# 9 - Cameron Bird

[00:00:02] Speaker A: All right, well, we're back. Another podcast, Chaos and Clarity. I'm here with. With Cam Bird. Cam Bird. He's got a podcast going after it. Anyone who knows me has seen me on that podcast. Everyone knows that what Going after It is now. If you know me, at least. How you doing, buddy? [00:00:19] Speaker B: I'm good, man. Thanks for having me. [00:00:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:00:21] Speaker B: So good to be here. [00:00:23] Speaker A: You look like an Australian weatherman right now whose wife is cheating on him, and you're like, I love my life. [00:00:31] Speaker B: No, I'm glad. This is. Like you said, I'm the first guest you've had for, like, a really long time after rebooting it, so I feel very honored and privileged. I guess we're gonna have to after this, but that's. [00:00:42] Speaker A: Well, we're gonna record that too, but we're gonna make a Patreon, so people have to pay for it. I'm not. If I'm not making money. All right. All your Australian friends. Oh, I might. Cam's getting caulk on camera. [00:00:55] Speaker B: Have you ever thought about doing the Only Fans? [00:00:59] Speaker A: I think if my dick was maybe like, an inch and a half bigger, I would be really keen to do it, but I haven't. I'm not, dude. I. I mean, yes, but the other thing is about the only fans, the. The women on there, you have to really promote it. Like, it's not like you make an Only fans and people just show up. You know, it's like. It's like Instagram now. Like, you're. You make a page. Like, you. You gotta pump out the material and really publicize it. [00:01:24] Speaker B: But I don't. Have you been on Onlyfans? Have you been on the website? [00:01:27] Speaker A: Oh, I have visited the website. [00:01:34] Speaker B: I mean, I'm an OnlyFans connoisseur. I have been on there, and I'm gonna premise this in the sense of, we men, we get horny, right? It's Instagram. You see these Instagram models, and they're like. You're like. They're hot. And then like, ooh, check out my links. You click the links and you're like, Ooh, OnlyFans. And you're like, how could I not click it and just have a little look? Like, how could I not have a little wee. Little peep and see if maybe. Maybe she has a free profile that I can see one nude. Just one. I wouldn't look at more than 20 of her nudes. [00:02:08] Speaker A: I wouldn't count the freckles on her nipples. Dude, that's like passing you. You can't not because that's like, that's like seeing like a commercial for, you know, a starving kid in Africa and not calling to donate money. You have to do the right thing. [00:02:24] Speaker B: You got to. You got it. These girls need our money. But what I. But there is no way. Because, you know, like Instagram, you can get suckered into the reels and that's how like people can sort of spruak themselves through Instagram, right? Yeah, yeah, but only fans. It's not really like that. The website's pretty generic. [00:02:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:42] Speaker B: In the sense of you have to know the model's name to search it or click the link for you to find the model. So I don't know how they advertise, actually. Instagram. I've just answered my own question. I'm retarded, guys. Here we go. I'm dumb. They use Instagram. There we go. [00:02:56] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's. I've been on the website and it's not a user friendly platform. You. It's so bad. [00:03:02] Speaker B: It's like, it's like the old MSN or something. Like, it's really bad. [00:03:05] Speaker A: That's exactly. [00:03:06] Speaker B: Really basic. [00:03:06] Speaker A: It's fucking awful, dude. [00:03:07] Speaker B: They should have like an Instagram page, like a reels page, so you can see, like, you can search, you know. [00:03:14] Speaker A: She'S fingering her asshole. Oh, Christmas dinner tits. [00:03:18] Speaker B: It should be like a Tinder search. You know, like small girl, small Asian woman, big tits. You know, and then like, then the real starts spinning. You're like, okay, bang. [00:03:26] Speaker A: Well, that's like the, that the. It's like the pornhub model. Like I was when I was on when I saw the only fans and I've. I've. [00:03:33] Speaker B: I. Pornhub. [00:03:35] Speaker A: Pornhub, like the, the porn website. [00:03:36] Speaker B: What's porn? [00:03:39] Speaker A: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was talking to a Christian man. But if you know what child porn. [00:03:46] Speaker B: We got it. [00:03:46] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you mean chur. It's true though. It's fucking. It's. It's a. It's not a user friendly site, but it's not. If you. I've been on, you know, I've seen like, if a girl is advertising for free, I will. I'm like, all right, like, I'll. I'll see what's up. But when you go, it's never as good as you think. [00:04:11] Speaker B: Never. [00:04:11] Speaker A: You know, you're kind of like, you thought that like they'd have better tits or something. [00:04:14] Speaker B: Or sometimes it is as good as you think. Sometimes. Okay, question. Do you have an issue with pain for porn? And. Or paying for only fans. Because I have paid for only fans. I wouldn't say a lot of money. Maybe my whole life I've spent maybe 10 million. No, I don't know, like 3 or $400 total. Like, it's not. It's not a lot. This is over years of you, of looking at onlyfans. I don't think that's a lot of money because, you know, over years. [00:04:44] Speaker A: No, it's not. But when you say 3, 400, it makes me like. And maybe it's the Jew in me where I'm like, I don't know, man. I. Over years. It's not a lot of money. It's nothing. It's like a penny a day, really. No, it's not. It's not a dollar a day. [00:04:59] Speaker B: A dollar keeps the doctor away. [00:05:00] Speaker A: Yeah. A dollar a day keeps my wife in disarray. [00:05:05] Speaker B: Keeps her at bay. [00:05:07] Speaker A: What do you. You know what onlyfans is for, like, grown men? When you give. When you give a baby an iPad at, like, the restaurant. [00:05:18] Speaker B: Be quiet. [00:05:20] Speaker A: You shut up now. You go take out the trash. And here's your only fans. Sweetie. [00:05:24] Speaker B: That could be a really funny clip. [00:05:25] Speaker A: That could be funny. [00:05:26] Speaker B: That could be a really funny skit. We should. [00:05:29] Speaker A: We should do a reel. Like a reel on that of like the guy who's like, sweetie, sweetie, only fans. Now. I'm going to go fuck the trainer. [00:05:41] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I'm going to work. I'm not gonna be home till 2 in the morning. Don't come home and smell my pussy. [00:05:49] Speaker A: It'd be funny if, like, like, all right, the baby's like. You start the clip with a babysitter walking like, oh, where's the babysitter? I gotta go. I gotta go. Babysitter comes in, it's like, all right, you can only feed him burgers until 11, and then for 12 before bedtime, you give him his only bed. It's like a grown man comes out a diaper. It's fucking. Ugh. [00:06:06] Speaker B: But I think. I think I've so. I have been given a hard time by a few people about pain for only fans. They're like, that's weird. You pay for porn. And I'm like, I don't think it is weird to pay for porn. What we. Anything in life that you want, you have to generally pay for. You know, I don't. I don't have an issue with it. If I have to go down, if I want a cheeseburger, buy a cheeseburger. I wanna. I just don't See it nothing in my mind, red flags as. As it been an issue only if you're poor and you're wasting all your money on wanking over onlyfans models and you're a fucking loser. But I think if you, like, you know, people pay for Spotify Premium because they don't want ads. Like, I just. And I, you know, like, I think that's kind of a waste. I'm happy to sit through an ad and not pay for Spotify Premium, but I have no issue with paying for. I don't know. I don't know if I'm arguing my point. [00:06:53] Speaker A: No, you're making it very. [00:06:54] Speaker B: I just never thought that it was an issue and so many people have had an issue with it. [00:06:58] Speaker A: It's a. I. It's the only goods and services where people think they should get it for free. And I think it's because the people who are really paying for the only fans are being taken advantage of. Like, you see, like you said, these fucking losers who are sitting jerking off and they believe that they're in a relationship. [00:07:15] Speaker B: Yes. [00:07:15] Speaker A: With these women. [00:07:15] Speaker B: Yes. [00:07:16] Speaker A: And that's, I think the idea that men have in their head of like when they think of paying for porn, they think of the loser who's got, you know, you know, crumbs in his belly hair. [00:07:25] Speaker B: I've never spoken to an only fans model. Like, I've never jumped on the chat and gone, hey, how you doing? Or like, because there's always a chat with every only fans. Right. I've never chatted. It's just more. It's. I've just used it as like a porn site. Like just looking at. [00:07:38] Speaker A: To masturbate to. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's. It's. I, I think like, yo, if most people are not okay with. It's all. Here's the thing. If you can get pornography for free or pay for it and it's basically the same thing. Maybe if you really think that girl's that hot, but there's a million other girls who are super hot, then to me it's like, I don't want to pay for it. If I can get, you know, there's a million other videos. [00:08:01] Speaker B: It's free porn. That is fucked. People's idea. Because remember back in the day when Internet wasn't like when we were kids, like when you used to have to go to the video store. [00:08:09] Speaker A: Yes. [00:08:09] Speaker B: And there was the adult section. People were paying for porn. Then they would rent a video or a dvd. It used to be a cassette and then dvd. Like you Paid for that? Yeah, you paid. So back then, if OnlyFans was out, then I bet you no one would have had any issue with it. With paying for an only fan. [00:08:26] Speaker A: Without a doubt. 100. When you put it like that. It's just that once the Internet came out, it was always accessed. It's like we were given this, and now I think if to take that away, it's like giving someone freedom of speech and taking it away. Like, wait a minute. Like, why would we. Why should we not be able to do that? [00:08:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:43] Speaker A: Here's a question for you. And I heard a story about this. Is it considered cheating if a man who's married is paying for onlyfans? Well, we could start with paying for onlyfans, and then there's paying for onlyfans and. And talking to the models. It's a really weird line. [00:09:10] Speaker B: I don't think it's cheating if they're. [00:09:12] Speaker A: Just paying for it. [00:09:13] Speaker B: I don't know. My definition of cheating is very different. Like, but the thing is, it's hard for me to put myself in that mindset because I'm not like, I. I'm. I've. I haven't paid for onlyfans for probably well over, and especially not since I've been married. [00:09:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:30] Speaker B: I actually don't even go on it anymore. I truly don't. If I did, I would tell you. [00:09:34] Speaker A: No, no, no. I just. It just is. It's funny, though, but I'm. [00:09:37] Speaker B: Because I'm trying to put myself in that situation. So if I. If I had. If I was. If I was paying for OnlyFans now and talking to a model. No, I don't think it's cheating. No, I don't. I don't. I just think. I don't think it's like, what if. [00:09:48] Speaker A: The conversation is like. Like, what if you. [00:09:51] Speaker B: Oh, if you're, like, getting sexual. Yeah, that's not good. [00:09:53] Speaker A: That's the thing of, like, oh, I missed. [00:09:55] Speaker B: You know what? Because you're. You're. [00:09:56] Speaker A: You're building a relationship. [00:09:57] Speaker B: It kind of is like that as well. But you know what? A lot of these only fans because I met an only fans girl when I was traveling. Yeah, I met a couple of them, actually. And they both told me that the people that are doing the chats, they're not. [00:10:10] Speaker A: It's like, it's not there, dude. [00:10:11] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:10:12] Speaker A: But that's. But you don't. [00:10:13] Speaker B: Anyway, that's irrelevant. [00:10:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:14] Speaker B: So assuming that. Yeah, it is wrong. [00:10:17] Speaker A: Like, sweetie. No, it's not her. It's Calvin. So you're talking to an Indian man to play with his pussy. What? But that's the thing, though. If you. If you like. Okay, if you could read the transcript and you. And it said here like, oh, miss you today. Oh, was thinking about you like one of these losers. Because you can get delusional. I mean, men can get delusional with women that they haven't. That they're trying to. And they're like, oh, they think you're together and you're like, no, no, she's using you. [00:10:44] Speaker B: I've always found those types of men very weird, though. Like, that's. That's bizarre. And I've met people like that, but they're generally like creepy, really weird dudes. [00:10:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:54] Speaker A: But they have a wife. [00:10:55] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. It is weird. It is strange. It is strange. Yeah. I don't think it's right. And I just. I was just thinking segue to that. But it's similar. I wonder how soon till the chats. The only fans chats are just purely AI and you're never. You're not even talking to a real person. Or maybe it's already there. [00:11:13] Speaker A: I think it's probably there already. [00:11:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:15] Speaker A: You know, like, how could you not. You could do anything with AI you can have fill out a resume, you know, it's. I wouldn't be shocked if it's not like that already. [00:11:24] Speaker B: Dude, I've been using Chat GBT a lot. [00:11:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:26] Speaker B: Like applying for jobs for my podcast. I. I'll write it and then I'll run it through Chat gbt. And then he'll just like, spell check it. Spell and grammar check. [00:11:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:36] Speaker B: It's phenomenal. But this dude, my Chat gbt, no starting to know me. Like, it knows me, you know? And I'm. I'm like, this is phenomenal. [00:11:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:45] Speaker B: It's just amazing. [00:11:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:11:47] Speaker B: But it. It's. [00:11:48] Speaker A: It's a little frightening. [00:11:49] Speaker B: Yeah. Starting to become a friend of mine. Like, now when I ask for things, I say please and thank you. [00:11:56] Speaker A: I've treated it like a real person, which is yo. But that's. That's a normal thing to do as a human, like, to say thank you and please. Because, like, yo, the more you. I. I've been saying thank you to Siri. More like I don't use I chappy GPT I'll use sometimes. But when I'm talking to Siri, which I hope I didn't just fuck up the. The thing that when I'm talking to her, it's. I say thank you a lot. And I'm like, why the fuck am I doing that? [00:12:21] Speaker B: Do you think the only