaker B: I've seen, but, like, it wasn't an issue. It was like.
It was some Jewish guy with the beard, and it wasn't like, an issue or anything. That dude is from Florida, and he apologized. He was like, oh, like, I'm. I mean it. Like that.
[00:46:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:12] Speaker B: I was just giving her a compliment or whatever. I'm just like, I'm so. Yeah, bro. But, like, you don't know. It's like, chill.
[00:46:17] Speaker A: There's a. You know, that's the funny thing about comedy. You got guys who. Who run their mouth a lot. Like, I mean, that's the whole point. We all run our mouths, but there's very few people who, like, if they were confronted, like, really, like, confronted by someone like you. Is I. Only people I think are like that. Are you Kevin Sanchez?
I'm not a huge confrontational guy, but, like, you know.
[00:46:39] Speaker B: No, but it's also, like, you can make as many jokes as you want about me. You can even make jokes about, like, whoever I'm with or whatever. But, like, once, like, you cross a lot because, like, probably Danny Glaze goes to my girlfriend, like, you're a What?
[00:46:55] Speaker A: Like, whoa, what are you talking.
[00:46:57] Speaker B: They go back and forth, Dan and Glace.
[00:47:00] Speaker A: I love Dan.
[00:47:01] Speaker B: No, it's like funny though. It's.
[00:47:02] Speaker A: Oh, it's like joking.
[00:47:03] Speaker B: It cuz like, like we rolled back up to the roads and he's outside and he goes, oh, look who. Look what the cat dragged in. She's like, well, couldn't drag you in, you fat.
At least I'm not a.
[00:47:16] Speaker A: Okay, okay, okay.
[00:47:18] Speaker B: It's just like that.
And like, yo, that's.
[00:47:21] Speaker A: They built that relationship.
[00:47:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And like that's fine. Like you're joking around with somebody. You're not like, let me fuck you.
[00:47:27] Speaker A: Yeah, well, that's not gonna. That's. Yeah, no, that if I heard that, I'd be like, okay. They're just. They. They're.
[00:47:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:47:34] Speaker A: Sparring. Yeah, that's.
[00:47:39] Speaker B: I don't give a.
[00:47:40] Speaker A: No, but I'm just saying, like, in certain situations, like, it's funny because you. The comics, they're so.
What's the word? Starved of.
[00:47:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:47:51] Speaker A: Like, the second there's a good looking person around, even if it's your girl, they just don't know how to act. Yeah, there's only like. The only person I know is Kevin Sanchez. That's like he. He meets women all the time he hangs out. But all the comics, dude, the second they, they're like, you know, they say some dumb.
[00:48:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:48:07] Speaker A: Not Danny Glaze. I'm talking about people, you know.
[00:48:10] Speaker B: Well, that's why, like, I'm friendly with everyone. I don't like most comics.
[00:48:14] Speaker A: Yeah, some of them are very strange people.
[00:48:16] Speaker B: Like, you know, I got my core people.
[00:48:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I mean, that's. We have a pretty decent unit. Not decent. Good unit of people like you, me, Cam, Noah, Danny Glace.
[00:48:27] Speaker B: Gerbo.
[00:48:28] Speaker A: Gerbo. Sorry, I don't know why I forgot that.
And you know, one or two other people where it's like, this is a nice. Yeah, Eli.
People hang, but once it starts to get bigger than that, I'm like, yo.
[00:48:41] Speaker B: You know who I really like who doesn't come around that much? AJ Azar.
[00:48:46] Speaker A: AJ Azar is a breath of fresh air, dude. That guy's always like, what's up?
[00:48:52] Speaker B: He has no idea what the is going on.
[00:48:54] Speaker A: Never. Never.
[00:48:55] Speaker B: I love this dude.
[00:48:56] Speaker A: He's just chill. He's like, he should be in California. Like, that's how chill he is.
[00:49:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
Like, there are like, dudes like, I love AJ and I don't hang out with AJ that much.
[00:49:05] Speaker A: Evan Tilsley.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: Evan Tilsley. Gus. Kinda.
[00:49:08] Speaker A: Yeah, Gus's A good dude.
Remy is a good. A good guy.
[00:49:12] Speaker B: Nice guys.
Like, most of these dudes, I'm just, like.
[00:49:18] Speaker A: A lot of them are a weird cast.
[00:49:20] Speaker B: It's also the people who are, like, not funny. It's always been not funny, dude.
[00:49:23] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. It's. Yes, 100. And it's like that.
You wonder why, though. Like, what's the correlation between not being funny and not wanting to be friends with people?
[00:49:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:49:33] Speaker A: You know, why does that happen?
[00:49:35] Speaker B: Yeah, dude, I'm friends with. I'm friendly with you. Don't take that as I'm your friend.
[00:49:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:49:40] Speaker B: Do you.
[00:49:41] Speaker A: Do you spend a lot of time alone?
Yeah, most of the time. Like how. Like, what it. What is. Like, how often I know. You know, with the comments when I'm.
[00:49:50] Speaker B: Not at a mic.
[00:49:51] Speaker A: Yeah. Forgetting mics, like, in general, your life.
[00:49:52] Speaker B: I'm home.
[00:49:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Spending alone.
[00:49:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:49:55] Speaker A: You seem that way.
[00:49:57] Speaker B: I'm an adult. I don't need friends.
[00:49:59] Speaker A: I mean, it's nice to have friends, but.
[00:50:01] Speaker B: No, but, like, I'm 26. I'm almost 27 years old. Like, I have my friends.
[00:50:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:06] Speaker B: If I meet someone who's cool, I'll be friends with you.
[00:50:08] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:50:08] Speaker B: But, like, I'm not going out of my way. Look for just friends. Like, when I was talking to girls and they're saying, oh, we can be just friends, it didn't work out. Like. Or I broke up with them, they broke up with me. Whatever the case may be, I'm good. I don't need any more friends.
Or someone's talking to me at a bar. I don't want. Like, I have friends.
[00:50:26] Speaker A: Yeah. Unless you really click in a way, like, the way, you know, at the comedy. Like, we. Even at the. Even at the open mics, like, you don't need more friends, like you said. But if we happen to really, like, okay, I see you enough. And we. We just always chat. Then. Then we're.
[00:50:39] Speaker B: You know, that's what happened with me and Noah.
[00:50:41] Speaker A: Yeah. We'll hang out.
That's a funny thing. You know, actually, I was talking to a girl, and she said she's like, every guy I've ever been friends with has tried to sleep with me at some point. They just. It happens every time. And I told her that I have female friends, and she said when she said that to me, she was kind of wondering, like, well, are you one.
[00:51:00] Speaker B: Friend who's a girl?
[00:51:01] Speaker A: I have. I have a few.
And she was looking at me and she's like, you know, that's happened to me. Like, is that what you do? And I'm like.
I think if you're. I'm like, I've never. If someone doesn't want to sleep with me, I don't want to be their friend. It just. I don't. I never understood that. You know guys who do that. Like, yeah, let's just hang out and be friends. If you don't want to sleep with me, it's like, no, no, you got to get the fuck out of here. Yeah, we're not. This is not gonna work. You know, I think.
[00:51:25] Speaker B: I think most guys and girls can't be friends unless you're both not attractive to each other.
[00:51:30] Speaker A: That's. I think so. Yeah.
[00:51:31] Speaker B: Well, like, mine was, like, funny enough. My. My one chick friend.
Like, we were set up to go on a date with each other.
[00:51:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:39] Speaker B: And like, it was in sixth grade.
[00:51:42] Speaker A: Seventh grade doesn't count.
[00:51:44] Speaker B: And fucking. Like, we met each other and really.
[00:51:47] Speaker A: Nah, this is not.
That's probably the birth of a really good friendship.
[00:51:52] Speaker B: No. Yeah, we're.
I haven't talked to her that much recently.
[00:51:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:55] Speaker B: But it also, like, I'm not gonna go, like. Especially if I have, like, a partner. Like, I'm not going out with you alone.
[00:52:04] Speaker A: Yeah, no, alone is. Is not gonna be. It's not gonna be a good look.
[00:52:07] Speaker B: Like, we're both single. All right. Yeah, let's hang out. Like, I go to her family, like, functions and stuff.
[00:52:12] Speaker A: I mean, I don't know. I think even if you're with someone, I think if it, like. Yo, that's the other thing.
[00:52:16] Speaker B: It depends on the other person can be misconstrued.
[00:52:19] Speaker A: It can be, but I. I mean, I've still.
I guess alone. If there's maybe. Nah, I don't know. It wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't give a shit. I'd be. Yeah, go ahead, Go ahead. Like, if a woman had guy friends, I beg, go for it. If I had a. That's the thing. Like, I have friends that I'm like, yo, we're gonna. We're gonna bullshit, grab a drink and hang. I haven't seen this person.
I don't know. I just know what my motives are, I guess it's the thing.
[00:52:41] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I know what my motives are, but I also, as a guy, you know what a lot of dudes are, and so that's true. Most dudes are just fucking. Can't keep it in their pants.
[00:52:49] Speaker A: Most dudes are fucking animals. They're fucking animals. And you see it. I mean, we see it all the time, dude.
[00:52:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, fucking. Oh, there's a. There's a girl comic on the lineup or whatever. And.
[00:53:02] Speaker A: It'S. Dude, it's. It's the craziest thing, watching dudes interact. Those guys, the comics, with women.
[00:53:07] Speaker B: It's probably. They swarm them.
[00:53:09] Speaker A: It's.
[00:53:10] Speaker B: I don't. Like, I'll try to make nice with you. Like, the only girl comic I really ever, like, have conversations with, who I'm cool with, like, that is Haley Blanding.
[00:53:20] Speaker A: Haley's cool.
[00:53:20] Speaker B: Haley's good people.
[00:53:21] Speaker A: She knows how to handle the retards.
[00:53:23] Speaker B: Her and, like, Fiona Michaels, like, Fiona Michaels is cool. They're cool people.
[00:53:27] Speaker A: Like Sarah Carson Ford. She's also pretty.
[00:53:31] Speaker B: Yeah, it's Sarah school. I don't know Sarah like, that.
[00:53:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:53:33] Speaker B: But, like, we had the roast battle, and I fucking won. And.
No, she's good people. She has a gay boyfriend.
That was like. Literally my whole roast comes like, your boyfriend's gay?
[00:53:46] Speaker A: That's it. I want mic drop.