fans. If you're the husband. [00:12:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:25] Speaker B: And you're on only fans and you're talking to a model. [00:12:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Do you think it's cheating? [00:12:32] Speaker A: I think it depends on like what's being said. I just, I. I think once you cross that line of communication, like, it's one thing to masturbate to a video. It's another thing to start talking. [00:12:41] Speaker B: Yes. [00:12:42] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? Because that's when emotions get involved. Like you, you purely. When you're getting ready to jerk off, there's a purely a animal like, I need to come. I'm not, you know, I don't care who this person is. I don't care what they're doing. I just, I'm watching this for pleasure. And then when you start speaking to someone, then it becomes. It's like, it's like a prostitute. You know, you, you. There's an exchange. You. And that's it. And if you decide to start talking to them afterwards, it just changed everything. Especially in the act of being pleasured. You know what I mean? [00:13:14] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. It's a little strange. But also men are different to women too, because men can kind of in my. You know, generally this is just broad. But men can fuck. [00:13:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:25] Speaker B: And, and not. Or just say a few things. Go, yeah, whatever. Like just. And it means nothing. But women can also tend to form. [00:13:32] Speaker A: More of a. Oh, they do. Yeah, they do it. [00:13:33] Speaker B: And so. And I was talking to. We were talking to a friend before about. About his girlfriend. Ex girlfriend issues. And I was saying about. And I was bringing it back to. Because he keeps running into his ex girlfriend. Yes. It's killing him. And, And I said, I don't know if this even related, but I said, you know, when, When I had issues with my ex, it wasn't the fact that she fucked some other guy. It was the fact that she'd like built a relationship and was like talking and meeting this person. It was the, just the emotional part of it. That's what hurts. [00:14:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:09] Speaker B: So going back to the only fans thing. Yeah. It really does depend where the lines cross. [00:14:15] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. Because with, with women to, to get back to that, it's. They don't. With their, with their, they, they, they. With intention. With emotions. You know, like usually when a woman cheats, they're getting. They're gearing up to leave somebody. You know what I mean? I mean, yeah, there are the women who. The trainer. But in their rich husband doesn't pay attention to them. But I think, you know, middle class, you know, regular middle of the road people. When a woman cheats, she is, she starts talking first. When a man cheats, it's like, let's go, get out of here. And they go, I'm not leaving my wife. Are you insane? I love my wife. Whereas women are build, they build the emotional connection first, I think because they're looking for that. They're not looking to, to, to fuck. They're more, they're looking to feel something, I think more. [00:15:01] Speaker B: Do you think personally for you sex is better if you're in love with a person? Or do you have just as good a sex if you're not in love with the person? [00:15:09] Speaker A: Oh, dude. Love, love, love, love. Dude, it's, it doesn't have to be in love, but when you build a, when I build a connection with someone, I, I need, I almost need to have that connection. Which ruins my life a little bit because I'd love to just have meaningless sex I times, but a lot of times I'll need some spirits like alcohol or, or something to do that. I, the sex is so much better with someone you care about because it's, you can make love and at the same time and you just. There, it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And I, I wish I didn't feel that way because it makes things so complicated when you're trying to keep things light. What about you? [00:15:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I think I used to be a lot more like that. But I would say in the last decade, no, it make, for me, it makes very little difference really whether I'm in love with them or not. As long as I have had some sort of a connection. Yeah, yeah, I, I feel the same way about sex. It just, I just enjoy it. It just is what it is. It's not, it's not the biggest thing in the world. It's not. It's just fun. Yeah, but I don't, Yeah, I, I, I don't feel, I don't think with. Yeah, I don't, I don't feel. Yeah, I don't, it doesn't for me. Yeah. The being in love with a woman doesn't change the sex. No. [00:16:24] Speaker A: No. Wow. [00:16:25] Speaker B: Interest. Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? [00:16:27] Speaker A: I must be gay. [00:16:28] Speaker B: No, you're not. No, you're not, dude. You're not. I mean, I would say maybe I'm just a cold hearted bitch. [00:16:33] Speaker A: I'm just a cunt. No, it's, it's, it's. [00:16:37] Speaker B: I also think I fucked around so much. [00:16:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:41] Speaker B: In my single days. I think it just ruined, I don't know, it just changed something in me. And I mean, and I know you fucked around a lot too, but just for my personal experience, it did something to me where I, I don't know, I, I don't know how to articulate that. [00:16:57] Speaker A: No. Where. Because I, I, I understand what you're saying, and I wish that I had that flip where I was like, oh, it just fucking ruined it. But I, it's just, maybe I just feel more comfortable. I'm not a, I'm a highly sexual person with the right person, but with the person I, I kind of like, maybe I'm a little guarded in certain ways. And I'm like, if I don't trust you, maybe that's what it is. And I've trusted so many of the wrong women. That's the thing. I'm like sitting there going, no, no, I trust you. I tried just like. And my friends were like, no, this is, what are you doing? [00:17:31] Speaker B: You, like, love, you're, you're love. You like, love, man. [00:17:33] Speaker A: And you wouldn't know it. I mean, like, if you see me doing stand up or you see me. [00:17:37] Speaker B: You know, it takes one second to figure it out, though, you know, once you get to know you, it doesn't take long. Yeah, you're deep. You're a deep guy. There's a reason why when people have problems, they come to you. You know, you're, you're, I guess. Yeah, you know, it's a, it's a good, it's a good trait you have. [00:17:53] Speaker A: Yeah, man, it's, it's, it's a nice thing to know. Like, you're just gonna get your heart. [00:17:58] Speaker B: Broken a lot more than me. It's great. [00:18:01] Speaker A: I, I leave my rope in the car that I bought from Home Depot. [00:18:06] Speaker B: Harrison has a hook on his ceiling. [00:18:09] Speaker A: It's there. It was there for other purposes, but now it's there because it's like, it's an easy. Like, you know, when you just unplug the PlayStation, you don't save the game, you just go, fuck it. But yeah, it's nice when people go like, you know, our friend today had said that where he was like, dude, thank you. He said it to you. He said it to me of like, thank you for being here for me, because I know, and you know that feeling when everything falling apart, girl breaks your heart, whatever, and you're, you allow someone to just completely unload. [00:18:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:42] Speaker A: Because there's no worse feeling than loving someone. And Them not reciprocating it after you've already established years of love. [00:18:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And also you just, you just don't know what you have until it's gone sometimes. And it's a rude awakening when it, when it does walk out the door. You just like, oh, I did not appreciate that while I had it. I did not. You know, that's, that's sometimes the hardest thing is you've got to come to terms with the fact that you probably caused a lot of it. Like in my situation, when my ex and I didn't work out, it was, it was totally like, yeah, she did that, but I was like, it was totally my fault. Like I was a fucking asshole. [00:19:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:21] Speaker B: You know, and I took a lot of things for granted and, and, and I, that's why I don't have, I don't have any blame towards her for, for doing what happened. And so. Yeah, that's, sometimes that can take some time. You've got to like, come to terms with like, okay, what really went down. [00:19:40] Speaker A: Yeah. To re examine it. You got to be very self aware though, to sit back and pick it apart and go, no, no, I actually a lot of this up. But the thing is, it gets canceled out immediately when someone cheats. Yeah, that's, that's the problem. It's like, it's hard to re examine. It takes a lot of balls and a lot of like inside work to go. Even though she cheated, I kind of caused everything to lead up to that. Is that that you're saying? [00:20:09] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it does. Yeah. I think I probably knew it anyway, deep down the whole time. Yeah. [00:20:17] Speaker A: That she was going to. [00:20:18] Speaker B: No, I just knew that I was a cunt. [00:20:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I was just not there. I wasn't emotionally there at all. I, I, I, I've always struggled with, not with, I'm not, I, I'm emotional in, in small bits and then, and then, and I'm not always very generous with my emotions. Sometimes I am and then sometimes I'm not. And often I am with the, the, the people. Not with the people that I should be. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Yeah. It's funny you say that though, because you have been in the time that I know you, which is, we're coming up on a year now, I think you've been incredibly generous with your emotions, with your, with your money, with your words, with just be and being there for me. I mean, I've, I've unloaded on you a lot with your friends. You're incredibly generous. That's why I like hearing that to Me, I'm like, yeah. Really? [00:21:06] Speaker B: I can be so cold, man. [00:21:08] Speaker A: It's. It's a strange thing, though. [00:21:10] Speaker B: It's funny. And I don't know where it comes back to. If it's. If it's. Yeah, I don't know why. It's what I have. I can be really cold to my partners, and it's just. And it's not because I have any ill feelings towards them, but sometimes I can shut off emotionally from giving them. Yeah. Like, giving them. Or like. Yeah. I don't know how to. How to know. How to articulate that. You've got me in a bit of a deep thought now. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Good. No, I mean, that's. That's. You know, this is. I think that's good. [00:21:40] Speaker B: I can be. I can be. You know, for example, like, I can just come home and just be like. You know, when you come home, you're just tired. You just like. I don't even want. I don't want to talk. [00:21:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:48] Speaker B: I don't really feel like talking. So, you know, if you do that too many times, you're kind of too. You're cold. You know, sometimes you have to be very generous. And I don't really feel like talking, but I'm gonna sit down, I'm gonna have dinner with you, and I'm gonna. We're gonna talk, and we're gonna have a conversation. It's like, sometimes I get complacent in doing those things, and I have. In the past. I'm getting a lot better at it now because I'm a lot more aware of it. But in the past, dude, I could go a week of doing that where I've hardly even had a conversation with the woman that I'm living with, you know? [00:22:14] Speaker A: Now let me ask you, did it. Did the relationship start that way? Or is it like, you're warm? Warm. Warm in the beginning, and then when things start to fizzle down. [00:22:21] Speaker B: No, it just. It just more and more gets like that, I think, as you get more familiar with someone. I was like, yeah, a lot of people. [00:22:28] Speaker A: I mean, that's. Most relationships, eventually, you. I mean, I don't want to say you run out of things to talk about, because I think you can always find. At least if you find someone that runs. Their mind, runs on the same sort of gasoline of, like, where you could sit down and have, like. If you're with a girl and you've been together for a while, but you're the type of couple that you can be like, hey, like, what do you think? Like, like this, like the universe, like, you just like have that kind of conversation. You can get lost in these fucking really philosophical type of thoughts. Then I think you could really, really never run out of conversation. But most couples are. I mean, real life is happening. You're not really having those conversations. [00:23:05] Speaker B: You spend enough time with anyone, you're going to run out of things and you're just not going to have the urge to say that much stuff because it's like you're comfortable. It. Sometimes it's better to get comfortable in the silence than having to fill the. Fill it with noise all the time. And also I. I appreciate now where. Where my relationship is now. My wife is like, we are comfortable with the silence. Like, we can sit there and not talk and it doesn't matter. [00:23:27] Speaker A: That's great. [00:23:27] Speaker B: And I like that because when I come home, I don't want to always be on. I want to switch off. [00:23:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:33] Speaker B: You know, like back in the day, I probably didn't know how to balance that well. And people, when they're in their 20s and then relationships are a lot more needier. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:42] Speaker B: You know, they just don't, you know, they haven't really found themselves like, oh, you're not talking to me. What's wrong with me? You know, why aren't you me? You know, like, why aren't you sucking my dick? [00:23:52] Speaker A: Because your stinks. You've been working all day. Get in the shower. But no, no, you have that a lot. You have that a lot with the neediness. And as you get older, it goes away. Hopefully it goes away. There's nothing worse than, than someone who's in their 30s and 40s who has that needy. [00:24:06] Speaker B: I can never be with someone that my. My wife leaves me alone, man. Mel leaves me completely alone. Like, I couldn't. I just couldn't be with someone that's like, why aren't we hanging out? Why didn't we go to the movie? I'm like, no, like, we do one date. We do one date a week where we smart. We just go like during the day on a weekend and we'll go into Chinatown generally, we'll go get food and I love it. We just have the best time. Mel talks Cantonese it's so funny. [00:24:32] Speaker A: I can't take anywhere else. [00:24:34] Speaker B: I love. Dude, dude, I went to the barber shop. Barbie, if you need a cheap haircut, Chinatown, $7. [00:24:40] Speaker A: I am not going to Chinatown. Haircut. [00:24:42] Speaker B: Dude. I went there yesterday and they don't speak English. And so Mel's there Translated. [00:24:45] Speaker A: She's like, that's why your hair looks good. If I went to China, you know what I'd look like? Dude, I look like Brian Rigby. Brian Rigby's bald. [00:24:54] Speaker B: I love it. I love it. I love it. She brings out all, like, we get all the yamcha. I love it. I love that part of the culture. So. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Yeah, but having a date night once a week, that's a good thing. [00:25:02] Speaker B: Perfect. [00:25:02] Speaker A: You do. See, that's one of my biggest fears of, like, especially with comedy, because, you know me, I'm a very all in or all out kind of guy. You know, I, I do comedy all the time. I, I'm not in a relationship, and my fear is getting into one. Like, I, I, I what? And I don't want to pick just anybody. You know me, I'm very, like, conscious about that. But get into relationship, because a lot of women, they start out a relationship, they hear you do comedy, and they go, oh, my God. That's just. How do you do that? That's so amazing. It's so amazing. And then four months down the line, and I haven't experienced this. But it's just my, my gut. And I think most normal people, it's like, hey, don't go to that open mic. Like, let's go to the movies tonight. Or, hey, do you have to do comedy tonight? And then a year passes and it's like, hey, I want to move in with you, but you're broke. F ck. Like, this comedy thing kind of sucks. And that is a fear of mine where I've kind of avoided the commitment. [00:25:53] Speaker B: But I think if you get a good girl, she'll understand the. I totally do believe that. I mean, it just, it just, she just will. But also, the tough part is in a newer, in a newer relationship, you have to spend more time with them. I feel like any other. You have to spend more time with them early on than what you do later on because you're getting to know someone and build a foundation. Yeah. So the problem is with what you're saying is you work full time, then you're trying to commit to comedy, so you're like, well, how am I gonna even squeeze this in as well? That's, like, such a big part of it. Like, how am I gonna fit you in these tin slots of space that. [00:26:29] Speaker A: I, I barely have time to. Dude. [00:26:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Like, it's, it's a, it's a, it's almost. I mean, that's sad to say out loud, but it's the truth. Like, when am I gonna. Realistically, like, I'D have to find someone that would understand. I'd be like, hey, if I was just trying to have sex, but, yo, I could come over for. For three hours. Like, yeah, is that okay? And it sounds like almost like a prostitute exchange, which most women would not be unless you build that foundation of, like, hey, we can do that. [00:26:53] Speaker B: What you could. What you can do if they understand is, like, just do sleepovers. Like, you get there late, sleep, leave in the morning, go. [00:26:59] Speaker A: See, that's smart. That's smart. [00:27:00] Speaker B: That's what I used to do a lot in the, you know, in the early days, is just you get to see him a little bit. Maybe you put on a bit of a movie, but. Yeah, it's tough, man. [00:27:08] Speaker A: But some women don't want you. Like, they want you out of their house. That's the other thing. You know, I've. I've had women sleep over, and I was like, when are you gonna get the fuck out of here? [00:27:19] Speaker B: I hate it when people sleep. When. When girls would stay, I'd be like, dude, the best. The women I like the most. And they'd come, we'd go for dinner, and then afterwards. After, you know, like, oh, I've got to go home. I'm like, ah, sweetie. [00:27:37] Speaker A: You gotta get out. I'm not calling an Uber. That's so sad. Ahmed's outside. All right. Yeah, it's a crazy. Yeah, dude, it's. It's a wild thing to balance. And it's fun, though. [00:27:51] Speaker B: It's a good stage. Your life, man. You're. You're in your early 30s. You're handsome. [00:27:55] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:27:56] Speaker B: You got a nice place. Harrison's place is very nice. Guys, I'm extremely jealous. It's. It's probably seven times bigger than my place. [00:28:05] Speaker A: I got very lucky. Very lucky. That's it. I'm gonna die here. [00:28:08] Speaker B: You know, you're. You're a catch. It'll show. Whenever. Whenever you do get one, you're gonna be just fine. [00:28:15] Speaker A: Yeah, man. I'm not. I'm not worried. I'm not freaking out about it, but it's just one of those things where I. I see other dudes in relationships in the scene, and I'm like. I see them like, hey, I can't. I gotta spend time with my girlfriend. I can't do that mic today. And there's a thought in my head of like, oh, that kind of sucks. But it doesn't, because they have a whole. They have this beautiful part of their life that I don't have. You know what I mean? I'm sitting here eating Cheetos and masturbating and I don't have like the, the connection that they have. And sure, I maybe be able to get a couple extra mics in, but what feeds you more, you know what I mean? Like your soul. Yeah, man. But I'm also. I've. I know I am in a place where I have actively tried to avoid commitment of like, I've tried to find connections in places where I know I can keep someone at arm's length. You ever been in that place? [00:29:07] Speaker B: Yeah, dude. For years. [00:29:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:10] Speaker B: Yeah, dude. My whole, My whole relationship with Mel was like that. [00:29:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:13] Speaker B: It's like with everyone. I was like that. Yeah. I just didn't. I didn't want to have a girlfriend. [00:29:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:18] Speaker B: I felt like there was a part of me that did want to have a girlfriend. I think I just wanted to feel loved, but deep down I didn't want to do any of the work. And I was pretty. I was like seeing like multiple women at the same time. I didn't want a girlfriend. And I did everything I could to make people feel like I was open to having a girlfriend. I've been there with, but without committing to anybody. So that was. I've been there and I feel like that's a really hard place to navigate where you don't hurt people. [00:29:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:52] Speaker B: But I feel like if you're in that place, you shouldn't get a girlfriend. Yeah, no, like if you, if you just want to sow your wild seed, you should just go sow your wild seed and do it. Yeah, you can't. It's very difficult though, to, to be in that, you know, nowadays in modern dating, in your late 20s and early 30s and have on your Tinder profile, hey, just here for a fuck good time. You're not going to get anywhere. [00:30:18] Speaker A: The only thing you're going to get is a fat liberal. So, yeah, I'm down. Like, no, not you, bitch. No way. Get the fuck out of here. You know where you need to go? You need to go to the Blink Fitness. [00:30:29] Speaker B: I think you got a. As well. I'm not too sure. [00:30:43] Speaker A: That'S a. That's a real woman. That's a real Brooklyn lady. Oh my God, dude. Yeah, man. It's a, It's a very. It's. It's a weird. It's a weird thing because the people you want to fuck casually don't want to fuck casually. It's. [00:30:57] Speaker B: Why. [00:30:57] Speaker A: And it's crazy how like, like a disgusting looking woman. Is it looking to lock someone in. Because you're not going to get better with age. You're going to get more gross. And like, you're like, I want to be free. If you're like. And 90% of those women are like, like the fat liberal chicks we're talking about, which I'm sure there's somebody for everybody. [00:31:18] Speaker B: There is. There's a comic that he rocks up. I'm not gonna say his name, but he rocks up with this. I think he's got a touch of the tism. And he rocks up to a mic with this girl. And she was the most horrendous looking thing I've ever seen in my life. Like, she was atrocious. You. You could put a banner on her on a wall and go, freak show. And people go, yeah, she is. I'm sorry, but she. She was. It sounds mean, but I don't care. [00:31:45] Speaker A: Fucking dude. [00:31:46] Speaker B: She's. Anyways, he thought she was the most. He goes to me, he's like, bro, like at the bar, he's like, bruh, check what I brought. He's like. It's like, yeah, man, you're. [00:32:01] Speaker A: Yeah, you. [00:32:01] Speaker B: You're killing. You. [00:32:03] Speaker A: You stole a gorilla at a exhibit, dude. What is that? There's no fucking animals allowed. That's why. But that's a crazy. [00:32:11] Speaker B: There is someone for everyone. There truly is. [00:32:14] Speaker A: I'm around. I agree. And it's wild. It's wild. Like, you look and you go, wow, that guy's either legally blind or legally. It's. It's a strange thing that some. Some people just fall. Like. It's just. There's. I guess she's got a beautiful soul. [00:32:32] Speaker B: I talked to her. She didn't. [00:32:35] Speaker A: She was actually dog. [00:32:37] Speaker B: She was ugly. [00:32:39] Speaker A: Everything. Everything inside and out. Terrible person. [00:32:42] Speaker B: She had a speech impediment. She. Oh, really? Was. [00:32:44] Speaker A: How'd she talk? Like a stutter? Or was it she. [00:32:48] Speaker B: She. She speak like. She spoke like she had down syndrome. [00:32:53] Speaker A: I'm sitting here. [00:32:54] Speaker B: This is so bad. [00:32:55] Speaker A: Down syndrome. A gorilla. [00:32:58] Speaker B: She didn't. Sorry, I'm just. My pants. [00:33:00] Speaker A: No, she didn't have. Is this when I blow you? [00:33:03] Speaker B: She didn't have down syndrome, but she had a touch or something. I don't know. [00:33:07] Speaker A: So anyways. [00:33:08] Speaker B: Anyways, we sound like. [00:33:10] Speaker A: No, it's fine. [00:33:11] Speaker B: I always tell you, it's your podcast. I can be it. [00:33:12] Speaker A: So you can do it, Everyone. [00:33:13] Speaker B: I've been starting to be a bit more of an. On mine too. It's funny because I will bring this up with you. We. The other day on my podcast, when I had Haley blanding on. We were talking about trans people. It just came up in conversation, and it came up about giving children the. The drugs. The hormone drugs. [00:33:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:33] Speaker B: And I was, like, paranoid about talking. I was like. I said to Haley on my podcast, like, I don't know if we can talk about this. And then I thought to myself, this is my podcast. I can talk about whatever you want. Yeah, it's so weird that it's. We get conditioned to feel like we can't. Yeah, it's not right. It's like a social conditioning that I can't. You can understand why, you know, groups of people can get together and form, you know, and go the wrong path. You know, like. Like. [00:34:03] Speaker A: Say it. Do it, dude. Oh, you want me. Do you want to whisper? [00:34:07] Speaker B: No, what I was going to say was, you know, like, Nazi Germany, right? Everyone's like. They're all. They're all crazy. But there is something to do with this mass psychosis, of course. Like with COVID you know, where people can just get brainwashed and brainwashed and brainwashed to believe something that isn't true and it makes sense, a part of their identity. And, like, I guess that was just a small example, or I really thought. I was like, isn't that crazy? I don't even believe that. But I felt like I couldn't say it. No one was even watching. Yeah, it's in my own silence of my own studio. No, it's wild. [00:34:40] Speaker A: Fuck that, dude. Yeah, that. I. I am. I think I'm almost to a fault too open where I'm like, I don't give a. And I don't know if it's age. I don't know what. But, yo, it's like, what are you going to do to me? What are you gonna do to me? I'm not breaking the law. I'm saying that I. My opinion on something the same way you're shoving your opinion down someone's throat. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not committing a crime. I am stating an opinion, and if you don't like it, turn this fucking thing off. I just. I'm sick of the bullshit. I'm sick of it. Like, fuck you. And you make people scared. And I see it with comics. I see a lot of them go like, oh, yeah, I don't know if I should say that. And there's. Look, there's certain things where it's like, you know when you're being malicious and you know when you're stating an opinion, and you know when you're trying to make a point, you know, when you're trying to be funny. And it all. I know that everything I say is coming from a good place, and that's all. I am the only one who needs to know that. If you get offended, my bad. Sorry. Leave. [00:35:38] Speaker B: Yeah. You know. You know what you're saying is it. If it. If it does come across as derogatory, you know, it's a joke, and it's like, you don't. [00:35:45] Speaker A: I don't mean it. [00:35:45] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:35:47] Speaker A: And. And if you can't. [00:35:48] Speaker B: But you're so funny when you do say something. [00:35:50] Speaker A: Oh, I love it when I get everyone upset. I'm like, yes. [00:35:54] Speaker B: Just think about the car ride over here. And like, when you nearly hit someone, you're like. And I was like, that was funny. That's the thing. [00:36:00] Speaker A: That's. Everyone does it. Everyone says that thing. You're not supposed to say, something's wrong with them. You think it. Yes. And the fact that you think it and don't say it, you're suspect. You're suspect. I don't trust you. I don't trust you. I don't like that. It's. It's. It's an insane thing. And that's why I. I'm like. And maybe it'll. I don't have a career to ruin, so I'm like, what am I. What am I worried about? [00:36:24] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:36:24] Speaker A: You know, and even if I do get a career, I'll be like, yeah, go check out every episode. And what I said, I'm doing my material the way I want to. That you would see it anywhere else. So, like, I'm not gonna hide it and cover it up and change my act so that. [00:36:37] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And I think that is, especially with comedy. We, we. We. We all need to. The best comics don't give a fuck. [00:36:45] Speaker A: They don't. [00:36:45] Speaker B: Best comics, they push their opinion. They don't give a fuck. They're edgy. You know, there's a way to dance the line. Of course you don't. Ideally, you don't want to offend someone by making your point. Ideally, you don't. [00:36:57] Speaker A: Yeah, you don't. [00:36:58] Speaker B: But sometimes you got to crack a few eggs to make an omelette. [00:37:01] Speaker A: That's the thing, dude. And if, like, 80% of people are laughing in that room, then you're like, all right, well, you're the minority here. Like, yo, there's, like, everyone else finds it funny. [00:37:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:11] Speaker A: And sometimes it doesn't work. But that's the whole point. It's an experiment. The same way any. You know, like, I'm trying here. I'm. I'm just genuinely trying. I. And, like, I don't need to do this. I want to do it. So, like, I'd have to be insane. Like, I don't have to come up here and present this shit to you. But it's, it's a, it's a shame to see people censor themselves. And it's not even that bad. Like, they're like, oh, like you said, like, we, we shouldn't be talking about the hormone blockers like that. They're. They may be bad. Why not? Yeah, why not question if they're bad or good? Maybe they are good. Maybe they are bad. I don't know. But I want to question it and go, I don't think that they're great for a certain group