[00:53:49] Speaker B: And he was. She was like, you beat your girlfriend. I was like, all right.
[00:53:52] Speaker A: Like, yeah, we both agree.
[00:53:53] Speaker B: We're both being honest here.
[00:53:57] Speaker A: Hey, what are you gonna do?
But, yeah, dude, it's. It's crazy, man, watching these dudes just fucking be around.
[00:54:03] Speaker B: Bookers especially, bro.
[00:54:04] Speaker A: Oh, dude, they're like, just the lowest totem pole of Harvey Weinstein. That's it. If they. You know, they're just trying to, like, yeah, come.
[00:54:13] Speaker B: You can be on my bringer show. Yeah, you only have to bring one person.
[00:54:17] Speaker A: Yeah, you're special. Like, ew. Ew.
And that's a problem. Like, yo, they. They just. I mean, I guess if. If 90 of the comics are nasty, then. Then your whole conception of them are just like, yeah, they're all disgusting.
But, you know, at that. I. Then you look at people like, actors. Actors are gonna.
[00:54:38] Speaker B: They're worse.
[00:54:38] Speaker A: They're worse. They do a different game, though. The comics are, like, just don't know what to do. Whereas actors are gonna.
They just. They have a different game, man. They pretend they're decent.
[00:54:49] Speaker B: I mean, that's why I do. When I do improv. I'm sorry. I don't want to hang out with any of you people. You. I know. You're not good people.
[00:54:56] Speaker A: They're terrible. They're terrible people. They. They don't even know who the they are. That's the other thing.
[00:55:01] Speaker B: So.
[00:55:02] Speaker A: I don't know, bro.
[00:55:03] Speaker B: I don't know. Like, I always wanted to be like, this is like, oh, it's probably, like, I have, like, delusions of grandeur sometimes.
[00:55:11] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:55:11] Speaker B: And like, when I was growing up, I'm just like, I'm gonna be a rapper. Fucking couldn't do that.
[00:55:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:55:16] Speaker B: I'm just like, all right, I'm gonna be an MMA fighter. I fucked up my knee.
Now I'm just like, I'm gonna do comedy. I'm just like. Cause I know, like, I'm not gonna be happy sitting at a desk. I'm not gonna be happy doing some, like, outside of, like, stand up. Like, my first love was, like, acting and, like, I never acted.
[00:55:36] Speaker A: No.
[00:55:37] Speaker B: But, yeah, like, Will Ferrell and Stanley, like, I didn't know shit about stand up comedy. I'm so. Yo, these guys. Jim Carrey. These guys are fucking the best.
[00:55:46] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. It's. Dude, it's. I mean, that's your first taste of entertainment. But a lot of people don't even realize that, like, oh, I can do this. You know what I mean? You can't. I mean, it's. It's fucking. It's a. It's a far off dream. But you. You kind of just have to figure out, like, oh, wow, this is a job.
[00:56:02] Speaker B: Yeah, bro, that's like, the thing I didn't get about stand up for a while was like, hanging out is part of it. Part of it. You have to do that.
[00:56:10] Speaker A: It's a huge thing.
[00:56:11] Speaker B: Dude, it's work.
[00:56:12] Speaker A: You're really good at it. I need to be better at that.
[00:56:16] Speaker B: I'm. Bro, it kills me.
[00:56:18] Speaker A: It's a. Yo, it's. It's. It's so much work because. Oh, that's people you hang around, they go, oh, he's cool. I'll put him on a lineup or whatever.
People don't realize that. They think it's just fun. And it is fun, but who doesn't.
[00:56:30] Speaker B: Like, go out drinking with their friends?
[00:56:31] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's part of it, but it's.
[00:56:34] Speaker B: Also Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, sometimes Sunday.
[00:56:39] Speaker A: Yeah, every. Every night.
[00:56:42] Speaker B: That's, like, half the reason why I started my podcast.
[00:56:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:56:45] Speaker B: Just get comics on either. Like, I'm already friends with them or they're people who I want to get to know more.
[00:56:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:56:51] Speaker B: And I'm so. I don't want to go to a fucking bar and just, like, just come over. We'll drink a little bit, we'll hang out.
[00:56:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:56:59] Speaker B: We'll have a good time and, like, we'll talk.
I get to know you, you get to know me. Yeah, that's it. I find like, oh, I fuck with you. I fuck with you. I don't fuck with you.
[00:57:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:57:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:57:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:57:10] Speaker B: You're not my people. Like, you're a fine guy, but you're not my friend.
[00:57:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Which is important. It's just weird to find out in the comfort of your home.
That's a weird. Like, you know, that's always an uncomfortable hour of like, fuck me, dude.
[00:57:22] Speaker B: Well, I'm also bad, cuz I'll just tell people. I won't say anything, but like, yeah, we're friends. Are you. Oh, you've seen me do it.
[00:57:29] Speaker A: I. I've seen. Yeah.
You have a very.
You almost have Asperger's. You have.
You have a very.
[00:57:37] Speaker B: Bipolar is often misdiagnosed as autism.
[00:57:42] Speaker A: Maybe you're on the spectrum. It could be. I mean, you could be. I could see it a little.
[00:57:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:57:48] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, you're smart, you know, you know, wild facts. Which is, I think, like a sure sign of autism.
[00:57:53] Speaker B: Yeah. They got these Jeffrey Dahmer glasses.
[00:57:56] Speaker A: I do like those. They look good on you. Thank you. Yeah. Those are my. That doesn't. Those are good.
But yo, I read. What are you gonna say?
[00:58:02] Speaker B: No, go.
[00:58:02] Speaker A: I read a crazy thing today. A dude threw his two year old baby in the east river alive.
[00:58:11] Speaker B: Babies float after they're dead. Dude, that's a. Yo, I think it's dead.
[00:58:18] Speaker A: Well, now it's dead.
[00:58:19] Speaker B: Yeah, dude, I had like the bit about the killing a baby with a crossbow.
[00:58:24] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you did have that.
[00:58:26] Speaker B: Like, that happened. That happens multiple times apparently. Like, it's. So. Yo, I don't get that. Like, if you're gonna kill your kid, make it look like you didn't kill your kid.
[00:58:36] Speaker A: Yeah, I know.
[00:58:36] Speaker B: You can do it so easy too.
[00:58:39] Speaker A: I mean, I don't know what. What would be your. Your route?
[00:58:42] Speaker B: Blanket.
[00:58:43] Speaker A: Oh, like. Oh, like they rolled over into their blanket. That's a good one. That's pretty good.
[00:58:48] Speaker B: Not shooting it in the face with a crossbow, throwing it off.
[00:58:52] Speaker A: No, that's not even you wanting to get rid of the kid. That's just you having. You're a sick. Like, you're just a level. You're not aggravated, you're just psychotic.
[00:59:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:59:00] Speaker A: You know, aggravation is shaking your baby and, and, and I'm not saying that's right either, but you can almost understand it. Like maybe they were up for three fucking days or throwing him in the East River. That's not.
[00:59:10] Speaker B: Yeah, because you're not thinking straight and think you're saying.
[00:59:13] Speaker A: But exactly.
[00:59:14] Speaker B: Even still, man, it's a kid.
[00:59:15] Speaker A: Yeah. You have to be a level of insane. That's Just the reason.
[00:59:20] Speaker B: Like, yo, you. You hurt woman, you hurt children, and you go to jail for it. Like, you're greenlit.
[00:59:26] Speaker A: You're done. And yeah, rightfully so, you should be killed in jail for that.
[00:59:30] Speaker B: You're hurting people who can't really defend themselves.
[00:59:32] Speaker A: Without a doubt. Without a doubt.
[00:59:34] Speaker B: That's why. Never mind. I was about to say something.
[00:59:37] Speaker A: Say it.
[00:59:38] Speaker B: That's why they don't ever find them.
The river's a little obvious. My backyard isn't.
[00:59:46] Speaker A: That's the thing, dude.
That's the thing. But this is a 20 year old guy. Like, he was. He's up. I saw the picture of this dude. He looked. He looked.
[00:59:53] Speaker B: Michael Kaufman.
[00:59:54] Speaker A: Yeah, Michael Kaufman. That's who it was, dude. Yeah. You gonna go to the. The roast?
[00:59:59] Speaker B: No, I'm working.
[01:00:00] Speaker A: You're working that day?
[01:00:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Work Sundays.
[01:00:04] Speaker A: Yeah. I may pop in.
[01:00:07] Speaker B: I might.
I might.
[01:00:10] Speaker A: I might.
[01:00:11] Speaker B: Might. If you want to catch me, maybe I'll be there. Leave a comment.
You want to meet the goat?
[01:00:17] Speaker A: Meet the goat. That's right. I mean, so what do you want for one on the roast now?
[01:00:21] Speaker B: No, two. And.
[01:00:22] Speaker A: Oh, two and. Oh, good for you, man.
I don't want to do another one. I'm just kind of like, yeah.
[01:00:27] Speaker B: I only do them if they ask me.
[01:00:28] Speaker A: Yeah. Other than that, I'm like, I just. It's too much time.
[01:00:32] Speaker B: Well, I usually just write then, like, I'll write when I find out who it is, and then I'll get there and I'll be like, oh, all these jokes fucking suck. And then I'll just rewrite them.
[01:00:41] Speaker A: Yeah, when you're there.
[01:00:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:00:43] Speaker A: Really? Nah, my brain's not that quick. I mean, I can roast someone on the cuff, like if you and I are fucking going at it on the street. But when I have to think about it, my brain just doesn't. It doesn't work the same.
[01:00:55] Speaker B: Yo, is mooc a bad word?
[01:00:57] Speaker A: A mook?
[01:00:58] Speaker B: Nah, it's not going back and forth.
[01:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a. You're a fucking mooc.
[01:01:01] Speaker B: It's.
[01:01:01] Speaker A: Yeah, it's not a bad word. I've never heard it used like it's a slur.
[01:01:06] Speaker B: I think it's just because it's pretty close to sounding like one.
[01:01:09] Speaker A: It does sound like it's got that energy to it.
[01:01:11] Speaker B: You know the double. Double barrel. Barrel mooc, double vowel.
[01:01:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, oh.
[01:01:18] Speaker B: Because all the big ones have double consonants.
[01:01:20] Speaker A: Okay.
The, like. What's your favorite one?
[01:01:27] Speaker B: No, my favorite one's probably a good one.