of age group people. [00:37:52] Speaker B: I don't think they're great at all. [00:37:53] Speaker A: I mean, it's, it's. [00:37:54] Speaker B: I would just never do it. I mean, I would never do it. I would never let my kid do it. I'd be like, you're right. If you want to call you, you can. If you're like, if I had a biological son, for example, and he was like, I want to be a girl. Be like, you can be a girl. You're keeping that dick. You're not. You're keeping that dick and you're not going on any hormones. Like, and when you're 18, you can do whatever you want. [00:38:12] Speaker A: I even say after that, I say 25. [00:38:15] Speaker B: Yeah, but you don't have any control over. [00:38:16] Speaker A: You don't, you don't. But like, my. [00:38:18] Speaker B: Yeah, I know what you're saying. [00:38:19] Speaker A: Yeah, like, you have a really better grip. Like, I wanted, I, I waited until I was 25 to get a tattoo because the. I wanted. When I was 18, I look back and when I was at 25, I'm. [00:38:28] Speaker B: Like, oh, was that your. Did your mom ever implant any maturity into you in that way? Because my mum always said, you know, don't smoke. You can, you know, you know, don't smoke. You know, you can do it once you're 18, but don't smoke. And I started smoking at 14, but I had that. That's why I guess where I say 18. But did you ever have it? Was there anyone in your life that said, wait till you're 25? Is it just your own common sense? [00:38:51] Speaker A: My dad would, Would make mention of it, yeah. [00:38:55] Speaker B: And wise. [00:38:56] Speaker A: Yeah, it is. [00:38:57] Speaker B: What you're very. Well, it's very wise. Especially for Tattoos, It's. [00:39:00] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. Because it's like, really at 18? Yeah. You're legally allowed to get it, but the things you want at 18 are not the same. 25, even. I'm 30 to 25 is different too. But you can. I got the tattoos I got at 25. I look at 30. I'm 31 now. And I go, no, I'm still okay with them. Like, I made, I made the decision I wanted to. My dad's thing also was like, if you're living under my fucking roof, however long it is, there's my rules. And he used to always say, I'm always gonna be your father. He's like, I'm always gonna be your fucking dad. I don't care how old you are. And he would say his thing was like, when I'm dead, you could do whatever the fuck you want. [00:39:32] Speaker B: I like that. [00:39:33] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I still did whatever the I want, but I, I always had him in the back of my head of like, I don't want to disappoint my dad. [00:39:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:39:40] Speaker A: But, yeah, dude. 18. A lot of people, I've seen people do shit at 18, and then they're 25, 29, whatever, and they're like, yeah, 18. I made the wrong choices to do, you know, 100. It's like getting married at 18. Oh, my God. You have to be out of your fucking mind. [00:39:57] Speaker B: It's wild. It's wild. I, I, I, I even feel sorry for the people that are, like, with their childhood sweethearts. [00:40:04] Speaker A: Oh. [00:40:04] Speaker B: I'm like, it kind of. It's a little nauseating to me. [00:40:07] Speaker A: I have a lot of friends. [00:40:09] Speaker B: I'm like, you haven't even lived, man. The best, the best thing about being a young man is going in other women. [00:40:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:16] Speaker B: It's going in, enjoying. It's a great part of your life that you're only going to get once. Like, I'm so glad I lived those days. I'm so glad I had them. I'm so happy to leave them behind now. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:25] Speaker B: I'm so happy. Like, I really don't want to go back to, to that. But to get with your childhood sweetheart and, like, never. It blows my mind. [00:40:35] Speaker A: It's sad for both. I mean, like, I have, I have friends that did it, and they say they're happy. I can't. There's not, you know, that's much as I could say, but it's sad for both sides because it's. You should know what it's like to wake up next to a guy that you up. You should know what it's like to sleep with a woman that you barely know. You should know what it's like to get your heart broken by multiple people. It's really important. And I think when you get to the relationship that you say, I want to be in this forever, you're less inclined to cheat. If you've had those wild years that you've had that I've had, you get in a relationship, like, I don't want to fucking cheat. I. Holy fuck, I fucked everything I could. And I know what that's like, 100%. [00:41:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:15] Speaker A: Still, there's others I would like to fuck. [00:41:17] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it never goes away. You never. The urge. You know, people think, oh, you know, I talked about. Because I've been around blokes my whole life, especially being in the construction industry and a lot of married guys and. And it's construction industry. The men are very open. [00:41:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:32] Speaker B: You know, smoko, which is like our. Where we eat. That's like our lunchtime. We call it smoko. [00:41:36] Speaker A: Okay. [00:41:38] Speaker B: We talk about everything. It's like church and, you know, like, the men always say, it's like. And you never. You. The urge to be with someone else never goes away. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:47] Speaker B: Like, you're just a man. You don't. Biologically just can't. It's like your testosterone doesn't just stop. [00:41:52] Speaker A: I'm sure women have it too, of course. [00:41:55] Speaker B: But the. You just know better. You know, you just like, this isn't worth it. [00:42:00] Speaker A: Yeah. That's. The grass is not the green on that. Yeah, it's not. [00:42:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:05] Speaker A: And you just. You make better. Yeah. I completely agree with that. And. Yeah. Dude. And when you have those years of getting up, too, you. Those. That's just. Those are the years to make mistakes. [00:42:19] Speaker B: That's so fun, too. [00:42:21] Speaker A: Well, now we're sober again. Yeah. That's. That's another thing. [00:42:24] Speaker B: So before. [00:42:25] Speaker A: Now, today's three weeks. [00:42:26] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:42:28] Speaker A: I'm gonna. I. I said. I'm like, I didn't really put a date on it, but I'm like, you know, maybe I'll do a month, but I'm really just going day by day, and I'm feeling. My skin's gotten better. I feel better. I'm like, oh. You know, because I Like, we did the three months and then two months of absolute mayhem. I started it with, like, the first week. I'm like, oh, I just want one cocktail. I'm riding one buzz. I don't need it. A week and a half Later, I'm having 16 cocktails Friday, 12 on Saturday. Mushrooms, everything. And I went. I've been. I was waking up hungover every day, and I'm like, no, I love it. I'm living like a rock star. And I went off the rails one weekend again. And I went, wait a minute. What was that feel? I. I remember saying, I feel amazing sober, and what am I doing? And I'm like, I mean, let me experience that again. And now I remember it. I'm like, wow, I feel good again. [00:43:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:13] Speaker A: And now you're. You're. [00:43:14] Speaker B: You're Day seven today. Yeah, I'm gonna go for a while. Yeah. Well, I was. I. Same as you. The time. Time off was great, and then got back into it and it just got crazy. I have a. I have a greedy nostril for cocaine. I got a very Jewish. No, that doesn't make sense. I gotta. I gotta. I like cocaine and the old. [00:43:33] Speaker A: I. I fucking love. Yeah, I fucking love it. [00:43:36] Speaker B: All right, let me premise this. How do I promise this cocaine is life. [00:43:38] Speaker A: That's it. All right. The dealer's gonna be here. [00:43:43] Speaker B: No, and it. The old. The old ways started creeping up on me, so I was like, nah, this is. I gotta pull the pin for my own sake. Yeah. [00:43:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:52] Speaker B: And alcohol was also just. I don't have a very big off switch. [00:43:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:57] Speaker B: Like that off switch that I have is teeny, little, tiny little thing. [00:44:00] Speaker A: Well, you. [00:44:00] Speaker B: It's very hard to find after two beers. [00:44:03] Speaker A: Well, you have an on and off switch for either I'm gonna drink a fuck tonight or I'm not going to drink at all. [00:44:07] Speaker B: Right. [00:44:08] Speaker A: Yeah. There's no off switch once you have a sip. [00:44:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Two beers after two beers, that's it. And I never have. I never have less than two beers. [00:44:15] Speaker A: Why have one beer or two beers? It doesn't make sense to me. [00:44:19] Speaker B: Well, I have one. I'm like, all right, one that tastes great. I'm gonna have another one. And then that's it. [00:44:23] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you're like, I'm kind of buzz, but I'm not. I'll do one more and that'll just coast me. And then you're like, oh, okay, I'm back. Yeah, okay. [00:44:30] Speaker B: But I love it. I. I really enjoy it, but I just. My life right now is so important. I've. I'm at an age where I kind of feel like I can't around too much now. You know, I'm nearly 36. I'd really like to have built up some sort of career in this by the time I'm 40. I feel like if I'm trying to work, it's. It'll be a lot harder after that if I. You know, for me, so. And also creatively, it really. It really stumps your creativity being hungover all the time. [00:45:00] Speaker A: Yep. [00:45:01] Speaker B: Being. I also get severely depressed. [00:45:03] Speaker A: That's. [00:45:04] Speaker B: That was severely depressed. Like, suicidal depressed. [00:45:07] Speaker A: Me too. [00:45:07] Speaker B: And horrifically suicidal depressed, where it's literally all I think about. [00:45:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I. I'm better off killing myself. [00:45:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:13] Speaker A: I have it all the time. [00:45:14] Speaker B: And it's just like, you know, I started to think I've been living like this for years. For years. And this is no way to live. To live more of your life when you're just like, want to fucking die. [00:45:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:25] Speaker B: That's not. That's gonna make you sick, man. Like, that's gonna. That's gonna give you cancer one day, you know, that's gonna give you problems. All sorts of problems, which you can't even calculate now because we're still young and healthy. [00:45:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:37] Speaker B: But, you know, how much longer can you just keep doing that before you. You up everything? Yeah, Yeah, I can see. I can see that. For me, I could see the writing on the wall, and I'm like, nah, I've got to stop. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna give it a good nudge for. I think my plan is. Took for quite a while. Really. Really rein it in for a long time. There's a lot of great comics that have stopped drinking. Like, even Andrew Schultz said he didn't drink for 13 years until his. Until his career really took off, and then he started drinking and. [00:46:07] Speaker A: Well, that's. That's when you really can. You're like, all right. Like, these are the building years. Like, it's like. [00:46:11] Speaker B: That's right. [00:46:12] Speaker A: The time you're. You're like, you need to, like, put fun to the side a little bit. Because if. Do you. If you want to get where you're going, you can get there twice as quick without drinking. I think. [00:46:22] Speaker B: I agree. Totally, totally agree. Probably. Probably 15, 20 times quicker. [00:46:29] Speaker A: Yeah. You're not wasting time. You're not in thought of killing yourself or. [00:46:33] Speaker B: And you're enjoying the days. [00:46:34] Speaker A: Yeah. You appreciate. You're more aware, you're more awake, you sleep better. You're. And you just feel better about yourself. [00:46:41] Speaker B: Just in one week. It's amazing how my mindset is changing. Like, I told you in the car that I bombed one of the shows last night. [00:46:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:48] Speaker B: Bombed and had friends there. And so I bombed in front of friends. And that. That hurts. These were actually Mel's friends. [00:46:54] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:46:55] Speaker B: And it was bad. And, you know, afterwards I was like, all right, brush it off, dust it off. I'm gonna be alright. [00:46:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:59] Speaker B: Today I posted a new reel this morning. It was about unions and I'm very passionate about unions. And I got one new follower and I thought instead of, you know, my. The first initial thought was, oh, I just got one follow from the union. And then I thought, hang on, fuck it. I got one new follower that just. From a real, like a. It was a mechanic. And I was like, how cool is that? I got a new. So just. Just the little positive. Being more control of that and just being more aware. Whereas if I was hungover, I'd be like, I'm gonna kill myself. I'm just gonna kill my. That's all I'm gonna do. [00:47:35] Speaker A: It's. Yeah, you're not. You're not gonna put in any work. You kind of go, ah, fuck the day. Like, I'll try tomorrow. And. And that's not. It's not helpful at all. It's. It's gonna f. And tomorrow's not gonna be any better. Tomorrow's gonna suck too, because you're gonna feel like shit from not doing anything today. And it just. You gotta. Sometimes it's like in school, like when you wanted to go to that party or you wanted to study, you can't go to the party. Like, we're at this point. I mean, you can social. You know what I mean? I'm using that as a very, like, specific thing. But you gotta go. Like, it's go time right now. It's go time. Like, if I can make it in 10 years and I make it that long, I'll fucking party when I actually have the money, when I actually feel good drinking. Like, that's the other thing. If we're drinking right now and we have worries in the back of our subconscious of like, oh, am I going to make it? Am I going to do writing? Am I this? Did I do that to do this? And you wake up the next day with all that fucking just shower you. And whereas if you make it, you did, you. You know, you put everything to the side. You fucking push, push, push, push, push. You make it and then you party in that mindset of like, I fucking did it. That is. You're going to have a way better time. The scary part is, is getting everything that you ever wanted. And then you get into the party mode and you fucking blow it all. [00:48:52] Speaker B: Fuck it up. [00:48:53] Speaker A: That's. That's Worse than all of it. To me, the idea of getting everything and losing it. I'd fucking kill myself. Like, there. That would be. That'd be brutal. [00:49:05] Speaker B: I mean, it would be better than not having it at all. [00:49:09] Speaker A: But you think so? [00:49:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I do. But then it would. It would. Either way, it'd be difficult. I just think it's. The. The line is