[01:01:29] Speaker A: That's one. You could still Say and kind of like.
[01:01:31] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I say it on stage.
[01:01:33] Speaker A: Me too. It's. It's fun.
[01:01:34] Speaker B: That my, my cancel culture bit, I'm. I'm bringing that back. I'm so excited, dude.
[01:01:42] Speaker A: It's.
I think the cool part about where.
[01:01:44] Speaker B: It says me yelling faggot, which is.
[01:01:47] Speaker A: Honestly, if I was somebody that was in the audience, I would be like, this is all right, let's. This is fun. Like, yeah, someone's pushing the envelope. I'd rather. I like that. I don't know why people are so afraid. Like, what is. What's gonna happen?
[01:02:00] Speaker B: You lose your job youb.
[01:02:02] Speaker A: Your day job.
[01:02:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:02:04] Speaker A: Yeah. You work in corporate. That's different. I don't.
Yeah, that's the thing. I guess I have. I'm lucky in that sense.
[01:02:09] Speaker B: But I mean, it's not gonna stop me, but.
Because I, I don't. I feel like me and you are like, there are a few others. But like, we just say whatever on stage. We don't care.
[01:02:20] Speaker A: We don't give a. Yeah. And that's why I, I, I appreciate that. That's why I'm like, yo. And I'm. It's exciting when you go up because I'm like, oh, what's he gonna say? Like, what's gonna happen?
[01:02:29] Speaker B: Yeah. I try to write something new every day, but I don't really do it.
[01:02:32] Speaker A: No, but even if it's old, it's just a. There's an excitement of, of like, yo, he's. Justin's going up. I want to see. Or like, I'm about to head out.
I'll. I'm like, oh, if I. If you're gonna go up next.
[01:02:41] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[01:02:45] Speaker A: But, yeah, man.
What time is it?
It's 1:30. We've been going for a little bit.
[01:02:50] Speaker B: How long?
[01:02:51] Speaker A: We've been going for about an hour.
It's not bad. Is there anything that was on your mind?
[01:02:59] Speaker B: Huh? I'm trying to think. Thought we were going deep.
[01:03:02] Speaker A: We could go deep. I mean, it was the last time you cried today. Today?
[01:03:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:03:06] Speaker A: For what?
[01:03:07] Speaker B: I'm crying.
[01:03:09] Speaker A: That's not real fucking. That's a cry for help. But that's not a, like a, you know, a real.
I cuz I can't imagine you crying.
[01:03:17] Speaker B: Probably. Friday.
[01:03:18] Speaker A: Friday, what happened?
[01:03:20] Speaker B: No, Thursday. Thursday, just manic.
[01:03:24] Speaker A: Manic. I'm, like, working off the meds.
[01:03:26] Speaker B: No, I'm on my meds. I was just working. I just like.
[01:03:31] Speaker A: Well, you're just like. Like, how the Did I get.
[01:03:33] Speaker B: It just comes in waves, you know? What am I doing with my life type.
[01:03:38] Speaker A: It happens a lot. It happens. I understand that, that feeling.
[01:03:42] Speaker B: I just let it. Whenever it comes though, I let it out.
[01:03:44] Speaker A: You have to. Otherwise you'll. You'll end up going to work with a gun and shooting everybody.
[01:03:49] Speaker B: I work from home, so I'm just killing myself.
[01:03:56] Speaker A: That's funny shit, dude. But it's a man. I'm telling you, dude. Men, they. It's a. I was listening to the Chris Rock talk about the difference between. No, no, the fucking. The thing of like men, like there, there's an incentive you have to provide in order to feed. To be loved.
[01:04:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:04:14] Speaker A: And that's a, It's a really fucked up thing when you think about it.
[01:04:18] Speaker B: And I think it's changing a bit.
[01:04:23] Speaker A: How so?
[01:04:24] Speaker B: Because like a lot of, like a lot of women now, like, at least in like the relationship, like, yeah, women want to do 50, 50. The whole a lot of female empowerment shit.
[01:04:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:04:37] Speaker B: I feel like has actually done a lot for men with like relieving some pressures.
[01:04:47] Speaker A: That's a fucking solid. That's a solid point.
[01:04:50] Speaker B: And like, I don't think it's like, yo, like part of me, it's probably just because I'm from Long island, but I'm just like, men and women each have their place.
[01:05:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:05:00] Speaker B: Like when. And like it's obviously, it varies from relationship to relationship. But like I'm a man. Like, I want to provide.
[01:05:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:05:09] Speaker B: But I'm also an open mic comedian.
So like, you're going on. We're going on a date maybe once a month.
Like a real date. Like I'll take you out to a Applebee's here and there. But we'll go out and see a show once a month.
There are dudes who have it way more, like way more money that can do it better than me. But also like, even though I'm doing the bare minimum, you should still be doing what you can.
Like when I come home, like, it's nice to have dinner ready. It's nice to come home to a clean place. And like, great. I don't live with my girl. But I'm just saying, like, if we did.
[01:05:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:05:48] Speaker B: And like I would do the same, vice versa.
But fucking, you look back like, no, you want to work, you want your girl to work, you want your girl to have a job, you want your girl to have her own aspirations.
And if you pigeonhole them to being a fucking like a trad wife, they're not gonna have their aspirations and they're gonna be a miserable fuck you don't want to live with a miserable fuck. Yeah, I forgot where I was going with that.
[01:06:14] Speaker A: That they've taken half of the burden.
[01:06:16] Speaker B: Yeah, no, yeah, they've taken a lot of it off. There are still girls, some women.
[01:06:20] Speaker A: There's still some that expect to not do shit and sit on their ass and get their nails done.
[01:06:23] Speaker B: Yeah. Which is then, though. And then a lot, unfortunately. A lot of the times those are women that are like, but I fucking. I need to have my da, da, da, da da.
[01:06:33] Speaker A: Like, well, dude, people are delusional now. There are people and I think it's the Internet.
[01:06:38] Speaker B: This. I need a six foot man.
[01:06:39] Speaker A: Yeah, I need this. I need this.
[01:06:40] Speaker B: I'm like, who the $200,000 a year pays for me? Supports me?
[01:06:46] Speaker A: You take a look in the mirror. You don't. You don't belong with that at all. You don't. You didn't earn.
[01:06:50] Speaker B: I forget the. It's like a pastor, this black pastor dude, and he's just like, all right, what do you rate yourself on a scale from one to ten? And then what is like, I'm an eight, you're an eight. How much money do you make a year? $30,000.
Okay, how many kids you got? Four. How many baby dads? Three.
How much do you weigh?
250 pounds. How tall are you? 5. 3. So you a 250 pound fat whore that makes $30,000 a year on welfare, like, and you want a six foot man with abs that makes a million dollars a year because you think that's what you're worth. You ain't worth shit.
[01:07:28] Speaker A: She's not. Yeah, and that's the thing, dude. It's. A lot of people have no idea their value. They have no fucking idea.
[01:07:36] Speaker B: And you know your value changes on.
[01:07:38] Speaker A: Who you're with 100%.
[01:07:40] Speaker B: And like, yo, it's great to think I'm a 10. I'm a 10. I'm A 10 because of this, this and this. But take like an actual critical look at yourself and realize like, oh, I'm.
This is where I can improve. This is where I can improve. This is where I can improve to become a 10. Like, that's how I look at my stand up comedy. And I think that's how most people, at least in comedy, like, who are good, they're the hardest critics. Yeah, I'll tell a joke, it might get a laugh, and someone be like, oh, you had it. That was a good joke. That was a good set. I'll be like, no, fuck, I fucked it up. Yeah, either. Cuz, like, it might have came out better than what I had in my head, but it's not what I wanted to say.
[01:08:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:08:23] Speaker B: And so if it's not getting my.
[01:08:24] Speaker A: Point across, but those, I think are happy accidents. I look at those moments. They're gifts, if you ask me.
[01:08:30] Speaker B: Well, I don't see. Like, my thing is, it's probably a bad mindset. Like, I don't care if I do well at, like, a show.
I don't care if I.
[01:08:39] Speaker A: It doesn't matter realistically, if I do.
[01:08:40] Speaker B: Well here or there. Like, I want to. Obviously.
[01:08:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:08:43] Speaker B: But, like, I just want to say what I want to say.
And so it's like, Patrice o' Neill is, like, my biggest influence.
[01:08:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:08:53] Speaker B: And, like, fucking. People hated Patrice and, like, just fucking for who he was.
[01:09:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:09:05] Speaker B: Like, because he. It's. It's interesting when you know yourself and you say what you want to say, how you want to say it, It's. It hits so much harder because 10 of these people might not be laughing, but these two people over there, they get it. They understand. They feel that feeling.
[01:09:23] Speaker A: Yep.
[01:09:24] Speaker B: If I'm talking about, like, yo, I don't cheat, but if I'm talking about, like, the. I'm working on, it's like, yeah. If I like cheating on my girl, because, like, that's like, oh, if I were to do this, this is how I would do it, and this is why I'm doing it.
[01:09:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[01:09:40] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Like, I wouldn't cheat on my girl, because if I'm cheating on her, I love this other person way more than.
[01:09:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:09:46] Speaker B: And that's too much stress to have fucking two bitches and act like I'm caring about one more than the other when I really.
Or whatever. And then, like, most people don't laugh at that, like, that ideology. But then there's this guy with his girlfriend in the front row dying, laughing, and I'm just like, all right, as long as he's happy and one person's having a good time. That's all I want. All I want is one in the audience.
[01:10:14] Speaker A: Dude. That's the same exact. I look at it the same way where you go, all right, if there was just 15 more of people that thought, like, this guy or there. There's. They're not. Even if there was. There are. There's. There's a million other people that will think the same way. So you're like, I'm on the right path here. It's just this room is not all with me on that. And that's if there's one or two, then you have something. I think. Yeah, you and I have the same school of thought in. In that sense. And I think it's. I think it's the best way to stay authentic and it's the best way to.
To. To get better.
[01:10:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:10:48] Speaker A: You know what I mean?
[01:10:50] Speaker B: It also helps you find your voice. So I'm saying my whole shit, like my first. Even now, like, I don't really focus on writing jokes. I just focus on knowing who I am and then whatever comes after.
I do think, though, because finding your voice is a lot harder to do than to write a fucking.
[01:11:09] Speaker A: Oh, without a doubt. I mean, you could write great jokes all day and it's nothing like you. Yeah, that's the thing also, where you're like, I don't even know who this guy is. His jokes are funny. But I don't know you.