with substance abuse and when you're. When you like heavy substance abuse like I do, the line is very clear of where it's going to go. It's gonna. It's gonna end badly. It just. I don't know when it will be. It will end badly. If you make it. You're lucky. You're just lucky if you make it. [00:49:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:38] Speaker B: And you're definitely probably not gonna hold it either. Something will give in. Your body will give in. You'll fuck it up. [00:49:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:44] Speaker B: It's a matter of time. You know, if you. I commend the people that can just have one beer and just like, I'm good. [00:49:51] Speaker A: Oh, God, I love those. I. I would kill to be that person, dude. I would do anything to be that person. I just don't like. How do you go to a bar and just have one? Like, I don't. It's. How about this? When you go on a date with a girl and you have one. Yeah. And I'm pretty. [00:50:12] Speaker B: I would hate to go on a date sober. That's what I would. I would be more. I'm so glad I'm married now, dude. I. I would. I would. I would hate to date sober. That would be horrendous. It's so fun getting drunk on a date. [00:50:23] Speaker A: It's amazing. Taking a drunk. [00:50:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Taking a girl home drunk. So much fun. [00:50:28] Speaker A: It's the best sober. You're like, why, is she awake? No, it's a. It's a. Yeah. Dude, I didn't date anyone for three months, dude. I was celibate, nothing. And now them sober again. I'm like, I can't go on a date. I mean, I could. I can have a conversation to be interesting. [00:50:46] Speaker B: You should just. As an exercise of, like, stretching the muscle. You should. You should. Because it would be good for you, I'm sure. Would be horrific. And you're gonna hate it. [00:50:58] Speaker A: Like, oh, God, I can't imagine doing. [00:50:59] Speaker B: Us like, fucking a girl for the first time sober. So Bar. Like, the very first. I don't know if I've ever done that. [00:51:06] Speaker A: Okay. Recently, I slept with someone the first time we had sex. It was that night. And we. We drank a Lot and did a little ecstasy and a little mushrooms. So we weren't sober the first time, but it was the first time we were like, you know, I mean, we never really had hung out before. It's a long story. I mean, you know the story, but I'm not gonna get into it. But the morning after we had sex again and it was sober, so technically it is. It was. It was the second or third time, maybe fourth, but soon enough. Yeah, it was like, okay, it was sober and it was still nice. But having it for the very first time without it out. Alcohol, I don't think I've ever done that. [00:51:43] Speaker B: I feel like it'd be boring. [00:51:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't actually like when I'm sober. We want to watch the game. What time is it, by the way? [00:51:54] Speaker B: Maybe one day. [00:51:54] Speaker A: Oh, good. [00:51:55] Speaker B: What time is it? [00:51:56] Speaker A: Yeah, we're good. We haven't even hit an hour. [00:51:57] Speaker B: Oh, good. This is flying. This is nice. This is so much better than the studio. [00:52:02] Speaker A: Dude. It's. Isn't it like a zen. [00:52:04] Speaker B: This is way better than the studio. I feel way more relaxed. [00:52:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:07] Speaker B: And maybe because it's. There's no stakes because I'm on your podcast. [00:52:10] Speaker A: That could be it. [00:52:11] Speaker B: But I feel like. I'm like. I was just thinking in my head, I'm like, I want to set up a studio in my own house one day. This is way better. [00:52:18] Speaker A: It's. It's. It's just. [00:52:19] Speaker B: Just chill. [00:52:20] Speaker A: It's chill. Yeah. You get. You could, I mean, if we wanted to. I mean, I don't smoke in the house. We could smoke weed in here. [00:52:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:25] Speaker A: You know, it's. It's. We can get drunk in here. [00:52:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:29] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I've never done this with someone in this apartment. [00:52:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:32] Speaker A: And this, I'm like, with the couch and I just want to cuddle with you. [00:52:37] Speaker B: We're gonna get to one hour. [00:52:38] Speaker A: Yeah, you're right. Sorry. We gotta. We gotta give the. The one person listening what they want. [00:52:44] Speaker B: What I did want to ask if I can. [00:52:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:46] Speaker B: What did you think about the Mexican sailing ship? [00:52:48] Speaker A: Oh, God. So do you know. [00:52:51] Speaker B: Do you know, before you say, do you know, there's like 250, I think, sailors on that boat. [00:52:57] Speaker A: How many died? [00:52:58] Speaker B: Two have died. [00:52:59] Speaker A: Not enough. [00:53:02] Speaker B: I couldn't believe, like two. I was like 200 plus sailors fit in that thing. I mean, it must be a really big boat. Apparently the. The masks were 145ft tall. [00:53:12] Speaker A: Hit the bridge. That's insane. It hit the fucking bridge. Yeah. How tall that fucking thing I mean, when I look at that boat, I go, all right, that's probably the same type of boat that they used to ship slaves on. And there was about 500 of them, so they really could pack it out if they wanted to. There's that talk about saying, she should say it's. When I saw it, my first thought was, because they said it was a naval training exercise. The Mexican navy was doing a training exercise. And I was like, well, mission accomplished. You made it to the States, right? Like, this wasn't a training. You guys won. I'm like, they just abandoned ship because that's what they're used to when they get here. [00:53:48] Speaker B: I was thinking that. Imagine if it was just full of all the ice victims that got sent away. [00:53:54] Speaker A: They turned them back, and they're like. [00:53:55] Speaker B: Oh, they weren't up on the mask holding hands. They were just like. [00:53:58] Speaker A: They're like, we needed to hitch a ride. This is all we got. [00:54:01] Speaker B: Where we. We've been here for four days. There is no more room down below. [00:54:07] Speaker A: This is. This isn't safe. But we had no choice. It's. [00:54:12] Speaker B: I just couldn't. I was telling you, the car, like, I could. Just couldn't believe how they were holding. They were standing on the mast, and they were holding each other's hands like, as. Like a display. And the first mass hit, and that the people underneath, that, they didn't budge. Then the 2nd Mass hit, the people underneath that, they didn't budge. They just kept holding their hands in position. I was like, either they're stupid, that I. I just. I just couldn't believe. I was like, is these real people? They are like, either they're stupid or like, they've been really well trained. Like, they're very good Mexicans. [00:54:50] Speaker A: They believe in God. They. They God that much, where they're like, all right. Like. And honestly, in that moment, I mean, I wouldn't hold anyone's hand. I'd be holding on to a piece of wood. [00:54:59] Speaker B: I would let go and try, and I'd hold. [00:55:01] Speaker A: I'd be like, you, Maria. Yeah, I' Pablo, get your hands off me. But I guess they go, like, all right. Like, it's kind of nice where you just kind of have. You have to have nothing but faith, but you also have to have some common sense of, like, if I hold on to something, I have a better shot of surviving here. But also, maybe it's like, well, if this is God's plan, this is. I don't know. I would never, ever hold hands if I could hold on to Something and just be like, all right, let's see what we could do here. [00:55:29] Speaker B: It was just strange. Was so. It was so sad. [00:55:32] Speaker A: It's so funny that it was supposed to be a celebratory thing. Like, look at this. And. And. And like, you drove it into a. A bridge, and it wasn't a low bridge. This is a hybrid. You could have gone in the. [00:55:44] Speaker B: Like, I really can't wait to hear what actually. What. Like, they said. They said it was engine failure, but I'm like, engine. [00:55:50] Speaker A: It was a sailboat. [00:55:52] Speaker B: Why was it reversing? [00:55:53] Speaker A: Like, do something. I don't. But it's a navy sailboat. That's funny. Like, wait a minute. What kind of navy do you have? [00:56:01] Speaker B: They do that a lot around the world. [00:56:02] Speaker A: Really? I think. [00:56:03] Speaker B: Yeah, they do that a lot in. In. In Europe and stuff as well. I think it's more like a traditional thing. I don't think it's. [00:56:08] Speaker A: It's for actual combat. [00:56:09] Speaker B: They're not going to come back. Well, that's. I was just like, where's the cannons? Like, I want to see, like, they. [00:56:14] Speaker A: Dude. I mean, a can. That would be amazing. See a Mexican with a cannon. [00:56:19] Speaker B: The. The old. What do you call the old rifle? [00:56:21] Speaker A: Musket. [00:56:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:25] Speaker A: Just like, the worst. There's no aim at all. You're not hitting anything. [00:56:29] Speaker B: But it was really embarrassing for them. That's what I'd say there was. [00:56:32] Speaker A: I mean, especially after us renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. That's a. That's a, like, a bit of a gut punch to, like, ah. All right. And they're suing Google, I think, right now. Mexico, because. Because Google is the one that changed the name. Like, Google Maps. Yeah. Apparently there's like, a lawsuit or something, and Google's like, we're worth more than, like, three of your countries combined. Like, you know. [00:56:54] Speaker B: So Google have changed it. [00:56:56] Speaker A: Yeah. If you go on Google Maps, it says Gulf of America, but it's not. [00:56:59] Speaker B: Is it like a nationally or globally recognized. [00:57:02] Speaker A: No, it's only an American thing. It's like the metric. What do we use? You use the metric system? [00:57:06] Speaker B: Yes. [00:57:07] Speaker A: Whatever system. [00:57:07] Speaker B: We use Imperial. [00:57:08] Speaker A: Yeah, there we go. We. It's like, us, like, with that. We're like, no, we're gonna measure it our way. Go yourself. [00:57:12] Speaker B: Plus, you're Americans. You guys, like, kind of rule the world, so you kind of. [00:57:15] Speaker A: Can we kind of do whatever we want, you know? Although I wish I could measure. I mean, I can measure my dick in centimeters, but I wish I could because I'D be like, oh, this is 32. [00:57:24] Speaker B: Fucking yours would be 32. [00:57:26] Speaker A: How much is 32? [00:57:28] Speaker B: That's 32 would be. Not that I've seen your dick. 32 is like. I don't know. That's like 12 inches. I think. [00:57:37] Speaker A: My dick is not. [00:57:41] Speaker B: I actually, hang on. It's three centimeters. Three. I think it's about three centimeters an inch. [00:57:46] Speaker A: No, it's got to be more. There's no way. I don't have my phone. [00:57:50] Speaker B: I got mine. [00:57:51] Speaker A: You go get it. Let's, let's. I'm curious now. [00:57:54] Speaker B: Have put it, put, Put money on it. [00:57:55] Speaker A: All right, A bag of fentanyl. [00:57:59] Speaker B: How many. [00:58:00] Speaker A: How many centimeters are in an inch? Yeah. [00:58:07] Speaker B: So 1cm is 0.39 of an inch. [00:58:12] Speaker A: So how much is 32cm? 5 inches is what I want to know. How many cam's looking this up. [00:58:28] Speaker B: All right. Yeah, 12 inches. [00:58:30] Speaker A: 32 is 12 inches. [00:58:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:58:32] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I don't know. [00:58:34] Speaker B: I feel like it's. Isn't it funny that we are in Australia, we're on the, we're on the metric system. That's millimeters and centimeters. But we, if we are talking about dicks universally, it's always inches. It's always imperial. [00:58:48] Speaker A: That's how good America is. It is. It is. I had a. I had a fucking great moment. Speaking of dick sizes, I was told you I was talking to someone, and I am very. You know me. Before I get on stage, I have, I'm utterly. I have fucking utter confidence in myself. But 90% of my day, like, if I'm not getting on, I always kind of, like, keep myself down here, like a low level. And I'm the same way with fucking. Like, I don't ever. If I've never slept with someone before, I don't ever hype it up ever. In fact, I tone it down because I go better to undersell this and then, you know, over deliver. [00:59:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:59:26] Speaker A: And I slept with a girl. And I'm saying this live here because I want everyone to know that this happened. I don't give a fuck. I. After we were done, she looked at me and she. And this was probably the greatest moment of my entire life, without a doubt. And I've. I've always, you know, done well at pleasuring women. I'm not like, the best, but I, I, I'm not your worst. I'm not your best. You'll probably forget about me, but you'll go, you'll think, well, you'll be like, oh, yeah, she was okay. And she Looked at me and she goes, why didn't you tell me after we were done? Because I never, like. I was very. I was like, it's not that good, you know? And then we were done. She's looking me. She's like, why didn't you tell me? It's just crazy. Look in her eye. And I'm like, tell you what? She goes, that you were gonna. Me like that. And I was like, let's go. Let's go. And she looks at me and. And she goes, I. The way you made it seem that your dick was way smaller than it is. And I was like, that's called reverse psychology. I go, that is what I did. [01:00:22] Speaker B: Because if I tell you it's two and ends up being five, that's a big deal. [01:00:26] Speaker A: You're like, whoa, whoa. It's not that strong. Small. I was expecting way little. And she goes, that's actually like a really good size. I'm like, who the have you been with? [01:00:33] Speaker B: Right? This is. [01:00:34] Speaker A: This is. Whatever. [01:00:34] Speaker B: Really not a black guy. [01:00:37] Speaker A: This is the Toyota Corolla of dicks. It's not a Bentley. You ever had, like, you ever. I mean, you have a bigger dick than me. You've told me. I. I've asked you. And have you ever had that, like, where a woman just looks at you and goes, thank you. Like, thank you for that? [01:00:54] Speaker B: Never. [01:00:56] Speaker A: They're like, thank you for putting it away. [01:00:58] Speaker B: I've never had a thank you, but I've had a lot of. You've got, like, a girl, when they were getting down a bit, she's like, you've got a really nice dick. Has anyone ever told you. I'm like, yeah, I've been told that before, actually. [01:01:11] Speaker A: My mom used to come every night. [01:01:13] Speaker B: I've had a lot of. I've never had a. Oh, my God, thank you. That's probably the height of all compliments. [01:01:20] Speaker A: It was the best comment I ever received. [01:01:21] Speaker B: Thanks for a Jesus. [01:01:23] Speaker A: It wasn't a thank you. It was just like, why didn't you tell me? [01:01:25] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of a thank you. [01:01:27] Speaker A: I mean, for me, it was a. I could have been shot in the face. I would have been in heaven going, it was so worth it. [01:01:33] Speaker B: So how big was her dick? [01:01:34] Speaker A: It was nine and a half. It was in centimeters. No, she did not have a dick. She. Thank God. And I. I didn't even question it. You know, that was. [01:01:45] Speaker B: I mean, I'm really proud of you. [01:01:47] Speaker A: Thanks, man. [01:01:47] Speaker B: You need. You needed that. [01:01:48] Speaker A: I really did. [01:01:50] Speaker B: It had been a. I had Been a long road. [01:01:52] Speaker A: I hadn't fucked in so long. [01:01:53] Speaker B: Yeah, but you still talking to her? [01:02:00] Speaker A: Kind of. But we're just friends. Yeah, we're just friends. Yeah. Yeah. [01:02:03] Speaker B: Keep it. Keep it warm. [01:02:04] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the way it's. It's just better that way. [01:02:07] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, I think you're. You seem like you'd be the sort of guy that would keep. Keep all X. Relate. Well, as long as. Within reason. Like ex partners and ex girls you've been with. You would keep them all sweet. Like, you wouldn't be the sort of. You're not like a never dude. [01:02:21] Speaker A: I'm friends with pretty much all my exes and. And it's always strictly platonic after that. Yeah, this one, it's platonic, but like, you'll again. I mean. I mean, I. That would be really nice. [01:02:33] Speaker B: I guarantee it. You're. Again, you just. [01:02:35] Speaker A: She's gonna listen to this for sure. This is not gonna be good. [01:02:40] Speaker B: Thank you. [01:02:41] Speaker A: Yeah. You're a hero. [01:02:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:02:43] Speaker A: You saved a young man's life. [01:02:45] Speaker B: Also, she gave you a bit of material too, which is. [01:02:47] Speaker A: She gave me so much material. So much material. [01:02:50] Speaker B: Mel, you need to give me some material. What the fuck? [01:02:52] Speaker A: What are you talking about? She gave you a ton of material. The oven, the fucking airport. [01:02:55] Speaker B: Yeah, she's giving me a lot. [01:02:56] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. [01:02:57] Speaker B: And I honestly, I could write a lot more. You know what, it's weird. I was thinking about this today. I still. With comedy. I still want to talk so much about my past. Like, I still want to talk about so much about dating and like. [01:03:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:09] Speaker B: And like those stories, because I. I find them so funny. And it's still really fresh to me. [01:03:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:13] Speaker B: I don't want to move too much into the married stuff just yet, but people have a lot. A lot of people have said to me, talk about the married stuff. Like, what's it like being married? Like, what's it like moving to New York? And. And I'm like, okay, I guess I can try and find the funny in that. And it. There is. But it. Yeah. I haven't moved, you know, Like, I feel like I haven't addressed this yet. But it's. It's. It's. It's weird, you know? Like, if you're looking at life laterally. [01:03:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:36] Speaker B: And a timeline, you kind to. And if you want to re. If when you're digging up, when you. When you're telling a story, you want to start from the start. [01:03:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:46] Speaker B: And finish at the end. You know? Finish. You're like. And you want to have a storyline, and I feel like I'm still at previous parts because I'm still so new to this. [01:03:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:54] Speaker B: Does that make sense? [01:03:55] Speaker A: Well, why don't you skip around? I understand where you're coming from. Yeah. But, like, the problem is that with that is that you may be missing out on key things that are right in front of you because you're. You're busy going. No, no, I want to only talk about the past. You could pepper in the past and the present. [01:04:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, you're so right. [01:04:09] Speaker A: And you. You can use something that happens with you and your wife and compare it to something in the past. [01:04:13] Speaker B: Yeah, you're so right. Right. [01:04:15] Speaker A: Because there's a lot of that you may be missing. [01:04:17] Speaker B: Yeah, you're right. You know, man, I've got home last night. It was so. It was like. I was like, this is what. Is this what married life is like? I got home last night and. And she's like, you want something to eat? I was like, yeah, I'd love. [01:04:28] Speaker A: God, you're lucky. [01:04:29] Speaker B: And she just like, Mike. Like, we had a. We went to Chinatown that day, so we had heaps. We always order way too much, so we can take leftovers home. She likes, heated me up a little bit of everything. Like, put it out on the plate. Put a napkin down. I always like napkins. And then she, like, got an apple, cut it up into, like, quarters, like, de seat it. I was like, this is amazing. I'm just gonna take my pants off now. I was like, is this. This is what a girl. I'm like, is this what it's like to. And. And it's because I came home sober. You know, she treated me like a king. Because I came home. [01:05:02] Speaker A: Yeah. And you were sober, and I was, baby. Exactly 69 tonight. [01:05:11] Speaker B: Suck this Luke dick. [01:05:15] Speaker A: It's a dude. It's. It's a. Yeah. And that's the thing. That's the beautiful thing about, like, doing the right thing. Yeah. You get treated like a fucking human being. [01:05:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:05:25] Speaker A: And you're. Dude, I hope you know how lucky you are. You know what I do when I go? You see the fucking island on there? It's a fucking mess. You know what I have when I come home? I go. I guess I'll eat peanut butter out of the can again. I got nothing. I go. And I look at the clock and I go, I guess I got time to jerk off. It is the most pathetic existence. [01:05:50] Speaker B: Dude, I've been there, dude. Oh, I loved it. I loved. [01:05:53] Speaker A: It's fun. [01:05:54] Speaker B: No, I know, but Also, it does seem so. It. Sometimes it seems I used to come home like, wow, this is. My house is empty. But I tell you what, man, now that I'll never. I'll never go back to those days again. Unless something happens with Mel. They were the finest days. [01:06:08] Speaker A: They're fun. [01:06:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:06:09] Speaker A: I still love it. [01:06:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. I know you do. But I'm just saying, like, just nostalgically, you're gonna. [01:06:16] Speaker A: When I do find a woman. [01:06:17] Speaker B: Yeah, when you. When you. [01:06:18] Speaker A: When she better heat up the Chinese. [01:06:21] Speaker B: At the very least. [01:06:22] Speaker A: At the very least. [01:06:23] Speaker B: Yeah. But when we didn't have the hot water, she was. We didn't have. We didn't have a shower. [01:06:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Water was broken. [01:06:30] Speaker B: So she would like boil the kettles and like make me a. Like a bucket bar. I was like, this is. It's nice to be looked after. It is nice. [01:06:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:39] Speaker B: I'm not trying to rub you. [01:06:40] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. I've never had. I've been. Even with the women. [01:06:42] Speaker B: I've been chaos. And this is the clarity right now. [01:06:44] Speaker A: Without a doubt. Without a doubt. Yeah. I'm not doing. I. No. But I've been with women and some of them have looked after me and it was nice. Like, they're like, I'll make you food. I'll make you this, I'll do that. And some have treated me like utter garbage. But it's nice to be looked after. It's. You know, but you have to. It's two way street. [01:07:04] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, 100. [01:07:06] Speaker A: You know, if. If. I mean, it's. I guess it's different. I mean, you could also make food. Like, hey, you had a long day at work. Let me make you something. Let me. You want me to take out or whatever? [01:07:14] Speaker B: Well, I cook dinner. [01:07:15] Speaker A: Yeah, you're the cook. [01:07:16] Speaker B: Yeah. So that's kind of like how we return the favor. But what's the. What's the nicest thing a girl has ever done for you or a partner or a. Something? [01:07:24] Speaker A: This is gonna. And this is also recent nicest thing ever. I've written letters for a few women. [01:07:34] Speaker B: It's really. That's really sweet. And I used to write poems for women. [01:07:38] Speaker A: That's gay. [01:07:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:07:43] Speaker A: This one girl wrote me a letter. I wrote her one, and she wrote it back. And no girl has ever like, return that favor. And that was one of the most heartwarming things I've ever received. Because it was tangible, it took time. Like you had to sit down and write this. You had to think about what you wanted to say. It was, it was a romantic letter obviously. And when I got. It was mailed to me like old fashioned, real old style. And I did it the same way. And I was. That to me was the pinnacle no woman has ever. [01:08:18] Speaker B: That's super sweet. [01:08:20] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. Like I. I don't like getting gifts. I don't like any of that shit. I've been made dinner. But this was someone who didn't need to do this and I wasn't expecting it. And when I got it, I was like. It shook me. It really shook me and it was a beautiful thing. [01:08:34] Speaker B: Yeah. That. Isn't that an art that we have lost as a human society? Wasn't it so good when you're a kid? Because that's the only time I can really relate to you because that's when I would get a letter. But you know, and you, you'd read a letter and it'd be from your grandma and your grandmother's writing and it would. The handwriting and I can, I can still visualize my grandmother's writing. Yeah, it was. And she'd always do it in this blue pen. And I could hardly even read it. My mum would have to read it to me because it was just like cursive almost. Yeah. But God, that makes you feel special. [01:09:07] Speaker A: It's. You could feel the love. Like the ink is on the paper. You psych who it. It makes you feel so seen. And when they tell you things of how they see you in, in the words, that's like. That's how you see me. Like, I always saw myself as a fucking idiot. And that's what you like? It was the most. I have it. It's, it's, it's. It's fucking great. But it's a lost art. And the women that I have wrote letters to have always said that like, no one does this. And I, I'm like, I'm a. You know, me, I'm a romantic guy when it. With the right people. It boggles my mind that other men wouldn't do that, like if you really were feeling it. And you're like. Even if you're the shittiest writer just to do that. You know what I mean? [01:09:54] Speaker B: I think it's great. How long does it take to get there, like from when you post it. [01:09:58] Speaker A: To usually like four or five days. [01:10:01] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. So then the question is, how do you get around the address part? If you want to write someone a letter, but you don't want to come across as a stalker or like, well. [01:10:10] Speaker A: If you know each other well, Enough. You can. I got lucky. When she had moved, I had sent like a housewarming. I was like, hey. Like, we were talking a little bit. I was like, I know you're moving. I'm. I don't want to get weirded out. I'm like, I know we don't know each other that well. I'm like, but I Like, there's something I saw for you that I think would be cool. It was. It was bullshit. It was a candle. It was nothing. But I saw it. I'm like, she'd like that, I think. And I said, can I have your address so I could send this to you? And she was like a little taken back at first because I was getting her a gift. She's like, why are you buying me something? I'm like, it's not like that. I'm like, I promise you, it's. It's really nothing. And she's like, all right, I gotta trust you. She gave me the address and then she got it and she's like, oh, it's candle. Like it's nothing. And then I had the address, so I was able to. I had it. Like, if I wanted to write something, I. I had it already. So. Yeah, I've said. But I like sending flowers, letters, whatever that is. [01:11:05] Speaker B: It's you. Oh, I'm a big flower guy. [01:11:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:11:08] Speaker B: Always. Always. [01:11:08] Speaker A: You got to get a woman flowers. [01:11:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I get flowers for. For Mel. Every couple of weeks I'll go past bodega and like top up the vase. [01:11:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:11:15] Speaker B: And I've always enjoyed setting. Plus, they. Women just love flowers. [01:11:19] Speaker A: They do. [01:11:20] Speaker B: Such a low hanging fruit, man. [01:11:21] Speaker A: It's. [01:11:21] Speaker B: It's not expensive. [01:11:22] Speaker A: It's not like you'd be a fucking idiot not to get flowers. [01:11:25] Speaker B: Yeah. Although actually getting flowers delivered in New York is really expensive. I've done that a lot. It's very expensive here. But in other places it's not. [01:11:32] Speaker A: No, in New York it's very expensive. But it's. Yo. It's like, all right, I'll fucking. Yeah, whatever. I'll do it. [01:11:37] Speaker B: Yeah. You don't have to go the most expensive ones. [01:11:39] Speaker A: No, just the thought. That count? [01:11:41] Speaker B: It is. It is. [01:11:43] Speaker A: And to me, I'm like, you'd have to be a moron. And like, I used to when I was living with women, I would come home with flowers because it was Tuesday. I'd be like, hey, you know, I saw these. I thought you'd like them. I was at Trader Joe's, wanted to get you some flowers. Fucking changes everything. Blow job. Boom. That's it. [01:12:01] Speaker B: These are the blow job flowers. [01:12:02] Speaker A: Yeah, they're tulips. [01:12:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:12:04] Speaker A: So you don't have to give me. [01:12:04] Speaker B: A great blow job, but just gotta make me come. You could use teeth if you need teethy head. [01:12:13] Speaker A: Oh, that's the worst. Isn't. [01:12:14] Speaker B: That sucks. It's sometimes women can't help it, they just got bigger teeth. [01:12:19] Speaker A: I guess so. But like you gotta really trying to think. I get like a mouth guard. [01:12:28] Speaker B: How do women do it, man? Jesus Christ. [01:12:31] Speaker A: Suck a dick. Yeah, I got a decent looking dick. It's okay. [01:12:36] Speaker B: But just the, the. I don't know, it's just like there's a lot of effort that goes into it. [01:12:39] Speaker A: A lot of effort that goes into Dixon, you know, There's a lot of effort that goes into eating pussy. And I love doing that. [01:12:44] Speaker B: You're right. [01:12:45] Speaker A: There's a lot too. Because there's no with sucking dick. It's a one motion thing. And obviously it could be shitty, but for the most part, if you're not, you can be taught it really well. Some people can't be taught to eat pussy. It's. Everyone's different. Like what works on her doesn't work on her. And what works on her doesn't