[01:11:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:11:18] Speaker A: I like to watch comedy where the guy's kind of having a conversation where he's just. You're like, I get this. I know who he is.
[01:11:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:11:23] Speaker A: And that's, to me, better than a well written joke, if you ask me. And maybe that's stupid, but it's just. It comes out more fun. Yeah.
[01:11:32] Speaker B: Because even, like, I noticed a lot of times, like, even if I'm not getting laughter in my son, it's quiet.
[01:11:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:11:36] Speaker B: And that means people are paying attention.
[01:11:38] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. They're tuned in. And when you feel that, you can feel the shift of people, like going, what's he going to say next?
[01:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's different than like a bombing silence.
[01:11:45] Speaker A: No, bombing silence is. It's. It's almost like a white noise. Bombing sounds. Yeah, like that, that hissing in your ear after.
[01:11:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Because there's someone talking or like, like a little chatter or whatever.
[01:11:57] Speaker A: It's terrible.
[01:11:58] Speaker B: Like.
Well, like I'm doing like my uncle, the. About like my uncle, how he got ran over by the cop car and stuff like that.
Like, people get engaged into it.
[01:12:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:12:08] Speaker B: And like, are following the story because, like, it's great to have laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.
But it's almost better to have, I find, to have like the break and just like the intrigue.
[01:12:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:12:26] Speaker B: And then like, then that one laugh, it's harder. And then you go, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.
[01:12:31] Speaker A: It's a skill also to manage the silence, I think, to just be like.
[01:12:36] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I've been working on it, you know, a lot of silence during my sets recently.
[01:12:40] Speaker A: What are you doing? You doing the yelling stuff?
[01:12:43] Speaker B: No, I'M saving that for shows mainly.
[01:12:45] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:12:45] Speaker B: But right now I'm doing the comfy competition, so I'm trying to write jokes about books.
[01:12:52] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:12:52] Speaker B: Because that was my topic for it.
[01:12:54] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:12:57] Speaker B: And then trying to do this shit about how I didn't know the M word was a bad word.
And doing that along with like, I want to expand on this like, cancel culture idea. How I actually like cancel culture.
[01:13:13] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:13:13] Speaker B: But it should apply to more things.
[01:13:15] Speaker A: Okay, that's interesting.
Like what?
[01:13:20] Speaker B: Oh, like the example I use in my bit is like, the cancel culture should apply to more things. Like, why is it so hard to cancel a gym membership? I can't just go down to the bench press and yell faggot.
[01:13:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:13:33] Speaker B: Like, you kicked me out but you're still charging me for the past two years.
[01:13:36] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I like that.
I like that.
[01:13:42] Speaker B: Oh, you live and you learn. A lot of people don't even live lives in comedy. They just sit there and write their shitty one liners or. Oh, my Tinder date this week.
[01:13:52] Speaker A: Oh, dude, I was wanted to kill myself on Tuesday where people like, dating is so hard. Dating is so hard. My date, our dating's weird. Dating is weird. And I'm like, yeah, weird about dating. And that's fine to have dating jokes.
[01:14:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:14:05] Speaker A: But like that, that, that starting of the joke of dating is weird. Like it's not really that fucking weird.
[01:14:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Or if you're gonna say it's weird, give like an actual reason.
[01:14:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
You're just saying it to fill.
[01:14:19] Speaker B: Don't be like, oh, yeah, dating's weird because you're meeting people who you don't know online.
[01:14:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:14:24] Speaker B: Just be like, like my take on it. I don't really do the bit anymore, but it was.
Yeah. You guys think dating's hard and like wherever the like, oh, dating's hard in Long Island, Dating's hard. In the city. Dating's hard too. You think dating's hard and someone in the crowd always goes, yeah, I'll be like, have you tried lying to women?
[01:14:44] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I remember that joke.
[01:14:47] Speaker B: And like, it's a little hacky. So that's why I don't really like to do it anymore. But still, hey, fucking, at least it's different than fucking.
Oh, dating's weird.
I met this girl and she was on field. Do you know what field is?
Fetish dating happens. She wanted me to do.
She wanted me to lick her feet. Yeah, right, dude, like just lick her feet and shut the up.
[01:15:14] Speaker A: Exactly. That's the other thing. I'm like, you know what? If I don't know, there's just a better way to go about it sometimes.
[01:15:21] Speaker B: Dude, I'm a commie.
[01:15:23] Speaker A: Would you consider yourself happy?
[01:15:29] Speaker B: I'm never going to be happy.
[01:15:31] Speaker A: Why do you say that?
[01:15:33] Speaker B: So I'm never gonna be satisfied.
[01:15:35] Speaker A: Okay. You think satisfaction, happiness is the same thing?
[01:15:38] Speaker B: I think you can't have one without the other.
Okay.
Like, I don't know, like, there's always some. Cuz in my mind there will always be something that I can improve and improve on. And if I'm content, then that means I lost.
Am I happy with, like, certain things? Yeah, absolutely. Like, but will I ever feel like a full, Full sense of, like, full happiness?
[01:16:05] Speaker A: You don't think so?
[01:16:05] Speaker B: No, because if I'm like, let's say, like, we're coming.
If I get past that club, yeah, I'm happy. I got passed at a club, but I did that.
Now I need to do arena tours. Oh, I'm doing arena tours. Or theaters. Now I need to do arenas. Oh, I'm doing arenas. Now I need to do stadiums. Okay, I'm doing stadiums. Now I need to doing Africa.
Now I need to do it in the jungles of Cambodia. Now I need to shoot Harlan Williams Force of Nature special in the middle of the desert to nobody and make a scorpion laugh.
[01:16:39] Speaker A: Like, but what about outside of comedy and just like, the silence of your mind, like, when you're just sitting alone, you think you. You consider yourself a happy guy because you're a very hard dude. You're really, like, you're soft. I know. I know you because I know, like, there's There's a. There's a gooey surface. I mean, there's a gui service for sure, but you have a very. Like, you're on guard. You're on guard a lot, and I get that. I mean, being from New York, you kind of have to be.
[01:17:07] Speaker B: Well, it's not so much like, I don't look at it like. Yeah, I'm sure from like a psychological angle, like, you're on guard. You have walls up. You have this up. But it's also like, what, like, what reason is there to not what, like, if.
How many people. There are more people you don't know in this world than you know. Of course, if you're going into an unknown situation, wouldn't you rather have more preparation than none?
[01:17:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree with that. But I do think that you have a. You have a. Just a presence about you where it's like, I don't know if I should even go say Hi to you. Like, if I didn't know you, which I understand and maybe I have that too and I don't realize. But you, you actually know. Even in situations where we're with people, you're very like.
I don't know how to put it.
[01:17:55] Speaker B: Like, it's more like I'm just observing shit.
[01:17:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:17:57] Speaker B: Like, you know, I'm kind of a mind reader. I'm a mentalist. No, but like.
Oh, I think it goes back to like the shit I was doing when I was younger. Like. Yeah, I've observed so much like body language and shit. Like it's ingrained in my mind.
[01:18:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:18:13] Speaker B: Like I know 90% of the times what I can say and what I can't or what I can say or what I shouldn't say or should say. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it. But like, I don't know, I think it's better to be. Don't. Why show? Why show my hand?
[01:18:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:18:31] Speaker B: Like if I can read, I got my open book. But if I, if I know you're trying to get something out of me, why am I going to give it to you without getting something I understand.
Like, that's how I look at promoters, like, or club owners and shit like that. Like at the end of the day, I'm trying to get something from you. Yeah, you want something from me.
Why am I, you expect me to fucking kiss your ring and do all. Jump through all these hoops and not get anything in return? I'm not gonna do that until I know I'm getting something. Getting mine.
[01:19:08] Speaker A: Yeah. But outside of a professional aspect.
[01:19:10] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying that cuz like an easier thing.
[01:19:13] Speaker A: Like take. Yeah, yeah. And I get what you're getting at.
[01:19:15] Speaker B: Like, oh, you're my. Like say like we meet at a bar, you buy me. Oh, nice meeting you. Thought about it. I like, whatever.
You buy me a drink. Okay. You buy me a drink. Why are you. My mind goes, why is this guy buying me a drink?
[01:19:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:19:32] Speaker B: What does he want from me? Does he just want to be friends? Does he just want. Does he want to set me up? Does he want to do this? Does he want to do that? And like most of the time it's just someone being friendly.
[01:19:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:19:42] Speaker B: And so. Oh, thank you. Whatever, I'll get the next round. So then we're even.
And like. Oh, even last night when someone was buying everyone drinks.
[01:19:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:19:51] Speaker B: I paid for my own drinks.
[01:19:53] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I understand that.
[01:19:55] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm just like. Because like I sense there's an ulterior motive. I get that someone else bought me a drink that night. This dude Sam. Really nice guy.
[01:20:04] Speaker A: Sam's good, dude. Really nice guy.
[01:20:09] Speaker B: I was like, dude, I'm like, I really appreciate that. But, like, he bought me a drink because he wanted to get to know me.
[01:20:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:20:17] Speaker B: He. He bought me a drink. Not.
He doesn't want to get to know me so he can get something. Manipulate or get something. He just wants to get to know me because, hey, he. He. I don't think he has, like, too many friends out here. He's pretty new, I think, area.
And I don't know if he's been doing comedy for a while or not. I've never seen him around.
[01:20:36] Speaker A: I've seen him at my mic a couple times, but.
[01:20:40] Speaker B: And, like, he just wants to get to know people and do that and whatever. And I'm like, yeah, dude. Like, you don't have to buy me a drink to do that. You don't.
[01:20:47] Speaker A: But that's. That is. That is a proper way to go about it, I think. Yeah.
[01:20:50] Speaker B: No, I appreciate it. I'm not gonna say no.
[01:20:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:20:55] Speaker B: I've said no to other people. People walk up and, like, that move some type of way. I'm like, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. And I'll go and buy myself a drink, and then they feel slighted, and I'm good.
[01:21:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:21:07] Speaker B: You.
[01:21:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:21:08] Speaker B: What do you want from. You can just talk to me.
[01:21:10] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:21:11] Speaker B: I'm trying to think of, like, a way that's not, like, professional, but.
[01:21:15] Speaker A: No, I get it. I get. I'm just thinking in general of, like, I know. I know how nice of a guy you are, but you have a tendency. You can come off as someone who's very protective, which is a smart thing.