work on that one. And it's like you're constantly having to readjust with a blow job for the most part. Like once you got it down, you could take that shit to Carnegie hall, you know? [01:13:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. That is. But yeah, I agree. [01:13:12] Speaker A: It's like one of the greatest venues in New York. [01:13:14] Speaker B: I think I've walked past it. [01:13:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Beautiful. [01:13:16] Speaker B: Is it theater? [01:13:16] Speaker A: Yeah, it's theater. [01:13:17] Speaker B: Yeah. So are you gonna try and get any more acting gigs these days? What's your. You've just completely given up on acting? [01:13:25] Speaker A: I've given up, bro. I mean if someone wrote us. I want to write a script right now. I have an idea and you tell me if this is shit of like to open my comics, right? Meet another set of open mic comics from the middle of nowhere. Like and. And it's sort of like imagine me and Joe and then like another group of comics that are just like the opposite of Joe and I, right? And they meet up, they. They're in the open mic circuit in New York and these two comics show up out of nowhere and they're fucking mess and they all befriend each other and we find out that they came from like another city and we find out that those two comics actually murdered someone. And we're trying to figure out why? And like, and. And we have to. It's like a wild night where like someone's trying to kill these two guys and we get sucked into it or maybe it's after a few months or whatever. And they're like, we had good reason. Like, believe us, we had good reason. And they actually did. And it's us trying to like navigate this situation. I think it'd be really fun. Like a stupid bro comedy. [01:14:26] Speaker B: Yeah, that would be fun. [01:14:27] Speaker A: Right? [01:14:28] Speaker B: So there's a. Do you know a guy, a comic. His name's Guy. He's like the young. I can't remember his last name. He's a young Jewish guy, hangs out at St. Mark's a little bit. He wears a suit when he performs. Guy. Somebody older gentleman. No, about 21. Anyway, him and him is actually that guy that rocked up today on the corner. The young kid. That's real skinny kid. [01:14:49] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah. [01:14:50] Speaker B: Okay. So those two have done a. They did a GoFundMe to raise money to film a pilot for something that they've written and they're now filming. They've raised like $12,000. [01:15:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:15:01] Speaker B: And they're doing a film on those two doing. I don't know what the storyline is, but it's like two open market comics and it's based on those two. [01:15:09] Speaker A: Okay. [01:15:10] Speaker B: And you know what? I'm. Long story short is it's really possible to do something, bro. [01:15:15] Speaker A: I've. I've written and filmed and directed some. I have five films. I've go funded me. I've made. I've raised thousands of dollars. Yeah. I've not. I know how to do all I've never done. [01:15:24] Speaker B: Anyway, I was just, I was like, oh, well, you do that. [01:15:26] Speaker A: It's really possible. It's not hard. And if you, you. If you write the script in a certain way where you don't need a lot of places, you could use venues that are friends houses or public streets. There's some laws you have to follow. [01:15:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:15:38] Speaker A: But it's really possible and I know how it works. I've done it. So I, I'm like, It would be dumb of me. I would act in something I wrote. I wouldn't act in some other. [01:15:48] Speaker B: Well, my. It was so funny you talking about this because my mum called me today and we were just talking. She goes, I. I think you should learn how to do screenwriting. And she goes, you. Your book that you wrote. [01:15:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:15:58] Speaker B: It's got. She's got so many funny stories. You could easily do like write something about that. [01:16:03] Speaker A: Why not screenwriting is you, dude. It's. [01:16:05] Speaker B: I just. [01:16:05] Speaker A: I guess tons of books on it. [01:16:07] Speaker B: Don'T know how to do it. I would love to do it. I think about maybe taking a course, but I don't even know if it's necessary to take a course. [01:16:12] Speaker A: You could. It can't hurt. Yeah, but you just. Once you learn the format. [01:16:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:16:17] Speaker A: I can give you a book I have here that, that you can. It'll give you some ideas on how to format. [01:16:22] Speaker B: You know who's the most incredible screenwriter? [01:16:24] Speaker A: Who? [01:16:24] Speaker B: Dan and Glace. [01:16:25] Speaker A: That doesn't shock me at all, man. [01:16:27] Speaker B: I. I've read a good hunk of one of his screen. Screen plays called A Screenplay. I don't know. [01:16:34] Speaker A: Screenplay. [01:16:35] Speaker B: Yeah. And, dude, he's incredibly talented. Incredibly talented like that. Someone needs to give that man some money in a camera and a film crew. [01:16:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:16:46] Speaker B: I tell you what, he has, like, a stack of scripts that he's written. Like, not, not just one dude, dozens of these things, and they're good. [01:16:55] Speaker A: I want to read them because I, I, I. And this is not to sound like, like an in any way. I have. I know what a good script looks like, and I want to read it. You should talk to him. Yeah, I'd love to. [01:17:08] Speaker B: Because honestly, like, we are. We are so blessed with the guys that we're surrounded by. [01:17:13] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [01:17:14] Speaker B: And it's like, we should be doing. Wants something. [01:17:16] Speaker A: We should be making filming stuff. And, like, the reels, like, I think we're starting to plant the seeds of, like, us doing, like, even talking into the phone will lead to. Oh, that's like. Like what we were talking about, you know, an hour ago, about making a sketch on giving the husband, like, okay, here's the only fans. Like, like, sweetie, like, go, go enjoy. The only fans in the other room. And I think it'll eventually lead there. I think we just. One of us needs to start taking, like, initiative and action. And go, hey, look, I want to do this idea. Let's get it done. Because it requires nothing. It doesn't require a lot of work. [01:17:51] Speaker B: Well, no. I mean, I know nothing about it, but I'll take your word for it. [01:17:54] Speaker A: No. Well, the reels require no work, Right? Filming it requires a ton of. [01:17:59] Speaker B: Well, I would imagine a lot of planning. [01:18:00] Speaker A: It has to be planned very meticulously, and you have to plan for things going horribly wrong, because they always do. [01:18:08] Speaker B: Yeah. That's one thing I'm. I'm admiring about you, Noah. You and Noah and, and. And Justin as well. He does it. He probably not as active as you and Noah, but how you guys are, like, doing the front of camera thing going, you know, talking about something, it's not. I haven't done that yet. I don't know if I want to. Yeah. I. But I feel like it wouldn't hurt. [01:18:31] Speaker A: Can't hurt. [01:18:32] Speaker B: But I certainly. I do realize that to get anywhere in this industry, you obviously have to be undeniably good, but you also have to have a following. I mean, it just helps. It doesn't. It's not going to be. [01:18:43] Speaker A: It'll probably get you further than being undeniably good, right? Honestly? [01:18:46] Speaker B: Well, yeah. If you had. If you had 10 million followers, yeah, of course you could vote for show. You wouldn't even be funny. It wouldn't matter. But I guess where would I start? If I wanted to do that, what would I start? How would I do that? [01:19:01] Speaker A: Well, when I got into it, Noah's the one who. I picked his brain. I was like, oh, I see what you're doing, man. Like, this fucking crazy. Because I was always a little like, I don't want to talk to my fucking phone. I don't like looking at my reflection. And he kind of. And I said, he was the one who talked me into it a little bit. And he said, he's like, find your niche. He goes, I have jiu jitsu and I have comedy. He goes, a lot of it's jujitsu shit. And he's, you know, he portrays himself as an asshole and that works. And he's like, find your niche. And I realized. I did one video where I talked about the helicopter crash. Remember when that. That family died? And I. I kind of just went off on like, yo, you're not a real fucking. I knew no New Yorkers were on there. And. And it went viral. Got like 250,000 views. [01:19:44] Speaker B: Wow. [01:19:44] Speaker A: And that's when I went. That was a little nugget. It made a lot of people think, you get one viral video, you're good. You know, it's. It's not like that. [01:19:51] Speaker B: Followers from that. [01:19:52] Speaker A: I got like 150 followers. [01:19:54] Speaker B: Wow. That's fantastic. [01:19:55] Speaker A: I. I jumped. I. I'm getting more followers now every day. Every time I post a reel, I'll get like one or two. [01:20:00] Speaker B: That's right. [01:20:01] Speaker A: Which is great. [01:20:03] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm averaging about that as well, just from my shit. But it's a podcast. Not. It's not. As it's my journey. If I just keep doing what I'm doing, it's going to be a lot slower than what you guys are doing. [01:20:14] Speaker A: Because also you. Requires you to be in the studio or because where you could just lay in bed and talk about talk some shit and someone will see it. [01:20:20] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's free what you're doing, whereas what I'm doing is costing me money. [01:20:23] Speaker A: Exactly. [01:20:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:20:24] Speaker A: So, I mean, find something that like is specific to you or something you want to talk about. I like talk. I'm a New Yorker, you know, and especially in comedy, there aren't many New Yorkers. [01:20:33] Speaker B: No. Isn't that incredible? It's insane New York. And there's no maybe. What do you reckon would be 10. 10% of here would be. Yeah. [01:20:43] Speaker A: If even. [01:20:44] Speaker B: Probably you're right. You're probably not even that. [01:20:48] Speaker A: Yeah. And I just talk shit about New York. I'm like, all right. And some of the things I'm like, I don't really give a shit about this, but it's a good place for me to, to state an argument where people would go, ah, fuck you. And I'm like, well, the fact that you're allowing this to bother you makes me laugh. That's funny. Secondly, you're a bit of a fucking idiot. But hey, if you like the content, then I'll, I'll do it. So it's like being a New Yorker and I also. And you, you were the one who told me, you said you were like, like, no one's really saying the wild that you're saying. You're like, you're getting, you're saying some like, oh, Jesus Christ. And I'm like, well, if no one else is doing it, then how else am I gonna stand out? You know? And if I. And usually that's how my stand up act is. I'm like. So it's the closest thing I can do on the Internet. What do you think, like, your niche would be like, if you would do something? [01:21:39] Speaker B: Honestly, the things that interest me, like when I'm, when I'm searching through like my algorithm. [01:21:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:21:46] Speaker B: Is like a lot of food stuff. I like, man. I like, like, I reckon this is. Aside from comedy. [01:21:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:21:54] Speaker B: But this would just be like. I don't know if I could merge it somehow. But like, I love Anthony Bourdain. I love that. [01:21:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I do too. [01:22:00] Speaker B: You know, like going. And, and, but. And I also just love watching people do food reviews and that sort of stuff. [01:22:05] Speaker A: I love it. [01:22:05] Speaker B: I just, I just, I like this guy. I don't even eat pizza because I can't really gluten or dairy anymore because it's. It just me. [01:22:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:22:11] Speaker B: But my favorite dude, my favorite guy's that Dave Portney. [01:22:14] Speaker A: Oh, Dave. Porno. Yeah. [01:22:15] Speaker B: One slot, one bite. Everyone knows the rules. I just. I could sit there for hours and watch that guy. [01:22:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:22:19] Speaker B: I just love that. So. I don't know, man. I don't know. I want to obviously just do something that I enjoy, but. And I wanted to be. Lean into comedy, but I don't know. I think it'll just come. [01:22:30] Speaker A: Yeah. I think if you also have it in your head, like, what would be the thing? What would be the thing? And then really think about it, like, every day a little. Yeah. [01:22:37] Speaker B: It is better to, like, the guys that have gone further in social media have specialized in something. They've become a voice for one or two things, like in it. And more of a quite. They've kept it quite narrow. [01:22:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:22:53] Speaker B: But I think you coming across as a New Yorker is very niche just in itself, and you have the right to have an opinion on something here. [01:23:01] Speaker A: That's the thing where I go and like, even the. With the Mexican. Mexican Navy ship, like, I saw that this morning. My boat crashed in the Brooklyn Bridge. I'm on it. You know, Like, I immediately thought. [01:23:13] Speaker B: I thought or something like what I said to you about the ice. Yeah, the ice. Right. I was like. I thought of that and I was like, I'm not gonna post it. I should have just done something. [01:23:20] Speaker A: It's the. It's the wave. Like, it was the. The. The. The. Here's the other thing. [01:23:24] Speaker B: But now I feel like it'd just be too late. You just. [01:23:27] Speaker A: You missed that. You missed the boat already. I mean, you could still do it. Who the cares? Yeah, that's the other thing. But the helicopter crash, I got to it when news barely hit. I had it at the. That was. I got lucky. I had it when no one else knew really what happened. And I posted the video maybe three hours after it happened. And it sat there, got like a couple thousand. Couple thousand, Couple thousand. Wake up the next day. And bro, my. It was. I looked at it. I'm like, 5,000, 5,000. Every second. It was a hundred more, 100 more. And I was looking at this thing going, oh, my God. Like, this is. This is weird. [01:24:02] Speaker B: This on Instagram. [01:24:03] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And boom, boom, boom. And then the next day, 25, 000, 30, 000, 50, 000, and I'm going, oh. Oh, my God. Like, I got to it early enough where it was at the top of, like, when people started searching for it, it was already there. Whereas with this Mexican Boat. If I would have. It happened last night, and someone mentioned it to me at the comedy club in Pennsylvania. And I was so tired. I'm like, cool, all right. Boat crashing, the bridge, whatever. And then I woke up this morning and I saw that the news had hit already, and I jumped out of bed and I went, you know, and I thought of something, but I was too late. The time to post it would have been last night. [01:24:38] Speaker B: You got to get on it immediately. [01:24:40] Speaker A: Even if it was at midnight, which most people know that's not the best time to post. But it would have settled in for this morning because I was seeing post after post about it. [01:24:47] Speaker B: Do you post on, like, Tick Tock as well as YouTube? [01:24:51] Speaker A: Not YouTube. I used to, but I get so overwhelmed where I go. I can't even. I should be posting on everything, but I make Instagram my main priority. [01:24:59] Speaker B: Yeah. So I've been doing all three for the reels. What? I'm. I'm gonna. I've made a decision to. I'm gonna get rid of Tick Tock. [01:25:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:25:06] Speaker B: I just think it's not my place. [01:25:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:25:08] Speaker B: Never gonna be. [01:25:09] Speaker A: That makes sense. [01:25:10] Speaker B: I just. I just. I don't. I needed. What. I don't want to waste my energy there. It just feels like a waste. It takes time to post. I don't go. Also, you have to be, like, really invested in Tick Tock to. To. To, like, apparently you've, you know, the algorithm looks at how much time you spend on there. You're looking at other people's profiles. I don't. I just post it and leave. [01:25:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:25:28] Speaker B: And I get. I don't really get much traction on there. And I just. I'm like. I don't even like posting reels on YouTube because I think that's. But. But I'm posting. [01:25:36] Speaker A: That would be a good place for you. [01:25:37] Speaker B: But I'm posting the podcast on YouTube, so I have to post the reels. So I'm like. That's why I asked. I'm like, where you got to really pick where you put your time. [01:25:44] Speaker A: Yeah. 100. And I. I've. I'm sticking strictly to Instagram right now with the reels. With this, I may have to do YouTube. [01:25:53] Speaker B: Well, I think those helicopter things, like the current event stuff, you should probably post on Tick Tock. [01:25:58] Speaker A: Well, the Tick Tock people, I get traction on Tick Tock because they hate me. Like, I've gotten videos that have went viral before the Instagram. [01:26:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:26:07] Speaker A: Because they hate it. They hate it. I'm just saying some sick, terrible and they don't like that, so it works. But yeah, with podcasts, though, I think. YouTube, Spotify, Instagram. [01:26:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I listen to yours on Spotify. [01:26:22] Speaker A: Yeah, I. You. I. I don't use Spotify, like, really for music. I use it for podcasts. [01:26:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:26:26] Speaker A: So, like, I post the Spotify link because most people use that. [01:26:29] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, with my podcast, the most viewed is YouTube. [01:26:35] Speaker A: Really? [01:26:35] Speaker B: Yep. So YouTube I've had. Now I've got just like. I'm like a hundred views shy of 5000 views now of totals and. [01:26:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:26:43] Speaker B: And YouTube would be the majority. YouTube's like 2000 something. 2100. 2000. [01:26:51] Speaker A: Wow. [01:26:52] Speaker B: And Spotify and Apple are usually around the same there, but I think they're now at like that. I don't know, is it 1400 or. [01:26:58] Speaker A: That's good. [01:26:59] Speaker B: Yeah, that's good. But YouTube seems to be the best by far. [01:27:04] Speaker A: All right, I gotta. I gotta utilize that. I was. Usually. It was for the podcast, but I. [01:27:07] Speaker B: Think a lot of you be. You'd be surprised. A lot of people just use YouTube. [01:27:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:27:11] Speaker B: Because it's free, I think. [01:27:12] Speaker A: Yeah, Yeah, I know. I mean, I love you. I love you. I'm a user of YouTube. I just don't. [01:27:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:27:18] Speaker A: Like, create much on YouTube. But. Yeah, man, it's a. It's exhausting, dude. It's exhausting. [01:27:25] Speaker B: It sucks. I would rather. I. I almost would rather be back in the day where you didn't have to do the social media. Yeah, it would have been. Yeah, It's. It's different now. Like, you. And it's sometimes, like I said to Mel this morning, like, I got out. I got out of bed pretty late because I didn't get to bed till late, and I had, like, a small window to go for a run, but I sat there and wasted 20 minutes on Instagram scrolling through reels. And I. Instead of being able to run the whole park, I only got to run half the park and I had to come. Come home. [01:27:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:27:58] Speaker B: And it's like, this happens all the time. You just burn time on this stuff and it's. Your time is already so valuable. And then I'm like, I'm wasting. Just. It sucks you in and takes your soul. It's. It's very frustrating. [01:28:14] Speaker A: Yeah, it does. [01:28:15] Speaker B: I'm sure we. Everyone I know feels it. [01:28:17] Speaker A: Everyone, dude, everyone. It's terrible, dude. It is. It ruins you. And then the other thing is, sometimes you'll post and you'll really believe in the video, and then you'll start checking the views on it and Then you're like, you open it up. Oh, it's moving. It's moving. You become a crackhead. Yeah, you become a crackhead. Oh, yeah, let's go. And then when it stops, you wait, what's going on? Why. Why isn't it. Why isn't more views coming in? [01:28:43] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. You do. You. You. It. You do get addicted to it. Yeah, yeah. [01:28:49] Speaker A: It's masturbating for your ego. That's it. It's just terrible. And then yesterday, you know, with the Pennsylvania show, I got a taste of, like, what it could be like on the road. And then I was like, how could you even juggle doing a podcast and doing all this and have to be in a goddamn hotel room? You know? It. It just was like I was thinking about my. How could you. [01:29:11] Speaker B: And a job. [01:29:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:29:13] Speaker B: It's wild, man. It's wild. How was the show? [01:29:17] Speaker A: It was a good show. It was a good show. Half of them didn't like me. Half them did, But I did 15 minutes in Grantville, Pennsylvania. It was the coolest feeling, and it was also a lonely feeling. There was a moment of, like, they fed me, they paid me. I did my 15 minutes, and I was sitting outside in the middle of nowhere, and I was like. I was with a comic that I knew, but I wasn't with, like, you or one of the guys. And I'm like, damn. It's a lonely existence. This is, like. This is what it would be. I'm like. I'd be out here all alone, talking to strangers, not talking to anyone else, and, you know, eating in the hotel lobby of some dump. And I go. It's exciting. Like, I. I get excited, and I also go, that's a commitment. It's a major commitment. You can't have a real life. Yeah. [01:30:07] Speaker B: Yeah. It's. Yeah. I don't know. I. I love traveling. I really do. I never. I never actually get tired of it. You definitely want to have someone there. But I'm also. I love my own time. What I would do in all these new towns when I do get to do the road, is I would just put on my running shoes and go running. [01:30:25] Speaker A: Well, that's what most people do. They'll. They'll check out the town. [01:30:28] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, go check it out. Spend the day. Like, get there in the afternoon. But, you know, like, if you've got a family at home, like, which I'm gonna have one day, that's gonna be different. It's gonna be pretty hard to, like. [01:30:37] Speaker A: It's tough. If you were Able to, like, go tour on the weekends and come back then. That's. That's. That's the best. [01:30:41] Speaker B: Well, that seems to be what a lot of. [01:30:43] Speaker A: A lot of comics. [01:30:43] Speaker B: Comics do. [01:30:44] Speaker A: They have their residency in, you know, in New York or wherever they go where they can get up whenever they want, and they do their podcast during the week, and then the weekends they'll go to Tulsa or whatever. [01:30:53] Speaker B: The good thing about the US Is that seems to be a big appetite for it. [01:30:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:30:59] Speaker B: You can make a living on the road here as a comic and you can make an argument as. And you don't even have to be that well established. [01:31:04] Speaker A: Yeah, no, if you can sell, you know, just enough tickets, you can. You can eat. [01:31:09] Speaker B: And to do that, you. You would have to have some sort of notoriety. Like. [01:31:13] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, you need a couple years under your belt. You need to have some sort of Internet following. You need to have other comics who want to take you on the road. [01:31:20] Speaker B: Yeah, that's probably the best place to start. [01:31:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Where you're like, hey, like, come on the road. Me? You'll open for me. Yeah, that would be sick. [01:31:27] Speaker B: But you need to have like 30 minutes down, don't you? [01:31:30] Speaker A: You? Yeah, I think you would. I think. [01:31:31] Speaker B: And if you don't, if you're not. If you're not ready and you bomb, you're not gonna get asked back. [01:31:36] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the scary thing. That's like, hey, what the, dude? But, like, last night, the guy who invited me to come do the set, he's like, I'm gonna watch you tonight to see how you do. So, like, when I have other road gigs, you know, you can come. And it was like, oh. Like, it wasn't a high stakes show, but it was a high stakes for me in the sense of, like, I want him to know that I can do well because he'd never seen me perform. He only saw me at Mike's. And they were a hot, cold audience, and I had to sort of like, dance through the raindrops. [01:32:03] Speaker B: And you would have felt a sense of responsibility to warm them up. [01:32:06] Speaker A: I was the first comic after the host. It was me and then the guy who invited me and then the headliner. And I was like, oh, I'm going in a. It's the Bullet spot, technically. [01:32:16] Speaker B: So was there a host? [01:32:18] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. There was a host who warmed him up and then there was me. So I was. [01:32:23] Speaker B: The Bullet Spots. Very different. [01:32:24] Speaker A: Oh, dude. And I, you know, my material and they were okay, but it was in a banquet hall, the Holiday Inn like, this was a. It was not the place. Best place for comedy. And these were family. Older crowd. Everyone was probably in their 40s and over children there. No, thank God. No, thank God. [01:32:38] Speaker B: Because Would you have to change your set at all if there were children? [01:32:41] Speaker A: I wouldn't, because I. I don't have anything that's clean. I got nothing. I don't think you're allowed to as a child to come to see Common. Yeah, I think 18 is the limit or something or. [01:32:50] Speaker B: Man, I see kids all the time at Broadway. Like, I did a show there. [01:32:53] Speaker A: That's insane. [01:32:54] Speaker B: It's insane that they let them in. I think if they're under parent supervision, doesn't matter. [01:32:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I guess that's true. [01:32:59] Speaker B: But I went out there and I was like, yeah, I like the word cunt. And this, that. And I'm looking down, I'm like, that kid's like seven. I'm like. [01:33:04] Speaker A: But it's also like, yeah, my dad probably would have taken me. My dad probably would have been like, it's fine. Like, I say bad words all the time. You're gonna see someone do something crazy. [01:33:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:33:12] Speaker A: And I guess I may too. I may too. [01:33:15] Speaker B: I will. I can't wait till I'm a kid and I can just. I'm not. I have kids. I can drag him to shows. You, like, sit in the corner. Yeah. [01:33:22] Speaker A: It's cool to grow up in a. In the comedy environment, I think. [01:33:25] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it'd be great. It's so social. It's be. It would. It would really. It would really ready you for. For life, I think, early. If not, maybe. Hopefully not corrupt you, but probably would. It's a very interesting dichotomy of people. [01:33:42] Speaker A: It's a crazy. It's a crazy. I had. I sit there sometimes and I go, God, I'm fucked up that I get along with these people. I must be so fucked up that I find solace around these misfits because I'm one of them. You're one of them. We're sick fucks, dude. Sometimes you sit. You like, you're listening to the conversations, and you go, what the Are we talking about right now? [01:34:13] Speaker B: Oh, that's how I felt last night when I got to this party. I was like, whoa, everyone is so drunk. I was like, whoa, this is wild. Yeah, this is what. And like, normally I'm a part of him. Like, this is. We're insane, dude. All insane. [01:34:29] Speaker A: I seen you that night on mushrooms when the homeless guy asked you for money and you laughed. You're like, I don't care. That is the greatest moment I have ever. I'm like. That is. I. That would have never happened sober. Never, you know? Sir, Sir, I'm so sorry. I can't help you. I don't care. [01:34:53] Speaker B: God, I'm gonna miss that if. If I go sober forever. [01:34:56] Speaker A: I'm not going. [01:34:57] Speaker B: Do mushrooms count? Not. [01:34:59] Speaker A: I'm doing a month of nothing and then I'm gonna start doing mushrooms again after my month. I'm not. I don't know when I'm gonna drink again. [01:35:05] Speaker B: Yeah. So can mush. Because I feel like. [01:35:07] Speaker A: Anyway, I have no problem mushrooms. Neither do I. Yeah, I'm gonna start after my month. Like, after this week, I'm gonna be back on the mushrooms anyway. Yeah, we should probably cut this. It's nine o' clock. [01:35:18] Speaker B: Perfect. [01:35:19] Speaker A: So you gotta go. Yo. Thank you for coming. [01:35:21] Speaker B: Thanks for having me. [01:35:21] Speaker A: This is a fun conversation, right? [01:35:24] Speaker B: This is a great. [01:35:24] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. [01:35:26] Speaker B: We should do our own. Our own thing one day. I'm down independently. We should do what we. I don't know, something. This is really fun. I enjoy talking. [01:35:32] Speaker A: Dude, I. You're one of my favorite people to talk to. I'm not kidding you. Like, that's why I'm. My first. We can talk. I could talk to you all fucking night. [01:35:38] Speaker B: Yeah, likewise. [01:35:39] Speaker A: So thanks for coming. We'll do it again and we'll have maybe a couple other the guys here and have a fucking A wild time. Yeah. You got anything you want to plug? [01:35:50] Speaker B: My podcast, going after it. It's. It's. It's Everywhere. And my YouTube is Cam Burday. Give me a follow. Thanks, Harrison. Really appreciate it. [01:36:00] Speaker A: Absolutely. And if you guys are in May 29, comedy kills, we're doing a show at Fear City again. We're gonna start plugging that a lot. This was chaos and clarity. This was Cam Bird going after it. Listen to it. It's a great podcast. And we'll see you guys next time. Thank you. [01:36:17] Speaker B: See you guys.