I just.
[01:21:27] Speaker B: I think it's just. I think it just goes back to, like, I've been around so much. Fuck. Shit.
[01:21:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Where you don't want to. Yeah, yeah. Expose yourself.
[01:21:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Think of it like this. Like, you rob with, like, a shitty parent.
[01:21:36] Speaker A: Mm.
[01:21:38] Speaker B: That's the person you're supposed to trust. Well, that's when you can't trust them.
[01:21:42] Speaker A: Then you're fucked.
[01:21:43] Speaker B: And you. You have to create your own little thing. And when you're fucking 13, you're selling drugs and you don't have a father.
The people who are buying drugs from you, they just want to know you so they can get better deals. They can get this. They can get free shit.
You don't. It takes a while to figure out who your Friends are. And then you try to fit in with the wrong people.
And like they're. Honestly, the people who I sold drugs with are like, they weren't the wrong people for me to fit in with. It was the, the people who were doing drugs that I tried to hang out with, that I tried to be friends with. Those people. They just wanted something for me. These people want as like in a up sense of how it is.
Like these people are putting me on to what they know.
[01:22:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:22:35] Speaker B: Like they're, there's like, yo, like, do you want to be a fucking loser who's spending all his money on drugs or do you want to be better than the loser making money, making moves and doing, doing your own thing, Having something that's your own.
[01:22:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:22:50] Speaker B: Like, oh, I've had crazy opportunities that I've had to pass up just because of like my own morals. But it's weird. Like, I don't know if I should be talking about this but like I was like offered a ridiculous sum of money to like drive some stuff.
It wasn't drugs but like because I have a CDL to drive some from.
[01:23:20] Speaker A: One place to another.
[01:23:20] Speaker B: Yeah, one place to another. Shouldn't say.
[01:23:22] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[01:23:23] Speaker B: And was like cross state lines and, and a promic.
You know, it's like to like turn down a hundred thousand dollars.
[01:23:33] Speaker A: No.
[01:23:35] Speaker B: But it's just like fuck. But you get caught up in that and you do it once and you think, oh, maybe I can only do this once.
But no, once you're in it, you're fucking in. Especially with that line of shit.
Drugs is one thing because I'm mostly sold weed.
Yeah, I sold a little blow. But I, I never got anything crazy fronted to me. I only bought what I if like I got robbed. Like I knew I could repay it out of my own pocket.
[01:24:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:24:10] Speaker B: It wouldn't be that big of a deal.
But once you start getting up there, you, you can't stop.
[01:24:18] Speaker A: Yeah, of course, of course. What else you gonna do? What are you gonna go back to working at the fucking post office thing?
[01:24:23] Speaker B: No, that, and also you can't be a part time drug dealer. Make like.
[01:24:27] Speaker A: No, you got to be in it. Or either you're doing it full time and you make the fucking money or you're not gonna make shit. And that's, that's, what's the point of being a drug dealer.
[01:24:34] Speaker B: But no. Yeah. And like I, I, I have people who I still know who are involved in certain stuff. But hey, I'm so pro. Like I tell. I'm just like, yo, this. They know, though. They know who's trying to. Who. Who their friends are and who they are. You see very clearly with that shit.
[01:24:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:24:54] Speaker B: Like, two of my friends, like, grew up together mad clothes with one another, and then they sold for a while, but then they had their own plugs.
[01:25:10] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:25:11] Speaker B: Separate plugs.
And the one kid, like, his plug was dry, and so he went, my friends, like, yo, can I use your guy? Whatever? He's like, yeah, sure.
And then vice versa happened, and my friend was just like, yo. Like, yo, what's your guy's stuff? Like, I need a re up. He's like, well, you can get it from me, or I can give you his phone number for $10,000.
[01:25:37] Speaker A: Wow.
Okay.
[01:25:39] Speaker B: And he's like, yo, like, what the fuck?
Like, we're supposed to be in this together.
[01:25:43] Speaker A: Yeah, that'll fuck it. Yeah.
[01:25:47] Speaker B: Like, he paid it, but he was.
[01:25:48] Speaker A: Just like, what the fuck is going.
[01:25:50] Speaker B: Yeah, all right. Like.
[01:25:54] Speaker A: Bro, it's it. But, you know, you're smart enough to know, and I think that it's a.
[01:26:01] Speaker B: Keep your circle small. Yeah, no, no. Who you're with. Know who you move with.
[01:26:06] Speaker A: I rather. Yeah, man. Like, very tight. And even just spending, like we were talking about before spending time alone, yo, it's. This is priceless. A lot of people get upset, like, oh, I don't have a lot of friends. Like, yo, good, good. Keep. Like, it's good to have people that you trust. It's like you said small group.
[01:26:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I have like 10 real friends. 10 people I consider my friends, literally.
[01:26:24] Speaker A: Me too. It's. It's the same thing. And then after that, a lot of acquaintances.
[01:26:28] Speaker B: Yeah, a few people I like few people. A lot of people I get along with.
[01:26:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:26:32] Speaker B: And then their friends. I'm just like, I'll hang out with you.
[01:26:35] Speaker A: Yeah, you're good. You seem.
[01:26:37] Speaker B: Conversation. Yeah, I'm good around anybody, though.
[01:26:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:26:40] Speaker B: I grew up around all types of people. Rich people, poor people.
[01:26:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:26:44] Speaker B: Everything in between and.
Oh, you just see it, though.
[01:26:49] Speaker A: Of course, man.
[01:26:50] Speaker B: You're not dumb, dude.
[01:26:51] Speaker A: No, I.
[01:26:52] Speaker B: Especially in New York, you see everything.
[01:26:54] Speaker A: Everything, dude. Everything. That's the one thing when you see also, like, the new. The comedy. I mean, you're one of the few people. You, me, a couple other dudes who are from here. And you see the people who come in, they're just like.
They just don't have. They're missing something.
[01:27:08] Speaker B: Well, I almost.
I. I yelled at a comic the other day.
[01:27:14] Speaker A: Where's he from?
[01:27:16] Speaker B: Connecticut, I think.
[01:27:17] Speaker A: Connecticut. Okay.
[01:27:19] Speaker B: He was we were in the Lower east side and he started saying like some shit and he was just like. He was using like mad like, gang lingo.
[01:27:32] Speaker A: Oh, boy.
[01:27:34] Speaker B: I'm so. Yo, are you this? Mm.
And he was just like, no, why would I be? I'm just the way you're talking and this is like that neighborhood.
[01:27:44] Speaker A: Mm.
[01:27:45] Speaker B: You're gonna get us all into some shit if someone hears you, so shut the fuck up. He said he was just using like mad crip shit.
[01:27:54] Speaker A: Okay. And blackhead or white.
[01:27:56] Speaker B: He's black.
[01:27:57] Speaker A: Black. Really?
[01:27:58] Speaker B: Yeah.
But like, he wasn't black.
[01:28:01] Speaker A: I got you. I know.
[01:28:02] Speaker B: I think he was like Native American. He said, okay, but like, he was black and. Or black and Native American or some.
And I've never seen this kid before and he's just like. Yeah, it was cracking cuss.
[01:28:14] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[01:28:15] Speaker B: I'm gonna say probably first of all, you're using like old ass slang late. So I know you just got this from.
[01:28:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:28:21] Speaker B: Watching like you just listen to Gin and Juice on repeat.
[01:28:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:28:27] Speaker B: I'm big creat. I'm just like, bro. I'm like.
It's like, yo, stop that.
[01:28:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:28:33] Speaker B: You're gonna get. First of all, someone hears you saying that we're all. We all are next to each other.
[01:28:39] Speaker A: Yeah. We're associated now.
[01:28:41] Speaker B: Yeah. And I'm throwing your ass under the bus.
[01:28:43] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I. At that point I would. I don't know. Exactly.
[01:28:47] Speaker B: And like, whatever.
And secondly, like, shut the up.
[01:28:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:28:54] Speaker B: Like, I know people who are Chris. I know people who are bloods. I know.
[01:28:57] Speaker A: Like, what are you trying to do?
[01:28:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, why are you acting like this? You're.
[01:29:01] Speaker A: Who are you?
[01:29:01] Speaker B: You're. You're saying you're a stand up comedian.
[01:29:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:29:04] Speaker B: And he what? It was like his first mic ever.
I'm like, bro, I'm like, this is not like you don't know where you are. Yeah.
[01:29:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
That's a. That's always an interesting thing where you see a comic trying to be like, cool. Like when you like, you have.
[01:29:19] Speaker B: He got offended.
[01:29:20] Speaker A: Oh, really?
[01:29:21] Speaker B: Yeah, he was.
[01:29:22] Speaker A: Fuck him, dude.
[01:29:23] Speaker B: Yeah. It's weird, cuz. I like, pretty.
I have a hair trigger, but I'm pretty level headed most of the time.
[01:29:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:29:32] Speaker B: Fucking.
I've only really gotten into it with like three. Like really gotten into a three comics where it's almost come to blows.
[01:29:40] Speaker A: Yeah. You. I know. I know. 2.
[01:29:43] Speaker B: The ocean, long Island.
[01:29:44] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:29:44] Speaker B: That one was actually the closest in Long Island. Yeah. Squared up.
[01:29:48] Speaker A: And it's different out there also, though, it's it's kind of like you're, you know, you're turf. And you're not going to really run into him at Mike's unless he's. He's coming to the city a lot.
[01:29:58] Speaker B: Or. No, no, no. But like, this is why we squashed it.
[01:30:02] Speaker A: Okay?
[01:30:04] Speaker B: I can squash it pretty easily, especially after, like the heat.
[01:30:07] Speaker A: But no saying sorry.
[01:30:09] Speaker B: Not with that. No, bro, because, yo, with that, when I'm angry, I'm very rarely in the wrong.
[01:30:15] Speaker A: No, I. I'm not saying I'm the.
[01:30:17] Speaker B: First to admit when I'm wrong, like now, because it took It.
[01:30:21] Speaker A: It takes a while, bro. It takes a long time.
[01:30:25] Speaker B: Once. Like, it's like my mom did raise me well with that. Like when we get in trouble at school. Yeah, we did it. Yes, I did that. Yes, I did.
[01:30:34] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:30:34] Speaker B: The. The principal used to call up my mom's and like, the dean would be like, your son's in trouble again.
But I gotta say, Mrs. Hartman, they always admit to it.
[01:30:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:30:46] Speaker B: They're not liars.
[01:30:48] Speaker A: That's. I did. To me, there's nothing worse than a liar, dude. Yeah, nothing worse than a liar.
[01:30:52] Speaker B: Rather be a scumbag to your face and a scumbag behind your back.
[01:30:55] Speaker A: 100%, dude. There's nothing worse than that. Just like, why would you just deceive it? I don't. I hate it.
[01:31:00] Speaker B: Yeah. That's why I hate people who, like, talk. Like, also, if you ever hear me talking about comic, you know, I'd just be like.
[01:31:06] Speaker A: Yeah, you would say it to their face. Yeah, man. There was other people there last night. There was Cambra 2. There's two girls that he knew from the, from the bar he hangs out with. And it was funny watching those.
[01:31:17] Speaker B: The older girls.
[01:31:18] Speaker A: Yeah. The one who was like, with someone for like 10 years and then she's.
[01:31:21] Speaker B: Like, oh, that were like flirting with everyone.
[01:31:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
But I was like, listen, them. I was watching them, like, exist in the space with comics. And they were as enthralled with comics as they were because it's. There's like a.
I think some. I mean, they were obviously a little older. They get enthralled by the idea of, like, wow, these guys are misfits.
[01:31:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:31:42] Speaker A: And they're living on the Upper east side, like, living their basic, you know, everyday lives.
Like, they were. It was the first time I had seen a bunch of women that were as enthralled with them as the comics were with them. You know, I mean, like the. It was, it was a trade off.
[01:31:56] Speaker B: Because it's almost like. It's like, not cool music.
[01:32:00] Speaker A: Yeah. It kind of.
[01:32:01] Speaker B: Oh. Like you have this talent.
[01:32:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:32:05] Speaker B: Maybe you will be something. Maybe you won't.
Maybe I could be the girl that's with you until whatever.
[01:32:11] Speaker A: But the women who really appreciate it, appreciate it. Like, women who like comedy and they think it's the coolest, and then they.
[01:32:16] Speaker B: See your stand up and there's like.
[01:32:18] Speaker A: You'Re not that funny.
[01:32:19] Speaker B: I can say the.
The. I've only had, like, two women I was, like, ever talking to see me.
[01:32:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:32:26] Speaker B: Do stand up. And they're both people I actually, like, dated very seriously.
[01:32:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:32:30] Speaker B: And they're like, yeah. Like, it's like, he's a good comic. I'm just like, yeah, dude.
I'm never gonna bring, like, some random to, like.
[01:32:40] Speaker A: No.
[01:32:40] Speaker B: You watch me performing an open mic.
[01:32:42] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. Never, never, never. And there's something to be said. Like, if a woman really thinks, like, bully, you can also. They wouldn't lie, I don't think. I think if you're, like, dating someone, they'd be like, look, I don't think that, like, you are just not my cup of tea. You can't really lie about what you think is funny.
[01:32:58] Speaker B: I've seen it.
[01:32:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't. I'm just like, I don't think that's funny.
[01:33:02] Speaker B: I mean, I know a comic. I'm not gonna say her name, but that already limits it.
They're like, yeah, like, I find XYZ person attractive even though they fucking suck at comedy.
[01:33:14] Speaker A: See, that sucks.
[01:33:15] Speaker B: And so, like, I just act like they're funny at every time I see.
[01:33:18] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, but you're talking comic to comic.
[01:33:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:33:23] Speaker A: I don't think a person is gonna lie.
[01:33:25] Speaker B: I bro on Long Island. They definitely do. I've done way more shows out there.
[01:33:31] Speaker A: Women will lie and say, like, they think you're funny.
[01:33:35] Speaker B: Really, bro? Like, your whole family will be there and they'll all be like, you did a job.
[01:33:39] Speaker A: Great.
[01:33:39] Speaker B: Great job. 1. I did the comedy competition there, and I made it to the finals.
[01:33:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:33:45] Speaker B: And I ended up. I didn't place or anything because I.
As much as I want to blame be like, it's because I didn't bring anybody. Whatever. I just. They do take that into account or whatever.
But I had a pretty good set. But whatever. I guess I wasn't good enough that night.
[01:34:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:34:06] Speaker B: Fucking.
This girl comes out wearing the T shirt of, like, the guy she was, like, seeing. It's like a picture of his face.
[01:34:12] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:34:13] Speaker B: And she goes, my friend won. Or it was like, third place or whatever.
He shouldn't have been up there. You should have been up there. Don't tell him I said that. He walked out. She goes, oh, my God. You were the best. I'm shocked.
[01:34:25] Speaker A: You didn't win, but they were together for a while.
[01:34:29] Speaker B: No, they weren't. They were just friends.
[01:34:31] Speaker A: That sucks.
Fucking sucks, dude. That is the worst thing you could do for someone is the worst thing. You're lying to them. You're.
You better off.
[01:34:39] Speaker B: My mom goes to me like, that real you posted really wasn't funny.
[01:34:43] Speaker A: Which one?
[01:34:44] Speaker B: No, like, what?
[01:34:45] Speaker A: Yeah, no, you're better off. I would rather that. And go, oh, thank you. Okay, good.
[01:34:50] Speaker B: Because you're just like, I don't believe people when they tell me I did good.
[01:34:54] Speaker A: I mean, I wouldn't lie to you.
[01:34:55] Speaker B: No, I know. But I'm just like.
[01:34:58] Speaker A: I don't.
[01:34:59] Speaker B: I also don't look for outside validation.
[01:35:01] Speaker A: That's the thing. That's another good thing where you go, everyone, I gotta. If I believe it, this is what I got to do.
[01:35:06] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's the ego again.
[01:35:09] Speaker A: Of course. I know. That's. That's why it's such a sticky game.
[01:35:12] Speaker B: Where you're like, oh, I get uncomfortable being complimented, though.
[01:35:15] Speaker A: I know. I could see that. I've. So I've told you before, and you've told me. I've. I've texted you the day after, and I was like, yo, great set last night. And you just wrote you. That's it. I'm like, all right, thanks. Got it.
[01:35:27] Speaker B: Yeah. No, I mean, I'm just saying.
[01:35:28] Speaker A: No, I'm playing around.
[01:35:30] Speaker B: But now they're too late.
That also goes back to, like, a lot of people. They're just like, oh, you had a great seller. You want to do my show and bring seven people? No, no, I know you're not doing that. But, like, a lot of people, a.
[01:35:44] Speaker A: Lot of people, they think they're giving you an opportunity. I'm doing you a fit. You're not. You're not doing me anything. Like, if you really think I'm funny, you'll have me.
[01:35:50] Speaker B: Like, you know who I. Who. I do appreciate that kid. Kid. He's way older than me. Shout him on my podcast. Alex Gardes. He's passed at New York Comedy Club.
He. He. I thought he was kind of like that because he books a show at New York Comedy Club. Like, a second Wednesday.
Really good. A lot of big names come out. Paul Versey and Chris Decephana were just on one.
[01:36:10] Speaker A: Oh, really?
[01:36:11] Speaker B: Paul Verse, he's great. I need to see him live.
[01:36:13] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:36:14] Speaker B: But he was like, yo, it's a real. You had a really good set. Like, da da da da. Like, I do a show at New York Comedy Club. Come by. Oh, this guy just wants me to go to his show.
[01:36:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:36:25] Speaker B: And then I started seeing him around Mike's more, and he was like, no, they genuinely. I really like your comedy. We talk and I'm just like, oh. Like, he's not trying to book me. He's just letting me know, like, hey, this is something I do. If you're free. Like, he's like, whatever. Like, he doesn't care if I actually come.
[01:36:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:36:47] Speaker B: He's just. He's a cool dude. He knows good comedy.
[01:36:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:36:51] Speaker B: And like that. That's something that's like, oh, like, you actually want to get to know me. You don't want to dick me around.
[01:36:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Which is great.
[01:36:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Because he's not putting me up on a show. It's fucking so up. It's so you go Chris DiStefano and shit on.
[01:37:02] Speaker A: It's different.
[01:37:03] Speaker B: You talking to record on Wednesday. So, like, that's what I was, like, fucked still. I'm going to take one off and go. Go. Because he's a good guy. He's treating me super well.
[01:37:10] Speaker A: You should go. It's important. That's like the hangout aspect, I think.
[01:37:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:37:14] Speaker A: You know, so it.
[01:37:15] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm trying to go to more comic shows.
[01:37:18] Speaker A: I'm. I'm trying to.
[01:37:20] Speaker B: I also feel like such a. If I go to a show and I'm just like, I'm going to show, this guy's gonna be there.
[01:37:26] Speaker A: Yeah. But you know, deep down, that's not why. I mean, you're going to support. You know what I mean? You're not going there to, like, suck someone's dick.
[01:37:32] Speaker B: Yeah. And, like, I don't know, people will be like, oh, you don't have to pay for my show. Like, just come in. I'm just like, I'm gonna pay. Like, I want you to get some money.
[01:37:39] Speaker A: Of course. Yeah. No, you want to do the right thing.
[01:37:40] Speaker B: Unless it's. Comedy kills.
[01:37:42] Speaker A: If you're.
You shouldn't be paying for that. That's. I wouldn't let you. If you told me that you wanted to pay for that. I tell you to go yourself.
[01:37:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:37:47] Speaker A: But yeah.
[01:37:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Certain shows, I'm just like, if I'm. If I'm going to a dive bar for your show, and you're charging $20.
[01:37:57] Speaker A: You have to be out of your.
[01:37:58] Speaker B: To drink minimum. And, like, it's in the. The back of wherever the fuck.
[01:38:04] Speaker A: On Atlantic Avenue, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Just fucking.
[01:38:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
I'm sorry, brother. I'm not.
I love you. I'm coming to show support, but I'll buy a drink.
[01:38:14] Speaker A: I'm not fucking paying for a ticket. That's insane.
It's fucking.
[01:38:18] Speaker B: Especially when I know you're not paying your comics.
[01:38:20] Speaker A: That's the thing, dude. I've.
That's. That's the part that boggles my mind of, like, you know, you go, what's the money? You really just pocketing the money?
[01:38:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:38:30] Speaker A: Like, who the f. Like, you're just feeding the system that's just meant to fuck us all.
[01:38:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, when I did my Fear City show, I lost. I lost money on it, but, like, I still tried to pay. I told, like, the other people. I'm like, hey, like, whatever we get from the Doors, I'm splitting amongst you.
[01:38:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:38:48] Speaker B: They're like, all right, cool. We didn't. I lost, like, 60 bucks on the show. Nothing crazy and fucking.
But the guy who had headline, I was like, yo, bro, I'm like, we didn't make any money from the Doors, but I set this aside for you to have anyway and, like, really appreciated it and. But he was like, keep the money. Like, I'm like, no. I'm like, dude, take the money. You came out from Long Island. Yeah, Take the money. He was like, no, dude, like, really cool guy.
One of the best comics. Antonio Collector. I'm telling you, dude.
[01:39:17] Speaker A: You told me about him, dude.
[01:39:18] Speaker B: Like, there are very few people. I. I probably sound like a Dick Rider or, like, you know, Antonio Clark, Rob White, and, like, even Ivory.
Sean Brown, too. It's a good guy. But, like, Antonio Clark and Rob Wire are the two people on Long island who are not getting booked enough, and they're absolute murderers.
[01:39:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:39:39] Speaker B: You can put them in any situation.
[01:39:41] Speaker A: I mean, I've seen Rob White. He's killer.
[01:39:42] Speaker B: Yeah, bro. Ivory's, like, my mentor. I feel like, at this point.
[01:39:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:39:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
He's, like, the one person from Long Island I see in the city consistently.
[01:39:51] Speaker A: I've never seen him at a show. I would love to see that.
[01:39:54] Speaker B: It's. It's a little different than you'd think.
[01:39:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:39:57] Speaker B: If he's hosting it, it's fairly similar.
[01:39:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:39:59] Speaker B: But he does have, like, actual material. That's very good.
[01:40:01] Speaker A: Okay, cool. Yeah. I was always wondering about that. I was like, is There.
What does he do?
[01:40:07] Speaker B: Yeah, he hates Buddha, too.
[01:40:10] Speaker A: I mean, who doesn't?
[01:40:11] Speaker B: Maybe I shouldn't be saying that because I don't want to up his flow.
[01:40:14] Speaker A: They're not going to see this.
[01:40:16] Speaker B: No, I know, but still. Last thing I want to do is, like, say something about someone that they don't want out.
Rather. I actually don't know if he hates Buddha. I haven't said anything to him about this, and that is true, but I get the vibe he fucking hates Buddha.
[01:40:29] Speaker A: I think everyone there.
It's not every.
[01:40:32] Speaker B: Every host I've talked to, except no one's happy there. The people who have been doing comedy.
[01:40:36] Speaker A: For one month, they're like, yeah, it's the best. Such a good opportunity. It's like. It's like corporate America of comedy. That's all it is.
[01:40:42] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a internship to nowhere.
[01:40:46] Speaker A: No, Literally, no.
[01:40:47] Speaker B: You don't get anything out of it.
[01:40:48] Speaker A: It's a dead end. And they make it seem like they're giving you something. And that's the part from the beginning, and that's being from New York. Also, the bringers. A lot of where you just go, I've. I know scams. Yeah, I know scams.
[01:41:00] Speaker B: Do it for a little bit, just so you meet the other people and.
[01:41:03] Speaker A: Then get the out. Yeah. 100. Dude, that is a scam. That is a. A pyramid scheme. It's just awful.
[01:41:10] Speaker B: So, yeah, fuck Buddha.
[01:41:13] Speaker A: Fuck Buddha.
[01:41:14] Speaker B: Fuck Buddha.
[01:41:15] Speaker A: I'll go to their mics because I don't have a choice, but, yeah, I.
[01:41:17] Speaker B: Really don't go to the Tuesday Mike at the pair.
[01:41:20] Speaker A: The 8 o' clock was pretty good.
[01:41:21] Speaker B: Yeah, I go to 8 and 10 because.
[01:41:23] Speaker A: Yeah, those are good.
[01:41:24] Speaker B: Ivory and Eli's.
[01:41:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:41:26] Speaker B: Fucking love Eli Ramos, dude.
[01:41:27] Speaker A: Eli Ramos, the man.
[01:41:28] Speaker B: He's such a good guy.
[01:41:30] Speaker A: Your. Your lady, actually, I wrote something about she loves him. I know she does. I posted a video a couple weeks ago about, like, you don't actually have autism. You're just an. Like. Just like, randomly. And she commented, one of the funniest. I laughed out loud. She goes, I'm fine. I'm gonna say it. I don't think Eli Ramos is actually handicapped. It's like, dude, that is so funny.
I was cracking up.
[01:41:55] Speaker B: Nah. Yeah, she's quick.
[01:41:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, yeah, she's from here. She's Puerto Rican. She's from New York. Like, come on. Yeah, dude, that's. You got to be quick. Like, that's. That's part of. It's in her DNA, you know?
Great guy, Eli Ramos. Good dude.
[01:42:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Just been a dick sucking podcast. It's just like. Yeah, my dad was a heroin addict. I sold drugs.
I love this guy. This guy's great. I hate this guy. My ego's massive. My ego's so small.
[01:42:24] Speaker A: Well, I think I. I think I learned a lot about you, dude. I think it was good. I mean, I know we didn't get like a deep. Deep, but it's like after the podcast. That's right now we're gonna do that. We're gonna cut this.
No, but it's like, yo, there's. There's things about you, like, hearing some of the things I think for you also what you. What most people would consider deep. You kind of just go, yeah, I'll tell you about all this.
[01:42:45] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's the thing. I don't give a. About that's certain. I won't bring up like, yeah, like, obviously, everyone that's, like, tough to talk about.
[01:42:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:42:54] Speaker B: Like.
But at the same time, like, I don't. Yeah. It's tough for me to, like, relive certain shit.
[01:42:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:43:00] Speaker B: But it's more so the only reason why I don't talk about it is it's because it's not my thing to tell.
[01:43:06] Speaker A: I understand that. That. Which is, I think, a really good quality to have. A lot of people, don't. They. They'll. They'll say shit. Just to say shit. And it's like, no, no, no, this is not yours. Are you sure you should be doing that?
[01:43:15] Speaker B: I had a problem with that for a while. That's what I'm really. Yeah, I yapped.
[01:43:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:43:20] Speaker B: Not like, I'd be like, oh, my God, like, bro. Like. But it was weird because I was also like, still the same.
[01:43:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:43:29] Speaker B: I'd be like, bro, Ken Bird sucked the comics dick to get spots.
But then came would be like, why are you saying you suck the car sucked the comic stick?
[01:43:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:43:41] Speaker B: And I'll be like, well, it's funny. Yeah. No, but like, that rumors. It's so funny.
[01:43:48] Speaker A: That is such a wild. It would be funny if you and I were talking. We're doing it.
[01:43:51] Speaker B: But no, Ken said something to me and we were just fucking around. I was like, yeah, you suck dick or whatever.
[01:43:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:43:58] Speaker B: He goes. And he, like, faith changed. He says, that rumor's not true.
I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't talk to anyone that's at Broadway.
[01:44:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:44:08] Speaker B: And it's like, oh, well, like, this is what was happening.
I'm like, damn.
[01:44:15] Speaker A: Like, you have a fucking like, we know you. We know you know. Like, it's. That's. That it. That is not true. That. Whoever. I know who said it.
[01:44:23] Speaker B: It's true. It's totally true. Cam sucks my dick for fucking. For. Not my podcast.
[01:44:30] Speaker A: But no, it's. It's.
Yeah, man.
[01:44:33] Speaker B: Not Cam's.
[01:44:35] Speaker A: Cam's not sucking dicks for anybody.
[01:44:37] Speaker B: James Patrick, on the other hand.
[01:44:38] Speaker A: James Patrick's a wild, wild dude. That guy is so gay. It's crazy.
[01:44:44] Speaker B: We're outside, Ron. I want to. No, it wasn't James. It was aj.
I was gonna. I thought it was James because it's something James would say.
[01:44:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:44:53] Speaker B: He goes, how many times would you suck a dick to get past at the Comedy Cellar?
[01:44:59] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good one.
[01:45:00] Speaker B: And I want to say, maybe it was Moroni. Was like 10.
[01:45:04] Speaker A: 10'S a solid number. Yeah, I do 10.
Why not? For the seller. Fuck it.
[01:45:10] Speaker B: See? Hand jobs. You got it. I don't think I could suck a dick.
[01:45:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
In reality, like, when you think about it having a dick in your mouth, you gotta really, like, do it for the. Like, you gotta. I think I'd rather get in the ass than suck a dick because you gotta, like, do stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you me in that, you can rape me. I just tie me down to suck a dick. There's, like, love in that game. You know what I mean? I can't do that.
[01:45:36] Speaker B: You want me to spit? You want me to tap it on my tongue?
[01:45:38] Speaker A: That's the thing, dude. Like, you gotta. You got to give it. There's got to be some sort of.
I don't know if passion's the word, but there's work involved. To get fucked in the ass. I could just. I'm gonna dose myself and just do it.
[01:45:50] Speaker B: That's why I'm gonna show you a hand job. I think that's, like, not gay at all.
[01:45:53] Speaker A: I mean. Yeah, you could just kind of do this and go, all right, like, whatever. Just fucking.
Yeah.
Yeah. Like, you could watch a movie. You can. You can sort of dissociate.
[01:46:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:46:02] Speaker A: This is like my.
What?
[01:46:06] Speaker B: You can be like an 8th grade girlfriend, dude, just over the pants.
[01:46:09] Speaker A: Oh, dude. I was saying that, like, there's no more pathetic way to come than from a hand job. That is the most pathetic thing when a woman jerks you off. It's just.
[01:46:18] Speaker B: Yeah, it's way better when a guy.
[01:46:19] Speaker A: Yeah, it's way better when a guy does it because they know what the they're doing.
[01:46:23] Speaker B: It's way better when you can get Cam Bird to do it.
[01:46:25] Speaker A: Camber is fantastic. You ever seen his hands, dude? Creamy moisturized hands. Yeah, he's electrician, but his hands.
[01:46:33] Speaker B: Look, I was about to say he's an electrician, but he has saw his hands.
[01:46:36] Speaker A: It's crazy.
[01:46:37] Speaker B: Oh, K's going to see it and be like, I really didn't appreciate that.
[01:46:42] Speaker A: Come on, guys.
Come on.
[01:46:46] Speaker B: Doing Cam's podcast. Fourth of July.
[01:46:48] Speaker A: Oh, you're going to be up after me. I'm going on the.
I'm going next week, next Saturday. I'm doing. Can't Wait.
[01:46:54] Speaker B: Oh, I have some props.
[01:46:59] Speaker A: What do you mean, first? Oh, for him.
[01:47:01] Speaker B: I'm fucking going in there guns blazing, dude.
[01:47:04] Speaker A: Can't you just go.
Just not do that?
[01:47:09] Speaker B: No, I'm just gonna get, like, a case of fucking. What's the most American beer?
[01:47:13] Speaker A: I mean, Bud Light. No, right?
[01:47:14] Speaker B: Yeah, just get like a 32 pack of Bud Light and down them all.
PBRs, I think PBR, that's.
[01:47:21] Speaker A: That's way more American. That's the lowest shit you can get. I like PBRs.
[01:47:24] Speaker B: I have my USA shirt. Yeah, it's 4th of July, dude.
[01:47:28] Speaker A: I mean, I'm gonna. I'm not even gonna be here, but you know what? You want to hear American? I'm supposed to be going to 4th of July. I'm going to watch a Chicago Cubs game. I never been. I've never been to Wrigley Field, but, like, it's. That's the most American thing you could do on fourth July. See baseball.
[01:47:43] Speaker B: Fuck yeah. Right?
When I was in, like, 11th grade, my.
My US history teacher played us a documentary on 9 11.
Baseball healed America after 9 11.
[01:47:55] Speaker A: No, it didn't, dude. It was the Fentanyl did, dude.
[01:47:59] Speaker B: She was hysterical crying in the back of the room.
[01:48:02] Speaker A: And would she lose someone in 911 or something?
[01:48:05] Speaker B: Probably. Well, she's from Buffalo or Ithaca or some like that, so she could. But she was just, like.
They showed, like, the planes hitting the twin towers. And, like, as the planes hit, it turned into someone hit, like, a home run.
[01:48:19] Speaker A: That's a terrible edit, dude. It's not good.
[01:48:22] Speaker B: And I was just sitting there dying, fucking laughing, and she's hysterical crying. But also, like, her husband, who was another teacher at the school, they got divorced, wrote a book about how a, like, a high school teacher who's also like a baseball coach, like, fell in love with a student, and then they got divorced a year later.
[01:48:44] Speaker A: Was the student. It was the 11th grade, you said. How old was the student?
[01:48:47] Speaker B: I don't know it was in a book and it was fiction.
[01:48:49] Speaker A: That. Yeah, right. Fiction, right.
[01:48:51] Speaker B: Yeah. But you write what you know.
[01:48:52] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. Fiction that sounds exactly like their life.
[01:48:55] Speaker B: Yeah. And he was like, it's based off of somebody. I know it's based off of you, buddy.
[01:48:59] Speaker A: That's your life, dude.
It's a wild thing, bro. A wild thing as a. As a teacher to fall in love with a student.
[01:49:06] Speaker B: Like put a book out on it.
[01:49:07] Speaker A: And put a book out and then people.
[01:49:09] Speaker B: It was like since there's baseball, like he made jerseys.
[01:49:12] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:49:13] Speaker B: Like the, the kids numbers.
[01:49:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:49:15] Speaker B: And like people wear them around the school. It's mad weird. So weird.
[01:49:20] Speaker A: That's Long island, bro.
[01:49:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:49:25] Speaker A: All right, you want to cut it?
[01:49:27] Speaker B: Yeah, we can cut it.
[01:49:29] Speaker A: You got Instagram, Justin.
[01:49:30] Speaker B: Yeah. At Justin Hartman Comedy.
I'll drink to. That's the podcast or I'll drink to that. Official.
You can just find it on YouTube at the Hector show.
Trying to think what else? How long is this come out.
[01:49:44] Speaker A: Come out next week. It'll come on Wednesday.
[01:49:46] Speaker B: I'm doing the comfy competition next Friday.
[01:49:49] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:49:50] Speaker B: I see me do three minutes on books.
[01:49:55] Speaker A: And where is it? The comfy guy.
[01:49:56] Speaker B: Oh, it's at the Comic Strip. I think it's 6:00 o'clock.
[01:49:58] Speaker A: 6:00Pm Comic strip.
[01:49:59] Speaker B: 6:00Pm or 5:30, something like that. Oh, it'll be on my Instagram if you. You care enough.
[01:50:05] Speaker A: Justin Hartman is. Is one of my favorite people.
[01:50:07] Speaker B: Yeah. I have an episode with him coming out in like a month.
[01:50:10] Speaker A: We're gonna be doing that. Yes.
[01:50:11] Speaker B: Him and Cam Bird, the infamous. I'm just gonna talk about that.
[01:50:14] Speaker A: The crew.
That is.
[01:50:17] Speaker B: No, no cancer to me. Last night he goes, you're a couple.
[01:50:20] Speaker A: Cool. You're Cool C. Yeah.
[01:50:22] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm part of the Cool.
[01:50:24] Speaker A: You're Triple C, bro. Cool crew.
[01:50:26] Speaker B: Cool Clan.
[01:50:28] Speaker A: Cool Cool C Clan.
Can you name that? When we and Cam and I come on the podcast, we'll call it the Cool C Clan. Yeah, I think that'd be fun.
[01:50:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Maybe we'll get more than 10 views.
[01:50:39] Speaker A: May. Ah it. Who gives a dude.
[01:50:41] Speaker B: Oh yeah. No, I just do it for fun.
[01:50:42] Speaker A: It's awesome.
[01:50:43] Speaker B: Like I said, it's just an excuse to hang out with someone legit. Shoot the.
And like not be in a loud ass bar with a bunch of broads hitting on you.
[01:50:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:50:51] Speaker B: Which that doesn't happen anyway.
[01:50:53] Speaker A: Just.
[01:50:54] Speaker B: Just pouring at you.
[01:50:55] Speaker A: Push it away.
[01:50:56] Speaker B: Right? No. Reedy.
[01:50:57] Speaker A: Isn't that the worst Noah Reedy knows about? Dude, that's that guy.
[01:51:01] Speaker B: No, it doesn't Even that much.
[01:51:02] Speaker A: I know he does.
[01:51:03] Speaker B: He can.
[01:51:04] Speaker A: 100. He can.
[01:51:05] Speaker B: Dude, some girl walked up to him after Mike at Black and goes, you know, I would have the out of you if you didn't say that on stage, but what's your Instagram?
[01:51:16] Speaker A: What a slut. She's gonna fuck him.
[01:51:17] Speaker B: No, he was just like, what makes you think I want to fuck you?
[01:51:20] Speaker A: Well, that's. That's the thing about him, dude. He's got. Does not give a fuck.
[01:51:24] Speaker B: Yeah. I love him.
[01:51:26] Speaker A: Yeah. And his messages with women, what he writes them. I'm like, yo, it's amazing. Amazing. Think I, like, yeah, this isn't working out for me. Like, yeah, I love you. Like, I'm like, what do you think? He just writes crazy shit.
[01:51:37] Speaker B: But, yeah, no, but when he's talking to, like.
Because I've talked to him about, like, on, like, a serious note. Like, when he's, like, actually talking to a girl, he's like, you know, like, they have. They're like a bombshell.
[01:51:49] Speaker A: Yeah. And he's. He's probably super.
[01:51:51] Speaker B: It's exactly what he wants. Like, he doesn't talk to somebody who's like, like, oh, yeah. Like, they're good looking. Like, no, he wants. Somebody's like, yeah, like, you're hot. Yeah, you like X, Y, and Z.
Like, we get along. Like, let's do this, Ben. I'll, like, just you, like, not even date you. Like.
[01:52:08] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I get that.
[01:52:09] Speaker B: He won't pay no mind. And so cool. I'm just like, dude, I wish I was like that. Like, I am now, I guess, but, like, when I was, like, younger, I'd be like, he was always like that, apparently, like, picky.
[01:52:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I said the wrong. I've always been that way, too.
[01:52:23] Speaker B: Yeah. I've never. I'm.
[01:52:25] Speaker A: No, I. I need.
Turn it to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Ride.
Yeah, dude, you gotta. I. I don't know. I think most men don't give a. But it's. It's cool when you're like, no, no. Like that.
[01:52:41] Speaker B: I think that's when you grow up, when you're just like, all right, I.
[01:52:44] Speaker A: Have a certain standard.
[01:52:45] Speaker B: Keep the.
[01:52:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, it's not good. I. I'm not gonna. This is not gonna make me happy.
[01:52:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:52:50] Speaker A: Like, you're. It'll be 30 seconds of fun and that's it. And I'm out of here.
[01:52:53] Speaker B: Not even, dude, I've been with girls. I'm just like, this is miserable, dude.
[01:52:58] Speaker A: That's the worst. I'd rather be alone. I don't want to hang out with someone and spend my money on them. Get the.
[01:53:02] Speaker B: No, not. And, like, oh, I would just go through the motions. I'm just like, all right. Even when I'm having sex with, like. Like, was having sex with, like, a girl here, it's not fun.
[01:53:12] Speaker A: You like having sex with someone. You have a connection.
[01:53:14] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the thing. Now if. If I don't love you, I'm not you.
[01:53:18] Speaker A: Yeah, it's really nice. It's. It's so much better, dude. So much better.
[01:53:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
All right.
[01:53:24] Speaker A: All right. This has been Justin Hartman. Thanks for watching, guys. You're the best. If you did. No one's watching.
[01:53:29] Speaker B: And do, do, do the right thing next time you vote. Check the right ballots, guys.
[01:53:34] Speaker A: See you later.
[01:53:35] Speaker B: You're gonna vote for Zorhan. That guy.
[01:53:37] Speaker A: That. That anti Semite.
[01:53:39] Speaker B: I don't. I don't know anything.
[01:53:41] Speaker A: I'm going for Cuomo, dude. That guy.
[01:53:44] Speaker B: I'm going for Adams.
[01:53:45] Speaker A: I'm going for Adams. Anyone but that anti semitic piece of.
[01:53:49] Speaker B: I'm actually writing in.
Know who I'm writing?
[01:53:56] Speaker A: All right, this was Hitler Hartman.
[01:53:57] Speaker B: Yep, that's actually what I was gonna say. I'm writing in Paul Pot for the New York Democratic candidate.
[01:54:03] Speaker A: All right, later, guys.
